


The Potion Princess

by olivemartini



Series: The Audra Stanton Series [1]
Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: BAMF Female Characters, Comfort, Death Eaters, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fred Weasley romance, M/M, Romance, Weasley twin story, fred weasley love story, kick ass battles, multi-chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2018-04-05 21:00:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 61
Words: 113,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4194735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivemartini/pseuds/olivemartini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What was it that made you turn against the dark arts, Audra?"  The witch who was leading the trial peered down at her.    "Against your family?"<br/>She didn't answer, not at first, because it was too complicated a question.  What made her turn against her family?  Kill her brother?  Risk her life again and again, shepherd muggle borns to safety, become a member of the order at sixteen, but still let herself receive the dark mark?  What made her finally see the light?<br/>"I can't say for sure."  The words tastes bitter in her mouth, heavy on her tongue.  Everything's felt wrong since the war, even speaking, like her words were formed from sandpaper syllables. "But I suppose it started when I became friends with Fred and George."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prolouge

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoy this!  
> If it sounds familiar, that's because I'm also posting on wattpad.

She looks small, sitting there.

Kingsley isn't used to seeing her as small. He's used to looking at Audra as a girl that can fill up the room with nothing more than her laugh and a smile, but he suposes the war has turned them all into the shadows of who they were meant to be, especially the young ones. He aches for all of them, but particularly her, this girl who could degnome a garden faster than any Weasley and used every inch of her body like a weapon. He closes his eyes for a minute and allows himself to think of how she used to be before- tumbling onto the Burrow's front lawn after a haphazard broom landing, trying her first sip of firewhiskey at Sirius' insistence and spitting it out all over the kitchen, dancing in Fred's arms to Mrs. Weasley's old records. He likes these images much better, but they are soon replaced by others- Audra gathering her dead brother in her arms, a dark mark burning on her forearm, an entire wall of dust and stone collapsing down on top of her. They remind him of the final battle and pain, so he opens his eyes again, trying to look like he's supposed to.

"Are you ready, dear?" The witch overseeing the interview asked, peering at her over the top of her glasses. Somewhere along the line the ministry had decided that they needed to know what the heroes of this war had been doing. It seemed very important that the wizarding world learn about the efforts of these guerrilla fighters, so they can praise them for the heroes they were. One by one the members of the order were being dragged here, forced to sit in that awful chair like they were on trial, staring down the flashes of cameras and scratching of quills, looking into all the faces that just want to say thank you, thank you, you are a hero, even though the best thank you would have been to be left alone. Kingsley wants to protect them, all of them, but he can't, so he does the only thing he can: lurk in the back and bear witness to this. "We can go as slow as you need."

"I'm ready." She doesn't look ready, sitting there. She's digging her thumb into the splintered wood, and he can see where it started to bleed already. "I just want to get this over with." There is a humming sound, one that was probably supposed to be sympathetic but didn't quite make it there. Kingsley wonders again, not for the last time, what gave any of them a right to do this. What was it about them that made them think that the were entitled not only to their sacrifices, but also to their stories, allowing the pain of the wizarding warriors to be splashed across the front page of the Daily Prophet like it was some celebrity romance gone bad. They do not start off slow.

"What made you turn against the Dark Arts?" Audra straightened up, startled, angry. She throws her head back, hair tumbling down her back and narrows her eyes. When she moves her hand, he can see where her blood had soaked into the arm of the old wooden chair, the same color as the rust on the chains. It reminds him of the old version of her, and is thankful to know that she is still buried in there, under all the scars and grief.

"I was never involved in the dark arts." She spits out the words haughtily, almost an accusation. "Never."

"I'll rephrase." And then came the dagger to the heart, the below the belt punch that tore all the fight out of her. "What made you turn against your family?"

She slumps back into the chair, staring at the ground, and her thumb is worrying at the splinters again, digging, digging, until the blood is coming steadily now. He wonders how she doesn't notice, and realizes that the pain may be the only thing that makes sense to her anymore. "I don't know why I did it, exactly. It wasn't like there was a defining moment where I realized that what they believed in was wrong, that there was a better way. It was the build up of a bunch of little things." Audra takes a deep, stuttering kind of breath, like her lungs are still so clogged with the dust and debris from the battle that they do not have room for air. She is clutching at the glass of water they had given her. "But I suppose that it started the day I became friends the Fred and George Weasley."

She does not stumble over his name. She does not break down. Audra doesn't even flinch, but Kingsley can see it in her eyes; it hurts, and inside of her there is pain, pain so great that she doesn't know how to deal with it, not now when everyone else has too many holes in their hearts to take time to heal hers and everyone is looking towards the members of the order for guidance.

"You did all of that for two friends?" The woman's voice was full of something, disbelief, maybe, or respect. "You turned your back on your family, walked away from everything they ever taught you? Killed your brother? Helped smuggle your muggle born classmates to safety, became a spy for the Order at sixteen?  Took the dark mark on Dumbedore's orders?  All because of them?"

"You didn't know."  Audra's voice was dead. "You didn't know how much we loved each other. How much I loved him.  I'll tell you why, if you'll listen."

The witch nodded, apparently pleased.   "That's what we're here for."

The story spilled out of her then, about all the wonderful pain of that comes from loving someone as fiercely as she did and the gut wrenching ache that you feel when you lose them, about fear and bravery and how the two things go together, about how she traded her old family for the Weasleys and can't bring herself to regret it. 

The world listens, and so does Kingsley, and all he can think is that a child this young should not know a pain like that.


	2. Chapter 1

There is someone else in the room with her.

She can feel it, even though their footsteps are covered by the bubbling of the potion and any lurking shadows are shrouded by the steam clouding above her cauldron. It's dark, down here in the dungeons, and the greenish glow sometimes turns the light of the lantern into monsters lurking in the corners. Audra knows that she gets paranoid this deep into the basement of Hogwarts, but with the whispers of her parents warning her that the great Sirius Black was on his way to Hogwarts and the previous year being marred with the giant serpent on the loose, she is smart enough to know that it is better to feel a little silly over getting spooked rather than take any chances. Even at fourteen, Audra knows better than most of her classmates about what one human can do to another.

"Hello?" Her voice echoes back to her, timid and tired and so _small,_ but it is the best she can do. Audra does not consider herself a brave girl, but she does have an arsenal of hexes and curses that her older brothers had drilled into her head. When she holds her wand out and points it towards the dark hallway, her hand does not shake. "I know someone's there."

It's annoying her a bit now, really. And she knows its might be a bit stupid, to get annoyed at what might just be a rat scurrying across the floor, and she knows it might be even stupider to try and threaten Sirius Black or an innocent professor, but damn it, it's quickly approaching time to move on to the next step of her potion. She's the youngest student ever to make it into Snape's advance placement potions, which she takes along with the required fourth year curriculum, and he likes to give her extra assignments on the side. Horribly difficult, incredibly complicated, OWL level potions whose ingredients have to be added at exactly the right moment to achieve optimal results. "Listen, whoever you are, you've got five seconds to step into the light or I'm going to start throwing random scorching spells into every corner of the room."

She tosses her head back, standing with her chin tilted up. It was a pose her mother took when she was letting someone know exactly how dangerous she was, that she was more than just a housewife, and that there would be no mention of her sister in association with her, thank you very much. Audra was hoping that right now it would make her look like someone not be messed with. "Five." She pointed her wand at the doorway without aiming and slashed down, making a charred mark appear across the wall.

"Merlin's beard, woman!" There was a series of yelps and shouts, and then a bang as a wand accidently fired, followed by flashes of red and a cloud of dust. When it cleared, the Weasley twins sprawled across the dungeon floor, robes smoking. "We just wanted to talk!"

"Talk?" She felt bad, honestly, but they didn't appear to have been hurt. She wasn't exactly fond of the Weasley twins, or Gryffindors in general for that matter, and none of them had ever showed any interest in her. That being said, the Weasley family had always been perfectly polite to her, no matter what opinion her father had of them. She didn't want to turn one of their arms to charcoal. "You lurked around in the dark just to talk?"

"Well, we.." One of them started, trailed off, and then broke into a grin. "Well, we were just going to talk, but we weren't at dinner and Percy said that sometimes you come down here to practice the potions, approved by Snape, of course, Percy wouldn't allow rule breaking,"

"And then when we got here you were all alone in the dark, and you looked like someone that would be fun to scare." The other twin looked up from the ground sheepishly, wearing an identical grin. She thinks it's George, Fred never seems to feel guilty. "We were just going to make you jump."

"But then you nearly hexed us into bloody oblivion, didn't you?" Fred didn't seem concerned by it, or angry. Instead he was looking at the burned mark like it had raised his opinion of her by a great deal. "What spell was that, anyways?"

"Why would I tell you?" Her tone was sharp, and she winced a bit, feeling the formerly friendly feeling change back to their normal wariness. She would have thought that after four years of being in class together they'd be able to make it through a conversation, but apparently all the opinions that had been shoved down their throats were more important than a few good memories. Still, she could try to be polite. "You said you wanted to talk?" And then, because she had gotten dangerously close to falling behind on her potion, snapped her fingers at Fred and pointed at her beetles, motioning for him to grind them up.

"Yeah. See, George and I," She felt a momentary thrill that she had gotten it right. "have a proposition for you."

"We need potions." There was a shared glance, during which she was sure they were trying to decide how much to tell her. "And we want you to make them."

"Why?" She added the crushed beetles, then the bobuter pus, and stirred seven times before ladling it into a set of vials. "And what's in it for me?"

"I'm sure we can arrange something." Fred held out his hand, like they were going to shake on it and the whole thing would be settled.

"What would you be able to give me? If you could afford to pay someone for potions, I'm sure you'd be wearing robes that actually fit." She plucked at the sleeve of his robe, where it was clear that it was too short in the arm. George laughed, a quick, scathing bark that cut off as soon as it started. Fred's cheeks turned red, and then withdrew his arm, like he couldn't believe he had actually been about to touch her.

"We're good friends to have, Audra." He wasn't joking this time. "You help us. And down the road, when there's a time you need our services, well," He grinned, but it wasn't a nice one. This was the Weasley that sneaks snakes into the Slytherin dorm room, who fills their ink wells with some acidic potion that makes them break into boils. The ones who always manage to find you when they want, no matter where you are, no matter how hard you try to hide. They were nice guys, the Weasley twins, but they had a mean streak that every Slytherin knew to watch out for. If she said yes, she'd never get truth serums snuck into her butterbeer or have her pillow stuffed with spiders. If she said no... "There's going to be a time when you need someone like us on your side."

"Someone to do my dirty work?"

"Something like that." This time it was George who held out a hand for her to shake. This time, she took it.  
  
  
  
  
  


 


	3. Chapter 2

They're friends now.

She thinks.

Audra wonders about this all the time, doing a platonic sort of "they love me, they love me not" as she cuts up her potion ingredients, like if the last sliver of chopped dragon liver she drops into the potion lands on the latter option then she'll magically know that they consider her as good of a friend as she considers them.  She supposes they'd have to be friends, what with all the time they spend together in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, the three of them sprawled across the cold floor listening to the gurgle of the potion and talking about nonsense.  Not to mention all the time they spent huddled in the library together, them drawing out sketches and plans and laying out possible ingredients, her saying that next time she'll add a bit more of this to a potion, or take out a step, or maybe try something new altogether. 

She's not stupid enough to think this would have happened had she not been good at potions.  Audra knows what kind of family comes from, and what the Weasley's had said about her just a year ago.   It had taken a while, but she had finally noticed what she was becoming- had felt the stomach wrenching guilt when she lets slip the accusations of _muggle_ and _mudblood_ and _what do you expect from a muggle born_ like they were dirty swear words, learned to cringe when she heard the opinions some of her classmates wore like badges, learned that it was much better to live in a family where the kids had robes that were too short and never went on big vacations but still be warm and loved and happy rather than have every comfort provided for you and still be cold.  She has learned that the sounds of a happy home come from off-key singing and wild laughter more than the clink of gold. 

Somedays she still thinks that this will disappear.  Audra's worried that one day the twins will come to their senses, look around and realize that this was a Stanton they had been hanging around with, clearly they don't belong together, and they'll see the horribleness of her with a glaring clarity that will be unable to ignored.  They will start to think that she is just like her father, like her cousins, or worse, that she shares more with her aunt than her looks.  She does not think she could stand having this glimpse into a new life, where she can spend some of her summer holiday visiting at the Burrow, and can go to Hogsmeade and not feel weird about grabbing a butterbeer with a bunch of Gryffindors, or can call Ron's friend Hermione by her name, not Granger or mudblood or any other disrespectful thing. She's worried it may go away, but she knows (or hopes she knows, lines are beginning to blur between what is a feeling and what is fact, but Fred and George never seem to go on anything but gut instinct anyways, so maybe they feel it to) that as big a part of her life the twins have become, she has become an equally important part in theirs. 

It's not just the potions anymore.  This is racing down the tunnel behind the humpbacked witch, laughter echoing off the walls and a stitch in her side, sneaking off because they need to get a specific ingredient for a new product.  This is getting to Hogsmeade and deciding that they don't want to go back to the castle just yet, instead spending their time daring each other to see who gets closest to the shrieking shack (Audra always loses) and taking shots of firewhiskey that Fred and George somehow get people to buy them.  It is the three of them sitting in the bathroom, claiming they need to watch the potion or discuss plans, but actually just needing an excuse to knick food from the kitchens and skip divination.  It's cheering for them at quidditch games even if the twins are playing Slytherin, and getting her own Weasley sweater at Christmas, and always having someone to sit by in class.  There are also things whispered in the darkness that they would have never said if they could see each other's faces; about the plans for the joke shop, about her parents and their past, about having money and never having enough, about what it feels like for people to look at you and only see you in association with the ones who came before.  She is intertwining herself with them, and they with her, and hopefully they will keep going until there is no hope of them ever separating.

An owl scratched at the window, breaking her out of her thoughts.  Audra tears herself away, dumping the rest of the shriveled snake skin into the cauldron without measuring, accuracy be damned.  Rain rushes in at her when the window opens, and the Weasley's old bird, Errol, flops onto her desk.  "Another message from the Weasel?"

Emmeline was standing at the window, staring down at the grounds of the Stanton manor.  Clary, who had been curled up on a beanbag chair flipping through the newly assigned text books, looked up with a renewed sign of interest.  The two of them, a Slytherin and Ravenclaw in the same year as her, were the only other friends she could really count on besides Fred and George.  They found her friendship with the Weasley's amusing, and her anger at them being referred to as the Weasel's even more so.  The three of them had intended to go swimming, but the rain had forced them inside, causing them to resort to recycling old gossip topics they had already used up this morning, like the soon to be quidditch world cup and Audra's determination to pretend there was nothing strange about her friendship with Fred and George. 

"Well?"  Clary, pausing from her reading long enough to grin wickedly over at her, said.  "Are you going to read it out loud?"

"No."  She bit the word out, knowing her keeping it hidden would make the teasing even worse, but the urge to keep it private was too strong for her to care.  "It's none of your business."

"You hear that Clary?"  Emmeline's laughter sounded like birds.  Normally it reminded her of sparrows in the summer, because Audra was sentimental like that, but today she thought it sounded a bit like crows cawing over a dead animal.  "She wants to keep it private."

They kept talking behind her, but the conversation got swallowed up in the roar of the rain and crackling of parchment.  She was too busy focusing on the letter, which had opened to reveal George's handwriting, a bit messier than normal due to excitement.   He seemed to be in a much better mood since the last time the twins wrote her, which was to ask her if she could please make some more potions, but keep them at her house, because Molly had finally caught on to what they were planning and had become determined to put a stop to it.

_We're going to the world cup!_

_Someone hooked dad up big time, got us into the top box with the minister and everything.  The whole family except mum is going, and Harry and Hermione are coming, too.  Mum and dad offered to scrounge up a ticket for you, too, somehow, but we told them you were already going.  You are going, aren't you?  Fred reckons that if you aren't, we can give back two of our tickets for three crappier ones.  Ginny and Hermione would be more than happy to let you stay in their side of the tent, Ginny's always thrilled when you come over and hang out.  Sometimes I think she likes you better than us.  Let us know what you're plans are, if you're already going to be there we'll choose a place to meet up beforehand._

_Fred wanted to write the letter this time, seeing as it was his turn, but I said we best just go with whoever had the time (he had to degnome the garden, mum caught him trying to smuggle away the order forms he confiscated).  You'll probably be getting a letter from Pig as soon as he gets back from Harry's though.  I'm sure it'll be filled with him moaning on and on about past quidditch matches, asking you who your favorite player is and what team will win and all that rubbish._

_Don't worry about the products, we managed to save most of them.  Mum's foraging set us back a good bit, but we can probably make up the loss if we sell some at the World Cup.  Don't worry, we're not expecting you to work during the holiday, I'm sure it might be a bit more awkward for you to be panhandling goods among all the ministry officials, not to mention incredibly out of character._

_Hope you're well, write when you can, Gred._

She reads the letter once, then twice, and gives an excited squeal. Emmeline and Clary looked up, slightly alarmed, then grinned when they saw the look on her face.  "They're coming then?  Bagman came through for you?"

"I knew he would!"  She threw the letter down at the table, then flopped onto her bed.  "I knew the tosser was in deep, he's throwing out favors to any family he thinks will help him.  There was no way he wasn't going to give away those extra tickets to the Weasley's once I said something."  She's laughing now, busting out in a frantic sort of way.  She'd watched her mother flex her pureblood status often enough.  The skill of gentle flattery and name dropping, along with subtle threats and a bit of her own special charm, was an art form that her mother had been making an effort to teach her since she was little.  Audra doesn't normally try to do it very often, because it gave her the sinking feeling that she was becoming a little more like Lucius Malfoy every time she does it.  And yet, getting the Weasley's to go to the world cup was a good enough reason to use them.  "And you two are still allowed to stay in the tent with me, right?" 

Audra's parents had bought a ticket for Clary, whose muggle parents didn't understand why anyone would want to spend that much money just to watch people fly, and for Audra and her brother.  Emmeline's parents would be there, but she was allowed to stay with Clary and Audra for the duration of the match.  All the parents involved thought Audra's brother Vance was going to be there, but she had it on good authority that he was going to stick around just long enough to put up some protective charms and then go find his friends.  Vance had graduated from Hogwarts last year, and all the parents considered him to be highly responsible.  Fred said he's a slightly more prejudiced version of Percy.

"Of course we are!"  Emmeline laughed, and this time it was back to sounding happy.  "Shall I bring the fire whiskey?" 

"Are you sure it'll be safe?"  Clary, who had yet to understand what it means to be in a large gathering of magical people, had to take a bit of convincing before she let herself into being all alone at a festival, even at sixteen.  She hadn't yet to learn that for a lot of people, the status Clary and Emmeline's family had worked as a shield, and no one would be able to touch them.  And the people who don't worry about money or  blood wouldn't do them any harm, anyways. 

"Of course it's safe."  Emmeline tossed her head back, hair rippling and blue eyes flashing dangerously.  "I'll be protecting the two of you, Clary, don't worry.  No one who comes after you will get away with it." 

Clary, who is always much more easily reassured by Emmeline than Audra, calmed down.  Audra turned away, rummaging through her desk until she found a quill whose feathers she hadn't chewed off. 

_Dear Fred and George,_

_That's so great!  Any idea how you got them?  I bet it was Bagman, I've heard whispers that your dad has gotten him and his old quidditch buddies out of trouble in the past, something about an after quidditch party gone wrong._

_Mum and Dad already got me and Clary tickets.  Emmeline, Clary, and I are going to be staying in a tent together, but there's probably room for Hermione and Ginny too if they want to spend the night away from you lot.  There's room for the two of you, of course, but only during the day, mind.  Don't want to start people talking.  They're not quite top box seats, but I'm sure we'll see each other.  I'll owl you when we get there, and we can all meet up together._

_I can't wait, the wizarding fair food is always the best, and without mum there to remind me to watch my diet I can load up on whatever I want.  Don't worry about the potions, it's going to be a rainy week here, so I'll spend most of my time inside and will have plenty of time to work on them.   And don't stress about the order forms either, I found a spare behind my nightstand a few days ago and can make more before we go to Hogwarts.  And your mum will come around.  She's just worried about you picking a profession that doesn't come with a guarantee, but by the time everyone sees these products and she realizes how successful you're going to be, she'll come around._

_I'll see you guys soon.  I can't wait, I know it's only been a few weeks since we saw each other last, but I've missed you guys and the rest of your family like crazy.  Tell Ginny I said hi, and tell Hermione I have loads to tell her about the wizards I met on my trip to America.  Say New Orleans has a completely different kind of magic that we need to bring to Hogwarts right this minute- she'll know what I mean._

_With love, Audra_

_P.S. Errol had it rough on the storm on the way here.   I'm going to let him rest for a little while.  Hermes will come with this letter, I'm sure he's dying for the chance to prove himself, his mum shelters him.  Do keep him for a bit and let the family use him, yeah?  I'm trying to give all the young ones some practice._


	4. Chapter 4

They make it to the World Cup a full two days before the match is set to begin, but the whole campsite is still crowded.  She can barely hear over the clamoring of everyone, all the cracks of apparition and people yelling greetings and ministry officials shouting orders.  Even so, she can hear Emmeline, standing at the edge of the Portkey crowd, pushing her way through the group of people who had paused to look for directions, gesturing angrily at the young ministry worker who tried to stop her from getting them.  "Bout bloody time!"  She raised her wand, and for a second Audra thought she was going to use magic underage in front of everyone, but Emmeline seemed to come to her senses just in time.  "I've been here all by myself for ages, mum and dad keep trying to introduce me to important people, blathering on about making connections for when I'm older.  And why are you on the ground?"

"I've never used a portkey before."  Clary panted.  She looked quite overwhelmed, her shirt slipping to one side enough to show her shoulder and her collar bone, the braid Audra had made her put her hair into beginning to unravel.  Emmeline stuck out a hand to help her up, the three of them brushing away the dirt and grass she managed to get on her.   Clary didn't seem to want to let go of Emmeline's hand even when she got herself standing; she had never been very good about dealing with crowds, and this was the largest gathering of wizards the ministry had seen in years.

"Come on, you lot."  Vance said, staring down at the muggle in front of him with some distaste as he got directions to his campsite.  Vance, as much as he hated them, was awfully good with dealing with muggles, always knowing how to blend in and understanding how to do things like bother with renting campsites and money transactions.  He had made quite a few galleons this summer, getting all the details arranged for other wizarding parties planning on attending.  "The sooner I get you settled in, the better."  
  
  


They don't see much of Vance over the next two days.  He hadn't been kidding when he said that he was only sticking around to put up the protective charms- as soon as he made sure it was the safest tent in the whole area, he took off, claiming that he had people to meet and the three of them were old enough to handle themselves.  "Well."  Emmeline made herself right at home as always, claiming the giant leather recliner as her throne, propping up her dragon leather boots on the table.  "How shall we pass the time before the Weasels come, girls?"

It was with a wicked sort of grin that they took off, and did not return until much later that night.  Audra was sure her mother would have been scandalized by the way they were conducting themselves ( _what if someone important had seen you?  Darling, you must be careful!_ ) but she couldn't find it in her to care.  They made an odd trio, the three of them.  Emmeline was tall, lean, and had a smile that seemed to be a warning and an invitation at the same time.  Her eyes were ice blue, the kind that made you feel like a deer in the headlights.  Her family was one of the oldest wizarding families that genealogists could track, and all of them Slytherins who made pureblood marriages.  Clary, Ravenclaw and muggleborn, with her tight t-shirts that have nerdy sayings on them and muggle tennis shoes, all sweet smiles and sass.  She could talk circles around any full grown wizard if she wanted to, and always seemed to have ink smudges on her fingers from the strange way she held her quill.  And then there was Audra, who seemed to slide into rooms like a shadow, her face carrying with it the stain of the family members she looks like.  Sometimes it startles people and they do a terrified double take, only relaxing when they realize who it is, but still giving her a wide berth.

She's done her best to become someone worthy of being afraid of.  She knows who she looks like, knows the family she comes from and what she has the capacity to be.  Audra knows she is beautiful, because her aunt was beautiful.  _Hauntingly beautiful,_ the whispered rumors had told her, _the most gorgeous girl you ever saw, until Azkaban ruined her.  Hid the evil inside of her, I suppose._ Audra's not sure what she could have been, if she left it alone, but now she is a girl with a head full of long, dark curls and even darker eyes, who never smiles and is pale as snow no matter how long she spends in the sun.  Her beauty is a weapon, and so are her words.  She carries with her the peculiar mix of smoke and lilacs, and always seems to leave a part of her behind with her potions.  Audra knows she is a terrible thing now, or at least has the ability to be, armed with hexes and jinxes and curses, not to mention words and the subtle art of whispering into the right people's ears to make her someone that people like to have on her side.  It's only when she's with the Weasleys, or with Emmeline and Clary, that this seems to fade a little bit to the point where she can forget who shares the blood that runs through her veins.

Still, even with the double takes and the snarling sort of smile that had found its way onto her face and stayed there like it had been placed with a permanent sticking charm, it was a good few days.  She stuffed herself on the food, eating all kinds of things, cotton candy and Stromboli and cookies and Honeydukes candy samples, being bought for them by kindly motherly witches who knew Emmeline and Audra's parents.  They enter quidditch contests, even winning a few, one of them earning backstage passes to watch the Irish during one of their training sessions.  They shout greetings to other people, and flirt with wizards they know they'll never meet again.  And in the evening, at least on the first night, there is firewhiskey drank back in shots, the three of them in their tent and holding onto each other for support as they giggle. 

Audra cannot remember everything from that first night, though she knows that she said some things about Fred that she suspects she should regret even thinking, despite none of the three knowing what these things were or how they were brought about. She can remember crazy dancing to some wonderfully loud muggle music that Clary brought with her, someone called Fall In Boy, or something like that, and laughing at everything even when it wasn't funny.  Then they stumbled out of the tent to watch the fireworks that get put on every night for a week, great big images of dragons flying across the sky in explosions of color, and thinks that that was the next thing that Fred and George should invent, seeing as they were a pair of human fire crackers themselves.  Everything was good, for once, great even.  And when she looked over and saw Clary leaning into Emmeline, the back of her head against her shoulder and hands clutching onto the others, exchanging looks that none of the three were sure what they meant, well, that was okay, too. 

"We'll be on better behavior today."  Clary says, dumping out the rest of the firewhiskey, but that had been a good twelve hours ago and now they were in the tent of some recently graduated Slytherin. Audra's not quite sure how they got there, except for the fact that there had been a very cute boy and Emmeline had spotted some very good alcohol and Clary was just along for the ride.  Now Clary and Emmeline had curled up on the grass outside, waiting for the fireworks, and Audra found herself in a game of spin the bottle that she thinks she should leave.

"Your turn, Stanton."  It's a challenge, like most things are when you deal with Slytherins.  It's so different from the Gryffindor dares, which come from adrenaline rushes and conquering fears and doing something, anything at all to get back that adrenaline rush they love so much.  With Slytherins, it is challenging stares and anxiety filled seconds and the knowledge that you are pushing each other to see who breaks first, and knowing that it will not be you, no matter what, that you would hold your head high and stare them in the eye until they wilt.  (It's definitely different from Ravenclaws, which just spout off quotes and big vocab words until there's only one person who still understand what they're talking about.  She's assuming Hufflepuffs don't do things like this to each other.) 

The stares are still on her.  She could back out, take the shot of firewhiskey that was the penalty for being a chicken, and then stagger out to third wheel with Emmeline and Clary.  No one would think any less of her, and except for some good natured teasing when she goes to play another party game, it wouldn't be brought up again.  But the stares are still there, so she goes and takes a shot of firewhiskey straight from the bottle anyways, the glass smooth and warm against her skin, and spins. 

It lands on the boy that had made her come in here in the first place, some kid from Durmstrang that the seventh year had undoubtedly decided to invite because of his connection to someone or another.  He smiles, and she smiles back, still too warm from the whiskey to worry about the people watching, or the camera being dug up.  There is a moment of hesitation on her part, where he sits with an arm out, clearly letting her know that he is fine with whatever she chooses to do. It's not until Fred's face floats up in her mind, causing a pang of guilt that she savagely pushes away, that she takes his hand and stumbles to her feet. 

Audra takes a second to worry about the people watching, and to wonder what Fred will say if he ever finds out, and to really think about what she is doing for a second.  But then they are on the ground again, and she is in his lap and he is kissing her, and there are fireworks going off over her head, and she tells herself, with a sort of vicious determination, that she doesn't give a damn what Fred will think, not one bloody bit.  
  
  


It's Hermes that wakes her up the next morning.

He's taken up permanent residence with the Weasley's, even though Molly had sent her a letter saying that that was much too kind and they really are fine with Errol, but Audra wrote back telling her that she has six others, and that she really does need to find good homes for all of them, and really, it's a good thing for everyone involved.  Hermes seems happy enough, and hoots at her until she takes the letter, which is covered in Fred's scrawling handwriting, telling her the address of where to meet them. 

She shakes Emmeline awake, trying desperately to keep her face blank when she notices that she and Clary slept in the same bed.  "I'm going to see the Weasley's.   I'll be back before the match starts.  You two want to come?"  There are only groans in response, which Audra takes to mean they're both too hungover to care where she goes, as long as they get to go back to bed.  "I'll leave a potion on the table for you.  It'll help."

Then she's out of the tent, squinting into the sunlight and waving hello at everyone she passes, including a few people who were at the party last night.  Her stomach squirms when she thinks of it, especially now that she's so much closer to seeing Fred and George.  The grass is still wet with dew, making her slip, and she wishes she had worn her boots like Emmeline did.  But then she sees the Weasleys and doesn't have it in her to care about anything else.

"Audra!"  Ginny reaches her first, pulling her into a hug, and then Hermione is hovering anxiously behind her, already brimming with questions about the Americas.  Mr. Weasley is shouting hello, and there's Charlie grinning, and Percy is shoving a cup of tea into her hand. 

"Alright, alright, let the girl breath."  The crowd cleared, revealing Fred and George sitting on a blanket with Harry.  "We didn't think you'd be able to stomach getting up this early, what with Emmeline staying with you and all."

"For you, I'll suffer."  She sat down on the blanket between them, smiling hello to Harry.  Hermione joined them instantly, who did indeed begin to pepper her with questions about the Americas, carefully avoiding the New Orleans joke, and Ginny sat down next to them.  It was nice to be able to sit with them, listening to Fred and George tease Percy, meeting both Mr. Crouch and Ludo, and talking to Mr. Weasley about a new muggle clock she picked up at a garage sale, and if he would like to take a look one of these days.

It's an hour before George stands up, announcing that he's bored and it's about time they get a chance to look around.  Mr. Weasley let them go, but not before making them promise to be careful. 

"She want completely mad, mum did."  Fred was saying as they walked away.  "Doesn't want to hear anything about the joke shop.  Took all our ton-tongue toffees, we're not making a single sickle."

"Don't worry."  She smiles, pressing a bag each into their hands.  "I thought something like that might happen."

"You're wonderful, you are!"  George hugged her, beaming, and Fred grinned down at her.  They always look down on her, being so tall.  "So, what are we going to do?"

"Eat, obviously!"  Fred and Audra said at the same time, grinning.

And eat they did.  By now, Audra knew the best places to find free samples, and the three loaded up on chocolate and different types of sausages.  The vendors knew her as a repeat offender, but because they had been sweet talked the day before by Emmeline, Clary, and Audra together, they smiled indulgently and gave them all an extra serving.  And then they went to find Lee, and said hi to some other Gryffindors, Audra keeping a careful eye out to avoid anyone who might have been at the party last night. With the match drawing closer and closer, there wasn't much for them to do, all the activities had closed down the day before. 

"Ms. Stanton!"  A voice called out from behind her, and when she turned, there was Mr. Blidenger, squinting at her like he wasn't quite sure who she was.  "Haven't been over for tea with the wife, lately, have you?"

"No, sir."  She smiled at him.  "She said I was good to go with Occlumency, but I was supposed to come and stay for a visit over the winter holiday this year."

"Well, I don't expect you'll be wanting that, not with all the things going to be going on this year, but it's best if I don't say too much about that, want to keep it a secret, surprise you... And who are these young lads?"  He asked, seeming to notice them for the first time.

"This is Fred and George Weasley, sir."  She lowered her voice conspiratorially, leaning in like she was going to say something important.  "As a friend, you'll want to keep an eye on them, sir.  They're going to start a joke shop chain that'll give Zonko's a run for their money."

"Is that so?"  He narrowed his eyes a bit, appraising them. 

"Sixteen and already making the best fake wands you've ever seen, sir, I'd stake my owl on it."  She stomped on Fred's foot, trying to make the expression on his face a little less dimwitted. 

"Wouldn't happen to have one on you, would you, boys?" 

The two almost tripped over their robes pulling one out, hopeful looks on their faces as it turned into a rubber chicken.  Mr. Blidenger chuckled, apparently pleased.  "Let me know when you start that shop of yours, boys.  Ms. Stanton knows talent when she sees it."  He walked away as quickly as he came, walking much faster than a man of his age should be able to.

"Who the bloody hell was that?"  Fred asked, flabberghasted. 

"That," Audra said pointedly, "was the main financial backer of Honeydukes, a family friend who is always looking for new investments.  The sooner you two learn the value of powerful friends, the better."

They looked like they wanted to ask more questions, such as, had she been trying to get them to do that with people all day (she had, it was as easy as pulling teeth) and if he was serious about that call, but she happened to notice that people were already queing up to enter the stadium.  "Merlin!  I'm supposed to be at my tent, I have to go!"  She pulled them both down into a tight hug, then dashed off.  "The three of us will be at your tent after the game!"  
  
  
  
  
  


"Where the bloody hell were you?"  Vance yelled, weaving through the crowd of people behind her.  He had cast a charm on them so they wouldn't lose each other as more witches and wizards pressed in on all sides.  This was a good thing, because she could feel the exact position of Emmeline and Clary like someone had hooked a string from her bellybutton to their back, tugging her forward everytime they got too far away from each other.  It was also bad, because it meant they could hear each other clearly over the roar of the crowd, which meant she could hear every word of Vance's lecture.  "I told you I would let you stay on your own if you promised to behave yourselves, what would I have said if you had gotten lost!"

"You didn't leave us by ourselves so we could have fun, you left because you wanted to snog some hot Slytherins from your Hogwarts days!"  She tossed back, going on tiptoes to see over the head of the crowd.  "And for your information, I was fine, I was with the Weasley's!"

"Them again!"  Vance started, really picking up steam now, but then they rounded the corner into the stadium and no one had the breath to talk anymore.

It was the largest room that Audra had ever stepped foot in.  Wizards from all over were scrambling to get to their seats, babbling excitedly in different languages, the whole thing a chaotic mess of different colors and sounds and smells.  The four of them started climbing, pausing every so often to catch their breath or shout hello, going so high that Audra's legs began to ache and a stitch started to form in her side.  Finally, just when she had given up hope of ever getting there and the glamour of the stadium had started to wear away, they reached their seats.

"Bout time!"  Emmeline's mother smiled down at them from two rows above where they were standing, her gaze sliding over Clary like she wasn't there.  "Thought you had come into some trouble!"

"No, just got help up in the queue!"  Vance hollered back, all charm and angel halo level innocence.  "Would you mind if I sat with you?  That way the girls can sit together?"

They informed him that no, they didn't mind at all, and then the three girls collapsed into their seats, sweaty and out of breath and slightly disheveled looking from being jostled by the crowds, but happy all the same. 

"This has been the highlight of the summer."  Clary breathed out, barely audible over the  roar of cheering, spurred on by the arrival of the Irish mascots showering the crowd with gold.  "I want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I do right now."

Audra couldn't help but agree.


	5. Chapter 4

The Irish had won.

Not only did the Irish win, but they won in the exact way that Fred and George had predicted they would, which put them in an even better mood than normal.  Audra, Clary, and Emmeline had just ducked into the Weasley's tent when Fred and George all but flattened them; the moment the three girls stood back up they were surrounded by a mob of vibrant red hair, freckles, and an overwhelming amount of green. 

"We won!  Can you believe it?"  Fred still had an arm around her neck, pulling Audra into his side with an almost painful amount of force.  She was just about to give him a hard jab in the ribs when Ginny grabbed onto her hands and pulled her out into the middle of the tent, spinning her round in circles in a strange kind of victory dance that involved a lot of hair flips and hand motions.  It wasn't until Mr. Weasley levitated mugs of hot chocolate in from the kitchen that the group settled down, and now that the overwhelming excitement of the past few days had abated somewhat, Audra began to realize exactly how tired she was. 

Sitting around the table with all of them was a change of pace from the types of activities Audra had been doing, but she still enjoyed it just as much.  Like Harry, she didn't say much, content just to listen to the conversation swirling around her.  She wasn't sure which one to listen to- Hermione and Ginny's heated debate with Harry about lack of gender equality in the quidditch league, during which Hermione badly butchered the pronunciations of the names and Harry seemed to become quickly confused, Emmeline's interrogation of Bill about the curses he had come across while working, or Fred and George's spontaneous outbursts of popular wizarding music.   Sitting like this felt right, like home, as comforting as a warm blanket or the sight of the Platform in the fall.  Coming from a childhood like hers, she had never managed to take moments like these for granted, and now she was trying to commit it all to memory.  She wanted a picture of it, with Mr. Weasley smiling at them fondly, Clary and Emmeline with hands intertwined, and one of the twin's arms a familiar weight across her shoulders. 

Just when the conversation in the tent had died down, Ron decided to make another astounding observation, poking his little Krum figure into motion and proclaiming, "Flies like a bird, he does!"  This incited another round of teasing and catcalls from his brothers, starting the process all over again. They were soon shouting and chasing one another around the tent, Ginny cornering Charlie against the sofa and Harry climbing to safety on one of the bunk beds. 

This didn't stop for a very long time, during which George broke his nose and had it magically repaired, Hermione quoted _Hogwarts, a History_ several times, Ron professed his love for Krum, and Harry got his glasses knocked to the floor and the group had to put a hold on the celebration until they were located. 

It was Mr. Weasley who finally called a halt, seeming to notice how the shouts from outside were becoming considerably more rowdy and drunken, and decided that it was time for the three girls to head back to their tent while they could still do so safely.  "Unless you want to stay here?"  He offered, not for the first time.

"We'll be fine, Mr. Weasley."  Clary smiled at him.  They had only met in passing before tonight, but seeing as how she came from muggle parents and he could quiz her endlessly, Mr. Weasley had become quite fond of her.  "Vance is staying with us."

"Still."  He said the word in a tone that made Audra think that he knew exactly what kind of things they had been getting up to, and knew that her brother had no intention of keeping an eye on them.  "If you need anything, you know where we are.  Maybe someone should walk you over there?"

Fred and George volunteered, which was lucky, because Percy had looked ready to prove that he was a much better guardian than Vance.  The twins and Audra hung back, letting Clary and Emmeline get ahead.  "Thanks for letting me come over.  I'm going to miss your family more than mine during school this year."

"You can come over on holiday."  George offered.  That was another thing that amazed her about the Weasley's- invitations to come over were thrown out like they were nothing, and just like that, a spare bed was found and an extra place at the table was set.  She supposes that in a house with so many kids, one more doesn't make much of a difference.  "Mum makes a fantastic Christmas dinner."

They don't say anything else as they walk.  Audra had seen enough magic to know what a spell feels like, and for her, walking through the after match scene was like that.  The air was cold and damp against her skin, and the only light came from stars and campfires.  She had to walk by the light of her wand and the glow that was shining out from other tents.

"This you?"  The three stopped walking and Audra saw that it was their tent, Emmeline and Clary already inside doing Merlin knows what.  She turned to answer, opening her mouth to say something- a thank you, a good bye- but then the sky exploded into a shower of green sparks.  The fire works had started up again.

The three of them didn't talk, just stood with their faces turned towards the sky, watching as the scene morphed into a crowd of cheering leprechauns, and then a reenactment of some of the more interesting plays.  She wondered if they were thinking along the same lines she was, about the strange feeling that something between the three of them had shifted, and the worry about what their lives are going to be like once they leave Hogwarts.  She wonders if they are feeling the same nostalgia that she is, like she is just now knowing that with the end of this summer comes the end of her childhood and the beginning of everything else.

Part of her wants to say it, but she knows that calling attention to it will make it that much more true, so she just tilts her head and looks at the colors shooting across the sky, and wishes that somehow, just for a little while, everything will stay the same.  
  
  
  
  
  


She wakes up that night to screams.

Audra has her wand in hand and is out of bed before she even knows what is going on, shouting for Clary and Emmeline and yanking a jacket on over her pajamas.  She's choking on smoke already, great billowing clouds of it coming through the front of her tent, and she can see the flames.  Shadows are being stretched across the tent wall like a bad movie, and though she knows these things she's watching run are human, they look like animals, screaming and fighting as they try to get away from whatever is causing all the commotion.  It seems impossible to her that just a few hours ago she was cheering about a quidditch team.  The whole thing was giving her the uncomfortable feeling of when you are climbing the stairs and are expecting one more step, but your foot only comes down on empty air.

"What's going on?"  Audra ignored the question, just shoved Clary and Emmeline out of the tent, then stopped when they saw the crowd in front of them.  "Is that..?"

Clary, who had only heard about Death Eaters from stories, did not finish her sentence.  She didn't move, either, just clung onto Emmeline's hand and turned astonishingly pale.  Everyone had heard the stories of what they had done to muggleborns in the past, and seeing a great crowd of them bearing down on you, laughing as they suspended muggles in midair and staring at you from behind their masks, could not have been comforting for anyone.  The three girls didn't wait much longer, just grabbed onto each other and ran.  Audra thought she could hear Clary crying, but she didn't have time to tell her that everything was going to be okay.  She could worry about that later, right now there were other things- things like the way that woman screamed, the way she had to shove Emmeline to the side to keep her from being crushed by a collapsing tent, the footsteps getting louder behind her.

Just when they were about to reach the line of ministry officials advancing towards them, there was another scream.  Audra never knew that screams could sound different.  She would have thought they would all come together in a mass of terror, but this one was young and helpless and seemed to be directed at her.  She looked back for a second, seeing as she did so a familiar looking little girl being pulled into a circle of masked wizards, a green shamrock hitting the ground where she had been standing.  "What are you doing?" 

"That little girl, someone's got to help her."  Clary was tugging on Audra's arm wildly, hard enough to pull her arm out of her socket.

"Not you!"  It really had been Clary that was crying, there were tear tracks making fresh marks in the blood on her cheek, Audra hadn't even realized she had gotten hurt.  "We have to go!"

Audra locked eyes with Emmeline, who nodded like she understood.  She shoved Clary away and turned back, back towards the fire and the smoke and the screams, hoping that Emmeline is smart enough to know that she has to get somewhere that Clary can be safe.  Audra hears another scream from the little girl, and then she is joining the fray herself, throwing up a shield spell around her and the small Hufflepuff cowering in the middle. 

They are more terrifying up close.  She does not have time to figure what spells she might want to use, or come up with clever words to say.  Audra cannot even think, she can only stare up into the face of the one closest, who is laughing and reaching out like he is about to knock her wand right of out of her hands, like she is nothing, like he has no idea who she is and what she has the potential to be.  It is dark enough that she cannot see their eyes, and behind the masks it looks like sunken black pits. 

The girl behind her cries, and it is enough to shock her into moving, pointing her wand towards them and firing a spell at random.  It's a scorching spell, the first one that popped into her head, and she is finally beginning to understand what Harry had told her about.  That sometimes, it's not what you think you know or the things you practice, but just instinct and the knowledge that you have to do _something_ that drives you to act.  It works effectively enough.  The death eaters scatter, robes smoking, and she shoves the girl in front of her.  As she does so, she realizes why she looks so familiar- Audra had once ran into her coming out of the library, and the little girl had practically been squeaking she was so terrified, horrified at the prospect of having offended some big, bad Slytherin.  The girl (Hannah?) takes off as fast as she can, and is swallowed up by a group of witches she had recognized earlier, teenagers on holiday from France.  They circle around her like wolves protecting their young, but Audra does not have time to be grateful.

There is a hand grabbing her by the hair, dragging her backwards, wrenching her head toward them at an angle that causes her to cry out in pain.  Nails are digging into her scalp and a voice is hissing in her ear, asking if she is a mudblood or a traitor, and when she kicks out at his knees and spits in his face, he throws her to the ground. 

She's got just enough time to think that she should have ran, Hannah and her screams be damned, and then there is a wand at her throat.  He lays it against her cheeks, traces the hollow area underneath her eye.  She wants to fight out again, but she is too scared to move, let alone run.  Audra decides she's going to stare up at him instead, make him watch as he does whatever he does to her.  If he kills her, he will have to see the light leave her eyes himself.  No matter how big and bad he thinks he is, Audra knows that the image will come to haunt him in the end.

"Don't!"  A voice is calling out, and there are feet running to her, but strangely enough, she cannot move her head.  It seems that someone is coming to her rescue, but that couldn't be, because Emmeline doesn't sound like that and the twins are too far away.  She knows this voice, even though it is now hoarse from the laughter and muffled under the mask, a warped and twisted version of something she should know like the back of her hand.  "Don't hurt her!"

The boy comes close to her, and with a little help, they managed to get leaning against the tent.  She supposes that she is too far away to be in danger of being trampled by anyone now, but her head aches, and when she puts up her hand to touch it, her fingers come away covered in blood. 

The sight makes her nauseous. It makes her pay attention to how bad her head hurts, too, and she is suddenly dizzy and nauseous and crying all at once.  Audra turns her head to the side and retches, once, twice, her unexpected savior hovering at her side, holding her up until she is finished.  He is still speaking in that raspy voice, one she thinks should be much deeper and smooth, like the flow of honey rather than gravel.  

Audra is talking.  She thinks it is a name, possibly Clary's, or maybe Fred's, or perhaps Vance's, who was supposed to protect her in times like this.  The masked man leans down to catch what she is saying, as if it is important to him, and when his hood slips, she sees a mask of curly, golden curls.

She reaches up her hand to touch it, but he pushes her away roughly, making her fall back to the ground.  He leaves then, just as she remembers what the voice is supposed to sound like, rich and charismatic and angel level innocence.  It makes her think that she needs to remember something, but then a great spike of pain shoots through her head, and she finds herself too tired to care.


	6. Chapter 5

When she wakes up the next morning, Charlie is looming over her.

The image bears such a similarity from the night before that she scrambles backward, crying out and pointing a wand at him before her mind catches up with what she is seeing. Charlie has her by the wrists now, pointing her wand at the ground and talking in soft, soothing tones, saying _it's okay, it's over_ and she does not have the words to tell him that nothing is okay at all. Audra thinks that the look on his face must be very similiar to the one he wears when looking at wounded animals, and she is suddenly very glad that Charlie was the one to find her; if he can tame dragons, he can calm her.

"Just hang on, hang on, everything's going to be okay, keep still now, you're hurt." The murmur keeps going, and even if she is not paying attention to the words, Audra finds the sound soothing. Somehow she ended up being huddled against him, crying into his chest, hands gathering up fistfuls of her shirt. Audra just now realizes how cold she is, and how much pain was radiating from the back of her head. She remembers the blood, and looks down to see that her hand is covered in it, and so is the ground. "Dad."

Charlie's voice, flat and grim, cut through the small group of wizards combing over the campsite. It was all Weasley's, Bill and Charlie and Percy and Arthur, wands out and a little dishevelled, but okay. If they were here, that means everyone else was fine, too. Her chest loosens a little, and it's suddenly easier for her to breathe.

"Merlin, Audra, what happened to you?" Arthur was at her side now, lowering her back to the ground. She wasn't even aware that she had stood up. "Where are you hurt?"

"Head." It's a mumble, but he seems to know what to do without any help from her. She can feel a hand probing at her wound, and then a wand tappping it. The pain alleviates some, but the bleeding starts up again. She cannot decide if it was an improvement. "There was a little girl. Needed help. Told Em and Clary to run, girl got away, I..," She stared up at Mr. Weasley, became momentarily distracted by the sun glinting off of his glasses, then got back on track, "I didn't."

Overall it was a pretty lame description of what had happened last night, the terror and the empty spaces in the masks where eyes should have been and the name of the masked man she should have known, whose identity was still at the tip of her tongue but could not find. "Are you alright?" There was a hand underneath her chin, forcing her to look up. All four men were circled around her now, probably deciding what to do. "Did they hurt you?"

"Just threw me to the ground. Didn't want to hurt the girl who's practically Bella reincarnated." There was an uncomfortable flinch that went around the circle at the mention of her aunt, who was almost as terrifying at You-Know-Who. A giggle forced its way out of her throat, a wild sound that turned quickly into a sob.

"Alright, alright, it's okay. The rest are at the tent, Percy will take you back there, won't you Percy? I'll be back as soon as I can." Audra thinks that she nods, but isn't sure. What she does know is that Percy is looping an arm around her waist, pulling her to her feet, and helps her stumble towards the direction of their campsite.

"Almost there, Audra." He muttered. Percy was bearing most of her weight now, wand held out in front of them, just in case. His expression was grim, but the arm around her waist was reassuring, as were the off hand comments he had thrown out on the slow walk over. For the first time, Audra thinks that he's truly made of the same stuff his brothers are, and realizes this is a boy who will go as far up in the ministry as he intends to. "Here we are."

At first, their arrival was met with a stunned silence. Clary's crying cut off with a sharp gasp, and George paused with a bottle of his dad's firewhiskey halfway to his mouth. Hermione was the first to move, grabbing her under the other arm and ushering her towards a chair. Clary was next, kneeling down in front of her, and then Fred and George appeared at her side. Only Harry and Ron remained sitting, staring at the group of them with thunderstruck expressions.

"What happened?" Hermione was standing at the back of her head, muttering under her breath in a way that makes Audra suspect that she is doing underage magic in order to heal her. She could feel a towel being held to the back of her head by someone she suspects was Fred, and George kept patting her arm in what was clearly intended to be a reassuring manner. Ron forced a cup of tea on her, the same one she was sure he had filled halfway with firewhiskey only seconds before, and only after she drank it all she began to talk.

The words came slowly at first, describing how she was the one to wake up, and that she wanted to get away, but then she saw the little Hufflepuff and knew that she couldn't leave her behind. "I'm sorry." She turned to Clary with a desperate, pleading edge in her voice. "I wanted to stay with you, I was so worried about getting you to safety, but someone had to help her, and I..." She broke off again, afraid that if she were to start crying again she would never stop, and only continued after Clary had said she didn't blame her in the slightest. When she got to the part about the mysterious savior, she stuttered to a halt, not yet sure if she wanted them all to know she recognized him, especially when she still doesn't know who it was. After her story was over, the tent was silent for the second time that morning.

"That was a very brave thing you did, Audra." Mr. Weasley's voice came from behind her. "You should be proud of yourself." Everyone nodded along, like she did something great. Audra couldn't be happy about it, not when she thinks about the scared look on the girls face and the small child in the air being spun around like a top.

"Where's Emmeline?" She had just noticed she was missing, but could not bring herself to panic. If something had happened, they would not all be sitting here so calmly.

"She took a portkey back with her parents, they arranged it with the ministry. And because we can't locate your brother," Audra's head gave another spike of pain when he talked about Vance, like that should have meant something. "I've had it cleared with the ministry that you girls are to come back to the Burrow until he's located, owls are on their way to your parents right now."

There's a flurry of movement as everyone moves off to pack, Clary coming over and taking a turn at holding the towel to Audra's head. "I was so worried about you." Clary took in a shuddering breath to calm herself, seemingly on the verge of tears once more. "You took off, and Emmeline dragged me away. We should have helped you, I never should have let you go one your own."

"Its okay." Her words sounded slow and muffled. She wasn't sure if it was from the horrible concussion or the shock, but everything seemed to be moving in and out of focus, like she was trying to make out her surroundings while underwater. "They weren't looking to hurt people like me."

The observation, which had seemed so normal in the chaos of the moment of last night, made them both fall silent. It was such an odd thing, that one witch could dive into the fray safely and the other has to run, just because of a silly thing like who their parents were. Audra thinks she should say something to Clary, tell her that those important to her know that it's not what kind of place you come from that matters, that she and Emmeline and the Weasley's are no better than her just because they are pureblood, but the words do not come. She just looks at her instead, reaching up to grab onto her rest, hoping that the expression on her face will make her understand what she is not brave enough to say.   
  
  


The portkey was a deflated basketball. Audra almost falls when she reaches out to grab it, and is instantly grabbed by Ron and Harry, who sandwich her between them. The ministry man who waved the Weasley's through looked at her with a bit of concern and muttered something to Arthur, who shook his head and whispered something back. She tried not to watch. In fact, she was trying not to look at anything, because the brightness of the sun hurt to look at and seemed to be everywhere. Audra compromised by closing her eyes and leaning back into Harry, waiting for the countdown to signify when they left.

The portkey grew hot under her hands, and then something jerked on her rather harshly, pulling her forward by her navel. Audra's head was jostled quite a bit, not only making the cut bleed again but also hitting her with a fresh wave of nausea. When they hit the ground, she managed to stay standing, but stumbled a few feet away from them all and retched until there was nothing left. She did not think she could move her head, so great was the pressure building inside of it, and when Ginny came over to check on her, she all but collapsed onto her shoulder.

"Right." Mr. Weasley said, appearing suddenly. He looked pale and tired, but he was putting on a brave face for her. "That was to be expected, portkeys and head wounds shouldn't mix if you can help it, but it had to be done, Audra, can't be helped. Molly will fix you up right when we get home though, don't you worry."

Getting home was more of a challenge than Mr. Weasley made it sound. Audra made it a few steps before having to stop again, even with Mr. Weasley redoing the healing spells he had placed on her earlier. Hermione was looking at her quite worriedly now, and seemed to be itching to draw out her own wand and help. George was hovering behind her, already preparing to catch her if she fell. "I'm fine." She muttered, knowing that she wasn't and her stubbornness was just stupidity, but she still waved them off, stumbling forward for a good half hour, pausing every so often to let the world stop spinning. Audra didn't ask for help until she tripped over the slightly raised part of a tree root, falling to the ground and skinning the palm of her hand. She didn't get up this time, just laid on her back and looked at the sky until a freckle covered face glanced down at her.

"Alright. Up you get." Fred grabbed her by the arm, jerking her to her feet with such force that it felt like her brain was forced back into her skull. He, at least, was not treating her like a broken thing, despite the fact that everyone there knew that she was in an immense amount of pain. She was just about to thank him for that when he swept her into his arms, bridal style, and took off down the hill at a brisk pace.

"Fred. I'm fine." This might have been more convincing if she had not mumbled it into his shirt. He didn't bother say anything, and other than a weak shove at his chest, Audra didn't bother to fight it. She didn't seem to have the energy to do so- last night she had gotten only a few hours of sleep and going through the portkey had seemed to sap away the rest of her remaining energy. As much as she wanted to walk to the Burrow using her own power, it was much easier to have it happen like this. Audra closed her eyes and pressed her face back into his shoulder, trying not to focus on the way each step sent a fresh wave of pain through her head, and listening instead to the sound of Fred's breathing. He was humming something that sounded incredibly similar to the song the twins had made up about Krum and Ron getting married.

Audra didn't lift her head again until she heard the voice of Mrs. Weasley, incredibly loud and surprisingly anguished, rushing towards them from the door of the Burrow. To everyone's shock, she threw her arms around George so tightly Audra was amazed that he could still breathe. Her head being back in Fred's shoulder, she couldn't make out every word that Mrs. Weasley was saying, but she thought it had something to do with the fight that she had had with Fred and George before they had left for the World Cup. It's funny, how things that seemed so important just a few hours before suddenly seem so silly. Only when she turned to hug Fred did she seem to realize that Audra was here.

There's a flurry of movement, during which Mrs. Weasley's sobs subside into hiccups and she began to shout orders once more, waving her wand as she did so. Fred set Audra down at the kitchen table, and they clung to each other longer than necessary as she tried to get her bearings. He seemed reluctant to leave her side, even when his mum barked at him to go get a fresh towel. "Not another towel." Audra moaned. "I've ruined about ten already."

"Yes, well," Mrs. Weasley shot a very nasty look at Mr. Weasley then, all previous worry and regret about her family's possible demise being wiped away in the face of this new task. "It seems there was some very shoddy healing work done on this, so we're just going to have to open it all up and start again."

"You're going to do what?" Ron demanded. "Won't that hurt?"

Audra wished very much that he hadn't begun to talk about pain, but she was quite certain that there was no possible way for her head to hurt any more than it already does. "Why on earth wasn't this healed straight away, Arthur? It should have been an easy fix!"

Mr. Weasley lowered his voice as he spoke to her, but Audra still heard what he said. "We found her the next morning Molly. Who knows how long she was laying there, bleeding."

Molly didn't say anything more, only clucked her tongue in a motherly fashion, but her movements became noticeably more gentle. As Molly worked to fix her (during which there was many complicated wand movements, a sharp pain that was the reopening the wound, and many bloodied towels) the others each told their stories- about how they woke up to the screaming, about Fred and George getting Ginny to safety, Winky and the dark mark, and Mr. Weasley's adventures with all the other ministry workers. When they all turned to look at Audra, it was Clary who spoke, speaking in hushed whispers about the men with the masks and the helpless muggles in the air, the way they had to fight against the crowd to get away, and the way that Audra turned back to help when she saw a little girl get sucked into the mob.

"Well." Mrs. Weasley didn't appear to be able to say anything to that, turning instead to bustle about the kitchen, cleaning the towels and making food appear out of no where. Audra just picked at the plate that was placed in front of her, trying to ignore the worried stare of Fred and not listen to the heated whispers of Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, both of which were becoming harder to do by the minute. Only when the rest of the family had disappeared, presumably to try and find room to squeeze in four extra children, did Mrs. Weasley come and talk to her. "Are you alright, Audra?" She squeezed her hand, the gesture warm and comforting. "Arthur said you've been very dizzy. Has that gone away?"

"Yes." The word was so quiet it couldn't even be called a whisper. Audra cleared her throat and tried again. "It's much better, Mrs. Weasley. Thank you."

"Don't mention it, dear." She opened her mouth to say something, seemed to think better of it, and settled with giving her a motherly kiss to the head instead. "Now, you go and get a hot shower and warm yourself up, and then take a nice long rest in Ginny's room, how does that sound?"

"That's.." She wanted to tell her that it was lovely, and to thank her again, and maybe apologize for being such a bother, but the words didn't come. Her voice cracked instead, and then she was crying again. This was the most she could remember crying in ages.

Mrs. Weasley didn't hesitate before wrapping her in a bone crushing hug, rocking her back and forth in the way Audra imagines she did for when Ron comes home after all his adventures, or visits Charlie in the burn ward, or sees Harry at the end of the summer. Audra's own mother had never held her like this, and the fierce contrast between her family and the Weasley's made her cry even harder. She had no idea what it felt like to be held like this, by a mother. "I was so scared." Audra gasped in air as she spoke, trying to articulate the things she couldn't have told anyone else, how she laid there in the cold and cried for hours as the fires raged on, how she saved the girl but there was no one there to save her.

"It's alright." Mrs. Weasley held her tighter, and over her shoulder, she could see Fred hovering on the steps, torn between coming to check on her and giving them privacy. "You did good, Audra. You're safe now."  
  
  


She does end up listening to Mrs. Weasley and getting a hot shower, though it mostly consisted of her standing under the shower head and watching the water run red, a swirling whirlpool of blood and dirt and grass disappearing down the drain. It does make her feel more like herself, to be clean, and the potions everyone had force fed her were starting to kick in, taking away from the ache filling every inch of her body and replacing it with calm and the overwhelming need to sleep.

Audra makes her way to Ginny's room, tiptoeing to avoid waking anyone up on accident. When she pokes her head through the door, she isn't surprised to see Hermione, Ginny, and Clary all sitting up waiting for her, dressed in their pajamas and whispering to each other. "Mum thinks we're asleep." Ginny said, smiling a bit. "We didn't plan on correcting her."

Ginny's room, which was small to begin with, was now crammed to the max. Her bed had been enlarged to fit two people, Hermione had her own cot, and Ginny had transfigured her window seat into a kind of cushion that she had stuffed with blankets and pillows and seemed to claim as her own. Audra picked her way through the room, winding around bookshelves and clothes, trying not to step on anything breakable. She actually jumped the last three feet and landed beside Clary in a heap, making them all erupt into a fit of giggles.

"Are you alright now?" Clary asked, her brown eyes wide with concern. "You had us all worried."

"Yea." She rolled her eyes. "Head wounds like that, they mess with you a bit. Makes everything a bit disorienting." The previous night had become much easier to handle when the world had snapped into focus. She no longer had to squint in order to make out the details of her friend's faces, and wasn't being hit with a wave of dizziness with every step. Even better, she was no longer fighting the urges to laugh, scream, or cry hysterically.

"It was scary, last night, wasn't it?" Hermione said. She had a book in her hands, but wasn't reading it. Audra suspected it was comforting for her to feel the pages underneath her fingers.

"We all got used to things being safe." Ginny said sadly. "Suppose they all wanted to remind us that his supporters are still out there, still practicing the old ways."

"As if we could ever forget."

Clary snorted, pulling back the covers and burrowing herself inside them, forcing Audra to do the same. Hermione threw the book down onto the floor, where it would disappear into the rest of the clutter, and Ginny yanked the curtains closed. It seemed that they had all come to a unanimous decision that they were all much too tired to think about things like this, and would rather sleep, anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone reading this? Yes?  
> If so, could you leave me some comments or kudos or just subscribe? It'd mean a lot. Thank you for making it this far, I know they're long chapters


	7. Chapter 7

The Burrow was now so full of people that Audra was not sure how they were all fitting. Audra, who had been advised not to travel by floo network, broom stick, or apparition until her head was completely healed by Molly's healer friend, was staying at the Burrow until she stopped being dizzy. What with all the Weasley children being there, plus Hermione, Harry, and Audra herself, not to mention all the countless others that kept popping in just to say hello (as well as a very absent minded Luna Lovegood that wandered over from her father's house one afternoon and spent the weekend talking to the gnomes), there was hardly any room for any of them to walk around. It was lucky that Clary had gotten to floo home last week, otherwise, there might not have been enough room.

Being at the Burrow after spending all summer at her house was like breathing in fresh air after being trapped in a haze of smog. She took for granted how much better it was, and she could see pieces of Fred and George scattered all over. She loved the chaos of it, the magic bursting from every nook and cranny. Audra didn't mind that it was small and cluttered, she didn't care that it was probably only hanging together by sheer will power. She loved this place, with the constant clamor of dishes coming from the kitchen and the music blasting from Ginny's room, the casual appearance of spark plugs and home made sweaters sitting side by side, the way you were never lonely. This house was warm, warm light and laughter and the crackling of a fire, the background noise of a radio set on low. This was the place of family game nights with them all crammed into the living room, and pick up quidditch games, and spontaneous hugs every other time you walk by Molly.

If Ginny was harboring any resentment over having to share her room with her brother's friends, she didn't show it. She seemed quite thrilled with the idea of having company, and they'd spent the past week staying up later than they should, talking nonsense and drinking hot chocolate and playing card games. Tonight it was Ginny, Hermione, and Audra sitting in a circle, and Luna Lovegood, who had decided to come for a repeat visit, curled up in the window seat. They were all talking excitedly about the fact that dresses were on the required list for this year, flipping through some old witch weekly magazines that Ginny had dug out from underneath her bed.

"It'll have to be some fancy dinner, or an awards presentation, right?" Audra said interestingly, running her finger along one of the glossy pages. "I mean, I can't see any other reason."

"Muggles have dances at their schools." Hermione said, looking down at a purple dress with a fair amount of disgust on her face. "Prom and homecoming and the like."

"A dance would be lovely!" Ginny said, flipping through the pages with renewed interest. "Who would you both go with?"

"Well," Hermione started, then stopped, blushing furiously. "I suppose you'd go with Harry, wouldn't you Ginny? And I'd go with Ron."

All of the other girls in the room exchanged glances, but chose to smooth over this admission instead of teasing her about it. Even Luna looked up with a fair amount of interest. "I'd like to go with Fred or George. Someone nice, you know." Audra was looking down at the magazine again as she said this, and missed the glances that were exchanged over her head. "Do you think it'd be too cliché of me to wear a green dress?"

"Fred thinks you look very nice in green. Emerald green, specifically." Ginny answered mildly, looking as if this was a perfectly normal thing to say. "Or a nice dark blue."

"Does he?" Audra repeated, trying and failing not to care, and then looked back down at the dress with renewed interest. "Did he -er- have anything else to say?"

Ginny looked up with interest, smiling, but was saved answering by the appearance of Pig, who entered the room and was diving at each of their heads in turn.  
  
  
  
  
  


The week was coming to a close. Audra was trying hard not to think about going home, or the coming school year, but both were approaching rather rapidly. The idea of leaving this house to go back to the manor seemed unthinkable, and yet, she knew her time here was rapidly disappearing.

"You alright?" Fred asked, looking at her in concern.

"Head hurting?" George asked, looking ready to go call Molly.

"I'm fine." She sighed aggressively and threw herself back down onto the couch. The twins had taken Molly's lecture about keeping an eye on her and not letting her do anything too physical to heart, and had spent the past week watching her carefully for any sign of pain and fatigue. Up until a few days ago, they spent at least an hour of every afternoon trying to talk her into taking a short nap up in Ginny's room to "gather her strength." She wasn't sure whether their hovering was endearing or annoying, but she was beginning to lean towards the latter. "Just ready to have this whole head injury be healed and over with."

It wasn't exactly the problem, but it was the truth. She was having to drink at least a gallon of potions every day, and Molly was hovering even worse than Fred. Audra was not used to being treated like she was fragile, and all the smothering was starting to make her crazy. "So, did you guys decide on what product we're going to try next?"

"Well, we were thinking fireworks." George said, mercifully ignoring that she had included herself in the we, and launched into an explanation of what they were thinking of. The mechanics of it lasted a good twenty minutes, most of it involving a good deal of artistic skill and complicated charm work, and none of which was anything she could help with. "And they're going to be impossible to get rid of, see, like any of the normal spells you would think of first will just make them multiply or grow larger or chase after you or something." George finished off excitedly.

"We're also thinking about marketing some love potions, if you want to start messing around with that, but that's not for a while." Fred added, and Audra brightened considerably. "We were hoping you could brew up some potions for us, help us to restock on what mum threw away?"

Audra grinned, pleased to still be a part of this. "Thought you'd never ask."  
  
  


The last night of her stay came quicker than she would have liked. The entire Weasley family had seemed intent on making it a good one. It had a whole day full of activities, quidditch scrimmages in the morning and swimming in the little pond in the afternoon, finishing with a special meal Molly made just for her, breakfast for dinner, which Fred and George had correctly said was her favorite thing. Audra had eaten mountains of French toast and sausage until she thought she would explode, thanking Molly over and over for letting her stay, and patiently letting her hair get tousled by all of the Weasley's in turn. They said that since they couldn't do it during her whole stay, they had to make up for lost time.

When the night was over, Audra, Ginny, and Hermione made their way back to Ginny's room, laden down with chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate. They broke out the cards again. Audra had taught them both to play poker, and she was proud to say that they could hold their own even in the Hog's Head. Tonight, they pooled all the left over candy and a few spare sickles to make a proper betting table. Audra was happy to say she lost spectacularly.

"We're going to hang out during the school year, right?" Ginny asked the other two, suddenly anxious.

"Of course we will!" Audra said, shocked. "We'll see each other every day. You can come talk to me anytime, the Slytherins won't bother you if you're with me. Same to you Hermione," She added, suddenly protective. "Anyone messes with you, they answer to me this year."

Hermione didn't answer, but tackled her in a fierce hug that would rival even Mrs. Weasley's. Audra was overcome with emotion suddenly, and hugged her back, holding out an arm to drag Ginny to them. Caring about people did not always come easily to Audra, but now it seemed that she didn't have a choice. Everywhere she looked, she seemed to be gathering more people that she loved, even the Loony Lovegood girl.

Audra didn't go to sleep when the other two did, choosing instead to stare out the window and wait until she was sure that she would not wake them up. When she was, she slipped out of the room and up the stairs towards the twins room. Audra stood there for a long moment, biting her lip and pressing her knuckles down into the splintered wood, listening to the low murmur of voices that meant that the twins were still up. She didn't want to see them and admit to the worry rising up inside of her, or to give them any more reason to remember what sort of family she came from. But at the same time she knew she could not spend one more night staring at the ceiling as the others fell asleep, watching the shadows move as the sun rose and replaying the sound of her mysterious savior calling off her attackers.

When she finally found the courage to knock, the door swung open almost instantly, revealing a worried looking Fred. When he saw her, his face split into a smile. "Thank Merlin. We thought you were mum." He poked his head out in the hallway, clearly looking for the others in hopes of a late night rendezvous. "What's up?"

"Can I come in?" She didn't like that her voice was giving her away, all quiet and timid like when she answers a question in class. It probably didn't help that she had to speak from behind her hand, seeing as she was gnawing her thumbnail down to the quick. "All the girls are asleep."

"Sure." He closed the door behind her. Fred left his bed for her, joining George. They stared up at her with open, earnest faces, waiting to hear what was on her mind, but now that she was actually in the room with them, surrounded with the scent of them (a strange mixture of grass and gunpowder and spearmint) she could not bring herself to be worried. How can one think of the whispers about Voldemort's return (as her brother's letter was full of, when he finally found it within himself to write her and see if she was okay) when you're sitting safe in a room with your two best friends on a warm summer's night?

She knew they were expecting a weighty confession, so what came next must have surprised them. Audra bypassed the twins entirely, throwing the window open and leaning out into the cool night air. "I always love spending the night at your house. And at Hogwarts. There's so many stars, you know?" She takes a deep breath, listens to the hum of the locusts and the bellow of the bullfrogs, and becomes a little calmer. "There's too many lights back at my house."

The twins joined her at the window. She felt one of them place a hand on her shoulder but did not turn to see who. "Well, come on then." George said, opening the window even wider and climbing through, holding a hand out for her. "Let's get a real view, shall we?"

It was, if not a perfect night, a good one. Audra had never been very good at astronomy and had not taken it her third year, but Fred and George, who were very good at both astronomy in divination, were experts. They spent the night pointing out the constellations to her, and the stories behind them, and suddenly it was like they were spread out in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom again. Her head was on Fred's shoulder, and her leg thrown across both of George's, like she was staking her claim on both of them.

"They were going to kill me." The three of them had fallen silent, all of them a little drowsy and ready to sleep, but her voice shattered the quiet. Fred came awake with a start, and George propped himself up on an elbow to gape at her. She couldn't bring herself to look at them, staring resolutely at the sky and naming off the constellations in her head- _Orion, Pegasus, the Big Dipper..._

"They won't hurt you now." Fred said.

"You're safe. We won't let them touch you." George added, his voice gathering confidence with every word.

"That's not what worries me. What worries me is someone saved me. One of them, in a mask." She pressed her hands down onto her face, rubbing at her eyes, refusing to cry for what would be the fifth time in the past week alone. "I _knew_ one of those people that were torturing the muggles. They were, friends, or- or, family, I don't know, I can't remember!"

"Hey." Fred reached out to steady her, pulling her hands away from her face and forcing her to look at him. "It's not your fault. You hit your head."

"I was _friends_ with someone like that and never knew." She said in a hushed whisper. "Good friends, from what I can remember, and I never knew they were the type of people to put on a mask and do something like that to innocent kids. What if-" She cut herself short, afraid to say the words out loud, but needing to voice the thing that had been hanging over her shoulder this whole week. "What if I didn't notice because I'm like them?"

"You're nothing like them!" Fred burst out. "You saved that Hannah Abbott girl, didn't you? You're friends with all of us, with Harry and Hermione, that's not exactly a death eater's clique, is it?"

"You know who I'm related to. Where I come from." She laid back down, prying one of the shingles loose with her hands and sticking it back on, counting the stars. "You've got no idea what I could have become if I hadn't been friends with you."  
  
  
  
  
  


Fred and George didn't meet her eyes during breakfast. They had spent a long time out on the roof, staying awake to watch the sunrise, during which they had a long conversation about why exactly she would never turn out like her family. Audra could not bring herself to correct them when they were trying so hard to convince themselves, but her stubborn silence had seemed to annoy them just as much as a denial would have. By the end of the night, they had stormed back into the window and stomped back down the stairs, leaving her to stay in their room with all the half-designed products and dirty clothes.

"Your mother will be here any minute." Molly said, bustling around the kitchen. She was heaping pancakes onto plates at random. Audra had already eaten six. "I do hope she wasn't worried after the World cup, the poor dear, I was out of my mind and only had to wait until morning before I saw you all in person!" This sentence produced another spontaneous round of hugs and pancake deliveries, but Audra didn't mind, too pleased about the idea of being added into the "we" to care.

Breakfast seemed somewhat subdued, and when Percy spotted Audra's mother walking up the dirt path, the silence grew to a point where Audra couldn't even bring herself to eat her food. She did not want to go home, truly, and the feeling only intensified when Mrs. Weasley ushered her mother into the living room of the Burrow. It was quite a contrast between the two; Mrs. Weasley, short and plump and smiling kindly, and Audra's mother, tall and regal and holding out a hand for them all to shake as she is introduced, thanking them kindly for her hospitality. "Are you ready to go, Audra?" Her voice, though pleasant and polite, with a lilting sort of accent, now seemed quiet and cold after the rambunctious noise that always filled the Burrow.

"Ready, mum." She didn't look at the twins, but she did pause to hug both Hermione and Ginny good-bye, tousling Harry and Ron's hair as she walked behind their chairs. If her mother was displeased by the friends she had made, she didn't show it.

Mrs. Weasley hurried forward to give her another hug, bone crushing and uncomfortable but pleasant all the same. "You come back as soon as you can dear, alright?" She looked like she had more to say, but settled for squeezing Audra by the shoulders one last time, standing back so she could reach her mother.

"Thank you for the hospitality you've shown my daughter." Her mother's hand came down to close around her wrist, preparing for the apparition. Her grip was not painful, but Audra was struck with the observation that it was skeletal and vice like, the long painted nails digging into her soft skin like talons.

Audra had just enough time to look at Fred and George one last time before they left, and she saw remains of last night's conversation clinging to them- the indignation, the awkwardness, the concern- but they smiled all the same, raising both of their hands in a feeble imitation of the handshake that they had made up earlier in the week. Audra went to return it, but before she could, her mother took a step forward, and the dissolved from her view.


	8. Chapter 8

Her feet slam onto the marble floor, sending shock waves of pain through her legs, and the entrance hall of the Stanton manor swirls into view a second later. Her mother lets go of her arm almost immediately, leaving Audra to stumble a few steps before she gets her balance.

"I was so worried." Her mother's voice was tight with the strain of the past few weeks, but other than the small lift of her hand, there was no sign that she was going to wrap her in a hug or do anything to reassure them both that she was okay. "When I didn't hear from you immediately, and then you couldn't even _travel_ you were hurt so bad... Let me see it."

"I'm fine." Audra bats her mother's hand away, ducks underneath her outstretched hands. She is backing away without really knowing why, considering she had been yearning for some sign of motherly affection all week. And yet, now she was incredibly angry, seething about the lack of letters or floo visits or even a proper greeting. It was true that she could not travel the magical way, yes, but Audra knew that her parents could have arranged her to come some other way, if they had cared to. Audra didn't know what it was like to be a parent, but she was sure that any of the Weasley's would have walked if they had thought one of their family was in trouble. "Molly took care of it."

 _Not you._ The words hung in the air between them as Audra turned away and walked towards the steps, trying not to look back at her mother, her lips half parted while forming her name and one hand still outstretched towards her. Audra knew that she was supposed to turn back at any time now, become the good little daughter, apologize for worrying them, but she just focused on the smooth oak railing under her hand, moving forward one step at a time. As soon as she was out of sight, she hurtled down the long hallway and into her room, locking the door as quickly as she could and throwing herself down in front of the fire.

This time, she did not cry. This time, she pulled her dog, Bernie, towards her and buried her face in his fur, breathing in the awful scent of him, rotting leaves and wet fur and the faint smell of the cotton candy shampoo their house elf washes him with. Normally she would wrinkle her nose, but now she just closed her eyes and breathed it in, thinking that it might block out the scent of the smoke and burning fabric that she had been carrying with her in her memory. Audra chokes on the lump in her throat once more and her shoulders shudder, but there are no tears, only memories. Her mind is replaying the whole scene over and over, like a bad film, flames and smoke and screams and trampled tents and a small head bobbing up and down against a tiny shoulder.

She does not go down to dinner, no matter how many times Vinnie the house elf stands outside her door and pleads with her. It takes a while, but the images finally go away, and she stands up, straightening her shoulders and looking around her room, thinking that it looks much too like the room of a little girl, and not at all anything like the person she was growing to become.

She does not remember deciding to do it, but suddenly the posters were off the wall and crumpled up on the floor, the stuffed animals shoved underneath her bed, the old quidditch gear she never uses shoved deep into her closet. Audra dumps a vase out the window, watching the flowers flutter down through the air and land across the roof, and puts a cauldron on the table instead, letting her room be filled with shimmery smoke and heat. She cuts the ruffles of her bed spread with her wand, burns a pillow that her aunt Narcissa had got her and she always hated, throws old story books in the fire.

She does not feel any better.  
  
  


It was well past midnight when she decided that she could come out again, creeping down the hallway and tiptoeing down the stairs, intent on grabbing food and stealing her way up the steps again. She's almost at the door when she sees the two shadows stretching out across the marble floor, leaning close together and gesturing wildly, as if they were fighting. Audra almost turns to walk away, but the frantic whispers draw her back in.

"The dark mark means _something,_ Eliza." Her fathers voice is heavy with exasperation, and he leans against the counter in a way that makes her think they had been talking for a long time. "We always knew this was a possibility."

"But I didn't think it would be so soon!" Her mother draws the words out like a plea. Her silhouette reaches out towards Audra's father, grips onto her arm. "What are we going to do? What will he say when he comes back and sees what we've become?"

"What we've become? Don't talk like that." He pulls her close to him, but it is not a loving embrace, it is an action meant to convey that there is only one course of action that can be taken. "From here on out, we never changed. We follow the old ways. We make out presence known among certain circles, we buy certain items, all of it discreet, so when he comes back we can say that we never stopped waiting for his return. Do you understand?" She stayed silent, and he shook her, not hard enough to hurt but not gentle, either. "You have to understand."

"And what of our children?" The voice her mother spoke in was hollow and empty. "They don't know, John, they don't know what he's like or what they'll have to do."

"If they don't follow us, we'll all be killed." He lets her go, leading her gently to one of the stools on the counter. "Vance will know where he's meant to stand."

"And our daughter? Friends with blood traitors and mud-bloods alike?" Her mother's voice held a quiet kind of horror that she was trying hard to control. "We can't protect her from him. The Dark Lord is not a man you can hide from."

"Oh, Eliza." He pulls her in for a hug, and Audra creeps a bit closer so she can see them both through the crack in the door, both of them illuminated in the moonlight shining through the window. Her father has his hands twisted in her mother's hair, chin propped on her shoulder, looking at something very far away. Her mother had her face buried in his chest. "The Dark Lord isn't a man at all."  
  
  


She feels a little lost after that, at least for a few hours, walking around the house without a destination in mind, finally ending back up in her room. The things she had heard last night hadn't been far from the front of her mind for a while now, and she was sure there had been similar conversations happening everywhere. She wondered if Emmeline had been called downstairs to take part in it, to make a plan, to be told in no uncertain terms that she was not to see Clary again. She wondered if Arthur and Molly had huddled together in their little kitchen over cups of tea and wondered if they would have to fight once more. She wondered if Clary had flipped through her old, battered text books until she found a picture of that damned mark and stared at it all night, reading the chapter about the Dark Lord and his followers over and over until she practically has it memorized.

It's the first time she had thought about the Dark Lord's return in association with what it might mean for her. This had been the whispered topic of conversation at many of her parents dinner parties, when half asleep children were being gathered into arms and the darkness cast a kind of quiet over the room. They had all known that he would return, that he could not die, and would soon rise again to show them the way. Audra had not thought about what that would mean for her, a child of two death eaters who, though they may have escaped Azkaban, could not outwit the one they had called Master for so long.  
  
  
  
  
  


Audra sits at her desk and writes letters, dipping the quill into her inkwell again and again, watching the dark blue drops fall onto the carpet and stay there. She starts sentences, rereads them, and decides they do not sound right so she scribbles them out, until the parchment is full of scratches. And in the end, they do not say anything real, but it is something she can do, like playacting that everything is the same might make it so, and she has a stack of parchment at least a foot tall.

She has a thank you letter to Molly, full of gratitude and reassurances that she is okay and apologies for being such a bother. She writes one to Clary, each syllable dripping with concern and asking how she was, promising the next time that the three girls get together it won't be such a disaster. Hermione and Ginny get one, too, full of more speculation about the dresses and a few clippings from magazines, saying how much she missed them last night. Emmeline receives one the next day full of hidden questions, asking if she had been having the same worries that she has.

When it comes time to write Fred and George, she cannot find the words to explain any of what she was feeling to them, and could not bear to lie.

The parchment stays empty.  
  
  
  
  
  


That night, when she actually listens to Vinnie and decides to come down for dinner, she meets her brother on the steps. He does not look any different, but this time he does not give her a smile and brush past her, but stops and stares, clutching onto the railing so hard his knuckles turn white. In an instant, she remembers the lone golden curl slipping out from behind his mask, so much like the patch of hair behind his ear that never does what he wants, and the blue of the masked man's eyes, full of worry and fear as he leans over her. When he speaks, any hope she had that it hadn't been him that night disappears. This is the angelic version of the voice she had heard.

"I'm sorry." He says, reaching out to her, touching the spot on her head where he knows that she had been hurt. The spot he knows could have killed her because he left her there for someone else to find, whether it be death eater or ministry. She tries not to flinch away under his touch, trying to remind herself that he is still her brother, that together they will fix whatever horrible thing he has done. "Truly."

"Yeah." She does not quite succeed in keeping the blame out of her voice, or in hiding the way she leans away from him. "Me too."  
  
  


The days past much as they always do, her head healing and the events of the World Cup disappearing from everyone's memory. She writes Fred and George, and Emmeline comes over quite a lot, both of them trying not to feel strange that Clary is not with them. Audra would have almost been able to believe that nothing had changed, had it not been for her mother calling her down the night before she left for school.

"I wanted to talk to you about your friends." They are sorting through her potions equipment, as if she could have possibly forgotten anything for that class. "I think, maybe, it might be a good idea if you rethink a few of them."

"You mean Fred and George."

The air between them is charged, and this is one of the rare times that Audra can actually feel the magic inside of her, coiling up in her stomach like a snake ready to strike. Her mother does not look away from her. "And Clary."

"But not Emmeline."

"They're nice enough kids." Her mother reaches out to smooth her hair down, all the affection of a motherly gesture disguising the threat underneath. "But to certain people, it may look... bad, if you were to be seen with them more than you need to be."

"This is because of the mark. And the death eaters at the cup." She recoiled, stepping away so the table lay between them. "You want me to say I'll be all obsessed with being pureblood just like you and dad, just to save your own skins. Well guess what, mother, I won't, I know better than that. You're the one whose wrong."

"This isn't about wrong and right!" Her mother crossed the kitchen, grabbed onto her shoulders, trying to force Audra to look into her eyes and see the truth. "This is about living, or dying, and its that simple!"

"I'd rather die than give up Fred and George or any of the Weasley's." She spat the words out, relishing how they made her mother flinch.

"Fine. You love them. We all make mistakes when we're young, the Dark Lord will understand. But as of today, you can't be a child anymore, Audra. I can't protect you from this, you can see the signs for yourself. Things are happening, things we don't understand and the ministry won't look at close enough." Her mother was gripping onto her wrist so tight that it hurt, her nails digging deep enough to draw blood. "Serving the Dark Lord is a life long commitment, and don't make the mistake of thinking it doesn't extend to you and your brother. Mark my words Audra, he's on his way back, and you better make up your mind right now about what side you'll stand on when he does."


	9. Chapter 9

Coming back to Hogwarts is always an odd feeling.

There's so much magic here, oozing out of the cracks in the castle walls and trickling through the air every time a stair case moves, seeping out from underneath the doors of classrooms and humming over the heads of everyone in the Great Hall during meals.  Everyone looks at her like she's crazy when she talks about it, but she has seen the looks in the eyes of a select few people -McGonagall, George, the Slytherins that cast spells as easily as breathing- that makes her think that she is not imagining her innate ability to track the movements of power through the air.

This year is no different.  It almost overwhelms her, seeing as she spent the remainder of her break locked up in her room with only a dog and half a dozen baby owls for company, ignoring the summons of both the house elf and her mother, pretending not to notice her brother pacing the hallway outside her door.  It was like she had spent the past few weeks standing in the middle of a snowstorm, losing all feeling, and now she is back in the middle of all different kind of flames, candlelight and bonfires and raging infernos, and it is forcing her to notice the wonder again with a painful sort of clarity.

She's kept quiet for most of the day, curling up in a compartment with fellow Slytherins, staring out the window and watching the steam stream out behind them.  Clary and Emmeline were suspiciously missing, leaving her to wander about on her own.  Audra did not think that it would be in her best interest to try and find them if they were not approaching her first- there had been too many stumbling words and fleeting touches and lingering glances for her to think that they may not be wanting a bit more privacy this year.  She rides back to the castle with Fred, George, and a few of their friends, trying not to feel like she will be spending this year third wheeling with anyone she tries to hang out with.

Still, when it comes time to take her seat at the start of term feast, she doesn't hesitate before squeezing Fred's hand in a good-bye and taking her place beside Emmeline.  "Missed you and Clary today." 

If either Audra or Emmeline had been worried about any hard feelings that might have lingered through the meal, the thought disappeared as soon as Audra spoke.  Her voice was not cold and hardened as she feared it might be, but light and warm and teasing.  "Well, er, we were, we looked for you, and.."  Emmeline, who was normally the most composed of the group and always ready with a rapid fire retort, stammered her way into silence and tapped her wand nervously on the table, leaving tiny nicks in the table every time it hit. 

"Finally talked to her, did you?"  She had spent too long watching the two of them skirt around this, both of them wondering what the other thought but too afraid to ask, dancing around their feelings, hiding behind the excuses of too little sleep and too much firewhiskey and a mountain of stress.  It seems that this year might finally be the year that they pull themselves together.

"We still haven't discussed things, exactly."  Emmeline said, wincing as she did so, probably remembering the night where she vowed to tell Clary exactly how she felt about her before things could develop any further.  "There hasn't been much talking involved, no."

Audra snorted, and it was probably lucky that Dumbledore stood at the moment he did, because she could think of many things to poke fun about the situation.  In another moment, she wasn't think about her two best friends and their potential relationship at all, instead gazing open mouthed up at Dumbledore as he talked about the triwizard tournament, and the age line, and the good fortune that awaited the winner.  It was enough to make her head spin, and she briefly had an image of herself dueling against a large Durmstrang student to the death, but it slipped away as quickly as it came.  She had no reason to risk her neck just for a bit of glory, but judging by the hungry look on Emmeline's face, not everyone shared her opinion.  Truly, Emmeline wasn't the only one who wanted to enter- Audra could hear Fred and George's bellowing from across the room.

"Think of it, Audra."  Emmeline said later, when they were both working their way through their third helping of mashed potatoes (Emmeline was a vegetarian and Audra tried to eat meat in front of her as little as possible, she said the smell made her nauseous).  "All that fame.  And the galleons."

"Like we need more galleons,"  Audra snorted, turning to the peach pie that had made its way down the table to her, but secretly her mind moved to think of two people who did need those galleons, were desperate for them, and would think risking life and limb to get it was a small price to pay.  Suddenly, she was very glad for the age limit.

 

She, Clary, and Emmeline linger before going to bed, perched on top of two gargoyles.  They had reached the spot where they would have to go their separate ways, having already trailed behind long enough they were risking detention on their first day back.

Clary and Emmeline were having some weird silent battle with each other, both of them seeing who could meet the other's gaze and look around the fastest, but Audra was too preoccupied to care.  She was climbing up the wall instead, finding footholds and hand grips as she went from one statue to another.  Her record last year was a whole ten feet (after which she feel and shattered her ankle) and she was intent on making it to fifteen before the end of the term.  This didn't stop her from taking part in the conversations, leaning down and around the gargoyle's arm to talk.  "Are you guys going to enter?"

Clary just chewed more ferociously on her thumb nail and shook her head, hair falling around her face like a curtain.  Emmeline, on the other hand, shook her hair out of her face and stared up at her, daring her to tell her no.  "I will.  I'd be insane not to."  The expression on her face would have been more impressive if she could have looked down her nose at Audra, but seeing as she was a good seven feet over her head, she had to crane her neck to look up at her.  "Are you not?"

"Might."  She shrugged noncommittally, then swung her leg up and lunged for another hand hold.  Her grip didn't hold, and she fell to the ground with a spectacular thud.  "Shall we do it together?" 

"Bright and early, before anyone else is up."  When Emmeline said it, the decision was final.  "And if we don't get in, no one knows we entered."  She turned her eyes on Clary, who was crouched beside Audra and fixing the sprain in her wrist.  "What about you?  Are you with us?"

Clary blew the hair out her face and sighed.  Audra could practically feel her roll her eyes.  But like always, when the two of them wanted to do something, Clary always followed suit, for better or worse.  "Might as well."

Emmeline grinned, pleased, and stuck out her hands to help her two friends up.  "That's settled then."

And it was.

 

 

Audra meets Fred and George in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom that night.

There was a silencing charm cast at the door, and since the three were confident that no one could hear them, the party was in full swing.  The twins had stolen food from the kitchens again, and now the three were having an outright picnic, studding their faces with toasted cheese and chocolate chip cookies, roasting random bits of sausage and chicken over the fire that George had conjured up for them.  In each of the stalls, there was a potion brewing.  Between the bubbling from the cauldron and the crackling of the fire, paired with the rhythm of their voices and outbursts of laughter, it was  soothing place to have a late night meal, if a little gross.  "Are you absolutely sure you won't help us make an age potion?"

"Positive."  Audra had already told them no about three times already, as if they would be able to shock her into saying yes if they catch her off guard.  "I draw the line at helping you get killed.  Besides, you know perfectly well how to make it yourself.  And besides, I've already got a list a mile long of what you guys need, am I really expected to add to it?"

It was true.  The three of them were crowded around a piece of parchment that listed all the potions that needed to be refilled, due to the way that products seemed to be disappearing ( _they cannot say flying off the shelves, exactly, but perhaps rapidly leaving the suitcase stuffed with contraband goods would work)._ They were also discussing a rather brilliant idea for a product that would let you become sick enough to get out of some unwanted duty, and then return to health as soon as the responsibility is avoided.  Right now it only exists in theory, considering that it would involve many expensive potions ingredients and Fred and George did not have the money to get the ingredients, having refused Audra's offer to make them without their help. 

"You two are so bloody brilliant."  She says later, when they've exhausted all they could say about the future of the shop.  Audra flopped down onto the blanket that was spread across the ground, so she missed the surprised looks across her faces, interested instead of the very picked over supply of cookies that she was choosing from.  "I mean, there's no one who does charms work like you guys.  And by the way, I read through the notes for all the charms on the fireworks, you invented a few, didn't you?"

"I...."  George and Fred looked at each other, surprised.  "I guess so."

"Like I said,"  She held up a half eaten oatmeal cookie like she was making a toast.  "Bloody brilliant."

This seemed to give them all a second wind, and the chatter started up again.  They decided many important things about the shop that day, among which included the aesthetic style of the product packaging ( _you know how some stores are really subtle?  Yea, we want the opposite of that_ ) to the location ( _Diagon alley, of course, but if we would get going, really, if it all works out, maybe we'll outsource to a few smaller villages, Ronnie can be a manager, can't see him knowing what career to pick_ ) and who supplies the ingredients ( _You'd be our first pick for potions, obviously, but unless you're going to open an apothecary and mass produce, you may only be able to work on the inventing and management stages with us, not the supply_ ).  It was, all things considered, a very different sort of magic, the three of them discussing at rapid fire pace, one person's sentence trailing off and picked up immediately  by another, their different types of magic intertwining seamlessly, effortlessly, clicking them into place like puzzle pieces.

After a while, when the potions were ready to be bottled and the fire had died out and some light was coming through the one grimy window, Audra considered telling them about the trouble at home.  She started to talk, but when they turned toward her with smiles on their faces, she realized she could not bother them, because they could not fix it, not even if the three friends sat here forever and talked the whole damn week away.  "Were you going to say something?"  George prodded, looking up from cleaning up the evidence of their stay.

"Just that I'd go research for those illness things."  She said, smiling, and then they clicked together again, laughing and joking and shoving one another.

"Brilliant."  Fred said, throwing the last cookie at her.  And it was.


	10. Chapter 10

It does not take long for lessons to begin full swing.

Audra does not regret spending the night spread across a grimy bathroom floor, but she doesn't like to have to face the knowledge that she probably won't be able to catch up on sleep until the Winter break. Most of the time she thought it was worth it, because it repaired whatever small rifts had cropped up between her and the twins over summer break, but when faced with the growing pile of homework she has yet to do and the sheer exhaustion weighing her eyelids down, she can't help but think it was the smartest decision, albeit a very Gryffindorish one.

It's Defense Against the Dark Arts today, the first one they have with Mad-Eye. There's been a quiet apprehension among the sixth years when they discussed it. It's all been in quiet whispers, but soon they compare notes with each other, stories about how he lost his eye and how he almost died when his leg was cursed off and who exactly took that chunk of his nose. The other students whisper in fear, talking about his paranoia, his rage, his supposed mental troubles, but Audra knows better than to be afraid of him. He was famous among death eaters for never killing unless someone else's life was in danger. Half the cells in Azkaban were filled because of him, but there were a lot less graves that had to be dug than if he had followed Crouch's regulations.

They're with the Gryffinodrs again, something that made many of her house mates grumble, but Audra's face split into a smile when she saw Fred and George. They'd saved her a seat, and Audra didn't waste any time in dragging Emmeline towards it, ignoring her obvious intent to sit somewhere closer to the back. "What do you reckon?" George asks as soon as he gets close. "Think he's going to be good? Or completely bonkers?"

"Dad thinks he's someone worthy of covering for, he must be good." Fred says, who had such family loyalty that anyone held in respect by any other member of the family translated into unwavering faith by him. "Got him out of trouble the day we left for Hogwarts, remember?"

"Your dad's favorite birthday present was also a muggle clock that doesn't tick, he's got some strange interests." Emmeline added. Before, this might have been something that caused an awkward pause between the four of them as Audra scrambles to bridge the gap between her friends, but now there was just indulgent smiles and a continued discussion of Mad-Eye Moody's many escapades.

Their group isn't the only one talking, filling the room with chatter and different spells. It's filled with every trademark that comes with an unattended classroom- yelling, paper airplanes, vanished chairs that cause the occupant to crash to the floor. They settle down the minute that Professor Moody walks in, all of them returning to their seats and swallowing whatever words they were just about to shout. George's paper bird falls to the floor with a flutter, and he leans back into his chair, looking a little unsure and more than a little afraid.

Moody walked to the front of his desk, wooden leg thumping on the ground, electric blue eye swiveling to stare at them each in turn. It rests on her longer than it does the others, and when he turns to face them all again, she swears that it is her that he is talking to. Audra can tell that he is drinking in the sight of her, as so many do, the unruly hair that never stays in one place, the pale skin, the dark eyes and sharp cheekbones. He knows this face, had seen it before on a very different woman at a very different time. She wonders who he is seeing now- her, or her aunt.

"You're all sixth years?" He asked, voice harsh and rough, finally tearing himself away from her. Emmeline gives her foot a nudge under the table, the only thing that makes her sure that she hadn't imagined his attention.

"Yes, sir." Lee says, leaning forward eagerly. "Slytherins and Gryffindors."

"Then I suppose you're old enough to know that times are changing. Dark things are gathering." He takes out a flask, drinks from it, shudders. "The ministry doesn't want you to know. Thinks you're too young, too naive, too innocent to know what we're up against."

"Here's the thing they always miss, these ministry folk. It's not them who's going to decide what you have to be ready for and what you won't. Death eaters won't care." He clears his throat, unscrews the lid of a jar, and pulls out a spider. "They'll use inferi, they'll send dementors after you, you'll be blackmailed into doing their work. Age and good grades and ministry regulations won't help you when the Dark Lord comes calling."

The spider is engorged so they could all see it clearly. Audra stares, half disgusted, but she refuses to look away. He tells them about the unforgiveables, but she does not focus on specifics, just the hungry look in his eye when he sees her. He asks for a curse and Fred gives it, voice clear and confident. There is a screamed "imperio" and a slash of a wand, a jet of light, and then the spider tap dances, cartwheels, climbs up Lee Jordan and perches on his shoulder. They laugh, because it's funny, but then the spider is throwing itself into the fire and they watch it burn. "Funny, is it?" He demands, angry, livid, and Audra thinks that yes, Emmeline was right, he is as mad as his name says. "Anyone got another one?"

No one speaks. They are too afraid of him, this man with the scars and the strange eye, but Audra still does not look away. "You should know one, Stanton."

She does not have to ask how he knows her name. Audra shakes her head instead of answering, hoping he will move on, but she knows what it coming, knows exactly who made it so he has that fake eye instead of a real one, and knows that she will pay for it now. "No?" He growls the word out, stomps towards her, footsteps echoing in the sudden silence. "Your aunt knew it, I'm sure you do, too. Was rather good at it, your aunt."

She looks away for the first time since he came into the room, looking at the little spider instead. "The Cruciatos curse."

Her voice was only a whisper, but it carries, and when he hears, Mad-Eye smiles. It's a gruesome expression on his face. "This was a favorite of many of the followers. Excellent torture method, drove some to madness because of the damage it does to the nerves. The pain is unbelieveable. It's how Bellatrix got so famous, almost as feared as You-Know-Who." He holds his wand steady at the second spider. "You look so much like her."

Audra thinks there may have been gasps, but his outburst as he yells the curse covered them up. She wants to figure out how many people are surprised at this, wants to tell him that he had no right to talk to her like that, but the spider is twitching and its legs are curing in on itself, and it takes all Audra's will power not to bolt. She turns away instead, closing her eyes.

She had no idea that a spider could scream.  
  
  
  
  
  


She's shaking by the time class ends, and as she walks out with the people who were so friendly to her a second ago, she cannot help but feel the prickly silence that separates her and her classmates now. Audra can still hear the screams, both the spiders and a human one that she is imagining. She's wondered it before, what it looked like, what it sounded like, what it took to want to cause pain like that, and now she has some idea- she sees the countless people that Bellatrix had been sent to visit in the back of her mind, watches them writhe on the ground, hears the screams that must have ripped from their throat. It was something that she thinks of most nights, but never before had the image been so vivid or realistic.

"Audra." Fred grabbed at her hand, her fingers slipping right through his as he tries to stop her. "Audra, wait."

"I have to get to potions." She does not like the icy tone in her voice, and her eyes are begging for him to see past it, to know that she does not mean to hurt him.

"Can I walk you down?" He is asking earnestly enough, but over his shoulder she sees Angelina and Katie whispering together, something that made her feel like she got punched in the gut. Their furtive glances were not subtle enough, and she was sure that they were whispering about her, despite the fact that she had just helped them write their potions essay.

"Not now. Please, Fred." He does let her leave then, after a little coercion from George, and she turns tail and runs. She fully intends to go to her advanced potions class, lost in the smoke and the simple act of following the directions that are given her, but when she makes it down to the cold of the dungeon and walks through the door, she cannot bring herself to do it. It seems unfathomable to her that she would have to sit here by herself a mull over what had just happened, to think once more about who she is and if she's like her and if people will think differently of her when they find out who her aunt is. Audra hears herself tell Professor Snape that she is sick, gathers the homework with an odd sense of numbness, and then turns back the way she came.

The class is still gathered together by the time she makes it back. "There she is." A Gryffindor she doesn't know breaks away from the group, moves forward and blocks her path. "Why didn't you tell us that you're related to her?"

"What's it matter?" She hitches her bag up over her shoulder, knowing immediatly by the way they all bristle that it had been the wrong thing to say. "Listen, I know that she's terrible and everything, but every single pureblood is related to each other in a way."

"Funny you're the only one who looks exactly like her." Angelina says, and it's with a sinking feeling that Audra remembers that their aunts had dueled back in the war. Audra's had won. "Wonder what else you have in common."

"I'm not her." Her voice breaks on the last word, the panic rising in her throat. Her hand had strayed to her wand without her permission, something that none of the rest of them missed. "No matter what I look like, I'm not her."

"We'll see." Katie says. "We knew what you used to be like. And as soon as Fred and George toss you away, you'll go right back to it."  
  
  
  
  
  


Being a doppleganger of one the worst criminals of the war had not been a secret, exactly, but she didn't exactly shout it from the rooftops. It'd gotten to the point where all of the older students who could have remember Bellatrix had graduated, leaving all the rest of them to where they can't recognize her. But somehow overnight it's seemed that the whole school was wondering how close they were, all of them retelling the exploits of Bellatrix and whispering about her in the hallways. Suddenly, the tables where she used to sit were full, and no one ever seemed to remember to grab supplies for her when they were supposed to pass them out, and messages from teachers weren't passed along. Even worse, someone had found Bellatrix's old mugshot and put it beside a recent picture of her, with the caption _who knows what they share_ underneath.

It was not very clever, but seeing as it was plastered in every corridor and classroom with a very good sticking charm, it was doing its job. Fred and George had turned bright red when they saw it, threatening to hex everyone in the vicinity if they didn't tell them who did it right that minute, but Audra talked them down. "Just let it go. This'll die on its own."

"Are you sure?" Fred asked, eyes softening when he turned to her.

"It'll only take an afternoon to sort this out." George added, attempting to pry the posted off the wall with his bare hands.

"It's okay. I mean it. Everyone already knew, this was just a reminder." She gave them an encouraging smile, but seeing as she had taken to sending a scorching spell at the middle of every poster she saw, Audra wasn't one to talk.

Audra keeps telling herself that it's okay. She leaves breakfast that day and writes it all down, sends it off to Vance, who is still her brother despite everything. It is the only time she lets herself be upset about how they are treating her, and when she had read it back through, it sounded like she was a proper teenager, after all. She kept up a mantra of _its okay, you're alright, don't mind them_ all through her classes that morning. It's on a loop in her head through Herbology, during which they are with the Ravenclaws and Clary pairs up with Emmeline, like always, but Audra's normal partner turns away. It's a long few hours where she stands in a corner by herself, during which Professor Sprout has to save her from being strangled by a plant and they both ignore the cruel laughter. It's much the same deal in charms, where she sits in the back and casts the silencing charm on a raven, wishing she could do the same for her classmates.

It is not until transifguration that she breaks, throwing herself in the middle of Fred and George. "I changed my mind." They stare at her in confusion, and she clears her throat, throwing away any stubbornness that might have held her back. "Can you make them stop? Please."

It does not take long for the first glares to be sent her way, followed by whispers, and then a box of beetles that were "accidently" dumped all over her. She jumps up with a strangled yell, and even with Emmeline, Fred, and George helping her, it takes a full five minutes to get them all off. Mcgonagoll looked like she was about to reprimand the whole class, but Fred beat her to it.

"Oi! Listen up!" He didn't spare a glance at anyone else, just stared accusingly at Katie and Angeline and Lee, who looked away rather guiltily. "Whatever issue you have with Audra, it's over."

"How can you defend her?" Someone shrieked. "Look at her! She looks just like her!"

"Yeah? And does she act like her?" The back of Fred's neck was red, and his ears hands were shaking. "This is the same thing that the people you pretend to hate do, judging people based on who their families are. It's not where we start off, it's where we finish, that's what matters, and I think we can all say that Audra's a bloody brilliant witch. Who gives a damn if she looks like some death eater?"

"It wasn't just some random-" Angelina started, standing up herself, but George shot her down.

"Didn't she just help you with your potions?" He demanded. "And Lee, didn't you say she bought you and Dean and Seamus butterbeers at the World Cup because you had forgotten your money? And Katie, who sat with you and made sure you weren't in pain after that quidditch mishap last year? How many of you have heard her say a bad word about muggles since the second year? And really, if you think she was anything like Bellatrix, you think she would spend holidays with my family?"

"You know who she is. You know exactly what she's like. You should be ashamed of yourselves for doing this to her." Fred glared at them all fiercly, and even though Audra wanted nothing more than to disappear, she was happy to have heard this. "If any of you have any problems with Audra, take it up with me or George."

It takes a whole three hours for all the posters to be down, and approximately three bags of apology candy to show up in her dorm room.  
  
  
  
  
  


"That was really nice, what you and George did in there."

They were down by the lake, Fred skipping rocks and Audra gathering up the seaweed they needed for one of the potions. "Don't mention it. You'd do it for us."

She didn't bother to answer to that, they both knew it was true, she had proved it over and over. "Still." Audra hesitated, not wanting to ask her next question. "You really don't mind that I look like her?"

"Course not. First of all, you don't look like her, you look like you. And I know who you are, and who you aren't, and I'm not stupid enough to think that you should judge someone by what some family member she's never met had done. I mean," He grinned now, splashing some water at her. "imagine if everyone I met expected me to be just like Percy, I don't think I could stand the shame."

She laughed, splashing him back. "Was there a second option? It sounded like you had a list."

He paused halfway through one of his throws, the rock only getting three skips. He squinted at her, as if looking into a bright light. "Well, you're bloody gorgeous, aren't you?" He threw another rock, getting twelve skips, like what he had just said didn't mean anything. "Who the hell would mind that?"


	11. Chapter 11

Despite the fact that Audra never really manages to get very fussed about things that the rest of the school seems to find exciting, she can't help but be impressed by the Durmstangs and the Beuzbatons arrival. It is not every day that you see a large carriage touch down with only a rattle, pulled by giant horses and vacated by an even larger woman, followed by the most beautiful witches and wizards that she had ever seen, all of them with the grace of a trained ballet dancer. And then, like they were determined to out do the others, the Durmstang's enormous boat had risen from the water without much more than a few ripples, all of them coming down the steps smothered in furs and impressed expressions on their faces as they stared up at the castle.

There was a little bit of fanfare when Viktor Krum emerged, staring sourly at the ground and limping a little as he walked. Audra did not miss that he was the clear favorite, disappearing under his headmasters arm as he was ushered inside in front of all the other students. She can not pretend that she is not impressed over being only a few feet away from the youngest seeker n the league (and arguably the best), but she does not join in the excited whispers of Fred and George, who were now trying to catch his eye in a way that reminded her of when they were all much younger and much less weighted down.

She settles down at the Slytherin table, which seemed to be crammed tighter than usual, and watches interestingly as Dumbledore greets the new headmasters like old friends. Audra was paying such close attention that she did not notice the boy at her side until he started speaking, and even then, Emmeline had to elbow her in the ribs to make her respond. "Can ve sit here?" The boy, who was admittedly quite handsome, gave her what she supposed was a charming smile and gestured down to the other end of the table to where his school mates were sitting. "They have ran out of room."

"Sure." Audra scooted even closer to Emmeline, as if that was possible, and the three Durmstrang boys sat down on the bench, staring up at the roof with interest.

"How did you make it look vike zat?" He asked, accent thicker in his interest. "Or is it real, and vere is just a charm to keep the veather out?"

"Um, see, it's a rather complicated charm, and the whole account of it is in _Hogwarts, A History_ by Bathilda Bagshot, I'm not sure if you've read it, but basically...." And Audra was off, waving her hands as she explained, and then he asked about the portraits and the founding fathers of Hogwarts, and she asked about Durmstrang. Apparently it was much colder in Durmstrang, and somehow his coat found its way around her shoulders. It was quite warm, and she had a sneaking suspicion that the pockets were lined in unicorn hair, meaning that she was sitting next to a very wealthy boy indeed.

"It seems that you do not remember me." The boy, Damien, said, smiling a little sheepishly. "I must not 'ave made that big of an impression, vut I certainly remember you."

"We've met before?" Audra asked, stunned. She was sure she would have remembered a guy who new his way around spells as well as this one did, and yet it did seem that he had an easy air of familarity about him. She had been under the impression that he was just this friendly with everyone. "When?"

"The Vorld cup? You vere there, vere you not?" He grinned now, and she became aware that he was sitting much closer to her than she would normally allow, and realized that it hadn't bothered her one bit. "There had been a party, and, vell, it's ony natural that you vould not remember, you had a lot of firewhiskey by that point."

He trailed off, looking very embarrassed at this point, but Audra suddenly knew what he was talking about. "Oh Merlin. Oh, I remember that, I just didn't know it was you!" She buried her face in her hands for a moment, letting out a stream of giggles, and on the other side of her, Emmeline choked on her pumpkin juice. "Look, I'm sorry, but,"

"I did not mean to upset you." He said it earnestly, eyes wide and waving his hands to console her. "I just thought that if you remembered, it vould have been nice to get to know you better."

"Well," She grimaced, not sure how she should proceed. "Could we start over, maybe?"

"Pretend like we never snogged each other underneath the stars?" He grinned, and Audra thought fleetingly that he truly was very handsome, very handsome indeed, but she shoved it away. "Certainly."

Audra looks up, searching the Gryffindor table for Fred and George. When she finds them, George raises his eyebrows pointedly, then grins and gives her a thumbs up. But Fred just stares at her, face dark, and when she waves hello, he just turns away and begins stabbing his meatloaf with renewed vigor.  
  
  
  
  
  


"Audra." A voice came from over her head, and a curtain of silky blonde hair fell over her when she opened her eyes. "Audra, it's time to get up."

Audra squints up at Emmeline. "The suns not even up yet."

"That was the whole point, remember?" Emmeline rolls her eyes at her and chucks Audra her robes, returning to the mirror to fix her already perfect hair. "No one's going to know."

It had seemed a good plan when they decided it, but now, sneaking through the cold corridors by the light of their wands and entering the empty Great Hall, Audra wanted to tell her that they were being silly. Clary was already waiting for them when they got there, arms crossed and staring nervously at the goblet.

"Are you guys sure you want to do this?" She asked, for what seemed like the millionth time. "Once our names are in, it's forever."

"You don't have to." Emmeline says, gently, something Audra felt certain she would never tell anyone but Clary. "We won't think any different of you."

"Don't be ridiculous." Clary snapped. "If you two are in, I'm in. That's how it works, right?"

And it was how it worked, they all knew that, even if sometimes Audra and Emmeline had wondered that maybe they should think of changing it. Clary doesn't always deserve to be dragged along with them, and one of these times, she's going to get caught up in something she doesn't deserve all because she made the wrong friends back in first year. "Okay." Audra rocked back on her heels, looked at the other two, and held out her hands. "Ready?"

They stepped across the age line as one, and even though they knew they were perfectly of age, they still flinched. Emmeline gave a small laugh when she opened her eyes, dancing around goblet like she can't believe that it actually let her in. A second later she was standing beside them again, somber and straight backed, clutching a folded piece of paper in her hand. Audra had watched her write her name on it, purposefully making every letter as neat and precise as she could, so different than the way Clary had pressed the parchment to the floor and scribbled her name. "We'll do it together."

"On three?" Clary asked, drawing out her own piece of parchment, which was crumpled and smudged with ink, like she hadn't care enough to keep it neat.

"On three." Audra agreed, taking her own paper out. "One,"

"Two,"

It was Emmeline that finished, the flames casting an eerie shadow on the greedy expression on her face. "Three."

Together, the three pieces of paper fluttered into the fire at the exact same time, and the flames told purple, roaring up and sending blistering heat washing over their hands. The other two leaped down with little shrieks of laughter, grabbing onto each other's shoulders to steady themselves, but Audra just stared at where her paper had disappeared.

She hoped they never found out that she had left the parchment blank.  
  
  
  
  
  


Audra stays there for the rest of the day, watching everyone else come and go as they put her names in. She's joined by Hermione soon after, who opens up her book an settled down on the bench, burying herself in the text like she can't be bothered by the production going on around them. They watch as Hogwarts students trek by, one after another, Cedric, Angelina and Katie, a few Ravencaws, a lone Slytherin. There was one of the beuxbaton girls, her paper cut up like the snowflakes she and Clary used to make on the holidays when they were younger. A group of Durmstrang students came next, laughing and thumping each other on the back as they enter their names. Her friend, Damien, turns and smiles just for her when he catches her watching, and Audra hurriedly pretends to be in an important conversation with Hermione, who looks a little amused but plays along without a comment.

Fred and George come down soon after, followed by Lee Jordan. The three boys walk over to join them. Lee returns her smile a little reluctantly, not quite trusting how readily she had forgiven him after the whole Bellatrix fiasco. (She had not liked it, but she had understood- fear makes people do the worst things.) "Just taken the age potion. Brewed it this morning."

"It's not going to work." Audra warns, but they just roll their eyes and tug on her hair.

"The age line won't care about a few months, will it?" Fred asked, who seemed to have taken her disbelief as further incentive to break the rules. He steps across first to general applause, and when it seems like nothing would happen, George jumped in after him with a triumphant yell. It lasts only a few seconds longer and they are thrown across the room, hitting the floor so hard they slide a few more feet. The concern turns to laughter when they finally manage to get their breath back and push themselves upright, revealing the beards they had been given.

"Well." Hermione says, sounding a little smug, like she could find no one more deserving of this punishment. "You did warn them."  
  
  
  
  
  


And warn them she had, a fact that she kept to herself as she and the twins sat in the hospital wing. She's been switching from feeling amused and dismayed as she watches the hair shoot back into their faces at an alarming rate, and then regrow again, the beard getting shorter and redder each time. They've assured her twice that it didn't hurt them at all, just tickled, but from the slight wince on their faces, she could tell they were just trying to make her feel better.

"We must've added the wrong ingredient or something." Fred muttered, reading through the instructions she had given them. "You couldn't have just made the potion and spared us the trouble?"

Audra thought about responding with an angry retort, but seeing as he had just been through his ninth beard removal, she couldn't quite bring herself to do it. "It wouldn't have mattered if it had been the best potion ever brewed, it still wouldn't have gotten you past that age line."

"If you had made it, it would have been the best." Fred says, still huffy, already tired of sitting still without anything to work on for so long, and trying to pick a fight just for something to do. Audra doesn't rise to the bait, just sighs exasperatedly and looks to Lee for some help, who readily comes to her aid. (This isn't altogether surprising, he's so guilty she could probably ask him to jump off the astronomy tower and he would. It must be a Gryffindor thing.)

He apologizes later, as she, Fred, and George walk down to their DADA class. "It's alright. You were a bit stressed."

"You knew it wouldn't work." George said. It could have been an accusation, but it didn't sound angry.

"I did try to tell you, remember. Twice." She shrugged. "Truthfully, I didn't want it to work."

"Why?"

"To be perfectly honest, this is a terribly dangerous thing to do, even for you guys. And I know you can handle yourselves, but people have _died_ for this, and I didn't want the two of you to do this if there's even the slightest chance that you could have been hurt." She was talking to the both of them, about the both of them, because she loves them both with the same fierceness, but it is Fred she looks at. "I couldn't take it if something had happened to you."

(It is Cedric that gets picked, not Fred or George, not Clary or Emmeline, and she breathes a sigh of relief, clapping along with the others and thinking that this might turn out okay, after all. But then the flames burn blue and lick at the air, spitting out another piece of parchment and Dumbledore reaches out to catch it, looking unsettled for the first time that she can remember. The hall is silent as he reads it, and Harry Potter, the little boy who lived, is called forward, and Audra is reminded with a sinking feeling that things can be worse than you imagined.)


	12. Chapter 12

It's the first Hogsmeade of the year.  Normally, Clary, Audra, and Emmeline would go together just on principal, but they had broken away from the group of sixth years ages ago, heads close together and hands intertwined.  Audra doesn't mind much, because she's sandwiched between Fred and George with Ron bobbing along beside them.  (Also, she'd rather keep out of their relationship as much as possible, and as long as they're both happy, the less Audra knows, the better.)

It's Zonko's first, like it always is, the twins making a beeline towards the shop the moment it comes into sight.  She and Ron exchange an eye roll but follow them all the same, ducking out of the cold and into the explosion of sound.  Fred and George are looking at the products with an almost reverent expression, but she knows better than anyone that they are really taking notes about product placement and advertising, seeing what they have and what they don't, trying to find what would work best in their shop and what they should leave alone. 

"Just you wait."  Fred had promised once, right after the twins had first told her about their plans for the joke shop.  "Our shop will be like this, only better, and everyone's going to be coming to us.  And no one's going to be telling us its a crazy idea then."

This time, though, there are no promises or crazy dreams, just two kids picking items up off the shelves and putting them back.  It doesn't take long for them to get bored, seeing as they have no money to spend, and then they are back out the door and into the cold.  She drags them into Honeydukes, because as far as she's concerned candy is the secret to happiness.  Audra buys an armful of candy, just like she does every weekend they come here, and shoves some of it into their hands, waving away their protests about not having money and paying her back later.

"Don't be silly,"  She says, forcing another chocolate square into Ron's mouth.  "I do this everytime, and since Clary and Emmeline are here, you'll just have to be a man and eat the chocolate."

They duck into the three broomsticks for butterbeers soon after.  Ron goes up to place the orders, leaving her alone with the twins for the first time all day.  "What's with him?"  She asked, pointing to where he was now laughing enthusiastically at something Rosemerta said.  "He seems more, I don't know, angsty than usual."

Fred raises an eyebrow, probably at her use of angsty as an adjective, but George answers.  "He got in a fight with Harry, something about being the champion and lying to him.  Think he's a bit jealous.  Point is, he's out of a best mate, and then he's out of sorts with his one true love because Hermione's refusing to take sides, and now he's trailing us around like a lost puppy dog.  And what can we do?  Can't leave him to fend for himself no matter how much of an arse he makes of himself, we are his brothers, as much as we try to convince people otherwise."

Audra just laughed, cutting the conversation off as Ron came back with their drinks.  Fred and George complained endlessly about their siblings (especially Percy) but she knew that if any of them were in any sort of trouble, all they had to do was ask, and the twins would come running.  It was a kind of love that you don't see often, and Audra was shocked that it appeared to extend to her, not only from the twins, but from the rest of the family as well.  

It had been a while since she had had a day like this.  With the students from the other schools adding more activities than normal and the homework assignments piling up, she hasn't had a day that she can just sit back and relax. But today has been nothing but fun, running from shop to shop, stuffing their faces with candy, running up to the shrieking shack and seeing who comes the closest, just like always.  (Only not exactly, because she made it farther than Ron, who didn't seem to want to go farther than the fence.)  They'd only ducked into the Three Broomsticks when it'd gotten too cold, but even here, she was happy to sit and listen to the Weasley's talk about different quidditch teams and talk about their older brothers and worry about Ginny.  It was all fine, and it would have kept being fine, if Ron had caught sight of Harry and Hermione.

"He's such a prat."  Ron bursts out, and even though Fred and George brush it off with nothing more than an eye roll, it doesn't deter him.  "I mean, what's he playing at, entering his name like that?  There was an age line!"

He was practically indignant with the injustice of it all, which Audra thought was very rich coming from someone who had begged her for an age potion himself, and decided to say so.  "That's not the point!"  He yelled back, even though she's not quite sure he knew what his point was.  "Doesn't he ever get tired of the attention?"

"He didn't put his name in that goblet!"  She shrieked, and Fred and George were definitely paying attention now, as were the surrounding three tables.  "I thought you would have believed him, trusted him, seeing as you're his best mate!"

"Don't tell me you were stupid enough to swallow that load of dung?"  He spat at her. 

"Oi!"  Fred choked on his butterbeer.  "Don't go talking to her like that!"

Audra had a half a second to think how sweet it was that he was protecting her, and another second to get huffy over the idea that she's clearly capable of defending herself, and then Ron was off again, draining the rest of this mug in one cup and banging it onto the table.  "You don't understand, Audra!  He gets everything, he has everything already!  He's a hero, and he's rich, and he's, he's the Boy Who Lived, everyone likes him better, look at them, even Hermione's on his side!"

"What is _wrong_ with you?"  Audra spat out.  "Talking like he has everything!  His parents are dead, he was locked in a cupboard for almost his entire life, the first time he had a friend was when he met you!  And you turn your back on him because you're jealous?"  

Her voice is steady, but it's rising in volume, and her hands are shaking.  "He said he wasn't going to enter! And then he did, he went and did it without me!  And maybe you don't understand, but we do everything together- we fought You-Know-Who together in our first year, and rescued Ginny in the second, and then last year I went and got my leg chomped on my a great bloody dog, didn't I do that for him, didn't I?"  He didn't seem to be capable of slowing down.  "And not only that, but when I asked for the truth, he lied in my face, looked me in the eye and fed me some crap about someone trying to sabotage him!"

"You're pathetic."  She says, and her words are meant to wound now.  "He's famous because he has a bloody scar on his head, you great git, from the night his parents died, you think he wanted that?  You think he wanted this?  Have you _met_ Harry, has _ever_ went looking for attention?  And even if that doesn't mean anything, do you think anyone would be bloody stupid enough to think they stand a chance against students three years older, not to mention have the chance to die, again?"

She settles back down into the chair, and Ron does too, looking murderous but staying silent.  Audra wants to stay, but the awkwardness is hanging heavy in the air and the butterbeer doesn't taste as good anymore, so she storms out of the room and lets the door slam shut behind her.  The cold hits her in the face, and she pauses to pull on her hat and gloves.  As she does so, she catches sight of Ron through the window, slumped over in his chair and staring into his empty glass, and the guilt threatens to swallow her up.  She considers going back in to apologize, but she's never been very good at that, so she just turns away.

"Audra!  Audra, wait up, will you!" Fred comes up behind her, out of breath and panting.  George had stayed with Ron, because above everything, they are brothers.  "I'll walk with you."  

They walk back to the castle in silence.  She's not sure if he's angry at her for the things she said, or for riling his brother up, or maybe for attacking Ron when he was already so upset.  Or maybe he's not angry at her at all, and this is just one of those times where neither of them seem to be able to find a way to cross the gap between them, which has been happening more and more often lately.  Finally, just as the castle looms into sight and she feels like she has to say something, anything, he reaches out and takes her hand.

It shocks her enough that she almost stops walking, but she manages to pass it off as a stumble, staring down at her hand in his.  She's not quite sure why this feels like such a big deal to her.  "I'm sorry I yelled at him."

"That's alright.  He yelled back."  He shrugged his shoulders, but there was something in his face that makes her think that not many people could yell at Ron in front of the twins and get away with it.  But Ron's basically her brother, too, she cares about him as much as she does the twins. "Someone had to say it."

They don't talk again, but when they make it back into the castle, they're still holding hands.


	13. Chapter 13

Audra has a lot of places that she likes to hang out. 

She likes to bother Professor Snape, sitting on top of one of the desks and swinging her legs as he mutters about the mistakes students make in their essays.  She likes the deepest, darkest dungeon, the one the twins had cleaned up for her as a birthday present, sitting in the old, broken down arm chair as she waits for her potion to be done.  She likes being out on the grounds, especially right in front of the lake, and she likes sitting on the window ledge up in the Astronomy tower.  Audra likes the kitchens, too, being pampered by the house elves and eating cookies until she thinks she may explode. 

Today, though, she was sitting in the back of the library with Hermione, right in front of the big picture window so the sun lights up her paper.  They're both huddled behind towers of books, all leather spines and yellowing pages and fading ink.  Audra's hunched over her paper, an inch away from the paper because the lines had started to blur, writing so fast she thinks ink has splattered onto her nose.

It's quiet, but that ends with the arrival of the twins, who hurtle around the end of the shelves and throw themselves towards her, out of breath but grinning.  "Where the bloody hell have you been?"  George says, forcing out of the words.  "We've looked-,"

"Everywhere."  Fred finishes.  "But come on, you gotta come see Charlie, you'll never guess why he's here!"

"Charlie?"  She splutters, wanting to ask more, but they are already packing up her books and rolling up her essay.  Audra shoots Hermione an apologetic look, and Hermione shrugs back, but then George is grabbing her by the arm and pulling her out the door.  It doesn't take long before they are running, sprinting down the corridors and sliding out the front doors.

"What are we doing?"  She shrieks, but they only laugh, not answering.  They're flying across the grounds, down the hill, and all her concentration is focused on running so she doesn't trip and fall down the hill.  Scrapes and bruises are a occupational hazard of being friends with the Weasley twins, and even though she knows that it might be better for her to ask them to slow down, she doesn't, because she feels alive like this- hair flying out behind her, sun in her eyes, lungs screaming, legs moving so fast they're tricking gravity into thinking it's possible for her to stay standing. 

They lead her around the edge of the forbidden forest, walking now, and just as she's about demand they either tell her where they're going or turn back, they round the corner into a clearing, and- Dragons.

"Merlin."  She breathes, pushing ahead of them through the tangle of bushes and brambles to get closer.  "This is why Charlie's here?"

"Got his letter this morning."  Fred said proudly, looking like there's no other way he'd rather spend his evening than watch his brother potentially be burnt to a crisp.  "Thought you'd like to see."

"Of course I'd like to see.  How close can we get?"

They don't go any closer, choosing to wait for Charlie instead, because despite how reckless the three of them can sometimes be, they draw the line at walking up to a sleeping dragon. She's fine with being this close, watching the steam pour from their nostrils as they snore, and their spiky tails swish in their sleep.  She thinks of Emmeline's dragon hide boots and wonders how anyone can justify killing one of these creatures just for a piece of clothing, how they could even get close enough to kill it.  Finally, just as the sky starts to get dark, Charlie comes into view.

"There you are!"  He said, grinning.  He's got a few new burns on his arms, and his hair's grown since the last time his mum cut it, but he's still smiling, still the same Charlie as he was over the summer.  He wraps the twins into a hug, and even though Audra tries to hang back, not wanting to intrude, he grabs her round the neck and drags her into a sideways hug.  "God, did the three of you get taller?"

"Nah."  Fred says, craning his neck to get a better look at the dragons.  "Can we get closer?"

"Yeah, but if I tell you to get back, you run and don't stop until you get back here or further, alright?"  Normally adults deliver lines like that with authority and intimidation, but Charlie doesn't quite pull it off, just shoved his hands deep in his pockets and turned away, whistling cheerfully.  She's not sure that she's seen Charlie look anything less than cheerful. 

Audra gets closer than the twins, who seem to want to hang back, but she can't get close enough.  As a witch or wizard, there's always certain types of things you're magic can work best with, and she's always had a certain affinity for fire.  So maybe that's why she's not afraid, even as she jumps back to avoid a vicious snort setting her skirt on fire.  "You want to pet it?"  Charlie calls after her, not even watching, rummaging in his pockets to find the pack of cigarettes that Audra had stolen from him when she hugged him.  (They're forbidden at Hogwarts.)  "Go ahead, just do yourself a favor and stay behind the front leg.  That tails wicked even when it's sleeping."

"And it wakes up?"  She asks, but she's already moving.

"It shouldn't."

Not very comforting, but she walks forward anyways, placing a hand flat on the scales.  They're warm, like he'd been bathing in the sun all day instead of lurking in the shadows, and she thinks that maybe the fire fills up its veins.  She also thinks that she might move to one of those countries where it's still legal to keep all kinds of beasts, including dragons. 

Fred joins her a while later, leaving George and Charlie in a conversation that involves a lot of laughter and nods in their direction.  Fred's standing behind her, close enough that his shoulder bumps against hers.  He doesn't seem to mind the dragon, either.  "Did Charlie say what these are for?"

"The first task."

"You're kidding."  She knows he's not, can tell from the tone of his voice and the grimace on his face, and knows he would never joke about something this serious.  "Poor Harry."

"Yeah.  Poor Harry."

That revelation takes the fun out of things after that.  They aren't so beautiful to her now that she knows that in a matter of days they'll be going after Harry, all teeth and claws and flame and fantastic fury.  They say good-bye to Charlie, then pick their way back through the forest and back up to the castle.

Fred offers to walk her down to the Slytherin dungeon, and even though she normally tells him that she can manage a few flights of stairs without assistance, she doesn't protest.  They talk about a lot of things, about the nonexistent quidditch league this year, and about the new relationship between Clary and Emmeline, and whether or not anyone was giving Audra trouble over Bellatrix.  The two of them stand at the entrance to her common room, both of them not wanting to leave.

"Do you think Harry's going to be okay?"  She's not normally someone who asks for reassurance like this, but Fred seems to know that she needs it, so he puts on a smile she knows he doesn't feel.  She wonders how often he does that with people. 

"Of course he is."  He's full of false bravado.  "He's Harry Potter.  Besides, Hermione's still on his side, and there's nothing she can't figure out."

They're close now, and even with the poor lighting of the dungeon, she can make out every freckle on his face.  She had wanted him to hold her hand again on the walk down here, wondered if he would.  She had thought about taking the initiative on her own, but she didn't.  That would take more courage than she had.  There was a reason that she hadn't been put in Gryffindor.  _Strange,_ she thinks, staring at him, _That I can pet a dragon but can't reach out and hold his hand._

He does reach out to her, but it's to let his hand hover against her cheek.  "You've got ink on your face."  His thumb brushes against her skin.  "Just there." 

He stays like that for a moment, his hand on her cheek, and then he pulls away, startled back into reality, as if he just realized what he had been doing.  She tries not to feel disappointed when he tells her good night.


	14. Chapter 14

A complete list of the people she's yelled at, according to Emmeline: fifteen Slytherins of various ages, Cedric Diggory's friends, two Ravenclaw fourth years wearing "potter stinks" badges, Malfoy, Emmeline, Ron (twice), and Filch.

She knows that maybe she's been a bit snappish lately, but she can't help it. Every time she calms down, someone else brings up the approaching first task and all she can think about is Harry facing down that dragon, scared and alone and no where near as experienced as the other three champions. Audra's considered hexing him, just to give him a reason to sit it out, but Fred pointed out that they would probably just delay the task long enough for Pomfrey to fix him. Emmeline thinks it's a blessing that the task had finally arrived, saying that maybe Audra would finally remember what it means to take a joke (this after she drew a comic of Harry coming in dead last in scores), but all Audra thought it means that her anxiety has hit a new level.

This anxiety is now directed at Fred and George, who seemed to be alternating between amused and exasperated, not justifying any of her comments with a response. "You cannot have people place bets on this!" She was running behind them, having to job because of their long strides.

"And why not?" Fred grinned down at her, infuriating, not even stopping as he reached out to take a galleon from a first year. George took down his bet in the moleskin notebook that he had borrowed from Audra.

"It's bad form!"

"You know what else is bad form?" There was a small crowd around them now, and she couldn't help but notice that very few people were betting on Harry. "Smoking those nasty cigarettes, but that didn't stop you from knicking Charlie's pack."

"They're not muggle cigarettes, you daft cretin, they've got none of those carcinogens and the smoke is harmless, it's healer approved!" She stamped her foot, well aware that Fred was laughing at her but too riled up to care. "That's not the point! The point is, Harry's going to be in danger, and you're making money off of it!"

She glared down at the next person that came up to place bets, but sighed in defeat when she caught sight of Ginny standing like a deer in the headlights, holding a single sickle in her hands to bet on Harry. (George didn't write that one down, they all know that Ginny's going to be told she won no matter how atrocious Harry's performance is.) "Fine." She rummages in her pockets. "Five galleons on Harry."

Fred grins. "That's our girl."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Harry doesn't die, thankfully, so there's no need for the funeral she'd been dreading.

What there is, though, is a party in the Gryffindor common room, one that Fred and George had dragged her to. She didn't want to go, too afraid about what people might think about a Slytherin crashing their party, but they promised no one would mind. They were right, for the most part, and other than a few odd looks, no one looked at her twice. It might have helped that Fred had grabbed her hand so they didn't lose each other as they fought to get to Harry, pulling her down to sit beside him on the sofa.

"You were so great." She tells Harry, hugging him tightly. She's never had a younger sibling, but she thinks that this is what it would feel like if she did. "Absolutely brilliant. Everyone's talking about your flying."

She hugs Hermione after him, who seemed to still be fighting off tears, despite the fact that Harry was safe and sound and accepting about a thousand congratulatory back slaps from his friends. She also hugs Ron, who had magically found himself part of the trio again. Audra feels like slapping him for being so silly, but let's it go, confident that he had suffered enough these past months. Then she hugs Harry again, just to celebrate the fact he wasn't lying in the hospital wing covered in burns.

Fred pops up at her elbow, forces a butterbeer into her hand and a pastry in her mouth. "Told you he'd be fine, didn't I?"  
  
  


One thing about the Gryffindors: They knew how to throw a party.

It probably shouldn't have surprised her. This is a room filled with the bravest students in school, the ones that don't seem to have any problem with making a fool of themselves and didn't hesitate to take a dare. They're students with an affinity for loud noises, dangerous situations, and people, people everywhere, a tidal wave of them, all of them equally loud and excited and with great big smiles on their faces.

Fred and George supplied the food, great heaping trays full of pastries and sandwiches, flagons full of pumpkin juice and butterbeer, and several flasks of firewhiskey being passed around the older students. Angelina and Katie had dragged an old record player down from the dorm, and now the Weird Sister's greatest hits were blasting through the room. Lee had set up a temporary tattoo station, where he painted glittering dragons on any arm, leg, or face that came within his reach, welcomed or not. There was also a large exploding snap tournament going on in the middle of the room, a scene reminiscent of the one game of muggle beer pong that she had taken part on.

"Come on!" Fred said, dragging her off the couch to dance. "Admit that you're having fun!"

And she was, really. For a while, she had taken up a partnership with Lee, him painting the dragon and her charming the tattoo to move. She had taken a sip from every flask and bottle that came her way, only stopping when it became hard to unscrew the lid. She'd danced with Angeline and Katie and Ginny, who were the official Weird Sisters fan club, and were no less enthusiastic when hearing the record for the seventh time that night than they were at the beginning. "It's a little fun."

"A little?" He's spinning her, something that he really shouldn't do when she's more than a little drunk, and has to catch her when she stumbles. "You're having a blast."

"I am." She giggles, something she really hates, and now the songs changed to the one slow song. They pull apart, because he's too afraid and she's too drunk. There's an awkward pause where they both stare at each other, and he makes a motion in the air that she might have been able to make sense of earlier in the evening. It's saved by Ginny, who shows up in between them and announces that maybe it's time for someone to shut tonight down, seeing as the whole room was starting to fall asleep.

"I guess I should go." It's the only logical thing, but Audra's not sure how she's going to make it to her dorm without falling on her face, let alone without being caught. "Late and everything."

"Don't be ridiculous." It's Hermione that says it, calling out from behind her book. "You're not going anywhere, you'll get caught and be in detention for a week."

"Fred and I aren't going to bed anytime soon, no class tomorrow." George says. "You can sleep down here, no one will bother you."

She sinks down onto the couch beside Fred, rubbing at her eyes and blinking at them. She's incredibly relieved. There was no way she'd make it back without getting caught by a teacher, and Snape would put her in detention for a week when he hears where she'd been. McGonagall would have her in for two. "Alright." She yawns, the room blurs, and somehow her head finds its way to Fred's shoulder. "Just this once."

As tired as she is, she stays up until it was only Fred and George. The twins are talking, murmuring to one another about Bagman, having decided to give it up since they doubled their savings with the betting today. "Speaking of, Audra, we got your money."

"Keep it. I'll own the first share of your joke shop." She mumbles, pressing her head deeper into his shoulder. She knew that she would probably want those ten galleons in the morning, but right now she was tired, and her head was on Fred's shoulder, and his arm was around her, and she couldn't find it in her to care about anything at all.   
  
  


**A/N: Okay, so excuse that absolutely horrid description of the party. Hope someone reads this.**


	15. Chapter 15

The sun wakes her up the next morning.

Fred's still there. She only remembered putting her head on his shoulder, but now they were stretched out across the couch, legs tangled together and her head on his chest, his arm around her waist. It's too warm, the heat from the fire and the thick wool of the blanket he had pulled over them was stifling, but Audra does not want to move until she has to. She closes her eyes, but the sun is bright behind her eyelids, and besides, now she can only think about the sound of Fred's voice as he told her good night, and the way he kissed her forehead before he decided to go to bed, and the feeling of his hands in her hair.

Audra pulls herself away, managing to stumble to her feet without waking Fred up. She throws the blanket back over him, places a kiss on his cheek that she knows he won't remember, and makes her way out the portrait hole.

She's not sure what time it is, but from the sun shining through the windows, she thinks its around lunchtime. She doesn't bother to check, just heads straight to the wonderful quiet of the dungeons. There's no homework that can't be put off for another day, and she's confident that Emmeline will be with Clary by now, so she's looking forward to diving into bed and not waking up again until dinner.

Except when she pushes the door open, Emmeline's still there, standing at the window. She's still in her pajamas, hair pulled up into a high pony tail, and when she turns around, her lips are red from where she bit them. There's a crumpled letter in her hand.

"The mark's coming back." She says, and the words wake her up so fast she might as well have been doused in a bucket of ice water. Just like that, the memories of last disappear, replaced with the horrible feeling that reality had just socked her in the stomach. "Mum just wrote me, it's not just them, it's everyone."

"How bad?"

"They said it almost back to how it was when he was at full power." Emmeline sank onto the bed, and Audra walked toward her, hanging onto one of the posts just so she had something to hold onto. "He's going to come back."

Audra stared down at her own arm, wondering what it would look like to have that awful mark herself. "I don't think he ever left."

And it's strange, really, that it keeps happening like this- her being happy, the kind that fills you up and makes it seem like nothing can go wrong, and then the world rises up behind her, all dark and evil. She looks at Emmeline, and sighs, knowing that it's gotten to where they are dealing with facts, not speculation. "My parents have been expecting something like this ever since the world cup. They told me stop hanging out with Fred and George."

"And you didn't listen?" She said, aghast. "Audra, you should have, he's going to _know,_ he'll know everything, and if you lie, if you say you weren't friends with them-,"

"He's not going to know!" Audra leaned forward, voice so low it's going to be a hiss. "You talk like you're going to join him!"

"Of course we are!" Now it's Emmeline's turn to look at her like she's crazy. "He'll take it out on our parents if we don't. Besides, they'll find us, no matter how far we run."

"We have to fight!" She stood up, pacing the length of the room, read the letter for herself.

"What about your family?"

Audra rounded on her. "What about Clary?" Emmeline looked away, and Audra laughed, but it wasn't funny. "Going off on me about Fred and George, what do you think you're going to have to do when he finds out about you and her? Doing god knows what with a mudblood."

"Don't call her that!" Emmeline said, standing up now, wand out.

"See?" It gave Audra a vicious kind of pride, to know that she was right. "You already made your choice. You can't turn away from Clary." And when she still wouldn't admit it, Audra added, "If he comes back, she's dead. And if you join him, you help kill her."  
  
  
  
  
  


Clary's a problem, one they have to fix. They make a plan to protect her then, because they know that no matter what happens, no matter what choices they'll have to make, even if they end up having to point wands at each other, one thing will stay the same: They will care about Clary more than they care about themselves.

They make their way to Ravenclaw tower together, bully a third year into finding Clary when they can't answer the stupid riddle. She's happy when they see her, which makes it even harder. Emmeline doesn't look like she's going to break the news anytime soon, so Audra blurts it out, the words falling out of her mouth to lie at their feet. "We're making an unbreakable vow, and we need your help."

Audra walks a few feet away, thinking its best that she leaves Emmeline to do the explaining, but she can't help but overhear. Clary's not happy about it, and Audra's pretty sure she's crying, which isn't surprising but is still painful to hear. They're still arguing, with Emmeline trying to coax her into silence ( _he's coming back, Clary, you don't know what it's like, we need to protect you_ ) and Clary fighting back despite the tears ( _but who's going to protect you, even if you get me out he'll punish you for helping me, I won't let you_ ). Finally, when Audra's had enough, she walks back over, knowing that she'll be more blunt than Emmeline would dream of being. "There's going to come a day when you might need us, like it or not. And we don't know if we'd both be there to save you if we don't make this promise in a way we can't get out of."

"What if I refuse?"

"You die."

Emmeline glares at her, but Audra doesn't regret it, because it at least makes Clary give a hesitant nod, pulling out her wand. "You guys are sure?"

And they are, more sure of anything. Emmeline and Audra sink to their knees and grip hands, Clary above them, her hand trembling as she places the tip of her wand to their joined hands. "Do you swear, that should I be in need of your protection, you'll protect me to the best of your ability."

"I do." Their voices are loud, echoing against the stone walls, and when the first binding wraps around their wrists, it chafes, cutting into the skin.

"Do you swear, regardless of what side you find yourselves on, that you'll put your differences aside to come to my aid, if one of us ask you to?"

"I do." A second, and it burns now, and a tear falls onto Audra's skin. She's not sure who it belongs to.

"And do you swear, that no matter what you get it involved in, you'll turn your back on it to come rescue me?"

Emmeline doesn't speak at first, but then she and Audra lock eyes, and the hesitation fades. "I do."  
  
  
  
  
  


Audra leaves the two of them alone, going into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom to work on a potion order for the twins instead. It's always easier to think like this, when she has something to do with her hands. It's easier to calm herself down, when she can follow instructions, when someone had made all the decisions for her, when there is no gray area for herself to lose herself in. Fred tells her it's the simple pleasure of doing something easy, something that she's good at, but she thinks there's something more to it than that. Audra knows that it's in doing something that she really loves, an art form, losing herself in the smoke and the ingredients and the complicated rituals, the same way the twins lose themselves in a game of quidditch or Hermione in a book.

She brews one cauldron, then two, then another before her hands stop shaking. The magic still burns, wrapping around her wrists, reminding her of the promise she made, like she could ever forget. Audra wonders if her hands will itch every time she thinks of this afternoon and hopes not; it'll grow incredibly distracting. She hadn't expected it to hurt, but maybe all promises do, in the end.

When she gets back to the dorm, she crawls under the covers like she had wanted to do hours ago.

"I love her," Emmeline says later, like she's half talking to herself and half hoping that Audra is already asleep. They're both in their separate beds, staring up at the ceiling. The binding is still burning, Clary's magic pulling tighter as if it may keep them all together, and it feels like there are thousands of tiny bugs crawling over her hands.

"I know." A pause. "You should tell her."

"I can't."

The words are pained, like they're being ripped out of her throat. Audra doesn't bother asking why.

 

A.N: This is being transferred over from my wattpad account, always_scripturient


	16. The Yule Ball

"Because this year includes the atrocity that is the Triwizard tournament, we also get the distinct _pleasure,_ "  here his lip curls, and when he turns to pace the length of the room, his hair looks even greasier than normal.  "of hosting the traditional Yule Ball."

"Like a dance?"  She would have felt silly asking a question with such an obvious answer, but the excitement that was clear in her voice was being mirrored up and down the line of girls.  They had broken into excited whispers and squeals as soon as Professor Snape had finished talking, and the mystery of the required dresses was finally solved.  Behind her, Emmeline gave a laugh that was poorly covered up as a cough. 

"Yes, Ms. Stanton."  Professor Snape smiled indulgently at her, an expression that looks out of place on his face and is very rarely seen.  She knows that he wouldn't ever really get mad at her; she's the only one of his students that is anywhere close to his brilliance at potions, and the perks you get from being a teacher's pet goes a long way.  "Unfortunately, it is _exactly_ like a dance."

He flicks his wand at the giant gramophone sitting in the corner, and it came to life on its own, the record falling into place with a scratching sound, followed by a blast of something that sounds like violins.  Predictably, Pansy is the first one to cross the room, grabbing Draco in a way that makes it seem like the dance is mandatory.  The others follow suit, until it's only a few of them standing against the wall.  Audra and Emmeline are one of the few that hang back, not willing to dance with any of the boys that were trying to catch their eye, intending to wait the afternoon out on the sidelines until Snape says that it's mandatory to dance at least once.

"May I have this dance, my fair lady?"  Audra sweeps into an exaggerated bow, holding out her arm, and Emmeline dips into a curtsy.  They move to the middle of the floor, and fall into step with the others until the whole room is a bunch of kids moving in tandem with the swell of the music and synchronized sweeping of their robes.

Slytherins, for the most part, are from families of a certain caliber.  She's not sure what lessons the Gryffindors learned when they were younger (though judging by Weasley's, probably the etiquette of fist fights and useless quidditch trivia), but they all had a more refined set of skills- how to get more than you give, proper dinner party etiquette, who to compliment and who to keep under your thumb, the proper fashions, hard work, perfection, an instrument or two, and to some extent, dancing.  She can remember standing in front of a large mirror, a tiny Zabini holding out a hand for her to take, and Emmeline behind her, throwing such a tantrum about having to sit through these lessons that she made the glass crack right down the middle. 

Regardless, the lessons paid off, and she was certain that they're dancing lessons went a lot smoother and longer than those of the other houses, and when they finally tumbled out the doors and down to dinner, they had all danced with each other at least once.   She legged behind to wait for Emmeline, who had finally extracted herself out of Goyle's arms.  "A ball, huh?" 

Emmeline looked over at her warily, rubbing at her foot where Goyle had stepped on it.  "That means a dance, remember?"

"You going to ask Clary?"

Emmeline didn't answer.

 

 

The news of the Yule Ball was all over the castle, and for the next few days, it's all anyone can talk about.  Fashion magazines seem to pop up everywhere, peeking out of bags and spread out between huddles of  girls in the common rooms, order forms ready to fill out.  Hair styles are being planned, and colors coordinated between dates, and that one specific bottle of nail polish hunted down.  There was a make over night in the Slytherin seventh year dorms, all the make up and hair products thrown onto one of the beds, and the looks were tested out, like a practice run. 

"You have to decide."  Hermione said, wearing the slightly frantic expression that normally only happens on test days.  "The emerald green, or the navy blue?"

They were in the great hall.  Ginny, Hermione, and Clary had marched over to where Emmeline and Audra were sitting, slamming an order form and magazine onto the table, and didn't seem like they were to be moving anytime soon.  It seemed that they had gotten tired of her waiting, and were staging an intervention.  "I'd like to reiterate that Fred thinks you look very nice in green."

"You don't think that a Slytherin showing up in green is a bit much?"  She picked up the magazine, flipped through it, refusing to look like she's choosing a dress based on a boy, even if that boy is Fred. 

"Not if it makes you drop dead gorgeous,"  Emmeline answers, leaning over to look closer at the dress.  "That's going to knock Fred off of his feet."

"He hasn't even asked me yet!"  It's a feeble protest, because they know that's who she wants to go with, and they also know that it's only a matter of time before Fred remembers that he actually has to _ask_ her before they go together, no matter how obvious of a choice it might be.  "But, yeah, I guess I'll go with the green."

 

She did get asked to the ball.  But not by Fred.

"It's totally cool if you say no, alright?"  Audra stared at the boy beside her, with his waving hands and earnest eyes.  He's taller than her, even taller than the twins, so she has to tilt her head back to look at him and wishes she was wearing heels.  "I know we only just met a few months ago, not counting the spin the bottle thing, of course, and I'm sure you have a lot friends that you'd be more comfortable with, or maybe a boyfriend, do you have a boyfriend?"

Damien paused, waiting for an answer.  Audra thought she knew where this was going, and couldn't help but think this was the strangest way to be asked to a dance she's ever heard of.  "No, no boyfriend."

"Good, great, should've figured that out before I decided to ask."  He ran his hand through his hair, looked down at her sheepishly, and she couldn't help but notice how truly adorable he was, even as she steeled herself to say no.  "Would you go to the Yule Ball with me?  I don't know very many people, and, I'm actually really shy, not that you would know, and I babble when I'm nervous, so..."

"Damien?"  He fell silent, looking at her with an expression that was caught between hope and embarrassment, and she thinks that it was taking him an extreme amount of will power to stay quiet.  "I would love to go with you, but... I can't."

His face fell, and Audra almost wavered, ready to take it back and say screw it, she'll go, because now he looks like a kicked puppy even though he's trying to hide his disappointment.  But then she thinks about Fred, and how she picked out that dress just because she though he'd like it, and knows that it wouldn't feel right to go with anyone but him.   "That's alright," Damien was saying, babbling again.  "Totally understand, you'll probably have more fun this way,"

"It's just, there's this guy, you know, that I've liked for a while and I think he's going to ask me.  It's not official, but it's what we're both expecting you know, and it'd be an awful move to turn around and go with someone else."  She was desperate to make him understand this, to make that look disappear from his face, because they had become friends over the next few months, and true to his word, he'd never brought up the party again before today.  They would have made a very nice looking couple.  "But otherwise I would, I really do want to go with you, you've got no idea."

"It's okay.  I mean it."  He leans in to kiss her on the cheek, a friendly good bye like always, and over his shoulder, she spots Fred, standing in the middle of the shelves like he had been hit by a bludger and gripping the book in his hand so tightly his knuckles turned white.  Audra makes a mental note to explain everything later, and to ask him to the stupid ball herself, because this waiting was a lot more trouble than it was worth. 

 

Except she doesn't, because he avoids her all weekend, and sometime between that day and Monday morning lessons, he's asked Angelina.

It's Ginny who tells her, treating her like a cornered animal.  She doesn't hug her or try to make her feel better, which is probably for the best.  Instead, she just lets Audra sit there, pretending not to notice that she's talking around a lump in her throat, or that she doesn't finish her lunch.  She also tells everyone she's sick when they watch her walking towards the dungeons instead of History of Magic, which keeps her from having to make a million silly excuses.

Audra's not normally one to skip classes, but it's only History of Magic.  She can get the notes from Emmeline tomorrow, and Professor Binns won't even notice she's missing.  She makes her way deep into the dungeons instead, going into the room that she had claimed as her own.  The fire in the grate starts up, bigger than she intended it to be, and the room is drenched in heat so thick it makes her eyes burn. 

She's not sure why she's so upset.  Audra always prided herself on never getting upset over a boy, but now here she is, curled up in an arm chair and feeling like she just got punched in the stomach, all because a boy didn't ask her to the dance.  She tries to talk herself down, rationalize, but every time she does she remembers that the way he's started holding her hand when they walk together, and that he gives her all these casual compliments that Fred throws her way like they cost him nothing, and sometimes she thinks he's going to kiss her if he would only gather up an ounce more of his courage.  And then she finds out that it's all in her head, like a slap to her face, and she's left without a date and reminders of him everywhere she looks.

It's George that comes to find her, stopping at the doorway like she might tell him to go away.  "Though you'd be here.  I took notes today."

"Thanks."  She doesn't look at him.  "So Fred's got a date, huh?  Didn't see that one coming."

"Is that what's this about?"  He sounds angry, though how she did anything wrong, she had no idea.  "I don't see why you care, seeing as you're going with that Durmstrang boy."

"I told that Durmstrang boy no because I thought Fred was going to ask me!"  She stands up, kicking the chair.  Behind her, the flames grow bigger, and she forces herself to calm down.  "Everyone kept telling me that he was going to ask me, so I told that very nice boy that a boy I fancy is going to ask me, so sorry, and turns out I was wrong."

George looks a lot like Ginny did earlier, and she wonders if acting like upset girls are cornered kittens is a Weasley thing or if it only applies to her.  "If it helps, I thought he was going to ask you, too."

"Doesn't matter what you thought, does it?"  Audra swipes at her eyes, takes a shuddery breath, and makes a swipe at the fireplace that makes the room go dark and cold again.  "He asked her."

 

The dress comes in a few days later, the emerald green one that Ginny said she should get because Fred likes that color on her.  She takes it out of the box and walks to the full length mirror, holds the fabric up against her, and twirls, turning this way and that. 

It really would look beautiful on her, if she was going.

 

 

None of them had dates.

It was strange that they had become friends, but it seemed that Hermione and Ginny had momentarily joined their little group in order to figure out the Yule Ball fiasco.  Ginny looked a little glum, having missed the cut off to go to the dance by one year, but she was happy to help the four of them- she found accessories for Clary, offered to give Emmeline a manicure that morning (she was very talented), found a potion for Hermione's hair, and didn't hex Audra no matter how offensive of a comment was made about her older brother.

"It is time we stop being stupid."  Hermione announced, after a solid two hours of sitting together and throwing a pity party.  "We aren't silly girls, but we're acting like it.  It's time to get ourselves together and find dates."

"Like who?"  Emmeline snapped.  Emmeline was getting more and more aggravated as time goes on.  Every time the subject of dates is brought up, Clary looks over at her, as if she's waiting for her to finally grow a spine. 

"Ginny, you ask Neville so you can go to the ball, he's asked me, but I keep putting off saying yes to anyone because of..."  She glanced over to where Ron and Harry were sitting.  "Never mind why.  Audra, you can't keep waiting for Fred to pull his head out of his arse, so I think it's about time you take Damien up on his offer like you should have done ages ago.  And you two,"  She turns aggressively towards Clary and Emmeline, but her confidence wilts as she fumbles for words.  There's really no good why to tell two of your friends to stop screwing around and start screwing each other.

After a pregnant pause where Clary waited for Emmeline to say something, Ginny finally came to the rescue.  "And who are you going with?"

Hermione gave a small smile, looking over her shoulder towards Krum.  "I've got someone in mind."

 

 

"Damien!"  Audra walked down to the lake where she knew the Durmstrang boys had been swimming, and was thankful to see that he was one of the guys that were stretched out underneath the tree.  "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course."  He sits up but does not stand.  Audra wishes he would; she had worn her boots with the heel just for that purpose.  "Is there something wrong?"

"Would you still like to go to the ball with me?"  Audra wasn't nervous about this.  Hermione had spent the morning stressing over what she would say, but Audra thinks straight to the point is the way to go.  "If not, I understand, but I've found myself in need of a date."

"What happened to the other guy?" 

"You're cuter."  It wasn't the truth, and she wouldn't insult his intelligence by saying he believed her, but he did look gratified.  "So?"

He grinned.  "What color is your dress?"

It turns out that Damien is very good at color coordination, something Fred wouldn't even have thought to consider.  She's not sure why this disappoints her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	17. Christmas

She wakes up a lot earlier than she had meant to, just as the sky started to lighten. It's brighter than it normally at this time, thanks to the sun reflecting off the snow, and the ice was slowly creeping across the window pane. There's a stack of presents waiting at the foot of her bed, even bigger than last years ( _Christmas,_ she remembers with a start). Emmeline's sprawled across her bed, having finally made her way back to the dorms just an hour or two ago, but Ariel was still missing in action. (Though she suspects she might find her in the Beauxbatons carriage).

Audra's still in her dress, all wild haired and smudged make up. She turns on the shower, hot water meeting cold air in an explosion of steam, and when she lets the dress fall to the floor, the cold air makes her shiver. She stands in front of the mirror, taking down her hair one bobby pin at a time, wiping away every last trace of the make up Emmeline had painted onto her, feeling more and more like herself with every action. When she steps underneath the hot water, its scalding, but she just turns her face up into the stream and lets it burn, hoping it might make her feel warm for once.

It's not that she didn't like last night. She had fun, and she knew she looked gorgeous, but she also felt like she was playing dress up. _It's like Hermione said,_ she muses, turning the water off. _Like we're Cinderella and that was our chance at the ball._ Audra was never one for princesses, and when she looked in the mirror to see a face that she recognized, she couldn't help being relieved.

When she walks back into the dorm room, Emmeline's awake. "Did I wake you up?" Audra folded the dress, hunted down the heels, slid her jewelry back into the box. "I was trying to be quiet."

"Could've tried harder," Emmeline grumbled, scrubbing at her eyes and scowling when her fingers came back smudged black. "I'm going back to bed."

Audra ignored her, settling down beside her presents and unwrapping them one by one. She got new boots from her mother, and a dagger from her father, for whatever reason. Clary got her a set of new, decorative flasks and Emmeline gave her a pound of the more rare (slightly illegal) ingredients. Hermione gave her a book on potions, and Ginny gave her make up, all of it green, hopefully as a joke. Fred and George sent her a box full of assorted honeydukes candy, and just like always, Mrs. Weasley sent her a sweater, this time with a cauldron on it. Like Ginny's gift, it was green, but it was the dark shade that you find on moss or ferns.

Emmeline had joined her by then, finally giving up on going to sleep with all the sun. Since the windows looked out into the lake, they didn't have any need for curtains to block the light, but today was one of the rare exceptions where the rays seemed to make it to the very bottom. She was staring down at Clary's present, a set of throwing knives whose handles are fashioned into snakes (Emmeline has dangerous hobbies). "I kissed her last night."

Audra didn't hear her at first, too intent on finding the opening in the sweater Mrs. Weasley had made her. "Good."

"Among other things."

Audra did look at her then, and the smile on her face was half proud, half embarrassed, but clearly happy. "Took you long enough. Spare me the details, though, alright?"  
  
  
  
  
  


Christmas at Hogwarts meant that everything was a little less formal than usual, so Emmeline and Clary sat together, leaving Audra to go find a spot at the Gryffindor table.

Ron grinned when he saw her. "Mum got you one, too?"

He seemed delighted, wrapped up tight in slightly too small maroon sweater. "Bloody hell," George added, grinning. "What's that on the front?"

There was a pause during which everyone squinted at her, trying to make out the design. "I think it's a cauldron. Big improvement from last years, I must say."

She settled in beside the twins, and thanked everyone for their gift. Harry seemed especially grateful for his, whether because he didn't get her anything in return or he's still not used to getting presents, she's not sure. She waved everyone away, even Fred, who muttered a small thanks for the new converse sneakers she got him. George got a matching pair in a different color.

It's a bit awkward and a little strained. Fred wasn't looking at her, and when she speaks, he stares at the table. They reach for the same dish sometimes, and he holds back with a frustrating hesitation, leaving her to take it for herself, and, after a few times, dump food onto his plate with irritated huffs. Sometimes their arms brush and he flinches away like he had been burned. Eventually, Audra scoots so far away from him that she's practically in George's lap.

The rest of the group can't help but notice. Ginny and Hermione were watching her worriedly, their focus doubled because they were both so intent on ignoring Ron. Harry and Ron were trying to act like nothing was going on, mostly by just looking away whenever Audra turns to talk to Fred. And George, bless him, was trying to keep the conversation going, no matter how stilted and awkward it became.

"Well, I'm done for today. Still tired from last night." She hugged George, and turned to Fred, who turned his back on her and struck up a conversation with a second year. Audra stopped for a second, debating dumping the bowl of mashed potatoes on his head, but decided to let it go. "Thank you for the presents everybody, I loved them."  
  
  
  
  
  


She makes her way out of the Great Hall and out the front doors without question, fuming. They've got so much to say to each other, and neither of them will, tripping over their feelings for each other and the hurt over how last night turned out and their fear that the two of them won't be able to go back to how it used to be. They keep quiet because they're both afraid of breaking this thing they have, like it's made out of fragile glass instead of written in stone, and they're going to end up ruining it anyways.

 _It's not like it matters,_ she thinks angrily, hiking up the skirt of her robes and climbing the steps to the Durmstrang boat. _You were never together, no matter what you felt like. And there's another guy who doesn't make his feelings about you a secret._

She knocks on the door, trying not to feel stupid. Audra's not sure that a Hogwarts student has ever been up here without the express permission of a Durmstrang student, and she was just considering turning back when the door swung open. "Yes?"

Audra was suddenly face to face with Viktor Krum, who was staring down at her. "I was, er, is Damien here?" She felt incredibly foolish, and she had to agree with Hermione on the point that he can be slightly intimidating. "I have his Christmas present, was hoping I could give it to him."

"You are Erminny's friend, correct?"

"Yeah. I mean, yes, I am." His face brightens then, and moves aside to let her in. It's bigger on the inside, a great room drenched in black and red that's the color of blood. There are couches everywhere, and thick blankets, and a big fire was roaring in the back of the room.

"Vait here, vill you? I vill have to go find him." He gave motioned towards the couch. "No one is vear they are supposed to be this morning."

He limped off, poking his head in this door and that one, barking questions at the boys inside. She had a sneaking suspicion that he was referring to both those students that disappeared off into unused classrooms and those who were too drunk off the punch to find their own beds.

Damien comes back quickly, alone and smiling. "Vik said you had a present for me?" His hair was sticking up on the one side, but he didn't bother flattening it. "I didn't get anything for you."

"It's not a real present, it's sort of a little thing." She pulls the scarf out from her robes, and then with a confidence that she did not feel, leaned over to wrap it around his neck and pull him towards her. "I just thought that you can't leave Hogwarts without a Hogwarts scarf."

"Slytherin?" He played with the ends of it, raising an eyebrow.

"I know, I expect you'd be more of a Hufflepuff, but it's the only House I had." She was teasing, and he was smiling, and even though the snow was falling thick outside, it was warm in the ship.


	18. Hogsmeade Date

****

"I can't," She said, wincing. "I told Damien I'd spend the day with him."

There was a bang, followed by a loud series of swear words. After the dust settled, George ducked out of Filch's cabinet, dust covered and rubbing his head. "Still? I thought you and Fred were friends again."

It was true. They weren't able to avoid each other forever, and after an initial ten minutes of awkwardness, along with about thirty off color jokes made by Ron, they seemed to fall back into the pattern of how they used to be. Even if sometimes they catch the other staring, or they brush hands more than most friends do, the two of them have mostly put their feelings behind them. Eventually, the feelings they had for each other would go away, and the friendship between them is more important than their momentary lapse of judgement. "We are friends." She beat the dust off his clothes and took his place in the cupboard, finally finding the file they needed. "There's no rule that says we're not allowed to date other people, is there? Besides, Fred knows what I'm doing and doesn't have a problem." She threw the file onto the table. They both ignored it.

"Is this some sort of punishment for him going to the dance with Angela? Because let me tell you, him seeing you in that dress and not being able to dance with you was-,"

"It's not about revenge. I don't play games." Was this a normal thing to have to worry about, all this boys and drama and shifting friendships, or were she and friend just a special case? "Damien's really nice. And he likes me, and calls me beautiful. Seeing as Fred never told me that he liked me, and isn't likely to do so any time soon, I think that I'm allowed to at least try and be happy with someone else."

George flicked through the file, extracted the paper that needed to be lost, and held out a hand to help her down from the table. "I'm glad you're happy."  
  
  


She refuses to feel guilty about it, not when she has to turn George down when he asked for help in potions, not when Fred starts to invite her to Zonkos and falls quiet, and especially not when Damien is waiting for her outside of the castle and greets her with a kiss on the cheek. He takes her hand and leads her down the path, and even though she tells herself not to, Audra looks over her shoulder and sees Fred standing in front of the castle alone.

"I've never been here before." Damien muses, looking around at all the little shops. "Give me the tour?"

Audra does. They go into Zonko's first, because it's force of habit for her to go straight there, and she tells him everything that Fred and George had been telling her for years, about the charms that went on the products and what would make the best pranks. He buys her chocolate in Honeydukes, and she makes him eat a cockcroach cluster without telling him what it was, laughing when he spits it out onto the ground. They go into the owlery so he can mail a letter off to his little sister, and after that, she shows him all the secrets that can only be found if you go off the beaten track- the fountain and the bowtruckle nest and the path that leads you up to the caves. (They intended to have a picnic up there, but then a big black dog bounds over to them, and they end up feeding most of their lunch to it. It's extremely friendly, and follows them most of the way back down the mountain.)

When they make it back to the village, they duck into the Three Broomsticks for butterbeers. He pays and she finds a table, hidden away in the very back corner, and he sits across from her. "I like it here." He gestures around at all the students that were filling up the room. "It's so loud, and everything is so warm, and-,"

"It's the middle of the winter." She snorted into her butterbeer when he stops in the middle of his sentence, frowning at her in confusion.

"Well, yes, I didn't mean the temperature, but it's much warmer than Durmstrang. I meant the people, and how close you all are, and the way you all seem to care for each other so much." He frowned down into his butterbeer. "Ve do not have that at Durmstrang."

"Every man for themselves?" She reached over and put her hand on top of his. "If it makes you feel better, you're all part of the Hogwarts family now."

It did seem to make him feel better, or maybe that was just his natural inability to be upset. They start back up into their conversation, and even though it was just as teasing as it was the first night, there was now other things that she was starting to notice- how they kept getting closer to each other, the dimple in his right cheek when he smiled, the way her name sounded with his accent. Their glasses had been drained down to the foam without either of them noticing, and just when she thinks that everything is going to be okay, someone cleared their throat over her head.

Ron.

"So this is Damien?" The tips of his ears were red. "My brother said you were on a date."

"Ah!" Damien turned to him, equally as friendly even in the face of his glare. "You must be Fred! Audra's talked so much about you and your jokes, very funny! Sit, sit, I will buy us another round!"

"Fred's my brother." Ron looked slightly appeased at the offer of a free drink. On the other side of the room she could see Harry and Hermione, both of them looking mortified.

"This is his younger sibling." Audra smiled up at Ron, venom dripping from every syllable. "Sometimes we let him follow us around as long as he's not being too annoying." She stood up and Damien followed, confused but not asking questions. "Let's get out of here."

Ron grabbed at her elbow as she passed, and she spun around, nose to nose. "You're being annoying Ron. Butt out."

He looked a little shocked, but she just hurried after Damien, who was waiting for her at the door with her coat. To make things worse, they run into the twins on the way out. Fred's face darkens and he opens his mouth to say something- an insult? a hello?- but Fred pushes him by. Audra's grateful.

"What was that about?" He didn't seem angry, just curious. Audra takes a deep breath, reminding herself not to worry, that she wasn't doing anything wrong, and a fourteen year old was not about to ruin what had been a perfect date.

"You ever been to the Shrieking Shack?"

He hadn't, so she grabs her hand and they wind their way through the bustling crowd of people. They stand side by side at the wooden fence, breath clouding up in front of them. "Why is it so run down? It is in a pretty spot."

It was pretty, with the snow and the mountains behind it. She hadn't noticed it before. "It's haunted."

Damien snorted, then looked over at her. "Really?"

"No one really knows. Not even the Gryffindors are brave enough to risk it." It's an old joke, and she thinks that if Fred and George were here they would demand a competition, almost making it to the windows before they chicken out.

"Let's go inside."

He grins, wickedly, and it seems that she has a type, because now he's grabbing her by the hand and they're racing towards the shack, kicking up snow as they go. The door opens without any resistance and they are tumbling inside, hand in hand and shrieking with laughter.

The place is a bit of a let down, dusty and shredded and falling apart as they watched. But Damien looked like it was the best thing he'd ever seen, throwing open the windows. She wishes she had a camera to prove to the twins that she finally made it in.

There's a bang from behind her, the door closing, and suddenly she's not thinking about the twins anymore because he's kissing her, for real this time, because there's no danger that they'll be caught here. And just as fast, he's not, because she was pushing him away before she could think, telling him to stop.

They stand on opposite sides of the room, her against the room with her fingers pressed to her lips, him looking a little bit lost. "I'm sorry. I want to, at least, I want to be able to want to, but I just can't."

"There's someone else isn't there?" He says it like he's known the answer all along.

"Yeah." The guilt threatens to swallow her up. She had told George that she doesn't play games like this, but it turns out that she does. What was today, if not a distraction?

"The ginger?"

And yeah, the ginger.  
  
  
  
  
  


They were just as good at being friends as they are at being a couple. He walks her back to the castle, ever the gentlemen, and they stay on safe topics like quidditch and potions. They do not hold hands. "He is a lucky guy, this Fred." He leans in to kiss her on the cheek, but it was between friends. "We are still friends, yes?"

Audra smiles, unable to help being relieved. "Yes."

Fred finds her later, up in the Astronomy tower. "Bad date?"

There's a bit of hope of his face. She doesn't blame him. It's a strange feeling, this thing they have for each other. "No. It was a really good date, actually." His face falls. "And tell Ron I'm going to punch him the next time I see him."

He climbs up on the window ledge to sit beside her. A rock falls off the side, and falls down to the dirt below. It's an awful long way. "Are you going to see him again?"

"No."

They do not say anything else, but when his hand brushes against hers, she doesn't pull away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	19. The Second Task

"It's not that I don't believe that Harry can do it," Audra said, leaning over the edge of the dock. "It's just that everything in his life seems to go horribly wrong."

She was standing between Fred and George, the whole school staring out into the lake. As far as tasks go, it was decidedly more boring to watch than the dragon, considering they were all searching for signs like an unexplained ripple in the water.

"He'll be fine." George said, for the millionth time. "I'd be more worried about yourself."

"What are you talking about?" Her focus broke for a second as she whipped around to stare at him. She'd been on edge for this task too, even though she proclaims her faith in Harry to anyone who so much as looked at her in a way that implied differently. She'd yelled at even more people than she had the morning of the first task, and today was no different. Audra was on edge with everyone, even the Weasley's.

"Did you or did you not attack a certain Pansy Parkinson?" Fred asks, smirking. He was jumping up and down to keep warm, and she could hear the jingle of galleons in his pockets. They had taken up their betting pool again, and just like last time, Audra had put ten galleons on Harry.

"She deserved it." And more, really. She had been running her mouth about Hermione, and Audra just wasn't about to sit there and take it. Pansy's not going to open her mouth for a good few days, let alone use it to talk bad about Audra's friends. "You wouldn't have sat there either."

They fall quiet, staring out into the water. There's nothing to see, and she's not sure why everyone had turned out to stare at nothing when they could sit by an open window and listen to the announcer. Emmeline and Clary were on the other platform. Emmeline kept hugging Clary. Ron and Hermione were no where to be seen, though Fred and George swore that they had been fine last night.

The mystery of where Harry's friends was solved when the first champion emerged from the water, pulling a gasping Hermione behind him. "Oh Merlin." Audra shoved her way through the crowd to get to the ladder, grabbing onto Hermione's hand, helping Krum shove her up the ladder. "They stuck you in the lake?"

"I'm okay." Hermione's teeth were chattering, hair long and dripping all over the dock. "Viktor got me out."

Which was very comforting and all, more so now that his face didn't look like a shark, but Audra still stood guard over both of them until they had drank all the pepper up potion Madame Pomfrey gave them. "My Seester!" Fleur broke away from her headmistress and came over. "Did you see my seester?"

Hermione stared at her, maybe shocked by the sheer beauty of Fleur even when she was crying. "I'm sure she'll be fine," Audra found herself soothing, filling another goblet full of pepper up potion. Fleur didn't drink it. "Harry's down there, he won't leave her, I promise."

She had been saying it as an empty promise, but sure enough, Ron, Harry, and a little girl who must have been Gabrielle broke the surface of the water a good twenty minutes later. Audra and Hermione leaned over the water to grab onto Ron and Harry, pulling them up onto the dock while Fleur dragged Gabrielle into her arms. "You saved her!" She looked a little wild, but she pulled both boys into a hug, and gave Audra one for good measure. "Even though she vas not yours to save!"

"Git," Ron muttered, trying to wring out his robes. "Thick headed nutter, trying to save all of us, almost drowned he did."

"You idiot!" Audra said fondly, and then she was launching herself at him, too, forcing a potion into his hand and wrapping him in blankets.

"You aren't still mad?" He looked a little weak at the knees, and he was shaking from the cold.

"Not even a little," which was a lie, but that was okay, because the judges decided that Harry was a hero and gave him a good score anyways, and she got to hug him, too.

"Party in the Gryffindor room!" George said, wrapping his arm around her. And upon seeing Fleur added, "You're welcome to come too."

Fleur watched him for a small moment. "Any chance z'ere is an older brother?"

"Er," George blinked, momentarily stunned, probably an effect of the veela blood that they were all feeling. She wonders how Emmeline would act if she got close enough. "Not here."

Fleur laughed. "After the third task, then."   
  
  
  
  
  


This party wasn't as big as the first, but it was still louder than any other room she'd ever been. The twins had gotten food again, and the Weird Sisters were once again blasting, but Audra decided that she was going to hang around in the background. She did not want to think to much about the last party that she attended, so when Angela and Katie came and started up a conversation about quidditch, she was grateful.

"You don't have anything to worry about, you know."

Katie had left to go talk to Lee, and now it was just Audra and Angela. They had been talking about the herbology essay due that Audra hadn't even started (she despises Herbology, and Emmeline said she can't copy her this time), and personally, she thought she had a lot to worry about considering its due in two days. "What?"

"With Fred." there was a yell from behind them and an explosion, followed by Fred's announcement of a new product they'd developed together. "I knew you wanted to go to the dance with him. It was bad of me to say yes."

"It's alright." And she found that it was, really. "I had a good time with Damien, in the end."

"Well, he couldn't keep his eyes off of you." Angela smiled. "Trust me, there's no one who can compete with you."

The party gets better, after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	20. Weasley's Wizard Wheezes

They're drinking pumpkin juice out of grimy glasses.

Audra had thought the three of them were going into Zonko's, like they always do, but the twins walked right past and went into the Hog's Head. They greeted the bartender by name ( _three firewhiskey's, Abe, that's a good man_ ) and settled down at a table hidden in the back, far away from the dust covered windows and roaring fires, like they were about to discuss top secret plans. Fred grimaced when he went to retrieve their drinks and came back with something non alcoholic, but he paid with a smile anyways, passing the mugs around. It was clear that the twins were at home here and had come here frequently, even on good terms with the stand offish bartender. It wasn't anything Audra had been told about or invited to take part in, and for a second the familiar anxiety and the knowledge that she's always going to be the odd one out rises up in her, but she swallows it along with her dusty pumpkin juice.

"We need to talk about the shop."

There are no jokes today, and George stays silent just long enough for her to get nervous. Audra's always known that the only reason they became friends was because they needed potions, and ever since, she's had a nagging worry that the moment that her help isn't necessary they'll throw her to the curb. It's a completely unfounded worry, she knows, but Audra can still not help the anxiety she feels when she looks up into their nervous faces. "What about it?"

The twins share a look, one that she can't read. She never can understand the glances they share. "We know that you said before that you wanted to be a part of this as long as we need you. And you've helped us a lot, practically helped us form everything we have, but..."

She braces herself for their dismissal as Fred takes over. "We wanted to invite you to be a part of this. Officially."

They look at her over their glasses, then down at their hands, almost like they're nervous, as if there's any chance she'll say no. Audra almost can't believe it. "Like help you run the shop?"

"Yeah. I mean, we're still calling it Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, considering it'll still be 2/3 Weasley, but you can be our third person if you want to." They seemed to have talked about this with each other in greater detail before they talked to her, as if they would need convincing. "Or, if the time comes and you wanted to do something else, you know, you can go do that."

George finishes, and Audra still doesn't say anything. Fred starts up the speech again. "We want you for as long as you want us."

Audra hadn't thought about what she would do when she got older. When she did stop to think, she'd always imagined working as the head of a ministry department, in an office surrounded by file cabinets and government forms, her days an endless revolving door of people who need something done or have something to complain about. There had been the knowledge that she would have to go do endless amounts of social posing, too, benefits and faculty parties and dinner parties filled with the most powerful people in wizarding politics. Even worse was the thought of what she would go home to at night, a mansion just like her parents had, with its cold walls and echoing silence and stooping house elf, overseen by a faceless man that she can never quite picture.

And now, like a miracle, all that was being erased by the twins. She had always thought that no matter what happened they would be there, her visiting them during her lunch and stolen breaks, maybe being invited to birthday parties and Sunday brunch. But now she was painting herself a picture of a joke shop, bursting with color and filled to overflow with people and products, George at the cash register and Fred shelving new products, her in the back filling out order forms. And that would mean lunches scarfed down in the break room, the three of them taking turns to get it, and visits from Harry, Ron, and Hermione and dinner with the Weasley's, and long nights where she stays at the shop much too late because she doesn't need to go home. Now she's picturing at little cottage somewhere, or a flat in the middle of muggle London, maybe on that she shares with Emmeline for a little while.

"Of course I want to help." Audra laughed, throwing back the rest of her pumpkin juice and ordering three shots of firewhiskey. The bartender stares at her, huffs, and throws down his rag, saying he'll dig up something in the back. Not many people say no to her.

"We didn't expect you to say yes." Fred admits, a little wild eyed. "Thought for sure you'd had some secret plan to take over the world that you hadn't told us about."

"Like there's anything I'd like more than to work with you two for the rest of our lives." She rolled her eyes. "If anything, I was worried you'd go on to success without me and only send me an owl every month or so when you were making a new product."

George ruffled her hair. Old Abe sets the drinks on the table and she hands over the money. He grumbles swear words as he walks away, and Audra stares after him, wondering how he could have possibly managed to stay in business as long as he has. "You were with us at the very beginning, back before we knew how we were going to make this work. Didn't feel right to think about moving on without you."

Fred picks up his glass, holds it in the air. The sun hits the glass where he has it raised, scattering light over their faces. "To us."

George follows. "To making one hell of a team."

Audra clinks her glass against theirs, and the whiskey spills over the side, dripping onto their hands. "To being one step closer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	21. The Atronomy Tower

They play poker in the astronomy tower.

It had started out as something that just she and the twins did, back when Ginny was in the hospital wing for possesion by diary and they needed distraction. Over the years, it's grown bigger until it became something of a tradition between the sixth years, all of them sneaking up here whenever one of them needs to blow off some steam- after tests, after big quidditch games, the first day of break, the last day of break, on feast days, before school ends. Tonight is no exception, what with the school on edge as the Triwizard tournament draws to a close, and everyone that had been invited seemed to have turned up. Even the visiting schools were allowed to join the game, including Damien, upon Fred's invitation.

It's a whole group of them, sitting around in their pajamas and dealing out the cards, squinting over at each other as they gamble away their stale easter candy. Audra's better at it than any of them, both because she's played longer and she's a better liar, so soon she has a pile of candy when everyone else is pocketing their last few sqaures of chocolate.

They get bored quickly, like they always do when the group becomes to large. Normally, they would settle into their own groups, but today they all seem to draw closer together, knees and elbows digging into backs and heads pillowed on shoulders. Audra passes her winnings around, because she doesn't think she'd be able to eat that much if she tried. "Isn't it weird that next year will be our last year doing this?" Angela looked around at all of them. "Like, this time next year, we'll only have a few months left together."

Audra thought this was stretching things a bit, because honestly, they were all just going to work in different departments of the ministry, but she knows what she means. There will be no more Hogsmeade weekends, or eating every dinner together, or staying up late in the common room. Even though turning seventeen marks the beginning of adulthood, it's leaving Hogwarts for good that really makes that part of you go away. "We'll just have to carry on the tradition after Hogwarts." Lee says. He has chocolate smeared across his mouth. "You know, do this once a month, each of us taking a turn to host it."

"We should make sure last year is something special. For all of us." They start to make plans, then, both for this year and that one. There's chatter about parties, and an end of the year camp out in the forbidden forest a few days before summer holiday starts, and even some talk about whether or not they could get away with throwing a pool party in the lake.

It's a normal thing, to get nostalgic and sentimental when the threat of good-byes and growing older is becoming a reality, but Audra can't help but think that it's more than that. She wonders if they feel it to, the change, the uneasiness in the air, the tension in the teachers. Maybe she's not the only one who's heard the rumors and the whispers, who's felt the encroaching evil slide across the floor and seep under doorways and soak the air, tainting everything with it's darkness until you can never quite get away, even if you're not sure what you're running from. Perhaps they know, like her, that the moment they leave Hogwarts this year they will have to choose sides, one way or another, and that behind these great stone walls are the only place they can truly count themselves as safe.

Audra pulls herself away from the group, climbing up onto the window ledge. Damien follows, sitting down next to her. Instead of talking, he opens a bag of jelly beans, and they pick their way through the colors they like, dangling their legs in the open air. "Your little friend will be fine."

"What?" She's startled out of her thoughts enough to look over at him.

"Harry. Isn't that why you're worried?" Damien throws a handful of jelly beans into his mouth, chokes, and spits them out onto the ground below them. It disappears into the darkness. "You shouldn't be. Viktor seems to think very highly of him. I think he's worried a kids going to beat him."

"Harry's not just any kid." She says, stubbornly, and she feels guilty for doing this, that the twins threw a poker party to take her mind off the third task when it should be Harry they comfort, guilty that she hasn't warned anyone about the rumors, guilty that she so readily agreed to become a part of the joke shop when the twins don't know the danger they're in just by being her friend. "He'll be fine."

She wishes she could believe it.

"We're all going to be fine."

Audra hopes Damien can't tell that it sounds like a lie, even to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	22. The Third Task

"You're going to be brilliant Harry." Audra looks him in eye as she says it, like she's trying to convey just how much she means it, as if that might make either of them feel better about what he's going to have to do tonight. She feels the rush of tears in her eyes and wraps him in a hug to hide it. Audra's not sure if he's ever had someone other than Mrs. Weasley and Hermione hug him like this, like they care, like he's family. His hands hang at his sides, like no one's taught him how it goes, but she doesn't let go. Her eyes are stinging when she steps away, and behind Harry, Mrs. Weasley looks like she's about to burst into tears herself. "I mean it."

"I'll be fine." He's grinning. Audra had caught sight of him this morning before her potions exam and he had looked a little green, but he does seem happy now. It seemed that seeing Mrs. Weasley and Bill had bolstered his confidence. "I've done alright so far, haven't I?"

"You've done amazing, and you better keep it up." She ruffles his hair, making it stick up even more than it normally does. "I've got twenty galleons riding on this."  
  
  


She settles down in the middle of a group of Gryffindors to watch the third task, between the twins and Ginny, and behind Ron and Hermione. No one gives her a second glance- it seems that for once, it is all Hogwarts students as one, instead of divided into four.

The crowd is loud, but they're little group is quiet. The music blasting from the band combined with the cheers make it hard for them to hear anything, but the looks on their faces are enough: no matter what they told Harry, it'll be a long night as they wait for him to come out of the maze with all his limbs attached.

"He's going to be okay, right?" Hermione asks, her voice small and on the verge of tears.

No one wants to answer her at first. She looks to Ron for reassurance, and Audra is reminded of when Mrs. Weasley looked at Arthur when they got home from the World Cup. "Of course he's going to be fine." He wrapped an arm around her in a side ways hug. His voice was light and cheerful, but when he looked up at the twins, they all saw the grim expression on his face. "He's gotten himself out of worse situations than this, you know he has."

"I know he can do it," Hermione said, sniffing and waving a hand at the air. "I suppose I'm just being silly."

Audra didn't think she was being silly at all. She exchanged a look from Fred, and he nodded, just enough to let her known that he saw her looking.

When the names were announced, Ginny grabbed onto her hand and squeezed. The cannon fired and Harry ran into the maze, wand outstretched. Audra squeezed back.  
  
  
  


They stay like that for the first hour, tense and searching for any sign that showed that Harry might be on his way out. The six of them looked pretty pathetic compared to the rest of the crowd- Neville was sitting on the very edge of his seat, Hermione kept alternating between muttering random facts about the previous tournaments and burying her head in Ron's shoulder, the twins were cracking jokes that fell flat, and Ginny hadn't spoken at all since Harry disappeared, holding tight to Audra's hand the whole time.

It was hard to stay as worried as they were, and eventually, after they got used to the idea that Harry wasn't going to be led out of the maze on a stretcher, things calmed down. Neville took snack orders around hour three, and they all took turns going to the bathroom during hour four. Audra felt tense and miserable throughout all of it, hugging herself and digging her nails into her own skin, only stopping when Fred pried her fingers away. There was a commotion when red sparks emerged the first time, followed by Fleur's scratch covered face and twig filled hair. Then the sparks came up again and Krum was carried out, and the uproar was instantaneous- no matter which champion reaches the final, Hogwarts has won.

"I can't believe it." Fred whistled low when Krum passed below them, a lump on his head and dried blood on his face. Hermione fought her way down to the ground, leaving Ron in a sour mood. "Harry might win."

"Of course he'll win." Ron said, rolling his eyes. "You new here?"  
  
  
  
  
  


Harry comes back six hours into the task, bringing Cedric and the cup with them. They erupted, cheering, and Audra didn't know who she was hugging, but she knew it was one of the girls. there was squealing, and Fred and George were chanting, but Ron threw himself back into his seat with a groan. "I don't believe it. They've both got the cup, it was a tie. Bet it was Harry's idea, the stupid git."

It was Hermione who noticed first, shushing them and holding onto Neville for balance as she leaned forward. "Something's wrong. Cedric, he's..." And all at once Audra saw what Hermione did, the way that Cedric still hadn't moved, the way his head was angled, how Harry had yet to turn towards the crowd, throwing himself onto his fellow champion's body instead. "Ron, we've got to get down there."

The two took off, pushing through people and climbing over seats. It didn't take long for the rest of the crowd to realize that something had gone horribly wrong, and the message carried up from the very first row all the way to the top- _A boy's been killed, stay in your seats, it's Cedric, don't let Cho see._ They were quiet in seconds, all of them staring, this wonderful thing gone astray like a beloved pet that suddenly bites, the joy of all the Hogwarts students dissolving into the confusion that would morph into widespread grief. The whole crowd could hear Harry sobbing, out of his mind, refusing to let go, and when Mr. Diggory held his son's pale face in his hands for the last time, his anguished screams seemed to rip the very air apart.

Audra spotted Ron and Hermione making it to the very end and being stopped by Professor Flitwick, ushering them back into the seats. Hermione snapped back, hair wild. It was the first time Audra had ever seen her disrespect a teacher, and she did so with gusto- she launched herself over railing and ran towards where they had last seen Harry, leaving Ron to protest weakly and push through on his own.

"Jesus." George swears, fluently. He looks deathly pale.

"What do you think happened?" Fred asks, seemingly unable to tear his eyes away from the scene in front of them.

"Didn't you hear Harry?" Ginny said. She was frightened, terrified, but unlike everyone else, she didn't seem to be worried about the body, no matter how horrifying it was. Her hand was shaking when Audra took it. "It was you-know-who. He killed Diggory." She didn't cry, and when she stared up at them, the resemblance between her and the twins was shocking. "He's back."

"No," George said, shaking his head. "No, he's confused, he had to have been. Right?"

Neville shrugged, looking even more disconcerted than he had before. "Harry's never lost his head before. If Harry says he's back, he's back."

Ginny throws herself at George, the first time that Audra had seen her turn towards one of her brothers for comfort. He looks just as surprised as anyone else, but he accepts it without question, telling her everything was going to be fine. If he knows that he's lying, he doesn't show it.

Audra looks at Fred, and he doesn't hesitate before opening his arms. She ducks her head into his neck and cries, and he holds her tighter, clutching at her like that might keep the two of them safe. They were just a bunch of scared kids then, holding each other close like that might keep all the bad things either away. And far away, in a graveyard that none of them knew existed, a war was beginning.  
  
  
  
  
  


The stadium was silent as it was cleared. They all made three lines- Beauxbatons towards their carriage, Durmstrang the boat, and Hogwarts students up to the castle. Cedric's body had been covered, but they all stared at it as they passed, like they were all waiting for him to get up and walk away. For a lot of them, it was the first time that they'd witnessed death firsthand.

"Don't look, Ginny," George ordered, and Fred looked like he wanted to tell Audra the same thing.

Flitwick and Sprout were there to receive them on the steps, directing them to go straight to their houses. George goes straight to the tower with Ginny, but Fred walks with Audra as long as he can. He pulls her to the side at the last second. "I'll sneak out to see you later tonight."

"Don't." She grabs his hands, both of them being buffeted by the group of students parting around them. "They've got enough to worry about without you being out of bed."

"You're going to be so far away." He has her face in his hands, and he's searching in her eyes for something. "I just, I won't know.."

"We're safe at Hogwarts, alright?" She had her fingers wrapped around his wrist, loosely, but she could feel his pulse thrumming under her thumb. It's fast. "I'll write to you tonight, see you first thing tomorrow, but don't risk your neck over something stupid, okay? I'm going to be fine. Ron and Ginny need you tonight."

"I know. Okay. I know." He presses their foreheads together, briefly, and then he turns away. She watches after him until he turns the corner.

"Come on," Emmeline tugged on her hand, pulling her forward. "We gotta go."  
  
  
  
  
  


The common room is silent.

Audra doesn't think she's ever seen it so full. Tonight, every kid was here, stuffed onto sofas and sitting on tables. Some of them were fine with sitting, just staring at walls and ceilings, but others were in constant movement, throwing things into the fire or starting and erasing letters to send to parents the next day. It's not until a small first year falls asleep and slides off her chair that a prefect gets up and ushers all the first and second years to bed, promising that the sixth and seventh years will take turns checking up on them.

They're a little more open when it's just the older students, if you can call thirteen old enough. Conversations kept popping up in hushed whispers and the occasional angry yell, but they died as soon as they start. Everywhere Audra looks, there's frightened faces and set jaws. She knows that every house probably looks like that, and all of them would have different ways of coping, but she also knows that this is the house who's kids have the most to lose. To be expected to fight for what you love is one thing, but to be expected to become the monster that gets slain is quite another.

"Did you hear what he was saying?" A fifth year that Audra had never spoken to piped up from her place by the fire. "That he's back. Do you think it's true?"

One of the boys beside her snorted, picking up an ink well and throwing it into the fire to vent his frustration. The glass glints in the flames, but the ink splatters. A fleck finds its way onto Emmeline's cheek, a vivid acid green tear against her pale skin. "We're fucked if it is. You know that, right? We'll have to join him." He would have looked brave if not for the tear tracks on his cheeks. No one laughs at him for it.

"We don't _have_ to," The girl, whose name was Peggy, argues. She's gentle, reaching an arm out to draw him back, but he turns away from her, almost spitting with rage. No one stops him from yelling back, even though they knew it would carry down the hallways to the first years.

"Are you that daft?" He spews the words out at her, at the rest of them. Audra's not sure who he's trying to convince. "You don't get to say no to this. Our parents were in, so we're in. He'll kill us if we don't."

"We don't know anything yet." Emmeline said, trying to calm them, coaxing the boy into putting down the book he had just picked up.

"What do you mean, we don't know?" Draco's voice was thin and childlike. There was panic on his face, the same one that was rising inside of all of them. Audra can feel it in herself, twisting her stomach, clawing its way up her throat, wanting to find a release. She wants to yell, but settles for punching the cold dungeon wall instead. No one sees. "You heard what Potter was screaming. He hasn't been wrong about anything yet. And healthy kids don't just die, do they?If he says he's back, he's back."

"But don't trick yourself into thinking you don't have a choice." Audra moved to the center of the room to stand beside Emmeline. "We don't have to join him. It's not an easy choice, I know that, but we have a chance to do the right thing."

"The choice to die?" Crabbe sneers at her. She wants to put her fist in his teeth.

"The choice to fight against him. People have done it, and won. You-know-who isn't untouchable. Harry proved that as a baby, and he can do it again. If we stand together, all of us, we can stay away. Our parents made their choice. It's up to us to make a better one." Audra stared at all of them, at all the tired eyes and frightened faces and disheveled robes. "And if you don't think you can do that, you can run. He doesn't give a damn about us, if we move out of reach, he won't follow. Maybe not for long, but maybe you'll be able to outlast the war. Dumbledore will help you, he has in the past."

"Why would he help us?" The same boy, the one who was now clutching a shard of glass in his hands. The blood dripped onto the bear rug he was standing on, staining the white fur. "We're death eaters."

"We're kids." She walked over to him, pried the glass from his hand. He seemed surprised to see that he was holding it. "Not killers."  
  
  


 _It's true,_ she thought later, staring up at the ceiling. _We're a lot of things, but we're not cut out for what he's going to ask us to do._ They had grown up with prejudices, grown up to be taught that they are better than everyone, groomed to be rich and privileged for the rest of their lives. It's a big jump from being spewing school yard taunts to using unforgiveable curses on anyone who stands in your way.

"Do you believe that?" Ariel, their room mate, says. The three of them had gone up to bed soon after Audra's proclamation, and they could hear the rest of the students walking down to bed, a small stream of them leaving the common room in twos and threes. No one seems to want to be alone. "What you said in there?"

"I do." She found that she did. Audra also knows that its different from her, to know that if she joins the wrong side she would soon have to fight against one of the Weasley's or Hermione or Harry, or some classmate she used to sit beside. If she joined, she would have to hurt Fred. Audra would sooner kneel defenseless at the Dark Lord's feet and let him kill her than do that. "And I think that if you've decided that you're going to run, you should talk to Dumbledore as soon as possible. I'm not sure you can go home."

They sit in silence for a little bit. There was water running, people showering and getting ready for bed like normal. There was crying in the hall, someone walking back to their dorms. Back in the common room, they had all started yelling, screaming at each other. Someone got called a coward, and then there was a massive shattering that had to have been the mirrored wall. Audra thinks she should go help, but she could hear the door slam open across the hall and decided to let the prefects handle it.

"Could we stay up together, just for a little longer?" Emmeline said. She had her knees pulled tight to her chest, and her hair was loose around her shoulders. She looks younger than normal. "I don't feel like going to sleep yet."

Together, Emmeline, Audra, and Ariel pull the mattresses off the bed and slide them in front of the fire. They pile on all the blankets and pillows they can find, open the door for the fourth years that had come knocking. There's crying on the other side of the wall, and when Emmeline goes over to check on them, she returns with four fourth years and a pillowcase that Pansy had stuffed full of chocolate frogs. It is a long night, interrupted by the yelling from the common room and the lashing of rain on the windows, but eventually they manage to huddle together and fall asleep.

They do not know, then, about what happened in the graveyard. They do not know that the Diggory's have finally been told the story of how their son was killed, and that somehow Mr. Diggory's silence was even worse than his screams. No one told them about the letters on the way to the former Order members houses, that sleep would be interrupted by a scratching at the window and a trusted handful would be reentered into a nightmare that they had never really left behind. They did not know, could not know, that finally, after so long, their parent's marks were back, burning black against pale skin, scorching, a battle cry of the worst kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	23. Harry

She's not quite sure how it happened.

One minute, she's staring into the fire and waiting for Pig to come back with Fred's letter (they'd been talking all day) and the next second she's punching Draco in the face. He'd been sitting in the corner with his goons and Pansy, proclaiming to anyone who would listen about how the dark lord's return was a good thing for them, how the natural order of things would be returned, muggles and mudbloods would be put in their rightful place. Audra had seen his face the night before, heard the crack in his voice, and she knows that this is all just false bravdo to hide how worried he really is. But he sees her little eye roll, and even though she hunches over the letter she's writing to her parents, Draco decides that she's going to be the next target that he's going to spew venom at. "Sit on the sidelines if you want, but I'm joining the winning side while I can. And if I manage to kill your precious bloodtraitor boyfriend or one of his friends while I'm at it," He stands up, walks toward her with his trademark smirk on his face, and she feels Emmeline tense beside her, watching the two of them with worried eyes. "Then all the better."

It's not a decision to stand up, really, but she's in motion anyways. The parchment flutters to the floor, and the ink well fall to the ground, a puddle spreading slowly over the ground. It's red, like blood. Draco looks frightened when she turns her wand on him, but not nearly as much as he should be. She's having trouble deciding which curse to use, she's not sure that there's one bad enough for him, but she advances on him anyways, screaming curses. The whole room is paying attention now.

He gets off a lucky disarming jinx, and had a second to look proud of himself before he realizes that she's going to hurt him, wand or not. Audra flies at him with hands outstretched, and they both career backwards into the wall, stumble. They hit the ground, and his wand rolls underneath the sofa, leaving him defenseless.

 _It's so much better to hit than to curse,_ she thinks, as she hits him again and again. He was crying, but she doesn't care, he wants him to cry, to send a message to everyone that threats on the people she loves will not be tolerated, to teach him that no matter what place he thinks he deserves in life, he will always finish last. _It's so much better to actually_ feel _it, the skin on skin, bone on bone._

He gives up on trying to fight soon and works on shielding his face instead. His nose is broken, and when he opens his mouth to yell, he spits blood into her face. His head is already swelling from where she slammed it into the wall, bruises forming on his cheeks. Audra wouldn't be surprised if she had broken his jaw, but she still kept going until Emmeline grabs her around the waist and pulls her away. Audra still gets in a few good kicks to his ribs before he's out of her reach.

"Audra, stop! Stop!" Ariel is there now, helping to keep her away, and someone else is hovering over Draco, casting spells to stop the bleeding. "Jesus, you're going to kill him, stop it!"

"He's going to be healed in a minute," She snarls, fighting. "He'll heal, and I can break him again."

"Stop this." The voice sounded from the doorway, the only one that could have made Audra stop fighting. Snape sweeps into the room, robes spread out behind him, and kneels beside Draco. In an instant, Draco was fine, but he still was lying curled up on the ground, gasping for air and staring at her, wide eyed. The blood was drying on his face. "Ms. Black, take Ms. Stanton to the hospital wing."

Audra only felt the pain when it was brought to her attention. Her lip was bleeding and her eye was going to bruise, she knew, but it was her hand that was screaming. She was sure she had broken every bone that she had, and the skin had split. Blood was streaming from her clenched hand, pouring from her knuckles. It made a puddle below her. "Come on," Emmeline hissed, pushing her forward. Her lip was bleeding, too. "Let's go."

But Audra paused, fighting against her one last time. She twisted to face Draco, knowing that he would pay attention to every word. "Threaten any of the Weasley's again, and you'll find out exactly how much I share with my aunt."  
  
  
  
  
  


Madame Pomfrey mended her hand in an instant, but she left the lip and the eye to heal the muggle way, as punishment. Emmeline left her there, a little angry, probably because Audra had elbowed her in the face sometime during the fight. Audra had decided to stay and visit Harry.

"How you doing?"

He doesn't answer her, not that she blames him. Instead, pokes at her hand, which was still crusted in blood. "How'd you break your hand?"

"I broke Draco's face." He smiles, and she shrugs, pleased to make him happy even for a second. "Makes me feel better to punch things sometimes, but it's always awful after."

"I'm fine, actually. I could leave if I wanted. It's just that, not that I don't want to be around Ron and Hermione, it's just too exhausting sometimes." She doesn't comment on it, because she gets its, really, and he seems to like that better than if she had spoken. He lets her pick through the candy that had been left for him, and tells her about how he saved Ginny in his second year, as if he could convince himself that that victory would make up for the time he lost.

"I better go, Harry." She rests her hand on his shoulder. "But if you need anything, you come find me, alright?"  
  
  


The time for her help came a few days later. She had been sitting with Ron and Hermione, telling them the story of how she broke Draco's nose, teeth, cheekbone, jaw, and lower ribs in one go, when Fred skidded around the corner. "Girls are scary," Ron said, awestruck. "Brilliant, all of you, but you're bloody terrifying."

"Audra?" Fred comes up behind them. "Can I talk to you?"

"Yeah." She knows right away that something is wrong, can tell that the smile on his face is wrong and his shoulders are too tense. The worry coiled up in her stomach, wondering what could have happened. "What's wrong?"

"It's Harry. He, well, he broke his hand and he needs someone to fix it."

"He what?" She had been jogging to keep up with him, but now they were running towards the statue of the humpbacked witch. It was the one that led to Honeydukes, where apparenltly Harry and George were waiting. "Why didn't he go to Madame Pomfrey?"

"He broke it himself." They were whispering, slowing to a walk as the statue came into sight. "Me and George found him, just standing by the lake hitting this tree, over and over. His hand was a mess, bleeding and everything, and I think he broke all his fingers. I told him you could fix it, mended us enough times." The statue slid over, revealing George and Harry. Harry was clutching his arm to his chest, and George was hugging Harry like he sometimes hugs Ron. The sight made her chest hurt.

"Hey, Harry." She crawled in beside them. "Heard you lost to a tree."

"Yeah." He laughed, but the sound cut off in a choke. "You know how you said that you feel better after you punch things? It didn't work."

"Well, to be fair," She took his hand in hers, unbent the fingers, ignored the blood that was smearing her skin. "The thing I punched was an annoying prat. I can probably find him somewhere if you want to take a turn."

He laughs, then gives a strangled cry as she made his hand go flat. She rapped it with her wand, starting at the wrist and moving up. It hurts to have a bone mended like this, each break that gets healed a tiny flash of heat and pain. Audra had once reduced George to tears when she mended his leg in four different places, but Harry didn't look concerned. The skin takes a few passes to knit back together, but when she's done, it looks like he didn't do anything. "There." She helped him make a fist, then straighten back out. "It'll be stiff for a while, but it should be okay."

"thanks, Audra." Harry sniffed, thanked Fred and George, then dissappeared out into the corridor.

"Jesus." George said, staring after where he disappeared. "Poor bloke."

"Can't imagine." Fred said. "He's going to be a nutter by the end of this, isn't he?"

"What are you talking about?" Audra's voice was sharp.

"I mean, he's watched Cedric get blasted away like he's nothing," George said, using his robes to wipe the blood of his hands. "Met you-know-who in the flesh three times now. How many more of us do you think he's going to watch die before this is over?"

"No one in this bloody tunnel is dying!" She yells, and then she bursts into tears. It's an action that shocks her as much as it shocks them, and George looks horrified.

"Aw, Audra, no, don't do that." He rubbed at her arm.

"We're going to be fine." Fred pulled her into a hug, staring pointedly at his brother. "The three of us are going to get out of this just fine, you'll see. Nothing seems able to hurt us, you know that."

And she did know that, had watched them walk away unharmed from things that should have killed them ten times over. Still, it didn't do anything to warm the icy fear that seemed to swell in her chest as she thought about the coming days. Yet, it's hard to think that two people as alive as the twins could ever die. It seemed silly to even consider.

"Yeah. Yeah, I know." She stares down at her hands, the ones that were stained in blood. "Just, poor Harry."

And, yeah. Poor Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	24. Cedric

The hall is swamped in mourning.

The banners are drenched in a black, and the candles and fireplaces remain unlit, but above them, sun is streaming through openings of the cloud covered ceiling. They had been asked to raise their glasses to Diggory and they did, the scrape of benches breaking up the deafening silence as they rise as one. The students of Hogwarts and the visiting schools drink to Cedric and the memory that he had left behind, but it is not enough. Nothing will ever be enough.

Emmeline grasps onto her hand as they stand, fingers hidden away in the folds of their robes where no one can see. At the Gryffindor table, she can see George staring down into his glass. Ron has his arm around Hermione again, who has tears streaming down her face. Over at the Ravenclaw table, Cho is crying, like she has been constantly since it happened, but Clary was staring up at Dumbledore, cheeks burning and eyes blazing, like she's ready to take up arms right that very minute. When she meets eyes with Fred, he tips his glass towards her, and she raises hers, just a tiny bit.

They are silent as they eat dinner, all the food bland and dry and not at all like an end of the year feast, but it doesn't matter. Once you're touched by grief, even in a round about way, things tend to turn to dust.  
  
  
  
  
  


Fred pulls her off to the side as the students pour out of the great hall and down their separate corridors. She expects him to talk, but he only jerks his head down the hallway, tugging her along behind them to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. George is waiting for them when they get there.

They sit in a circle on the same ratty blanket that they did on that first day of term so long ago. The memory hits her like a punch to the stomach, and she settles down on the cold floor feeling like she's underwater. There is no wild laughter or smiling faces or the feeling that everything you wanted is spread out in front of you if only you had the nerve to take it. Now she looks around and sees three kids with pale faces and chewed finger nails and the aura that comes when a child finally understands what it means to grow up. Audra stares at the sink, the one that Harry and Ron opened up to reveal the chamber of secretes behind it. It's still there, cracked and half hanging off the wall. Somehow, there is still water dripping from the faucet.

"It's starting again, isn't it?" George asked. His hands were shaking. Audra pretended not to see. "Just like last time, it's all going to start again."

"Only now we're the ones fighting." Fred mutters dully. "We're always in the thick of things, our family, and it's only gotten worse since Ron became friends with Harry."

It wasn't fair, but it was true. Yesterday, they were still just kids, never mind that they had come of age, but today they've suddenly turned into soldiers in the blink of an eye. There's no question that she will fight. Fred's right when he said that being friends with Harry puts them on the murder list, so the Weasley's don't have a choice, haven't had one since Ron sat down in the same compartment with Harry four years ago. Audra will follow the twins to hell and back if she thought it would protect them, and it seems like that's exactly where they're all going to have to go. It seems like a sick twist of fate, that things would fall apart as soon as she had thought it was all falling into place, but she watched her happy ending deteriorate before her eyes. Images of the joke shop and dinners with the Weasley twins were becoming clouded by the promise of death and torture and pain.

"He'll want you to join him." Fred stared at her, eyes wide like it was something he had never thought of before. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm not going to join. I'm fighting with you, with Harry." There was never any question of turning her back on them. "You heard Dumbledore. It's time to stand together."

"He'll kill you." It was not a question. "He'll kill you just like he did Diggory."

Audra smiled, a mouthful of broken glass. "He can try."

They did not look convinced, but Audra didn't care. They had no idea what she could do, the power that's always thrumming in her veins if she would just want to reach for it. It is dark, and gritty, and belongs more to the world of dark alleys and fist fights and illegal trading than the one she had been living, but its still there waiting just below the surface, waiting for the day she decides to use it. There are powers, unimaginable, things that no decent person would ever consider using. Things that the twins never even dreamed of.

"I feel like we should have done something more. About Diggory." She'd never really spoken to him, but it suddenly seems to be the height of injustice that a boy so bright and kind and good was destroyed by the swipe of a wand and the muttering of the spell, when all of the rest of them get to go home for the summer and just try to forget the image of his body in the grass. All he got was a bunch of glasses raised toward the ceiling and a collective oath that they will all break over the years, no matter how hard they will try to walk the path of righteousness. Sometimes, Audra knows, you do things that you've never dreamed of in order to survive.

A bottle of firewhiskey was conjured out of thin air. George snatched it before it could fall to the ground, unscrewing the bottle and throwing back a long gulp. "To Diggory."

Fred took it next, grimacing when the whiskey hit the back of his throat. "To Diggory."

Audra grabbed hold of it when it was passed to her, the glass smooth and warm under her fingers. She drains the rest of it, and throws the empty bottle at the wall just to hear it shatter. The glass broke, raining down over them and glinting in the sunlight. Pieces of it were stuck in her hair, shining like diamonds. "To Cedric Diggory."  
  
  
  
  
  


"We'll keep you safe, if it comes down to it." Fred said later, after the firewhiskey had finally been cleaned up and George had made his way back to the common room. "He's not going to hurt you."

Audra let herself lean into him, felt his hand cover hers. "You can't know that."

"I do." He was angry at her for not seeing it, for wanting to fight when he thinks she should run, for still caring about her parents even though they put her in this mess. He's angry that she wants to protect him, that she said they wouldn't be able to see much of each other this summer, angry at the truth of their situation- that from now on, the two of them together is like putting a target on their backs. "They'll have to kill me before they hurt you."

They were inches away from each other. It would be so easy to lean in, to let herself have just this one moment, but she pulls away. "You can't promise that." She thinks of Emmeline, who's in love with Clary and can't do anything about it without getting one of them killed. She thinks of Diggory, who was supposed to start an internship at the ministry this summer, and is now getting a tombstone instead. And then she looks at Fred, who she was going to leave sitting on this stupid blanket in a flooding bathroom, drunk and lost and alone. "We can't promise each other anything at all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	25. Emmeline and Clary

****

There'd been a tension between the three of them ever since Harry had come back and announced you-know-who's return. It'd been days full of words that didn't mean anything or meant to much, stretches of silence where the Audra thought that they'd be able to hear her heart climbing into her throat. Maybe they should have brought it up on their own, calmly, in a way that would allow them to discuss exactly where they're future was headed, but now the three of them were left to deal with this- Clary screaming with tears streaming down her cheeks, Emmeline yelling back with growing frustration, and Audra stuck between them, like that could possibly shield any of them should a wand be drawn.

"You'll fight against him, won't you?" Clary pleaded, like she already knew the answer. Audra was used to watching what she said around Clary. Out of the three, she was the one who needed to be protected, who was fragile, who hadn't been hurt bad enough to develop scars yet. There was nothing breakable about her now, with the fire blazing in her eyes and heat rising in her cheeks. 

Emmeline just stared back at her. She used to look at Clary like she found her whole world there, like she would do anything to protect it, but now she was just cold, the ice to Clary's flame. Audra watched the shutters fall over her best friend's face, knowing that the mask was only there to hide Emmeline's pain but would only make Clary's wounds ten times worse. Where Clary's emotions were running wild and clear in every syllable, Emmeline was somehow calm, pale and with a slight tremor in her voice, but dry eyed. "We can't." There was real pain in those words, and she took a step forward, arms outstretched, but Clary took a step back, wand in her shaking hand.

"Audra's fighting, aren't you, Audra?" She swung towards Audra with such speed that she threw her own wand up to defend herself if need be, but she just stared at her.

"I am." The words filled with her equal parts dread and relief. "You know I am."

"See?" Clary jabbed her wand in Audra's directions. Sparks shot out of the end, singing both of their robes. "She's fighting, she's being brave, why can't you?"

"Don't be stupid, she's only fighting because of Fred." Emmeline spat, and Audra was glad to see that she was at least saying something, even if it was attacking her. "You think if she wasn't in love with him she'd ever even consider turning her back on her family?"

"So she'll fight for him but you won't fight for me?" Clary's voice was a whisper now, and somehow, that was even worse than the yelling. This, Audra figured, was the real problem, that a pureblood had fallen in love with a muggleborn and now there were people telling them it was wrong. All Clary wanted Emmeline to say was that she wasn't listening. "She's doing the right thing. She's brave enough to fight for what she loves."

"It's not about who we love! It's not about what we want!" Emmeline's wand was steaming, an angry hiss that was burning her hand. She didn't pay any attention. "You have no idea what he's like, who he is, what he can do. You can't know what he'll threaten us, who he'll torture, what he'll promise to ruin. He'll destroy the things we love."

"So you'll turn your back? He doesn't need to hurt what you love if you're willing to leave them behind!" Clary broke down into sobs them, stepping forward to throw herself at Emmeline. She was crying, pathetically, clutching at her robes. "Please, I'm begging you, just say you won't join him. We can run away, he'll never find us. I'm good at charms, I can make us disappear." She pulled herself to her feet, put her hands on Emmeline's cheeks. Their faces are so close together now, she breathes out the words. "Stay with me. Run away with me and I'll keep us safe. Choose me, Emmeline. _Please._ "

Emmeline closed her eyes, briefly. It was an expression Audra recognized, one she had seen before. It belonged in memories that held the days of Emmeline's most crushing heart breaks- the news of her grandmother's death, her mother's many miscarriages, her uncle's Azkaban sentencing. She knew what was coming before it happened. "I'm sorry." She pried Clary's fingers from her robes, pushed them down to her sides. "It's not about us. It's about survival. Some of us don't get happy endings."

"Don't make this about protecting me," Clary spat, reeling backwards like she had been slapped. "You want this, don't you? This is what you've been raised for. You're going to go and kill people just to save your own skin? Mudbloods and muggles and traitors, that's who you'll kill."

"I'm sorry." Emmeline said again. Audra was sure the words cut her tongue as she said them, and was surprised not to see the blood. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't good enough! What if you have to kill me, torture one of the Weasley's, capture Audra?" There is enough of a hesitation before Emmeline's answer, not to mention the look in her eyes, to give away the truth. Clary makes a sound deep in her throat that is almost a snarl, and she launches herself at Emmeline, forgetting about her wand. Audra knows the need to hurt something, to make someone else bleed for the pain you are feeling, yet she still reacts faster than she had thought possible.

"Protego!" The sound echoes against the stone, louder than either of her friends' voices. The force of the shield spell forces all three of them back- Audra gets thrown back into the wall and Emmeline stumbles, but Clary is thrown backwards and lands in a crumpled pile. When she turns back around, her face is pale and she's cradling her wrist to her chest, but it seems that she has made up her mind.

"You do what you want, but I'm fighting on the right side. So is Audra. Be brave Emmeline, for once in your life, and do something you won't regret." She is speaking from the ground and there are tears on her white face, but she's still impressive. Emmeline doesn't take a step forward, and even Audra finds herself rooted to the spot, knowing she is not done and waiting to hear what else she has to say. "Join him, and you lose me."

Emmeline tries to reach out to her, wanting to see her wrist, but Clary jerks away. Emmeline recoils, and glares at both of them. Audra wonders if anyone else but her would have noticed the tears shining in her eyes. "Em-," She holds an arm out, placating, sure she can clear this up if she just explains, if they talk, if they have time to breathe and to think and Clary can't feel like the tears are choking her.

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Emmeline spews the words. "You don't know what you'll do when the time comes. And when it does, you'll remember just how alike we are. Slytherins always save their own skins, remember?"

Emmeline turns on her heal, stomping down the hall. Audra waits until she can no longer hear her heels on the marble before kneeling next to Clary, gathering her in her arms and letting her cry. "I can fix it."

She moves to take her wrist, to tap it with her wand, but Clary just pulls it back. "No, you can't. You can't fix anything."

Audra shushes her and fixes it anyways, wincing when she hears the sharp cracking of the bone snapping into place. "I said I loved her." Clary whispers. She looks smaller. "She never said it back."

Audra looks at her, thinks that she and Emmeline were wrong, that this little girl they thought they were protecting was stronger than both of them. "I'm sorry."

"I should have known better when she didn't say it back." Clary gets up, brushes the dirt off her robes. In the shadows, you can't even tell that there's anything wrong. "We better go."

Audra thinks about telling her that she was wrong, that Emmeline loved her, really, that she was just scared. That she'd die for her, and do it with a smile. Tell her that when the time comes, Emmeline will come through for them both.

But what good would it do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me at alwaysscripturient on instagram  
> (it's my poetry account, just please someone come and like the pictures)


	26. The Letter

_The rumors are true._

_The Dark Lord has returned, after all these years.  The story of the grave yard was true.  Those who are faithful have returned to his side and have been forgiven.  Those that stand against him, merlin forbid, will be severely punished._

_The Potter boy you grew so fond of seems to have slipped through his fingers again.  But make no mistake, that stemmed more from the Dark Lord's illness and lack of strength than your friend's skill.  That, and pure luck. But as every second passes the Dark Lord grows strong, and is becoming something more than he was before- something more god than human.  Next time they meet, he will be victorious._

_I have been gentle.  I have been kind.  I have, perhaps, let you believe in your dreams and ideals for too long without bringing you face to face with reality.  For that, and your continuous belief in what Dumbledore preaches, I take responsibility.  But this can no longer continue._

_The Dark Lord knows of your love for the Weasley boy.  He knows of the folly of a young mind fed by poisonous lies, and knows of a young girls tendency to be led astray by a charming smile.  He is merciful.  When you join us, this shall not be held against you.  When you join, you will be welcomed with welcome arms, and the bloodtraitor you love so much will not be harmed.   You will join your father and I in the highest esteem, and claim the power that lies untouched in your veins._

_If you do not join, the consequences will be severe.  Your friends will fight against them, but when Harry falls, as he must, so will they.  Harry will die.  His friends will die.  Your brother, father, and myself will be punished for your mistakes.  You will die._

_The boy you love so much will die._

_We have reached the point where no one can remain innocent.  It is time to choose a side._

_For your own sake, and mine, I hope you choose wisely._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	27. McGonagall

Audra had never been a particularly brave person.

She'd given it some thought over the years, wondering where you draw the line between brave and stupid, if maybe they have to go hand in hand.  She's watched the twins do things that took bravery and nerves of steel, she'd give them that, but they'd also seemed incredibly idiotic to her- jumping off of cliffs, scaling buildings, taking shots of questionable alcohol.  Sometimes, she thinks, there's a point where you just have to turn away from things, even if it makes you a coward.

 _But,_ she admits now, raising one white knuckled fist to knock on the door, _courage, and power, these are words that I know well._

The door swings open, revealing McGonagall.  The professor wasn't often surprised, but it was clear that whoever she had been expecting to see on the other side of this door, it wasn't Audra.  "Professor," Audra said, the word coming out in a gasp of relieved breath.  She looked into her face, but the open concern on her face was too much, so she studied her hands instead.  There was still ink on them, ink that her mother had used to shape those horrible words.  "Could I talk to you?"

"Ms. Stanton,"  She stared down at her over the rim of her glasses.  She was an intimidating woman, a terrifying one, and one of the most skilled witches to walk these halls.  Audra knew, even if she wanted to run to Molly and beg for help, or demand that Snape give her a way out, or even rage to her parents, Professor McGonagall was one of the only people who could really help her.  "What can I do for you?"

Audra sits down in the seat that was offered, and McGonagall settles down on the opposite side of the desk.  Part of her wants to turn and run, but the part that kept seeing Fred and George's face, the part that can still feel Clary's shoulder shaking from the force of her sobs, is telling her that she has to do this.  "It's true that Voldemort's back."

She does not stumble when she says the name.  She does not flinch.  Neither does McGonagall. 

Professor sighs, rubbing at her forehead as if to ward off a migraine.  "It certainly appears so, Ms. Stanton."

"Then I need your help."

There's a startled pause, and just when Audra thought she was going to be told there was no reason to help someone from a family like hers, McGonagall rummaged around in her desk drawer and brought out a tin, which contained what looked like triple chocolate brownies.  "Have a sweet, Audra."

Audra did, and then another, and by the third she was talking in a flood of words, trying to impress on McGonagall the unfairness of her situation, the incredibly complicatedness of it all, why it's so important that she must be protected in order to protect the ones she cares about.  "You see, don't you?  My parents were death eaters.  They still are.  They were in that grave yard, they tortured Harry, they were going to watch a child die, and even if Voldemort hadn't come back, I wouldn't be able to return home just because of that.  Because they would have let one of my friends die in the dark just because they were cowards."

"That doesn't mean you have to join them," Professor McGonagall said.  At some point, she had came around the desk and was sitting in the arm chair right beside her, holding tightly onto her hands.  Audra thought if she had had less time to prepare herself for this, or if McGonagall's nerves were made of something other than steel, one of them may have started crying. 

"But it does.  They were death eaters, and they still are.  And when He comes to me and tells me to join, I'll have to say yes, or I'll die.  And I'm not going to say yes, even if that's the only answer left for me to give."  She studies her hands again, like the answers could be found there.  When she speaks again, her voice is softer.  "I'm not saying this because I'm brave, or particularly heroic.  I know it's wrong, but if it was just about me, I would join just to save my own skin.  But if I do, that means I stand with the side that's going to want to kill Clary.  If I do, I might be expected to hurt one of the Weasley's, and I won't do that."  She tosses her hair behind her back and glares, and when she catches sight of herself in the mirror, the thought that she looks like Bellatrix cuts into her like a knife.  "No one's going to hurt anyone I love.  Certainly not me."

Of course, it wasn't as simple as that, because Emmeline and her brother and her parents are all joining up the first chance they get, and some day she might have to fight against some underclassmen she comforted in the common room, but she can't make there choices for them.  "I still don't see what I can do for you."

"I know you're in the Order.  I know you're all going to fight again.  And I'm telling you now, I'm ready to help, to fight, in any way I can."  She could feel the itch in her arms again, the one that comes when she's sure of her own skill, of her own deadly, precise power.  It's the feeling she gets when its time to fight.  "If you say no, I have to run, at least until things get going.  I'll disappear into America, into one of their cities, and hide, and come back when the fighting starts."

"Dumbledore ran the Order, Audra."  Professor McGonagall, who Audra had never once seen lose her composure, had a waver in her voice.  "It's him who decides."

"Then talk to her for me.  Tell him,"  Audra pauses, breathes in a shuddering breath, and then lets it out slowly.  She knows the story of Snape, knows what her next words will be offering.  "Tell him I can use Occulemcey, and use it well."

"You're so young," McGonagall says finally, and her voice is very old.  "So young, all of you, and you're all so ready to fight.  You believe what you believe and you love who you love and that seems to be it for you, all of you, for better or worse.  You shouldn't have to _die_ for something you don't even understand."

"Are you telling me no?"

She wasn't.  Of course she wasn't.  Hogwarts is supposed to be a school for children, but just a few weeks ago, it turned into a school for warriors.  Soon, it will be a battlefield, but they don't know it yet.  "You're still in school.  You have so much life to live.  And I want to keep you away from that."

"It doesn't matter much what I went, Professor.  But the bad guys will come calling whether I want it or not."  Audra squeezes her hand in a gesture meant to comfort, then gets up to leave.  "And you don't need NEWTs to be a death eater."

Professor McGonagall doesn't stand up when Audra walks to the door, but she doesn't stop staring at her with an expression caught halfway between pain and pride.  There's respect, there, too, a type of respect she never expected to see from a woman like her.  Respect that comes from your equals, not your superiors.  "Audra Stanton,"  She says, in a tone that makes it feel like a good bye and a hello all at once.  "You would have made an excellent Gryffindor."

 _Maybe being brave isn't all about the daring acts in the glory,_ Audra thinks later, walking down the halls with Fred and George, trying to feel like a child for one of the last times in her life.  _Maybe it's about loving someone so much, you bear whatever comes their way with them, just so they don't have to do it alone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	28. Dumbledore's Offer

This was not Audra's choice of compartments. These were not her friends. This is not how she wanted to spend her second to last train ride home, but sometimes, you have to do things you don't want to do. There's a conversation swirling around her, one that involved a lot of comments about mudbloods and blood traitors and name dropping, but she's not listening. Instead, she's watching the rain roll down the window pane, hearing the echo of the conversation that happened only a few days ago.

_She'd never had a chance to talk to Dumbledore before, but if she had stopped to wonder what the conversation would have been like, Audra certainly wouldn't have imagined something like this. She wouldn't have thought she would have been taken out of bed in the middle of the night by Snape and led to the Gargoyle protected staircase, and when the door swung open, she'd be facing not only the Headmaster, but also Proffesor Moody (the real one), Professor McGonagall, Mr. Weasley, Proffessor McGonagall, Bill, Hagrid, and the stangers that were soon introduced as Tonks and Kingsley._

_"Minerva tells me you wish to fight," The Headmaster said. His eyes, which normally sparkled with a wonderful kind of light, were serious, but still kind. "And that you can do Occlumency. Are you aware of what you could do with that skill?"_

_"Yes," She breathes out, because she had known, but she also knows that if it came down to it, she would do whatever he asked of her. "Yes, I know."_

"Hello?" A hand waved in front of her face, claw like nails painted an acid green. Emmeline. "You with us?"

"Yeah," Audra smiled a smile she did not feel, and knew it looked convincing. "Just a bit tired."

"We were just saying how surprised we were that you came to sit with us instead of the weasels." Draco said. She might have been angry, but could not manage it, not when he was sitting cross legged like a child and drawing patterns in the fog on the window. "Finally come to your senses?"

It's good natured teasing, and he says it with a fondess in his voice, like its only right that cousins should sit beside each other on the train ride home. Like they'd never done anything different. She's suddenly sorry that they never have before, and wonders if she had stuck around more, he might have turned out different. "Something like that."

_"It's too dangerous!" Mr. Weasley exploded, the tips of his ears burning red. She doesn't think he's ever spoken in front of these people like that, but now he's placed himself between her and the rest of the room, like he could possibly shield her from the thing that was just asked of her. "A spy? Like Snape? She's a child!"_

_"It's too dangerous!" Hagrid roared. Audra had spent enough time in his classes to grow fond of him, and knowing that she must argue against him hurts._

_"I think its going to get dangerous for everyone, Hagrid." She said, stepping around Arthur to stand in the center of the room again._

_"The question isn't how dangerous this is going to be." Professor Moody growled, magical eye spinning like it could see straight through her and into her soul. "It's wether or not she can do what's being asked of her."_

_"If she's half the witch her aunt was, and from what I've heard of her, there's no doubt in my mind that she is, she'll be able to handle it." Professor Lupin spoke up from his corner of the room, and in his face she saw someone else who had been forced to fight too much, much too young. "Welcome to the Order, Audra."_

She gets tired of sitting there faster than she expected, and now she's up wandering the corridors. Audra knows she has a part to play, but its easy enough to fake motion sickness and the need for a bit of space. They accept the excuse easily enough and let her slip out of the compartment.

Audra weaves between groups of people, dodging elbows and smiling in a half hearted hello. She keeps moving, as if she could outrun this new feeling of dread that has settled onto her shoulders, but when she finally finds an empty corridor, she slumps against the wall. It's the first time she lets herself feel the exhaustion.

She thinks she would have stayed there all day, but a door beside her slides open to give more room to all the people jammed inside, and voices leak out. "Is Audra not sitting with us?"

Audra recognizes Ron's voice, innocent and oblivious as always. They can't see her, but it still makes her jolt back in a panic, realizing for the first time what Snape meant when he told her that she needed to play her part, and play it well. "No," That was Fred, his voice as familiar to her as her own, even if its tinged with something that's a little bit like anger. "We won't be seeing much of her for a while."

_There are invisible fingers pushing against her mind, grasping at the edges where her block begins, groping in the fog for something substantial. She can feel them as clearly as she would have felt a hand on her face, and Audra pushes back with even more force, weaving a block with such subtletly that if you had not known it was there, you would not know where to look. The hand pulls back, and Audra is already beginning to smile with premature relief when it comes back like a beaters bat to the back of her head, the force of it so strong that she falls to the ground with a cry. She feels something in mind break, and the migraine pours in like flood through a broken down dam. The pain pairs well with the skinned knee and broken wrist._

_"Please," She begs, pulling her arms up to shield her head even though she knows it will do nothing, help nothing. "Please, no more, please professor."_

_Audra is not a girl accustomed to begging, or crying, but she is doing both now. It's probably four in the morning now, and she was running only on a few precious hours of sleep from the night before. Right after her meeting with members of the Order in Dumbledore's office, Snape took her down to the dungeon, and that was where she stayed, her mind being attacked relentlessly. "No more?" He yells, and the words stab at her bruised brain. "No more?" Snape grabs her by the front of her robes, hauls her to her feet, and slams her back against one of the cupboards. One of the jars falls to the ground and shatters, green slime seeping into her shoes. "The Dark Lord does not show mercy. You can not ask for kindness, or give it. You must keep your cover at_ all _costs. You will torture, you will kill, and you will swear loyalty without hesitation. Do you understand?" He lets her drop to the floor. "Again."_

_She glares at him, unsure how he expects her to stand on shaky legs. But she grabs onto the arm of the chair and pulls herself to her feet again, head held high, and when his subconcious reaches out to touch hers, Audra has already constructed the wall that must now always be there._

_He does not break through._

She makes it back to the Slytherin compartment a few minutes before they pull into the station. They all look up when the door slides open with a screech, but their faces split into relieved smiles when they see that it's her.

"You feeling better?" Emmeline asks. She's balancing on Goyle's and Crabbe's hands so she can crawl up onto the suit case rack and free the sweater that had gotten tangled into the bars.

"A little yeah. Got sick, so I thought I should stay in the bathrooms."

They all nod sympathetically, but when the train screeches to a stop, they pour past her into the hallway. To her surprise, it is Draco who stays by her side. "I thought you might be getting sick when you stayed away for so long, so I got you some gilly water. Get the taste out, you know?"

She stares at the little bottle he had placed in her hand, touched. Audra hears herself say thank you, but he just pats her on the shoulder and goes off in search of his parents. She follows him, levitating her suitcase beside her.

Audra passes the Weasley's. In better days, she would have stopped and said good bye, and made plans to meet up in the coming weeks. Today, all she can do is stop and stand, staring wistfully after them. Ginny raises a hand in a wave, forgiving and brave as always, but George pushes her hand back to her side. When she walks away, she can feel them all looking at her.

_"I won't be able to see you this summer." Audra says. They are standing in one of their hide aways, the secret spots that only they know about. "There's going to be a lot going on."_

_"I thought we said we'd stay together?" George demanded. "That no matter what happened, we'd deal with it like we always did. That this isn't changing any of us."_

But God, _she thought depserately, wildly,_ doesn't he get it, we've already changed, we've all grown so much, they cannot turn back now.

_She doesn't say it. "I know. I know, and I'm sorry, but it's not safe. Not safe for you, not safe for me."_

_"We're not running away from you." Fred says, reaching out to her. It's meant to comfort, and she lets herself sink into his arms one last time before pulling away. That night in Dumbledore's office, they had all (even Mr. Weasley) agreed that she must sever ties with the twins, no matter what she has to to say. If they were to come face to face with someone before Audra's situation can be explained, they must think of her as someone who means very little to them._

_"Yeah," George says. "We're not scared. We'll steal you away if we have to."_

_"I'm not scared." She says, wiggling out of their arms. "It's just that, right now, it's not good for someone like me to be seen wtih people like you."_

_"People like us?" Fred's voice had a hollow echo, like he can't believe she would say things._

_"Don't make me say it." She begs, and they don't, but they do turn and leave her in the dark. Fred pauses in the door way, and there is no anger on his face, just a deep disappointment._

_"I though you were better than the rest of them. I was wrong," He laughs, short and bitter. "I guess we should have expected nothing more from a Slytherin."_

Audra shakes her head, trying to make that particular memory leave. Then she smiles, holding her head high and waving her arm in a lazy greeting. She intends to act calm and collected, to keep her cool until she has enough privacy to fall apart, but then there's a hand on her arm and a familiar face leaning down to hug her. "Miss me?"

"Vance!" The excitement is not faked this time, and neither is the force with which she hugs him. "I thought you were with you girlfriend on holiday for the summer?"

"We decided to stay here this year." He smiles, pleased and surprised at the warm welcome. Audra thinks of another time where his face and his golden curls loomed over her, but pushes that memory away. It doens't matter anymore. "Exciting things are happening, little sister."

Audra lets herself be wrapped in a hug by her mother as well, even if it didn't feel very motherly. "Did you have time to think about what I wrote you?"

"I did. And you were right." Audra pulled apart from her and smiled, destroying the last bit of reluctance that she might have had. "It's time for me to grow up and choose where I stand." She takes a deep breath, catches sight of a flash of red disappearing off the platform, and turns away like the sight burns her. "I stand with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	29. Home

The house seems to have grown colder in the time that she's been gone.

Hogwarts is certainly a big place, with hallways that make your footsteps echo and cold marble and cavernous ceilings, but she still wasn't prepared for the return to the enormous structure of Stanton castle. It's marble and glass and golden chandeliers that drip with crystals, giant picture windows stretching up the walls and great stone fireplaces where the fire is always roaring. There are no photos, no blankets or throw pillows, no couch that you can sink into after a hard days work. Audra's home is a cold place, and always has been.

But she supposes its also a part of the girl she has to be now, someone who appreciates things that are made from stone and blood money, so she tosses her suitcase to the side and leaves it for Vinnie to find. She stalks down the hall and climbs the stairs, the heels of her boots clicking on the stone floor. Her parents hear her coming, and the two shadows draw apart and move to opposite sides of the room. By the time she makes it in there, trying to look like the fighter she tells herself she can be, both of them are smiling from opposite sides of the room.

"Audra," Her mother smiled, a very real smile. It's one that makes her remember that this is not the enemy, not really, even if they are doing bad things to good people for all the wrong reasons. Despite what they've done, they are her flesh and blood, and she loves them with all her heart. It's the same heart that she's given to the Weasley family, as well as Hermione and Harry and countless others. The thought does not change things, but it does make it harder. "We thought you would want to go to sleep right away. It's been a long couple weeks for you, hasn't it?"

She wonders if she knows, from the parents of other children, about how the Slytherins have been having nightly sleepovers together in the days since Cedric's death. About how they stay in the common room to eat grilled cheeses and smores until they can't keep their eyes open anymore, and then the sixth and seventh years drag the little ones to bed. About how eventually, they all end up in the same room, all of them feeling the same exact fear for very different reasons.

"I figured we should talk." She throws herself into the arm chair in a way that certainly wasn't lady like. It also looked a bit like someone who found a pile of junk and managed to turn it into a throne. ( _Her Aunt Cissy said Bella used to sit like that, like her friends were her court and the world was hers to rule. So many things they share._ ) "Things are changing."

"Yes," Her mother says, pausing. She was smiling that trembling smile, the one she wore on her first day of flying lessons, and on the night of her first party, and the day she first went to Hogwarts. It was not a good sign. "So many things have changed. You've changed." Her voice was the same one she used when she would talk Audra into letting her rip off a band aid, or when she held her when she was sick. It was the voice of bad things. "He wants to meet you, Audra."

There was no need to ask who he was. "And I him."

"You have to make a good impression." Her mother knelt by her side, gripping her hand tightly in a surprisingly strong hold. "He needs to be impressed."

"Don't worry mother." Audra raises her hand to her mothers face, pushes one greying curl out of the way. On her hand, her family ring glinted in the light of the fire. "I'm nothing if not impressive."

They left her soon after. She wonders if they found this new version of her a little unsettling. It probably should bother Audra more, that she could slip into this personality as easily as changing clothes, but it doesn't. She had been given years of training on how to walk and how to talk, on what to believe and how to look at the world. And then she had heard whispers of who her Aunt had been and what they were all expecting Audra to become. It is not so easy to turn into someone else when that's who everyone has been seeing all along.

Neither of her parents had questioned it when she had said that she wanted to stay in the library tonight. It had always been her favorite room in the house, probably because it was the one that felt the most lived in. She had spent hours in here as a child, learning all sorts of things, wonderful stories about heroes and princesses and knights in shining armor. And if this was last year, she would have spent this time with her brother, the two of them eating toasted cheese by the fire and catching each other up on all the wonderful things that had happened. But tonight, she was alone, left in the dark and empty library.

Which was a good thing, because she had a job to do. Audra ran to the desk, heart pounding, and started to rummage through the drawers where she knew her mother kept important things. Her parents didn't bother with enchantments, so it wasn't hard for Audra to shuffle through the junk and remove the false bottom underneath, revealing the bundles of letters. She rifles through them, lines jumping out - _the Dark Lord requests Audra's presence, the prophecy must be gathered, the boy must die, the next meeting is on the 17, the Dark Lord grows stronger than he was ever before, the time for action is now_ \- before she duplicates them and stuffs the copies up her sleeve.

It's not a moment too soon. Her brother opens the door with his usual charisma, leaning in the doorway. "I'm surprised you haven't come to see me." Vance said, grinning. "Or is our yearly tradition over? Vinnie's already making the snacks."

Of course it isn't over." This doesn't take much effort either, falling into the role of the adoring and much adored younger sister. "I just needed a few minutes to myself. Lot going on."

"Are you worried?" Vance crosses the room in a few steps and makes his way over to her. He'd always been tall, and even now he towered over her. "Don't be. He'll see the promise in you, and soon enough you'll be his right hand man."

He pulls her into a hug, and she lets him. Despite everything, it's comforting for her to have her older brother protect her. Vance doesn't even notice the crinkle of the letters tucked into her sleeve.  
  
  
  
  
  


Audra makes her way to her room just as the sunlight started to pour through the window. She wants nothing more than to sleep, but she can't, not yet, not when she has a job to do. She sits down at her desk instead, the one where last year she penned letters to the twins about quidditch and joke shops.

_Bill,_

_Here's the letters. They were all I could find tonight, but they were right where Snape said they were. I'm not sure how important they are, but they do have dates, and talk quite a bit about Harry. I couldn't look through them in detail, I'm too terrified that they'll find them if I keep them for too long._

_Vance is with them. He already has the mark. My brother was the first of the new recruits, but he's not alone- others of his class, and those in the class above, as well as a few from Durmstrang that Voldemort found through Karkaroff. It's a whole new group of death eaters to join the old._

_And they're already talking about setting the prisoners free from Azkaban. He likes the dementors, and thinks they'll help. And he wants my aunt to be by his side again._

_With love, and hope that I will see you soon, Audra._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come visit me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	30. Summer

Summer slips by like it always does, a slow chain of lazy days that slide by without her really noticing.  She spends it losing herself in the feeling of familiar things- eating alone in the kitchen with Vinnie bouncing and curtsying at her feet, playing fetch with her dog, working on her potions.  Audra walks through the over grown  garden just as the sun rises, because she can't ever sleep anymore.  The dew covered grass is so cold it stings her feet and the tangle of roses reach out to her, thorns snagging on her robes and scraping against skin.  She spends nights hanging so far out the window she's half afraid she might fall, just so she can breathe clean air and sitting around campfires and scribbling letters to friends to send off (but not to Clary, not to Ginny or Harry or Hermione or Ron, and definitely not the twins).  There are dreary days spent curled up in the library with her books and warm days in Diagon Alley or splashing around in the river back in the woods.  It's almost the same, except that she has not told the twins any of her ideas for new products and has not seen the Weasley's at all, and when she slips up and mention's Clary's name, Emmeline's face whitens with the pain of it.

She and Emmeline have made quite a pair this summer.   They turn their fear and anger into wicked things, into shows of power and talent that definitely would have gotten them put in detention for a month back at Hogwarts.  Tonight was one of those nights.

It's a night where bad feelings claw their way up their throats and make a lump there, where their hearts pound so fast it's like they might break and their stomach's squirm with the knowledge that this is wrong, and the itch in their wrists and arms make them want to claw their own skin off.  Audra wants to destroy herself so she destroys other things instead- barrels of trash she sets on fire, park fountains she makes explode into the air, trees that she rips from the roots and send flying across the clearing.  Tonight they are throwing bottles into the sky as high as they can, and the other shoots them down. 

Shattered glass rains around them.  It grinds underneath their feet and sparkles in the firelight, snags at Audra's hair and catches in her clothing.  "Come on,"  Emmeline shouts, waving her wand lazily in the air.  "Four at a time, new record.  Bet I can get them all."

Audra laughs, drunk on the pain and the fear and the wine they had drunk.  They'd drank their fill before making them explode, and tried to catch the drops on their tongue when they fall.  She cheats and uses her wand to send five full bottles flying, up, up, up into the night sky until they can barely see them. 

Emmeline shoots them all down, and stands at the glass rains down around her.  She spins in a circle with her arms out stretched, robes billowing, hair fanning out behind her.  Wine is trickling down her face, staining her skin red, like blood. 

"Screw them.  Screw _her._ Look at this, look at us!"  Emmeline shrieks, and she points her wand at the box of wine they have not yet touched.  It explodes, a wave of wine and glass crashing over everything, cutting their skin and soaking their clothes.  The fire sputters, but it's magic, so it flares back up a second later.  The pain makes Audra sober, suddenly, looking around at what they had done and what they had waster.  "We're more than them.  We're better."  She grips onto Audra's hands and looks at her with eyes that beg for her to agree.  " _I'm_ better."

 

Audra has a falcon now.  She's named her Artemis, after the goddess of the hunt, who swears off love and lived by the light of the moon.  It's not exactly Hogwarts approved, but it's a dangerous thing, and she doesn't feel like dragging more gentle beings into this to act as collateral damage.  It nips at her fingers when it feeds, and its claws cut into her shoulder when it takes off, but sometimes it nuzzles its head into her shoulder, and Audra knows it loves her.  Plus, when she needs to send letters to Mr. Weasley or Bill, there's no chance that the twins would recognize her.

She filters information to the Order.  Some of it's still coming from her parents and the mail that she reads when she's sure that she won't be caught, but most of them comes from the parties she's starting to attend and the circles she now spins through.

It's information that comes to her at dinner each night, when she's sitting at the end of a long table with her mother and father and Vance before her, when she picks at expensive, dry food and dreams of Mrs. Weasley's family dinners, when she keeps her ears turned towards the details her mother lets slip.

It's information that comes from the parties her parents drag her to.  Where she meets important people and smiles at the compliments and accepts the advances and leers from men three times her age.  Where there are cabinets filled with questionable powders and muffled howls coming from the dungeon, where pixies are frozen immobile in the air and glow in place of candlelight.  Where once she was dancing to beautiful violin music with a nice pureblood boy whose parents were hosting the party, and when he spun her around the room, she caught a glimpse of the chains that were holding the muggle performers to the floor.  Where sometimes she catches Snape's eye across the crowded room and raises sour wine to red painted lips in a sort of private toast.

It comes from parties with the other anti-muggle fanatics, all of them pretending to be something they're not.   They set fire to sheds and tip over playground equipment, make things explode and break into shops just to smash everything to pieces.  One night, they set a liquor store on fire and get drunk off the fumes.  A few times they snatch people and show them what magic is, what power means, and then modify their memory, leaving them crying and scared on the sidewalk with no memory as to why.  They have bonfires at their expensive manors and estates where they scream to the night sky about mudbloods and blood traitors and world domination.

She writs to McGonagall about these, because she cannot bear to tell the Weasley's what she has done and what she has seen and what she has let happen, even if it was under Dumbledore's orders.  For the greater good, he had told her, and she listened even if it made her skin crawl and reduced her to tears at night.  Her hand shakes when she tells the professor what her brother had done and what other young people have already joined.

 _These are hungry people,_ she tells her.  _They will not stop until they have had their fill._

 

She falls into the role of loving daughter and sister without missing a step.  They do not look too closely at her new opinions, too afraid of making this new version of her disappear if they pressed too hard.  When asked about the Weasley's, Audra gives them the answer they have always been hoping for- Audra has come to her senses and found better people to hang around with.  She has always loved these people, despite their faults, so it's a bit of relief to finally be the person they have always hoped she would become.  She's no longer sure, when she lets her brother pull her close or gossips with her mother or helps her father with a tricky bit of transfiguration, how much of it is real and how much of it is an act. 

It's because of this that she can let her mother drag her to Diagon Alley without protest or argument.  What would have once been a tense and charged day has become enjoyable, the two of them ducking into Gringotts and having lunch at the Leaky Cauldron for lunch before heading over to Madam Malkin's.  "It really is a beautiful dress," the shop woman said, speaking around the pins in her teeth.  "What's it for?"

"Her birthday party.  She turned 17 back in February, but because she was at Hogwarts, we couldn't throw her a party."  Her mother smoothes down a piece of fabric in the side and smiles at her fondly.  Their reflections in the mirror look nothing alike, but they hold themselves the same- regal, like royalty.  

"Better late than never, that's what I say."  Audra smiles at the woman, and then falls back into the easy small talk that women always have when shopping or getting their hair down.  She turns this way and that and watches the reflection of a girl she does not recognize.  The dress really is beautiful, beautiful and expensive, and the fabric is so smooth it runs over her hands like water.  The emerald green stands out against her pale skin and dark hair, and leaves her arms bare.  It makes her look beautiful, but it's a kind of beautiful that reminds her of broken glass or fire- pretty too look at, but bad to touch.  She also knows, even as her mother pays for the dress and its wrapped in tissue paper, that even though it was meant for her coming of age party it's being bought to impress someone else entirely.

"Are you ready to go?"  Her mother asks, hiking her bag up over her shoulder. 

"Actually, do you mind if I stay?  Get out of the house for a bit?"  Audra lets her eyes wander over towards the potions store, even if she has no intention of going in.  She knows her mother wouldn't want to go with her in there.  Audra always wants to spend hours.

"Oh, alright."  It's a motherly voice, a tired voice. "But come home soon."

She waits until her mother disappears into the crowd and then turns to Gringotts, lurking back in the shadows.  Audra had caught a glimpse of red hair through the window- two faces entering the shop and turning back just as fast.   She waited just long enough to almost give up when they came into her field of vision, two freckled red heads taller than everyone else.  They're in their best robes, talking to a man in a suit.  Both of them were clearly trying to impress.

"Any idea what they're up too?"  Audra jumped, then relaxed when she saw it was just Bill.  "they told mum they were visiting Lee."

"No clue."  She should know. 

The two of them sat in silence, Bill wasting most of what was probably his lunch break.  Audra didn't bother telling him to go away or to leave her alone, she was too busy drinking in the sight of her friends.  "You shouldn't be here.  It's dangerous to do things like this."

"I didn't plan it.  I just happened to see them, no one here knows what I'm doing.  Besides,"  She picks a piece of stone loose from the pavement, flicks it away.  "I wanted to see them before things change.  While I'm still sure I'm one of the good guys.  Don't take that away from me."

"You're always going to be one the good guys.  It's not something you can get rid of."

"I hope so."  The twins were smiling, shaking hands with the man.  They were happy.  Something good has happened.  "Can you do me a favor, Bill?"

"Anything."  Audra believed him.  He was incredibly responsible and grown up for a man with a dragon tooth earring.

"If things go badly, tell them why I had to say those awful things and burned all the letters and never let them visit this summer.  Tell them the truth.  Please,"  She swallowed hard, surprised at the tears in her eyes.  "Let them know I was trying to be a good guy."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	31. The Dark Lord

The limousine they ordered pulls up to the Malfoy Manor without a sound.  Audra accepts the hand reaching down to help her out and slides out onto the gravel sidewalk, staring around at the long lane lit by lamp posts and iron gates.  They could have apparated or used floo powder, but her mother decided to go for the more dramatic entrance.  Sometimes, Audra knows, it's better to shine than be subtle. 

"Ms. Stanton."  Draco appears at her side and sweeps down into an exaggerated bow.  He straightens back up with a smile, the kind that you see between two people who've developed an easy type of friendship.  "May I escort you to the grand festivities that await?"

Audra laughs, and takes the arm that he offered.  "You may."

The door flies open when he reaches the top steps, saving her the bother of knocking and waiting for one of the house elves to let her in.  A second later Audra's glad that she has her cousin's arm to hold onto.  She doesn't think she'd be able to make it through the shock of the grandeur and sheer amount of people inside if she hadn't been holding onto his arm. 

The party, technically, was for her, to make up for the uncelebrated birthday that had passed back in February. It was hard to be disappointed in the turn out, even if the sheer magnitude of the effort that they had gone to- heavy oak tables, leather sofas surrounding a great stone fireplace, floating candles and sparkling light.  There is music floating from invisible speakers, classical (her mother probably picked it out) and a table overflows with food.  There's a fountain flowing with wine that the adults are already dipping their glasses into, and another seeping chocolate, which Draco leaves her to join Crabbe and Goyle at. 

Her birthday is an excuse, she amends later, after she's accepted compliments and smiled and had her fill of both the wine and the chocolate.  It's an excuse for them all together someplace where they can hope to impress the man who will never be pleased, the women dripping jewels and the men oozing power.  It was never about her at all.

"You made it!"  Emmeline shrieks from across the room.  She's in a blood red dress and has diamonds woven through her hair, making her shimmer every time the light falls on her.  Her eyes are darting around the room like a wounded animal, but the smile on her face is real, and when she finally weaves her way across the room to her, she stuffs a tiara down on her head.  "So everyone knows that tonight is about you," she explains.

They eat dinner, which Audra decided to turn into one giant serving of dessert.  Her friends follow her lead, and the adults smile at them indulgently, because you can get away with these things when you're young and beautiful and more than a bit of a spoiled brat.  Then someone drags her to the couch for presents, and it is an endless cycle of surprise and smiles and shiny things- jewelry and dresses, books and shining potions equipment, throwing knives and mysterious powders and one expensive bottle of brandy that's warm to the touch, tickets to the wizarding orchestra and VIP passes to a weird sisters concert.  She says thank you after each of them, and they all wave her thanks away like it was nothing- and to them this was nothing, nothing to acquire these meetings with powerful people and goblin made accessories and slightly illegal things. 

"You aren't going to dance?"  Snape appears at her side like a shadow melting off the wall.  His lips curls up in distaste, like people doing something as frivolous and extravagant as dancing, but Audra just smiles and leans back against the wall.  She is still wearing the tiara.

"Not right now.  Just watching."  It was nice to watch, to feel the swell of the music and watch the party evolve, like dusk turning into night.  Laughter rings out like the clink of crystal, and the food turns into crumbs.  There are splatters of chocolate and drips of wine on everyone's arms, but their faces are still painted and dresses still pristine.  On the dance floor, skirts swirl and fall as the women are twirled in their partners arms.  "They certainly went to a lot of trouble for this."

"It's a show of power.  He enjoys those."  Audra doesn't need to ask who He was this time, either, and Snape doesn't say.  "He waits for you tonight, when all this is over."

She had known, even if no one had told her, that that's what all this was really about.  They are operating in secret, still, so it's helpful to have an excuse when they gather together.  It's probably been what all these gatherings have been about, secret meetings in the cover of darkness hidden by public revels.  Audra meets Emmeline's eyes across the crowd, and she raises one hand in acknowledgment- _tonight,_ her eyes say, _tonight we truly come of age._

 _Tonight,_ her aunt Narcissa whispers, fingers gripping her wrist and eyes searching Audra's face.

 _Tonight,_ Lucius murmurs, the snake shaped tip of his cane tracing over the straps of her dress when he corners her in the hallway.

She dances with Vance, the two of them moving in tandem and his hands firm on her waist, protective and proud like a brother should be.  _The world will be ours, sister,_ Vance promises, and she looks over her shoulder to see Snape already looking at her, raising a glass in a lone toast so the champagne sparkles in the light.  _Tonight._

 

The party drips on, seconds into minutes and minutes into hours that disappear in the splashing of wine and the swirl of dances.  As time goes on, the younger ones seem to melt away, disappearing into one of the lounges.  They are sprawled across sofas and sitting on tables, incredibly beautiful as deadly things sometimes are.  The music seeps underneath the seal of the doors.  It should have been a more relaxed place when they are with friends and have no one too impress, seeing as the girls have taken apart their hair so it falls in messy tangles and the boys have lost their ties, but it's more tense, more charged.  _Tonight,_ they have all been told.  _Tonight they will choose._

Draco, she notices, is no where to be seen.  Maybe he's too young.  Or maybe her aunt and uncle aren't as willing to use their own flesh and blood as cannon fodder as she would have thought.  Maybe Draco is still being given a chance to choose.

They call them out one by one.  Audra watches them all go with worried eyes, and when Emmeline passes her she reaches out to squeeze her hand, until she's left alone.  When Vance finally comes to get her, every inch of his body practically vibrating with excitement and no small amount of fear, she keeps her head held high and climbs the stairs with shaking legs. 

She pushes the door to the library open like she had been instructed.  There is a body on the ground, with blank eyes and awkwardly twisted limbs, but she does not spare him more than a glance before stepping over him.  She only moves forward to kneel beside the leather arm chair, bowing her head so her hair tumbles down to hide her face.  "My Lord," she breathes, and when she feels him press into her mind, she doesn't flinch.  He can look, but he will not see anything more than what Audra wants him too.

"You look so much like Bella," He says finally, one pale finger tracing her cheek.  He is both greater and more terrible than her brother had described- skin like snow and eyes an unearthly red, snake like slits for a nose and elongated fingers.  He's so thin she thinks she should be able to see every bone in his body.  Audra shudders under his touch, but doesn't look away, and he smiles.  "I have heard you share other things with her, as well."

"Yes."  She does not look away, cannot look away.  Does not dare.

"And I have heard that you have Dumbledore's trust.  That you made some friends while I was away."  He grabs her under the chin and forces her to look at him.  For the first time, a flicker of fear flits across her face.  "Is that true?"

She hesitates, but lets him see the truth that would not be able to be buried, no matter how good she was at Occlumency- her hugging Harry, laughing with Ginny, sitting in the library with the twins.  This, she knew, was the moment where everything hangs in the balance, where the plan might work or it would fail.  "Yes." 

Audra expects punishment.  She expects pain.  But he only smiles like Christmas has come early and she was exactly what he wanted for a present.  "Then I have a job for you."

 

They are all lined up on the table, only now it is marred by the marks of wands and knives alike, and in the center there is a stain that looks an awful lot like blood.  A snake slithers underneath, twisting through their feet, wrapping around Audra's ankles and sliding up the back of her chair.  They are still in their dresses, but there is no music or dancing, only silence and reverence as they stare up at the thing they have sworn their lives to serving.

Audra looks down towards where her family sits, halfway down the table.  Her parents stare straight ahead, but Vance catches her eye and winks, a gesture that's reassuring and familiar.

And Audra herself?  She's seated beside Snape, one of the closest seats towards the Dark Lord she could get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	32. Headquarters

It's surprisingly easy for Snape to get The Dark Lord to go along with the plan.

Audra was to stay at the Order Headquarters for the rest of the summer, and continue in her role as honorary Weasley.  According to Voldemort, this was good, since because of her close connection to these Weasley children (and therefore Harry) she'd have access to all kinds of damaging information that Snape wouldn't, which she will give to Snape to send back to Voldemort.  According Dumbledore, the most important thing was that she had infiltrated the ranks safely, and was now allowed to just hang out at Headquarters while awaiting further instructions.  No need, of course, to inform her of his actual plan.

"Okay."  Audra said, after a solid minute of her and Bill standing in the street staring at little kids playing soccer.  "What the bloody hell are we looking at?"

"Oh.  Right."  He rummages deep in his pockets and comes up with a scrap of paper.  "Memorize this,  and concentrate on it." 

She does, and neighborhood shifts, a new house folding out.  Audra can see the silhouettes of people moving in the windows, and becomes incredibly nervous for a reason she can't quite figure out.  "Come on,"  Bill said bracingly, grabbing her by the shoulder and pushing her forward.  "Get it over with."

They open the door, each step like she's dragging herself through knee deep mud, and she follows Bill into the kitchen.  When she turns the corner, everyone freezes and erupts into chaos simultaneously- McGonagall stumbles back into the wall in surprise, halfway through putting on her coat, Mrs. Weasley stops halfway through dishing out food, Ron pauses with an overloaded fork dripping mashed potatoes on the table.  Ginny has knocked over her butterbeer, and it is spreading over the table to drip in Professor Lupin's lap.  At the same time, she can hear someone in the hallway shrieking about mudbloods and filth and another, male voice bellowing at her to shut up.  Hermione jumps out of her seat and barrels towards her, knocking her backwards with the force of her rib crushing hug, Ginny at her heels.  Over their shoulder, she  can see the twins gaping at her, having stood up so fast that they knocked their chairs to the floor with a bang.

She smiled and raised a hand weakly, caught up in the flurry of hugs and excitement. "Hi?"

 

They show her to her room later -after she's introduced the apparently non-evil Sirius Black, after Molly bursts into tears, after Ginny composes a song in her honor that lasts through dinner.  The twins are walking a few paces ahead of her, holding a whispered conversation that she doesn't think she really wants to hear.  It is not until they abandon her in a dusty, dark, and freezing cold bedroom that they slam the door and round on her so quickly that she jumps back against the wall.  "What," Fred says, in a voice of carefully contained calm that she knows will explode in seconds.  "The bloody hell is going on?"

The story spills out, about the night in Dumbledore's office and what they all agreed was best ( _but no one asked them, they never do_ ) and the letters she had to steal, about Vance.  About the parties she went to ( _pixies frozen with silent screams, glass that cuts into her skin, blood seeping into a table, but she doesn't tell them that_ ) and Voldemort.  "I had to make you think that I didn't care about you.  That I thought that you were beneath me, or weren't worth my time, or something."  _And you believed  it so easily, both of you, it only took  a handful of half assed words to make you turn your back on me._ "And more importantly, you couldn't care about me.  I couldn't risk you running into me on the street while I was trying to get information and saying hi, or hugging me, or even looking happy to see me.  No one could know until we were sure V-,"  She stumbled over the name, tries to shape the word but can't.  It seems that seeing him has finally rid her of the ability to be brave.  "Until we were sure you-know-who would take the bait.  If I saw you, or one of the death eaters saw you with me, it had to be convincing.  You had to believe it."

"We could have handled it!"  George bellowed, and the scurrying and stamping that was the celebration downstairs fell silent.  "You didn't need to leave us behind, you had _no right_ to do that without asking us if we thought we could take it."

"I had to!" 

"You could have told us the truth!"  Fred bellows back.

They shouted at each other for a while, bringing up things that made Audra's heart ache- the letters they wrote and that she burned right after reading, phrases that echoed in her head when she couldn't sleep, the one she sent back in return asking them to leave her alone.  The day they saw her in Diagon Alley with Emmeline and she wouldn't talk to them, just laughed, laughed and made jokes about them that everyone could hear and she knew would hurt.  About the night where Fred risked his life sneaking onto the manor grounds and threw pebbles out her window like something out of a fairy tale, and wouldn't leave until she sent Artemis after him.  (She came back with her beak and claws stained with blood, and Audra had cried, cried all night and almost ran after him but couldn't.)

"I'm sorry!"  She cries out finally, yelling over them.  It's desperate and heart felt and not enough.

"That doesn't make it better!"  George spits back, and he has that look on her face, the one that came with the acid and the beetles in pillows and jokes that burned when you heard them.

"I didn't have a choice!"

The twins turned to go, shaking their heads, leaving her in this cold, quiet room.  Fred hesitated long enough to send one sad glance over his shoulder.  "You always have a choice."

 

She lays in bed for a while, still in her clothes.  Finally, after she's had enough of staring at the mold covered ceiling, she made her way down the stairs and slipped into the kitchen, only to find Ron already there.  He was making his way through a plate of left overs and staring down at Hermione, who had fallen asleep at the table.  "Couldn't sleep?"

"Not really."  Audra jumped up on the counter.  "I'm guessing you guys heard all that?"

"Kind of hard not to."  He gives her a sheepish sort of shrug.  "If it makes you feel better, Mum screamed at them for an hour after they left.  Something about how dare you yell at that poor girl after all she's been through."  He changed his voice into a high falsetto that must have been meant to be Mrs. Weasley, and then decided that it wasn't working and ate more food instead.

"They know I didn't mean it, right?"  She said desperately.  "They have to know I only did it to keep everyone safe."

"They know that.  Doesn't make it hurt any less."  Hermione stirred, murmuring in her sleep, and he froze.  When he spoke again, it was in a much quieter voice.  "Listen, don't worry about the two of them.  They couldn't stay mad at you.  Especially Fred."

"Let's hope." 

Hermione wakes up soon after, and Ron finally convinces her to go up to bed ( _come on Mione, you have all summer for that essay, get some sleep_ ).  Audra leans back against the cabinets, wondering if its better to sit alone in a dark kitchen than in a dark bedroom.  It feels just as lonely.

 

 

"What are you doing down here?"  Audra jerks awake, squinting over at the doorway where Fred stood.

"I was sleeping."  She stretches, then moved over to make room for him.   "My bedroom freaked me out."

She moves over to make room for him on the counter, and he takes it, thankfully.  They sit in silence, her head on his shoulder and his arm around her waist.  "You know I hated every minute of this summer without you, right?  I wanted to be with you.  I was scared, and there wasn't a day that went by where I didn't want to find Dumbledore and tell him I changed my mind, but sometimes we don't have choices."

"Yeah, we do."  His voice is hard, but even in the dark she can see the smile on his face.  "And you made the right one."

That's all it takes for everything to snap back into place.  He flicks on the lights and makes her French toast and fills her in on the important things- where Sirius keeps his liquor, the fact that Bill has a mysterious new girlfriend he won't talk about, the joke shop, if Ron and Hermione had finally admitted they're in love, why Harry isn't here.  They each eat a whole pile while she tells him about the equally important moments of her summer- the falcon, the bottles she shot out of the sky and the way the garden grew wild when left alone, the body on the floor and Weird Sister's concert she'll take Ginny to, the Dark Lord's hand on her cheek.

Fred drags her to bed just as the sun comes up, steering her towards his bedroom because Fred and George were supposed to clean hers ages ago and didn't.  She lets him shove her towards the bed and crawls under the covers.  It smells like him, like gunpowder and cinnamon.  "Hey," she catches at his hand as he turns to go, and their fingers tangle together.  "I missed you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	33. The Order of the Pheonix

Being in the Order was exciting.

Sitting through Order meeting, however, was not.

Audra tries to sit by Tonks or Bill if she can, because she can count on Bill to wake her up if she starts to fall asleep and Tonks always laughs at the doodles Audra scribbles onto spare pieces of parchment.  There's too many of them crammed into the one room, and half the time they're all crowded around one table to look at a spread of maps or sitting shoulder to shoulder as McGonagall relays yet another important message from Dumbledore. 

They argue, mostly.  It always starts out good, but when it comes down to it they're just a bunch of people trying to find their way through the dark and tensions run high.  Normally, its Sirius who starts it, making some sort of snide remark, and Snape snaps back until its an all out brawl that Remus needs to break up.  And then once they manage to sit down again Mad-Eye brings up some super secret, semi dangerous operation that everyone's been putting off planning, and Molly will get upset and have to be calmed down by either Bill or Arthur or Tonks, because she doesn't  want to do anything that might put any of them in danger.  And anyone under the age of thirty will tell her that they'll be fine because they're more willing to fight than Audra would have thought possible.

Typically, Audra doesn't have to pay attention.  Dumbledore told her she doesn't need to come to these meetings at all, and that really, the less she knows the better.  That being said, she feels like she needs to make an appearance sometimes, even if all she does is slouch in her chair and filter information back to the twins, who are still beyond angry they aren't allowed to sit in at meetings.  Today, though, Snape was talking, so she sits up straight and makes an effort to pay attention.  A corner of his mouth twitches when he sees her, and it reminds her of those times back in class where he would catch her dozing off in class or sending notes to the Weasley's.

It ends, eventually, and Audra hangs back as everyone tries to squeeze out the door at once.  By the time she makes it out, the twins have already started up the same, tired argument with their mother, just like they do every time after a meeting.  "You can't tell us what to do anymore!"  Fred yells.  He's always been the more hot headed one between the two, and that's saying something, but at least George would have managed to hold his tongue.  "We're of age!"

"So long as you live under my roof, you'll follow my rules!"

"We're not under your roof!"  Fred bellows back, face red.  "We're in the bloody Order headquarters, you might as well let us join up!"

"Audra gets to fight,"  George says sourly.  He sounds like a little kid pouting, but Fred's face lights up like it's Christmas and snatches on the one argument they hadn't exhausted yet. 

"She's even younger than we are and she gets to be spy!" He points over at her wildly, and Audra tries to melt against the wall.  Mrs. Weasley's already upset enough that Audra joined up, she doesn't want to make it worse.  "All we want to do is sit on meetings."

"You're too young."  Molly's voice climbed, and the racket in the kitchen raises even further, like they wanted to at least try and give the three of them some privacy.  "There's no need for you to fight."

"I want to fight!"

Audra has enough time to think _no, merlin no, he's not allowed_ before Snape was flying around the corner, grabbing Audra by the shoulders and hauling her to the middle of the room.  Mrs. Weasley pauses with her wand up and mouth open.  _At the very least,_ audra thought tiredly, _this got them to stop yelling._

"I heard you," he snarls.  "I was across the room, and I heard you, blathering on about how much you care about those boys and how much you _worry._ " He say the word like its something dirty, spit flying.  He reaches out to Audra and shakes her hard enough that her head wobbles back and forth.  She's so startled that she doesn't lift a hand to defend herself.  This man, who terrified most of her classmates but never even had an unkind word to say to her before, now looked like he was ready to kill her where she stood.  "You cannot let your guard down even for a moment!  If he finds out the truth you'll be dead!  And you better believe there'll be a death order on all our heads then."

"We're at headquarters," she said frantically, and wonders how long he'd be listening and watching, just waiting for her to slip.  "I didn't think I needed it, there wasn't anyone listening."

"Stupid," He lets her go and she stumbles backwards.  "They are always listening."  Audra thinks its over for a second, that the quiet means that things have calmed down, and knows that this is a good lesson for her to learn.  But then a second later and he is invading her mind before she's ready, with such force that memories flip through her mind like pages in a photo album- Fred's hand in hers, the letters burning, Clary, Emmeline, dancing with Vance, the dark Lord.  She scrambles to construct the block, but he tears it down piece by piece and the pain of it makes her sink to her knees. 

"Enough."  There's a bang and Snape's wand flies out of his hand.  The pressure in her head lets up, and when Audra's vision swims back into focus, she sees McGonagall standing in front of her, hand out stretched.  "That's enough, Severus.  The girl has learned her lesson."

"No," Audra struggles to her feet, gasping.  "Again."

Again, and again, and again.  She had never had her skills tested under torture, and the awfulness of it makes her concentration slip, letting Snape see more scraps and images.  The pain makes her feel like her skull is splitting open, and every nerve is on fire.  She screams, and screams, and begs and pleads but Snape does not let up.  _You have to go through this,_ he told her.  _It'll keep you safe, in the long run._

It is Mad-Eye and Bill who come to get her eventually.  They pull her off the floor and half carry her back towards the living room, dumping her down on the couch.  There was a small crowd of people waiting for her, including Fred and a tear stained Hermione.   Dinner, Audra realizes, looking around at the half empty plates, must have been moved in here.

She looks towards Fred, because she always does, He's already there, kneeling beside her.  "Still want to be in the Order?"

He didn't smile. "If you fight, I fight."

They are talking in whispers, and Audra rides along the wave of her conversation until Sirius walks over, holding a bottle.  "Drink,"  He grins down at her with a skeletal smile, and Audra raises it to her lips, ignoring Mrs. Weasley's disapproving look.  "It'll feel better."

Audra attempts to choke it down, but ends up spitting it all over the coffee table and Fred.  "What the bloody hell was that?" She shrieks, but he hadn't been lying.  She does feel better.

 

 

She stays there until the crowd goes away, back to their bedrooms and homes.  Mrs. Weasley comes back with an armful of blankets and stares down at her sadly, like the sight of her hurts.  "You're all just children.  Children, fighting in this big, bloody war."

Molly movies to lay the covers over her, and Audra places her hand over Mrs. Weasley's.  "I'll protect them.  You know that, right?  No matter what."

"Oh, Audra."  Mrs. Weasley smoother her hair back, in the same way she must have done for ginny when she was sick.  "But who's going to protect you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on Instagram for original writings  
> (it's my poetry account, someone follow it, I'm dying here)


	34. Skiving Snackboxes

"I don't think this is a good idea."

The three of them stared down at the piece of candy.  It was an extremely unappetizing yellow, the color of mustard, and it was still occasionally bubbling even though it had cooled hours ago.  Audra doesn't really think anything that looks like that is safe to ingest.  "Is it supposed to look like that?"

George looks a little worried.  She doesn't blame them, considering that they're self testing, and even if it does work, the whole point was to make them sick.  "I have no idea," Audra stares down at the page helplessly.  There's no description of what the finished product should look like, just a scribble of calculations and ingredients that Audra had made up over the summer. It was an entirely original creation, and there was no telling what it might do.  "I don't know if these are right, it's trial and error and there's nothing to compare it to.  I don't even know if the antidote works!  And if it doesn't, I'm not sure I know how to fix it."

"Well," Fred says, and before either of them could stop him he scoops a piece of candy up and pops it into his mouth.  It stains his hands.  "Better figure it out."

The good news was that the skiving snackboxes worked.  The bad news was that the antidote didn't, which Fred had made very clear over the past three modified batches he managed to choke down between getting sick.  The three of them had spent the past two hours watching him get sick and cleaning up, until he was pale and most definitely running a very high fever.  He had fallen asleep finally, tossing and turning as he mumbled.  Now Mrs, Weasley was hovering over her son, clucking her tongue and rearranging the sheets.  "Well,"  She says finally, staring down at him anxiously.  "He's going to be in for a miserable few days, but he should be better soon."

George and Audra waited until they heard her footsteps on the stairs before rushing to the closet and dumping the papers back out onto the floor, staring down at all the math and theories and possible side affects.  "Okay,"  He tapped each one, then stared over at her exasperatedly.  "We can fix it?"

Audra looked down at the paper covered floor helplessly, remembering all the long hours of the night she had spent creating the perfect recipe.  Or what was supposed to be perfect.  "Yeah," She said, voice thin.  "We can fix it."

 

 

As it turned out, they could fix it.

Sort of.

It involved a lot of swearing, and math, and some trial and error.  George almost cut his hand off, and Audra caught her sleeve on fire, and Fred got sick about five more times before falling back asleep.  But finally, right when they were about to give up and condemn Fred to a weekend full of awful, it seemed that they calculated things right.

"Here."  Audra shook Fred awake and helped him sit up, raising the glass to his lips.  His hand trembles when he took it, and she wonders how sick she really made him.  Certainly more than he had admitted to. "It's slow acting, and it won't even come close to what we need for the joke shop, but if you drink one dose now and a few more through the night, you should be find by morning."

He grimaces, making a face at her.  "It's disgusting."

"Maybe that'll teach you not to test products before I tell you that you can."  She lets him lay back against the pillows, and he smiles at her, tired and pale.  "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."  He pulls the covers up to his shouders, shivering.  "You did your best.  It's not your fault."

Fred falls asleep soon after, and Audra pulls a chair over to the side of his bed so she can keep watch over him.  He had promised her that she was fine, but she still wanted to keep watch in case she had screwed up the potion.  Again.

"He's going to be fine."  George repeated, staring at her exasperatedly from her place on the bed.  He had told her that he was perfectly capable of taking care of his brother, but since it was her mistake, she told him she was going to stay and look after both of them until it was all fixed.  "We do stuff like this all the time.  There's been all kinds of negative reactions with the stuff that we don't tell you about."

"There has?"  She whipped around, surprised.

"How do you think we know when we need to change ignredients?  We're not just making you change it for fun."  He laid back onto the pillows and stared at her.  Audra supposed she knew that, really, it was just that it was a different matter to hear about sores or fevers or splitting headaches and another thing entirely to witness it.  "It's all in the pursuit of science."

"You're going to get yourselves killed."  She said it with a dull sort of horror, because recently any thought of the twins being anything less than safe makes her upset.

"He's going to fine.  Trust me."  George passes by the bed and makes his way to the window, taking out a ciagarette and leaning outside so the smell of smoke doesn't linger.  She's not sure when he started doing that.  "I'd be okay with it, you know."

"Okay with what?"

He stared at her, then back out the window.  "If you guys ever.."  He waved his hand in a gesture that was clearly supposed to encompass all the complicated feelings that Audra has, and that he was entirely fine with whatever consequences may come of it.  "You know, like, actually got your shit together."

Audra rolled her eyes and contemplated throwing something at him.  "Well, thanks for your blessing, but I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Why not?"  He was such a _boy_ , over there acting like he can't see what a dangerous field of land mines they'd be walking through if Audra and Fred even tried that.  No matter how much she may want to.  "You're crazy about him.  He's crazy about you."

"Maybe if we make it through all of this."  _This._ What exactly did that mean?  The summer?  Her spying for the Order?  The war?  She doesn't know.  "It's not fair otherwise."

George shrugs, blowing smoke out of his mouth.  "If you say so."

 

"Audra,"  There was a hand on her shoulder, and someone's voice was whispering in her ear.  She batted them away, turning deeper into the chair, trying to go back to sleep.  "Audra, wake up."

She shoots awake, jumping at the sound, and realized she had fallen asleep in her chair for who knows how long.  She runs her hands through her hair quickly, then looks over at Fred, horrified.  "Your medicine! You needed the last dose hours ago!"

"George got it for me.  We actually do this all the time, he's very much used to it."  She leaned over to feel his forehead, relieved to see that his fever had gone down.  Fred propped himself up on one elbow and left.  "I'm all better."

And miraculously, he was.  He wasn't pale anymore, and all of his words made sense.  Audra sank back into the chair, relieved.  She's not entirely sure she ever really believed that that potion wasn't going to kill him.  "You are not sleeping in that chair."

Audra raised an eye brow at him.  "Where exactly do you want me to sleep?  The floor?"

"Come on."  He moves over to give her room on the bed and looks at her expectantly.  "I'm not sick.  You're tired.  Get in the bed.  Unless you'd rather share with George?"

She hesitated.  It's not like they hadn't fallen asleep together before, but that was always in common rooms and during camps outs, or when nightly discussions around the Order table ran too long.  It wouldn't even be the first time they slept in the same _bed_ together, really, but that was back from when they didn't have this mess of feelings between them.  Crawling into bed with him tonight would be an entirely different level of intimate, where they would have to fall asleep to the sound of each other's breathing and brush hands and wake up to each other's faces.  The feelings she has are already intense and confusing, does she really need to add to them?

But he's still looking over at her expectantly, with an expresison on his face that looks a little like a challenge.  And Audra's never been good at turning down a challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	35. Harry and the Dementors

The news came during dinner, as most exciting and upsetting things have.

"He was attacked by what?"  Mrs. Weasley jerked her serving soon to the side so fast that mashed potatoes splattered the wall, nearly missing the side of Sirius' face.  "How?  Where was Mundungus?"

"It appears, he, er...."  Arthur looked around at the table helplessly and seemed to wilt under the pressure of all the worried eyes.  "Well, he wasn't there.  But Harry's fine, that's the important thing."

"Fine?"  Sirius echoed dully.  "My godson has to fight off dementors in the middle of muggle London and we're going to pretend that that's fine?"

"This is good though, right?"  Ron asked earnestly.  He had, for once, abandoned his dinner.  "I mean, you guys can't possibly say that he shouldn't come early now, not after this.  We're going to go get him out of there, right dad?"

"Well, Dumbledore thinks that it might be best if he stays there, at the present."  There was a sudden uproar all around the table, during which Arthur tried his best to remain the level headed one.  "Just momentarily, mind you!"  

"And what are we supposed to do now?"  Audra demanded, surprised to hear herself speaking.  "Just sit here and wait for Dumbledore to deem it acceptable for all of us to actually know something?"

There was an uncomfortable silence where the adults exchanged looks and the kids held their breath.  Then Mr. Weasley sank into the chair, pulling a plate towards him and starting dinner.  "We double up on watch shifts.  And wait for Dumbledore to give us the all clear."  He rubbed at his eyes, obviously exhausted.  He'd gone to work right after an eight hour shift for the order.  Audra's not sure when the last time he got a full night's sleep was.  "And no rescue missions until then, do you understand me!"

"That includes you two!"  Mrs. Weasley barked.  Ron and Hermione froze on the second step, cutting their frantic whispers off when they felt all the attention.  Audra didn't doubt that they were already halfway through formulating a rescue plan.  "There will be no need for a rescue that involves any of you, thank you very much!"

 

 

They all piled into the twins room as soon as Molly stopped throwing suspicious glances at them.  They climbed onto the bed and cast a silence charming, Audra and the twins on one bed and Ron, Hermione, and Ginny on the other.  Audra let herself lean into Fred, trying to find a position that stops her head from aching- she had had another training session with Snape the night before.  "We've got to go get him."  Ron said, staring around at all of them, daring them to disagree.  "Dementors today, you know-who-tomorrow, that's what I say."

"You hear that, you bloody git of a bird?"  George snapped towards Hedwig.  She blinked balefully at him before ducking her head under her wing.  Just twenty minutes ago, she had been flying around dive bombing all their heads and pecking at their knuckles, apparently under Harry's orders.  "We're trying to save him."

Hedwig, apparently, didn't give a damn about how hard they were trying.

"Ron, you-know-who isn't just going to show up on Private Drive.  Let's think about this."

"Do we, Hermione?  He showed up at Hogwarts, and even though we told everyone that the big scary guy was going to come back, no one believed us.  Twice!  Popped up in a bloody graveyard a few months ago, didn't he?  Besides," Ron said, and there was a surprising amount of hatred coloring his tone, considering he was addressing Hermione.  "They attacked his cousin too.  How do you think those muggles he lives with are going to treat him after that?"

They all fell silent for a  moment, remembering the little details they had managed to gather from the few times that Harry talked about his family- the cupboard, the punishments, the weeks without real food, the total lack of christmas and birthday presents, the abuse that must have happened and he never spoke of.  "Okay,"  George said, rummaging in his pocket for the pack of cigarettes.  He won't find them.  Molly confiscated it the last time she did laundry.  "Here's what we'll do."  

He started to draw up a plan, but Audra spoke up surprising even herself.  "No."

"We can't just leave him there!"  Unlike her brothers, Ginny tended to become even paler as she got angrier.  Looking at her now, Audra was half afraid she was about to be hexed.  

"We can't go chasing after him, either!"

"Just because you don't care about Harry enough to go after him-,"

"Don't you dare."  Audra's voice was cold.  Even Ginny seemed to have realized she had gone too far.  "This isn't about how much we care about something, or what we want.  This is bigger than us, and it's bigger than Harry."

"No offense Audra," Said Ron, and he was looking at her with a bit of friendly exasperation, like he had been trying to explain something to her and she kept missing the point.  "But isn't like, this whole entire thing about Harry?"

She was tired, suddenly.  Tired of arguing, tired of everyone being angry at her over things she can't control.  Tired of always having to do the right thing.  "This isn't a game anymore.  We can't just go off and do what we want because we think its the right thing.  People smarter and more informed than us are pulling the strings now.  There's no do overs to this anymore.  It's life or death."

Hermione glared at her, seemingly on the verge of tears.  "Do you really think anyone in this room needs reminding of that?"

"Dumbledore has a plan.  And part of that plan involves Harry at his Aunt and Uncles, for whatever reason.  You may not like it, but I've learned that when Dumbledore tells you to do something, its better to listen.  And please,"  She rubbed at her head, sinking back against Fred.  "Please stop yelling."

Ron looked appeased for a moment, and then he turned to look at the letters that were covered in Harry's scrawl.  "We'll give it a week.  If they haven't done anything about it by then, we will."

 

 

It'd been a tense few days.  All the kids seem to be an inch away from yelling at each other, and the adults aren't really any better.  They hold meetings where they squabble over who takes what watch and how they're going to double up on Harry's security when they're spread thin enough as it was, and going over the same potential problems with the retrieval.  Sirius isn't allowed to go to these meetings ever since he threatened to carry out a one man rescue and was held back by Remus, and Mundungus was often thrown out of the room at wand point.  After every meeting, Audra was left to climb the stairs and tell all of the Weasley's that no, Harry would not be joining them anytime soon.

Which is how Audra and Fred ended up on Potter watch.

"Here."  He handed her an ice cream cone (strawberry, her favorite) and then hopped up onto the hood of the car Audra had rented.  They looked like a college age couple on a holiday, getting just far enough away to not be in danger of being caught by their parents.  Or at least that was what she had told the prying neighbor who had asked what they were doing.  "It's sad, isn't it?  That he's stuck in there."

"It's not fair."  They'd been staring at his house for over an hour, just waiting for something to happen.  "Don't they know who he is?  What he's done?"

"I've met them once."  Fred said, looking thoughtful.  "We blasted their fireplace apart and used one of the ton-ton toffees on his cousin.  They ended up throwing most of their fine china at us."

"You're kidding?"  It was hard to tell sometimes, she figured this would have had to be a joke.

"Surprisingly, no."  He looked over at her and grinned.  The time passed slowly, during which Fred went for multiple walks and always came back with something new- a drink, a brochure, a leather braided bracelet that he fastened around her wrist.  Eventually, when Fred was sunburned and Audra had thought she may die from the stress of expecting an attack any minute, the shower of red sparks went up on the other side of the street, the sign that their replacements had arrived.

"Back to headquarters?"  Fred asks, buckling himself in.  He kept messing with the windows and mirrors.  The car and Audra's ability to actually drive it was something that fascinated him endlessly.

"Well, your dad did say we could stay later, walk around, if we wanted."  She traced a hand over the gear shift thoughtfully.  "And I rented the car for all day."

There had been times when they were younger, where she didn't have to complete the idea and he got it anyways, without her explaining or saying anything.  Today was one of these times.  He looked down at her hand on the gear shift and grinned, rolling the window the rest of the way down and sticking his hand out.  "Wicked."

It wasn't hard to find the back roads, and pretty soon they were flying, taking sharp turns at break neck speeds and sending piles of leaves flying up behind them.  Fred's bent over laughing, and Audra's shrieking, blasting the muggle music that was on the radio.   She found a straight path and pulled over, crossing to Fred's side and beckoning him out of the car.  "Your turn."

"You want me to drive?"  He sounded terrified, but he got out of the car and made his way to the driver's seat all the same.  

"It's not hard. Just put it in drive, one pedal makes it go, and the other makes it stop.  Just drive straight."   Audra sounds unconcerned enough, but she does check her seat belt when she buckles it and grips onto the side of the seat.  Fred steps on the gas hard enough to make the car jerk forward and accelerate, the speedometer climbing, climbing, until he's approaching a turn and breaking hard enough for the tires to squeal in protest, sending Audra flying out towards the dashboard before the seat belt snapped her back.

"Oh, my god."  He sits for a moment, and then laughs, finally taking his hands off the wheel and running over to her side.  He stops by the side of the road and bends down to pick up a flower- a daisy- and when she gets out to meet him he tucks it behind her ear.  "That was amazing! But I never want to do that again."

"No," She says, staring back at the distance they had traveled.  "Let's not."

 

 

"Harry!"  He was here, finally.  Audra didn't really care about the yelling- they've all been yelling at each other constantly, and every time someone new shows up there's an all out brawl.  She hurtles her way through the room instead, ignoring the looks on Harry and Hermione and Ron's face, throwing her arms around Harry instead.  It's not until she breaks away and looks at his face that she realizes that the list of people he's pissed at may include her.

"What are you doing here?"  Harry asks, momentarily startled enough to stop yelling.  "I thought you were one the bad guys."

She looks over her shoulder at the twins, taking a step back and ripping her hands away like the touch burned.  Fred looked incredibly uncomfortable, staring down at the covers.  For the first time, Audra wondered what the twins and her other friends had been saying all summer while she was away.  Horrible things, she could imagine. Nasty things.  "Change of plans," She muttered dully.  "Glad you're back Harry.  I'll leave you guys to catch up."

Audra makes her way out of the room, and the twins followed.  "Audra, come on.  Don't be like that."

She rounded on them.  They had yelled at her before, but she had not gotten a chance to express how unfair the whole thing was- how quickly they ran out of faith in her, how readily they believed her.  "Guess I was a better actor than I thought."

"What we were supposed to believe?"

"You were supposed to believe in me!  Believe that I would never turn my back on you."  Inside the room, the three had fallen silent to listen.  "But you didn't."

 

 

Fred found her later in buckbeak's room, resting against the floor.  "I'm sorry."

She didn't look up at him.  "You should be."  She wound her hand through Buckbeak's feathers.  "I can't believe after all this time, all it took was one conversation for you to believe the worst of me."

"It was wrong, we were wrong-,"

But she didn't want to hear about right and wrong.  "You know I wrote you letters all summer?  I wrote to you and George about everything that was going on in my life, all the things I had seen and heard and had to pretend that I liked.  Things that I still can't bring myself to tell you about, because you'll look at me like I'm not the same Audra you've always known.  I wrote them to you, asking about you and making imaginary plans where we would hang out or I'd run away and hide at the Burrow, and then I'd have to burn them.  I'd burn them and then I'd go find something to break."

He's quiet for a moment.  She thinks that they are approaching the dangerous area that consists of talk about feelings.  "Where exactly in the Burrow would you have stayed?"

She snorts.  "I think my plan was to stay with the ghoul in the attic."

"We believed you because we'd always been expecting it, really."  Fred was petting Buckbeak, too, now.  "You were this girl from an incredibly wealthy, powerful family, and you were brilliant at literally _everything_  you tried.  We kept waiting for you to come to your senses, because why would you hang around with two guys like us?  But then you stayed and you were just a part of us, suddenly.  It wasn't that we didn't trust you.  It was that we never thought we were people worth sticking around for, not when you look at the life that you've grown up living and you look at hours.  We kept expecting you to come over to the Burrow one day, where its small and crowded and falling apart, and then go home to your mansions and realize it'd be a lot less trouble if you were friends with people like Emmeline."

"I'd never do that."  She shook her head fiercely.  "And I love your house, everything about it, more than mine.  It's the first place I ever really felt at home."

"Oh."  Fred looked up in surprise, then gave a shrug.  "Well, good.  Because it is your home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	36. The Room Where It Happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton reference anyone?

Audra practices every chance she gets.

There is no longer any room for excuses or second chances.  Now, where she's sure that an accidental break in concentration is safe, is the only time for her to learn exactly how good at Occlumency she really is.  Mrs. Bligerton had promised her that there was no more learning to be done, but Audra had always practiced there under the supervision of a grandmotherly woman and the option to take a hot chocolate break if needed.  Audra's finding that its another matter entirely when they've gone so long it feels like her mind is going to unhinge entirely, or she's spent even a few minutes under the cruciatus curse.

 _Again,_ she would say, and the spell would start up again, hot knives into skin and bones crushes under invisible pressure, every nerve ending on fire.  _Again,_ she would yell when the pain disappears, because she must learn this, and whoever was practicing with her would ask if she's sure, hadn't she had enough by now.  Audra always snarls at them that she would tell them when she's had enough, and Snape would raise his wand, or Kingsley would give one of his tired sighs and help her to her feet, or Mad-Eye would glare at her with respect on his face and magical eye whizzing.  She screams and begs and cries for them to stop, but they never do, and she's glad.  It's not until Mrs. Weasley or Remus comes in to pull her off the floor and lean her against the counter that she stops.

"You're going to get yourself killed,"  Hermione always mutters to her.  She and Ginny are the ones who have to drag her to her feet and help her limp up the stairs, letting her fall into bed with out even taking off her shoes.  "You have to stop."

But she couldn't stop, not when the Dark Lord was out there and expecting her to return.  The migraine never goes away anymore, so Audra's started to seek out the dark and quiet places in the house, where the light doesn't stab into her eyes and whispers don't reverberate around in her skull.  Today that means stretching across the ripped leather sofa in the library, one arm thrown over her head.

"Aren't you cold?"  The door creaks open and Fred's footsteps come towards her.  She knows its Fred, because Fred is the best at finding her.  Audra curls in on her side even more and makes room for him on the couch without opening her eyes.  "It's freezing in here."

"Don't make me talk," Audra groans out, finally squinting up at him.  The skylight was letting in a dazzling amount of sunlight, too bright, and it broke apart around his head like a halo. 

"Alright."  He reaches out and grabs the book she was reading off of the coffee table.  One hand finds its way to her back, and its comforting, to be able to know for sure that he was still here. 

Fred ends up reading the tale of the deathly hallows out loud to her, voice washing over her like a lullaby that lulls her back to sleep, taking her to somewhere that the pain doesn't reach.  It's an impenetrable kind of comfortable that the downstairs chaos can't reach.  At least until Tonks arrives for the meeting and knocks over the umbrella stand, setting the portrait to screaming. 

"I don't see why they just can't move the bloody thing!"  Audra sat up, rubbing at her eyes and blinking away the dizzy spell that had been brought about by the sudden movement.  "I better go, Fred, the meetings starting."

"Can't you just stay here?"  He has his fingers wrapped around her wrist, something that would have gotten anyone else hexed.  "They don't need you down there."

That, she knew, was technically true.  She could stay up here and hide away, and even they come looking for her, they don't be able to find her.  Audra knows that they wouldn't even try to make her come down, anyways, they've never seen the need for her to be there anyways and have taken to babying her even more since the headaches started.  "I have to."  She pulls herself away and makes her way down the stairs, gripping onto the banister for balance.  "I have to."

It turns out to be a good thing that she did.  It was one of Snape's days today, standing in front of them all and scrawling names onto the chalkboard, speaking in the drawling tone of voice he uses when he wishes to infuriate.  Only this time, the subject of the day was her.  "When Audra returns to him, she will be asked to take the mark.  She'll accept it.  There's no question about it."

No one seemed to want to look at her.  Not Tonks, not Arthur, not even Bill, who was gripping her hand underneath the table.  Only Molly, who was staring at her open mouthed, and then whirled back to face Snape, hair flying.  "No."  This was what a mother should be, a mama bear that protects every single wayward cub that comes her way, never mind her only flesh and blood.  "Not a chance, Severus.  I have sat here, and I have let her be included, and this is where I draw the line.  _No._ "

"There's no reason for her not to."  Mad-Eye growled.  He was talking to Molly, but his one electric blue eye was staring straight at Audra.  "She's one of the best witches to ever set foot in this room, if anyone's going to be able to pull this off, it'll be her."

"And if the Dark Lord loses faith in her?"  Molly was holding onto her husbands shoulder, like she's asking him for back up, or maybe just for support.  "You think she's going to be able to hold up her Occlumency if he decides that she's not telling the truth?"

"With Occlumency, he won't know she isn't tell the truth," Snape said impatiently, rolling her eyes.  "And believe me, her Occlumency won't fail.  I trained her myself, and she could handle anything I threw at her."

"She'll be able to withstand under torture, then?"  Bill asked.  He didn't seem to be arguing.  He asked it more in the tone of someone trying to puzzle his way through a complicated problem. 

When Snape spoke again, he pronounced every syllable clearly, so no one could miss the meaning.  " _Everything_ I threw at her."

"No.  No."  Molly made her way to stand beside Audra, gripping her by the shoulders and staring into her eyes.  "I know you think that you have to fight, but you don't Audra, not when we can keep you safe.  Everyone knows that you're talented and brave and god knows ready to do what you have to do to help us, but you're only a _girl_.  You aren't taking the mark."

The door flies open with a bang, and the twins and Ginny stumble into the room.  Fred regains his balance first, ignoring the scoldings and exasperated smiles echoing around the room, and stares at them defiantly.  "No,"  He's red in the face, and his hands shaking, and he's so, so angry.  "She's not going to do that." George grabbed him by the back of the shirt and attempted to drag him out of the room, but Fred fought back, striking out at his brother for what must have been one of the first times in his life.  "Stop this.  Let her stop, you all can hide her, you know you can.  George and I will go with her, we have safe houses, use them!"  No one seemed to want to tell him no, not when he's look at them with such hope and pain in his face.  Not when he still seems so young.  "Mum.  Mum, _please_ don't let her do this."

"It's her choice."  McGonagall was speaking in that flat, thin voice that Audra has come to learn means that she's close to tears.  "It's always been her choice."

Fred turns towards her, wanting her to say no to the mark, say yes to him.  But how could she, when she swore to these people that she would do her best to follow through on her promises, no matter how little she wanted to?  Audra stands to move beside Snape, the chair making a scraping sound as she does.  There would be a time where she was forced to pay the price for her parents choices.   "I do what I have to."  She does not look at Fred.  "I always have."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	37. Prefects

She walks out of her room and collides with someone- Fred, already reaching out to steady her.  It doesn't really surprise her that she keeps running into things (people, tables, umbrella stands), because she's too busy staring down at her arm, imagining what it'll look like a few short months from now.  It's easier to tear herself away from it and smile up at Fred, only to find him already looking down at her with something like confusion, one corner of his mouth twitching up in a smile.  "Is that my sweater?"

"Uh, yeah."  She had debated about wearing it while getting ready, putting it on and then taking it off, twisting around in front of the mirror and wondering if he would notice.  Over the summer, it had become her sweat of bad things, because a few months ago it still smelled like Fred and grass and smoke, at least until she broke down and washed it.  "I stole it a while ago.  You can have it back."

"Nah," He reaches out to pluck at the yarn, then shrugs.  "Keep it.  Looks good on you."

 

It had been a good day, which of course means that something has to come along and ruin it.  This time, it had come in two prefects badges, tumbling out of letters and into outstretched hands.  Audra had been with Hermione when she found hers, and gotten wrapped up into the flurry of hugs and congratulations.  She had also been there when Hermione burst into Harry and Ron's room and made the mistake of telling Harry that she thought it would be him when it was actually Ron's, saw Ron's ears turn red and Harry's face flush, heard Mrs. Weasley's excitement.

It still might have been okay, had Mrs. Weasley not rushed to him and wrapped him in a hug, shouting, "Oh a prefect, that's everyone in the family!" with Fred and George, who were decidedly never made prefects, sitting right in front of her.

Which led them to this. 

"Little Ronnie, an ickle little prefect."  George drew out the words in a little baby voice that didn't sound teasing at all, just bitter and jealous and more than a little cruel.  He hadn't stopped repeating something of the sort since they apparated out of Ron's room and back to theirs, each syllable punctuated by another dangerous tap of his wand.  There were several scorch marks on the walls now, but she doubted Sirius would mind.

"Can't believe they gave it to him," Fred said sourly, throwing one converse across the room so it hit the wall and bounced to the floor with a thud.  "What's he ever done?"

"Oh, stop it."  Audra spat out.  "You two should be happy for him!"

"Happy?"  Fred stared at her like she had grown a second head.  "He's got a badge for being a goody-two shoes, and we need to be happy?"

"He didn't get it for being a goody-two shoes, you prat, he's broken almost as many school rules as you and George!  The difference is that he broke them because in some twisted sense of morality, it was the right thing to do!  Ron's saved lives, and he's been brave, and he's a hero even at fifteen, that's why he got it!"  The flurry of commotion downstairs which was Ron, Hermione, and Harry's continued squabbling (with the add in of Ginny) fell quiet.  They could hear every word they were saying, because sound carries and no one can afford things like privacy here.  "And he finally did something worth being proud of all by himself, without having to share it with Harry and Hermione, or without it being overshadowed by all his older brothers!  Because he does have to share a lot with you, and he never complains, but that has to be hard, because this whole entire family, including him, mind you, consists of the most wonderful and talented witches and wizards I've ever had the pleasure or meeting.  He did something good, and you two arses should have just sucked it up and admitted that you were proud of him instead of ruining it!"  The twins stood at her, gaping.  George has Fred's other shoe in his hand, and Audra wonders idly if he's considering throwing it at her.  She does not know what right she thinks she has to say this, except for the fact that she hates the awful sound to their voices and the crestfallen look on Ron's face more than she would hate them to be mad at her.  "And quit the dragon dung about being disappointed when you're really just upset about your mum saying all her kids were prefects!"

Audra spun out of the room, letting the door slam closed behind her and stomping down the steps.  Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were waiting on the landing, staring unabashedly at her.  Ron was blushing furiously.

Audra stopped, taking a deep breath and turning to face them.  "Congratulations, Ron."  She forced a smile she didn't feel and wrapped him into a hug, one that he returned much easier than he would have normally.  "I mean it."

"Yeah,"  He smiled and scratched at the back of his head, smiling sheepishly.  Ron still looks like a little boy to her sometimes, even if she's only two years older and he's taller than her.  They all do.  "Thanks, Audra."

 

George finds her in the attic later, when everyone's calmed down and the earlier excitement of this morning has somewhat disappeared.  She's poring over old photos of Bellatrix that she found stacked up in an old box.  Her mother and Aunt Narcissa are in them, and they look happy, normal, just like sisters that love each other- smiling into the camera, blowing out candles on birthdays, playing in pick up quidditch matches and attending formal parties dressed in elegant dresses.  Audra stuffs them under the old couch cushions when she notices George, even if it was too late to hide them.  He doesn't comment, just wrinkles his nose, but she knows that he thinks her obsession with everything Bellatrix related is unhealthy.  (Once, when they first became friends, they came to visit her as a surprise and found her room papered in old newspaper articles about death eaters and the awful things that Bellatrix had been done.  They made her burn them.)

"We've decided you were right."  He settles down onto the couch cushions beside her,  sweeping an arm so the pictures fall onto the floor in a waterfall of mirrors.  It's her aunt's face, she knows, but it looks so much like her.

"Good."  Audra lets the last picture flutter to the floor, and it stays there, showing her aunts and mother smiling up at her, arms linked and bending over under the force of their laughter.  "I'm sorry I yelled.  And that I said that thing about your mother."

"It's not like you were wrong."  There is already dust coating his hair, pale yellow and white streaks going through the red.  "She's been on us about those OWLs and getting a real job, and every time we show her our products- which is really complicated magic, you know- she just throws it away."

"Not to mention how she's still holding up Perfect Percy's records like it should matter.  He abandoned us, and he's still on a pedestal."  Fred was sitting in the opening to the attic, staring at both of them with a fond expression on his face.  Fred had taken Percy's betrayal harder than any of the others.  He had always looked up to his brother, mostly because whatever Fred broke Percy had been able to fix.  "I just don't understand why she still wants us to be like him.  She cries every time she mentions him, and dad breaks something, but he's still better than us."

Audra does say anything, just traces pictures in the dirt while Fred and George hold one of their telepathic conversations.  If she's learned anything, it's that family is a messy and complicated matter, but you can't help but love them anyways.  "Who cares about OWLs?  You're good wizards, the best at charms I've ever seen, and I know it.  Your mother knows it too, and she knows you could have aced every OWL if you had tried."  She reaches out to swipe at the picture in the dirt, and then reaches to take both of her hands.  They move closer, George on one side and Fred on the other.  Audra wishes they could stay up here forever, locked away where no one could find them, no war or Dark Lord or awful brothers.  "You're good men, too.  Brave, heroic men who always try to do the right thing.  And that's more important than anything else."

 

The dining room was transformed into a party, complete with banners and streamers and a kazoos that the twins had bewitched to periodically spew confetti.  The celebration was in honor of the brand new prefects, with Ron smiling with an embarrassed sort of pride and Hermione beaming and blushing under all the congratulations. Mrs. Weasley was in an exceptionally good mood, which makes her cooking even better than normal (Audra didn't even know that was possible).  It was a happier night than they're all used too, and everyone had turned out to take part in it.

It's always like this when things get bad, Remus had told her.  The little things get bigger and you want to make a big deal out of all of them, because who knows when you're going to get the chance to be happy again.  Audra doesn't want to think like that, so she just heaps on the mashed potatoes and goes to sit with the twins and Mundungus, who clear a space for her.  Mundungus had been the twin's supplier of all things illegal for a while now. 

Ron passed by, giving Audra an awkward smile and ignoring the twins.  She tenses, worried about what's going to happen, but then Fred shot out his hand and grabbed onto the back of Ron's shirt, pulling him back.  "Hey, little brother."  Ron looked like he was bracing himself for a blow.  Fred let go of his shirt.  "I just wanted to say congratulations."

Ron squinted at him, like he was looking for the joke.  "For real?"

George did something that Audra thinks was supposed to have been a fist bump.  Audra turns back towards Mundungus to hide the fact that she was having to fight back tears.  It was the sort of sentimental thing that happens whenever you're really proud or happy, she knows, but she had thought it was a gesture that only happens to mothers and middle aged women.  "For real."  Both the twins took turns wrapping in a hug before letting him go.  "We're proud of you, even if we never admit it."

"And never will again."  Ron grins, and the tension between them evaporated.

"Never."  Fred vows, but he wraps an arm around Audra and raises his glass in a sort of toast.  For a moment, Audra closes her eyes and thinks that maybe, just maybe, everything's going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	38. Hogwarts

The ride to Hogwarts doesn't last long enough.

Audra's beginning to find that that's the way things always seem to go, like the more determined you are to make something stay the faster it slips away.  She spends it sitting with Lee and the twins, watching the shadows race through the halls through the windows.  She's curled into Fred's side, her head on his chest so she can feel the vibrations of his voice rumbling through his lungs when he talks.  _Just the usual,_ he says, while comparing his summer with Lee, and Audra has to bury her face in his shoulder to hide a smile.  _Exploding things, driving mum and dad crazy, you know.  Nothing exciting._

"Are you okay?"  Fred nudges her with his knee, staring in that openly affectionate way that makes something in her chest ache. 

"Just thinking."  The carriage hits a bump in the road, jolting her forward.  Fred catches her, but doesn't let her go, just pulls her across to sit so close to him she's practically in his lap.  It's times like this she thinks of things she'd never paid attention to before- exactly how many freckles cover his nose, about the peculiar color in his eyes, about the chip in his front tooth you can only see when he gives you his brightest smile.  "Things are going to be different this year."

Fred nods, and he places her hand in his lap so he can trace the lines of her palms.  They had done fake palm reading a few weeks ago, and ever since then he's been looking at them to see if they've changed.  Audra isn't any good at divination, so she made up fake forecasts- long lives, many wives, a million cats and ten kids each.  The twins however, were brilliant at divination, and told her fortune in a slightly more serious tone- a long life, an everlasting love, wealth and riches, struggle and pain.  It hadn't been meant to be real, but Audra had watched them predict other things (quidditch matches, the weather, which of them will get the flu first- with enough accuracy to pay attention. 

They bump along the long dirt lane until the castle rises up in front of them, a monster of stone with lights shining out of its windows.   Audra hesitates before climbing down from the carriage, staring across at all the people she now must pay attention to and act happy around- Draco and Pansy, Emmeline, Clary, Hermione and Harry and Ron, Angela and Katie.  "Hey."  Fred tugs on her hand, and she jumps down to him, letting him steady her when the shock of the impact threatens to knock her to the ground.  "Stop worrying.  It's going to be fine."

"I know."  She smiles up at him, and he looks down at her in a way that makes her think that he doesn't quite believe her.  "I'm not worried.  I'll be with all of you."

"Yeah, well."  He rocks back on his heels, and then before she can react, he ducks his head to kiss her cheek.  It was one of the gestures of careless affection she's seen other people give each other, where you care about each other so thoughtlessly and effortlessly that they move around each other as easily as breathing.  Fred is an expert at this easy exchange, but Audra isn't, so she just squeezes his hand in what she hopes he takes to be a thank you and moves off into the great hall on her own.

 

 

Draco has saved a spot for her.  Audra's face splits in a smile when she sees him, and he waves a hand in a lazy gesture of greeting to beckon her over to him, as if she could have possibly not been able to find them.  Despite everything, she really has grown fond of him, and it's with real love that she wraps him in a hug and shoves him over so she can have more room.  They've grown close to each other in a way that she wouldn't have thought possible, over nights spent playing wizard chess while his family talks and parties where they lurk in the same shadows to avoid being noticed, days where they scribbles notes and letters that they exchange constantly.  She's never really treated him like family or tried to be anything more than civil, but now that they've spent time together, she wishes she'd been around to help him down the right path while they still had time.  

"Everything good?"  He asks her, and Audra knows that _everything good_ in this case now means _how'd that super secret spy mission for the dark lord go_. 

"Draco, everything is excellent."  She puts her head on the table for a moment, exhaustion creeping over her (constant Occlumency is tiring) and then straightens back up with a smile.  She drums her fingers on the table, more out of nerves than anything, and listens to the sound of her nails click.  "Just wonderful."

It doesn't take long for the feast to get under way, even with the sorting.  Dumbledore stands to introduce the teachers, and Audra is just staring to dream about the treacle fudge and mashed potatoes when the new woman stands and interrupts, preparing to make a speech.

Audra doesn't like speeches.

Or new people.

She lets her eyes run across the rest of the teachers instead- to Dumbledore, who does not look as welcoming or as young as normal, McGonagall with frown lines deep on her face, and Snape, who's already staring back at her like he could feel her looking.  She catches sight of Emmeline, who gives her a grin and the middle finger, and then turns to look at the twins, who stop whispering long enough to wink at. 

The new person, Umbridge, ends with a smile.  A scattering applause came up from the students, mostly from the Hufflepuffs.  "What was that about?"  Draco whispers, looking around at those nearest to them.  He's gotten used to being able to look towards Audra for answers, but this time, she has none. 

"No idea,"  She mutters, and suddenly she's not so hungry anymore, which makes her even angrier than the fact that Umbridge was dressed in six different shades of pink.  "But I doubt its anything good."

 

 

Emmeline is already in the dormitory when Audra comes in.  It's the first time that they've even laid eyes on each other since that party over the summer ( _the endless wine, the tiara crushed onto her curls, two girls in dresses of emerald green and blood red, a body on the floor, a snake winding around ankles_ ) and Audra clings onto the doorframe to steady herself.  The tension in the room was pulled tight enough that it was like a rubber band about to break, and Audra almost feels like suffocating in the silence.  But then Emmeline lets her wand fall to the floor and hurtles toward Audra, throwing her arms around her and clutching onto her robes.  "You're alright.  You're okay, thank Merlin."  She pulls back just long enough to look her in the eyes and then chokes out a relieved laugh.  "I was so worried."

It seems strange that Emmeline was the one that was worried when she had been going to meet with the Dark Lord every night and Audra had been enjoying Weasley family dinners.  "And so are you."  Audra clings onto her even tighter, not sure she could make herself let go.  Here, finally, was someone who understood the world she was being forced to live in, who was walking the same path Audra was (though admittedly they were both heading towards different destinations).  For better or worse, Emmeline was Audra's best friend, and here was a perfect reminder of what it means to have a best friend- someone who holds on even when it might be easier to let go.  "Was it awful?"

Emmeline doesn't meet her eyes when she finally breaks away, bending over to pick up her wand and shove it deep into her pocket.  On the inside of her arm, the dark mark flashes.  "It wasn't too bad."  She shrugs and smiles a hopeless smile that doesn't reach her eyes, then nods towards the empty bed.  "You think she listened to you?  Went on the run?"

There wasn't any pretending, or any excuses that could be made.  Ariel had not been on the platform, or at dinner, and now her side of the room was completely empty of any belongings.  "Yes," She said, and remembered the night where the everyone was ushered out of the kitchen but Audra and George had leaned over the bannister to stare down into the hallway, only to find Ariel on the welcome mat, looking lost and alone.  She had stood there clutching onto her suitcase until Molly ushered her behind closed doors.  It was the last time Audra had seen her.  She's somewhere in America now, in the middle of a muggle city where she can be swallowed up by all the different faces.  Hopefully somewhere warm."  "I think she did."

"Well, at least we won't have to deal with her damn cat this year."  The cat really was a menace, but the joke fell flat.  Emmeline dumped the contents of her make up begging in one of Ariel's drawers.  "He's not going to find her, is he?"

"No."  Audra doesn't need to wonder if it was the truth or not, when she knows its the Orders handiwork.  "Never."

 

 

"I'm probably going to do something stupid."  Emmeline's voice broke up the quiet just as Audra was beginning to fall asleep.  Audra turned onto her back and sighed, glaring at the place where she knew Emmeline's voice had come from. 

"Okay." 

"I'm going to talk to Clary."  Which, okay, Audra had to admit that that was something that definitely qualified as stupid.  "I still love her."

Audra sat up, yanking the curtains away from her bed so she could stare over at Emmeline.  "Do you remember what we did this summer?"  Audra realized her voice could be described as a frantic screeching, and took a deep breath to calm herself.  "And who was always yelling at me about making the right friends?  Clary is not exactly what we would call Dark Lord approved!"

"Well, yeah."  Emmeline waved a hand in front of her dismissively, swatting away Audra's words like she would an annoying bug.   "But we loved each other a lot, and she was willing to fight for us before.  So if she's still up to it... you were the one who kept saying that we all had choices.  I'm not going to take hers away."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	39. Umbridge

They had heard of her already (the news of Harry's outburst had spread through the school like wildfire) and had been given a reasonable amount of warning as to what her class would hold, but nothing had been able to prepare them for _this._ Audra knew that they were not going to be allowed to use magic, but she had perhaps not been ready for the cheerful order of "wands away" followed by a simpering, girlish giggle, or to have what's normally a interesting subject replaced by a load of ministry garbage. And she certainly wasn't ready to have to listen to someone wearing an explosion of pink.

She was walking between the desks now, peering over them as they wrote their names on the insides of their textbooks. Audra hadn't even been able to turn to look at Fred or George, who had snorted audibly during Umbridge's explanation of the class. "It's been made clear to me that some of you," It probably wasn't an accident that her eyes travelled over to where the twins were sitting with Lee. "Won't take this class seriously."

"Well how can we?" Lee asked, poking at his text book like it was something distasteful he had found stuck to the bottom of his shoe. "You're not even letting us use magic. How are you expecting us to defend ourselves?"

"And who would want to hurt children like yourselves?" Umbridge smiled at them, lips pressed into a thin line, her face more toad like than ever. _You do,_ Audra thinks viciously, surprised by her own certainty, but then she remembered the rumors about the quill that writes in blood and knows that its right. "Certain people among you are saying that the a certain Dark Wizard has returned. Simply put children- this is not true." She punctuated each word with a tap to the chalk board, still smiling at them. It seems that after the fiasco she had had with the last class, she had decided to address the issue head on.

"So you think Harry's lying, do you?" George, who had been previously leaning back against the wall, let his chair fall back to the floor with a bang. "Something else killed Cedric? Our last teacher being a nutter was just a coincidence?"

"Harry's a troubled boy." Her teeth were gritted, Audra saw with some alarm. "Don't you read the prophet?"

"If I'm in the mood for a laugh." Audra jumps in, kicking out at Emmeline's chair. Part of her new that it was better to keep quiet, that this was a woman who wanted to be obeyed and believed, but the other part of her was telling her that if George was in, she was in. Also, it was hard to take a woman who wore that much pink seriously. "It's not very well informed about anything, is it? Too busy pushing Fudge's agenda to bother even wondering about what really happened in that graveyard."

"I happen to think I know a bit more about the subject than you, Ms. Stanton." Umbridge was standing in front of her desk now, hands gripping the sides so tightly her stubby figures were turning white. She was leaning forward, which might have been scary if she hadn't been so short.

"I doubt it." Audra laughed, and Emmeline kicked back, trying to get her to shut up. "I think you know about as much as the minister knows, which is very little."

It was one thing, Audra thought, to hear about the Dark Lord's return from someone who the whole wizarding world was being told had gone a bit loopy, side affect from that horrible brain trauma he'd gone through as a baby, the normal things. It was a bit harder to ignore it when one of the most popular boys in the year were taking his side, and then a girl with confirmed connections to the dark arts had basically confirmed that he had returned. The whispers didn't stop all class, and neither did the side ways glances that were coming her way. Harry on his own might have been easy to ignore, but if the rest of them keep doing things like this- keeping the truth from being silenced, being brave- people might start to listen.

Of course, you don't get out of things like that without punishment, which is why Audra had to stay after class. The twins hesitated at the door before she waved them on, and now that the room had emptied out, it was just the two of them. Umbridge was on one side of her desk, Audra still in her chair. She thought it best not to move any closer to her. "I think you want to be more careful with your tone, Ms. Stanton. Especially when addressing your professors."

There was that stupid smile, and the little giggle. It made Audra want to knock her teeth out. "Do I?' She knew that she did, but it was the sort of thing that while it was certainly good advice, there was no way she was going to listen it. Kind of like when Hermione told her to study, or the dentist told her to floss.

"I could make your life very difficult." Her teeth were a blinding white when she smiled, two rows of perfect, tiny teeth. "Do you know that?"

"I heard. Going to use your blood quill on me, Dolores?"

There was a startled silence where the two witches stared at each other, both of them seeming just as shocked at what Audra had said. "Been talking to Mr. Potter, have you?"

"No." She smiled pleasantly, shaking her head. "No, I was thinking more about that intern that came to your office a few years ago. You didn't like her much, did you? I can't imagine the minister knows about that."

"You see, Ms. Stanton," Umbridge stood, ushering her towards the door. She didn't look startled, just pleased, like this had turned out to be more interesting than she had expected it to be. "I can't imagine why you think that would make a difference."  
  
  
  
  
  


"She did what?" Fred and George echoed. Ginny was staring at them, her mouth hanging open in a silent expression of horror.

"She just made her sit there, locked her in this chair and wouldn't let her up until she'd written with that stupid quill for hours. Sliced her hand completely open, blood was all over the desk, seeping into the carpet." Audra picked at her food. She couldn't face eating, not when her stomach was twisting itself into knots. "Umbridge means business."

"We have to tell someone." Fred echoed dully, repeating what he had said at the beginning of the story. "There's no way the ministry would have sent her here if they had known."

"Oh, they knew alright. It was one of the worst cover ups in ministry history- this muggle girl coming to work and one week later winds up in St. Mungos to have her skin regrown? And it takes one hell of a cleaning spell to get that much blood out of the carpet." Audra shrugs, remembering the photos that Vance had duplicated and sent to her, just so she knew what she was dealing with. "Fudge doesn't need someone who's going to be a compassionate teacher. He just needs someone who's willing to follow orders, and Umbridge will, so long as she keeps what little power this gives her."

"She's a freak." George spoke around the food in his mouth. He seemed paler after hearing the story, but it didn't ruin his appetite. She wasn't sure anything could.

"She's dangerous. And you can't antagonize her like you normally would, alright? You'll get hurt." She grips onto both their arms. "Promise me?"

Fred and George glance at each other over her head, and when they spoke together, she was sure that they were lying. "Promise."   
  
  
  
  
  


"I heard what you did." Audra heard Clary before she saw her, the voice floating over to her from one of the shelves before her friend stepped out into the light. The noise made her jump- Audra had thought she'd have been the only one in the library this early in the term. "That was a really brave thing for you to do."

"That thing with Umbridge?" Audra let her book fall closed, staring up at Clary. She was taller, and her hair had grown lighter. There was something else about her, like all the soft parts of her had wasted away over the summer. If nothing else, Clary was more confident now, keeping eye contact without looking away and holding herself like she knew that she was worth the space she occupied. "That was nothing."

"Not that." Clary comes closer, cranes her neck to check to make sure that the rest of the library was really empty. "Over the summer, with the Order."

Audra stares at her like she had grown a second head. "How did you know about that?"

"I had my own project." Clary smiles, but it isn't open and trusting and happy like it used to be. It looks a bit more wary, like she's holding everything at arms length. "Remember when I told Emmeline that I'd be able to hide us away somewhere that no one could ever find us? Dumbledore seemed to think so too."

As Audra looked at her, she remembered something else ( _Ariel on the welcome mat, and someone right behind her, a voice she can't quite recognize but knows she knows, soft and lilting and comforting in the way an old stuffed animal is comforting even when you think you don't need it anymore, a hand with blue painted nails on her shoulder_ ). "You hid Ariel."

"Among others." Clary was looking at her like she was pleased Audra had caught on so quickly. "She said to tell you hi."

"Good. That's good." Audra couldn't quite wrap her head around this. This whole summer she could have been talking to Clary, telling someone the entire truth of things. Clary had never flinched away from the ugly parts of her, and she wouldn't have then, not when she knew Audra was just trying to do the right thing. "Emmeline wants to talk to you."

"Emmeline wants to kill people like me, remember? People like you, for that matter." Clary stared at her like she had gone a bit crazy. Audra didn't blame her. Even if there wasn't the whole _one of us is going to have to betray all our ideals and everyone we love in order for us not to die_ thing, there was still the _she broke up with me and left me crying in the hallway_ thing, which Clary might view as just as bad, if not worse. Her voice was harsh, but Clary always gave in where Emmeline was concerned.

"No, she doesn't. She's just not as brave as the two of us." Audra wondered how that was possible, that the one who had thrown herself at every new and scary situation for fun had been the one that was too afraid to stand up for the woman she loved. "And she still loves you, Clary."

"And I love her." Clary's voice was sad, but her eyes were even more so. "Haven't you ever wondered what happens when that stops being enough?"

Audra had, but she's hoping she'll never have to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	40. Quidditch

Audra doesn't like quidditch.

She never really got the point of it, why someone would want to waste hours every day flying around and throwing things at each other, searching for one tiny speck of gold in the great open sky and dodging.  Why the twins would be willing to practice late into the night, even if they came back dripping with sweat and so sunburned they have to see Madame Pomfrey, or soaked to the bone and covered head to toe in mud, or so frozen they couldn't even bend their fingers to fasten the bludgers back into their boxes.  She would much rather stay inside than try to remember what was worth what amount of points, and who had to win by how much to take the lead in the house tournament.

Hermione, thankfully, felt much in the same way, which is why it was perfect for them to sit beside each other when watching the try outs for Keeper.  (Hermione was there for Ron, Audra was there as an excuse to watch Fred and George.  Mostly Fred.  She can admit that now.)

"Is he doing okay?"  Hermione asked fretfully after the third time the group flew around the pitch.  They were tossing the quaffle back and forth to each other.  "Are they going to pick him?"

"Well he hasn't dropped it yet, so I guess he's doing okay."  Truthfully, there wasn't much to watch at the moment.  It seemed like the team was just trying to weed out the ones who showed up thinking that they were much better than they were, or too inexperienced to expect to join the team as a full time player.  They'd already gotten rid of a group of fourth grade girls who had tripped all over themselves to get onto their brooms and could barely even fly in a straight line, and were now sitting in the bleachers with Audra and Hermione.  From their conversation, it was clear that they had only shown up for the chance to talk to the twins.  Audra could sympathize.

It didn't take long for the two girls to get bored, considering they knew nothing of quidditch and didn't really care to pay attention if it wasn't Ron.  Even the twins must not have thought the try outs worth watching, since they were now playing an incredibly dangerous version of monkey in the middle with a bludger, with Colin Creevey as a monkey. So maybe it wasn't that much of surprise when they turned to abusing Umbridge, which is quickly becoming the schools favorite topic.  "We're not even learning anything!  We're just reading that stupid book, which is entry level at best.  Who's she kidding about the dark arts not posing a danger to us thing?  Even if she doesn't believe that the Dark Lord is back -which I doubt, I just don't think she cares- she must know that there are still bad things out there, ancient curses and vampires and magical creatures.   It's not like we're going to be in the middle of a grindylow attack and it's going to say, whoops, dearie me, it's an underage wizard here, better let go!"

Hermione's voice had gotten louder as her rant went on, causing a few of the students trying out to turn up towards them and stare.  Audra could see Ron shrugging his shoulders in a half fond gesture of exasperation, probably accompanied with an eye roll.  "So teach yourself.  Aren't you already doing NEWT level magic?  It's not like you won't be able to learn a basic shield charm."

"But what about everyone else?"  Hermione fretted, twisting her hands around in her lap.  "They're in so much danger, and they don't even know it.  They just sit here and worry about.. about boys and homework and quidditch."

"Then teach them, too.  Teach the ones who want to be taught.  Isn't that what Hogwarts is about?"  It was, really.  There was always room at Hogwarts for those who need help finding some sort of knowledge, whether it can be taught in the classroom or found somewhere else.  "They'll come."

"I don't know.  I'm not sure people would listen to me."  She was still twisting her hands around, but now there was that look on her face that meant she was just dying to run off to the library.  It was her problem solving face.  "I don't think I can do all that."

"For what it's worth?"  Audra pointed down at the field, where Ron was waving up at them and motioning for them to come down.  "I don't think you'll be doing it alone."

 

 

"How'd he do?"  Audra was lurking outside of the locker room, where the twins were changing.  "Was it okay?"

"Well, it wasn't awful."  Fred's voice came to her over the sound of running water, a little muffled.  "He did make all his saves, even if they were a little awkward, and he throws like a maniac, farther than George or I could get, but- you can come in Audra, we're dressed, come on- but he's too nervous and hesitant.  But he cares more than the other two who could play worth anything, and its not like he has any clubs or anything that might conflict with it."

"You mean besides periodically going off to save the world with Harry?" 

"Besides that."  Fred grinned over at her, teeth a blinding white.  "You doing anything tonight?"

Audra stared over at him, startled enough that she almost slid off the counter she was balancing on.  "No.  Why?"

"Hagrid asked me to run an errand."  Fred grabbed his bag and walked out, propping the door open behind him for her.  He didn't look back to see if Audra was following him, she always is.

Dimly, she knew that they were leaving George behind, something that doesn't happen often.  But she also knows that this thing between the two of them is shifting into a territory that George won't be able to follow.  But since she couldn't quite bring herself to care as much as she should, Audra just jogs to catch up and falls into step beside him.  "A dangerous errand?"

"Are they ever really not dangerous when it comes to Hagrid?"  Fred held the door open for her again.  Chivalry.  "He isn't expecting it to be, but then again, he's half giant, ain't he?  He doesn't remember that some people are afraid of things like giant spiders or accidently enlarged bats.  Or exploding skrewts and giant slugs."

"Okay, okay."  Audra shuddered from the memory, trying to push it out of her head.  There had been other favors had asked of them, things that they couldn't turn down because he was smiling in his friendly, happy way and telling them how grateful he always is for all their help.  And then she and the twins dive off into the forests, or wrestle slightly illegal creatures into cages, or become intimately familiar with feelings like leathery wings brushing shoulders or slime splattering onto faces.  "I got it.  I'm in."

"It's a date."  Fred rocked back on his heels and backed away from her down the hallway.  "I'll pick you up at seven."

 

He did pick her up at seven, but Audra was beginning to think she wasn't really here for a date.  Mostly because they were battling cobwebs as they walked deeper into the forest, both of them fighting through the thorny brambles and keeping their eyes open for the giant spiders that Hagrid still maintained as friendly.  But also because Fred had barely said more than a few words to her since they entered the forest, and he didn't stop to help when she stumbled, and his jokes aren't funny.  Fred is never not funny. 

"Alright, stop.  I want to stop."  He turned back to her almost immediately, arms already out to help her climb over the log he had stepped over.  She took his hand and practically tripped into him, staying in his arms for a few seconds longer than was absolutely necessary.  

"I'm sorry."  She couldn't see his face in the dark, but his voice really was apologetic.  "We weren't supposed to have to go this far in.  Hagrid said we'd find it right on the outskirts, not after an hour and a half walk.  I can come back tomorrow if you want to turn around."

"And let you walk around this stupid forest by yourself?  No way.  And that's not what this is about anyways."  She dragged him over the to tree and sat down.  "We're not moving until you tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong."

"Something's wrong."  She stared up at him, stubborn as ever.  "Tell me or we turn around."

"Percy wrote Ron a letter."  Fred spun away from him, kicking out at a tree hard enough to make him walk away with a limp.  "He wrote him a letter, the pompous arse he is, saying how thankful he was that Ron was paying attention to his studies and not following the path of me and George.  That he should cut ties with Harry, because he's a dangerous nut and the minister doesn't approve.  Cut ties with us."

He stared at her, chest heaving, then turned and slammed his fist into a tree branch before sinking to the ground in front of her.  The moonlight cut through the trees then, and she could see what he was really feeling, because he never tries to hide it from her- miserable and confused and wishing they would have found whatever Hagrid wanted found an hour ago.  "Percy's just confused.  He's trying to find his own way.  People get lost sometimes, when they have to do that."

"And that means that he gets to turn his back on us?"  Fred pounded his fist into the ground again.  "I get it if he's lost, or cracking under the weight of his own ambition, or whatever excuse you want to name.  But family is forever.  And he's been given no reason to forget that."

"I'm sorry."  And she was.  Not everyone was as loyal as Fred, or could care as deeply, or have such a strong moral compass.  "I've told you before, not everyone is like you.  Not everyone's such a good man, or has the ability to be so sure of himself, or to know who he loves and be certain that they love him back."

"Percy knows we love him." 

"Sometimes, Fred,"  She felt him fall back against the tree trunk, his side against her leg, one hand curling around her leg like it might anchor him there.  "That's just not enough."

 

 

"There."  Fred's face split into a smile and he pointed ahead, a relieved laugh that he was trying to keep quiet bubbling out of his throat.  "That's what I've been trying to find all night."

After the fiasco on the pathway and Audra had given Fred time to calm down, they kept walking.  And walking, and walking, to the point where Fred was jumping to defend her at every sound and they had to make a detour to avoid the spiders.   But finally they had reached the clearing, and now they were crouching down behind a bush, staring at a baby unicorn.  "It's so cute."  It was still speckled with light blue and pink spots.  "Can we get nearer?"

"You can."  Fred pushed her forward, gently, then crouched back down.  "Hagrid wants us to lead it back.  It should follow you, if I stay far enough ahead."

It did follow her back, after she had stood in the clearing and petted it for a while, after she slipped the makeshift leash over its neck and led it forward.  It took them twice as long to make it back as it did to get here, and Audra and the unicorn made it back to Hagrid's hut around dawn, where Fred was waiting with a steaming mug of coffee. 

"Thank you for that."  Audra accepted the coffee he handed her, laying her head on his shoulder.  "It was nice."

"I didn't mean for it to take so long."  It was entirely cliché of them, sitting there watching the sun rise.   "You're going to sleep through all your classes."

"It was nice."  She squeezed her hand, trying to convey exactly how much she had liked last night, even if most of it did involve walking through spiderwebs.  Fred had, admittedly, walked through all the spiderwebs first, like a true gentlemen.  "I mean it."

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	41. The Meeting at Hog's Head

There are more people in the Hog's Head than Audra thinks Aberforth was prepared for.

He certainly didn't looked _pleased_ at the sudden rush of customers, and made no move to take orders or even look anything less than threatening, which Audra thought was bad for business.  But then again, the Hog's Head wasn't the type of place that people came when they wanted good drinks.  Normally, they were hear to make plans and discuss illegal tradings, and this slightly indifferent treatment from the bartender might have been preferred.

Audra sat in the very back, leaning against a window so dusty no one can see through it anymore.  Hermione, Ron, and Harry stood in front of the room together, a united front as always.  She had spotted Clary come in with some of the other Ravenclaws, Luna trailing behind her.  And the twins were here, she knew, because Fred had bought her a butterbeer and they kept grinning at her in the middle of their jokes, like they were making sure she was okay.

Even though it had technically been partly Audra's idea to start with, she still didn't want to show up to the meeting.  She hadn't thought it would work, and even if it did, there was no way she could join this and expect to be able to excuse it to the Dark Lord, and more importantly, her mother.  But then Hermione had begged her and Ginny to just show up for emotional support and possibly back up, and Audra hadn't been able to justify letting them face it alone, so here she was, listening to what was quickly becoming a train wreck of a meeting.

It became very clear very fast that not all of the people here believed Harry about you-know-who's return.  Still, even after everything Harry's done and all the things he's sacrificed these people- Ernie and Zacharias and the whole lot of them- have found a way to keep doubting him.  She had known it was coming, but it still drove her crazy, to watch those three kids she loved like little siblings stand up there together.  Hermione had finally seemed to be at a loss for words, and Harry's hands were shaking.  Ron just looked like he was trying to decide which of the kids in front of them he wanted to punch first.

"Why should we believe that he's back?"  A boy she thought was a Ravenclaw shouted out, loud enough to cut across all the different arguments and discussions going through the group. 

Hermione closed her eyes.  "Dumbledore says-,"

"Dumbledore says because he says, you mean."  He shoots back, and there's a mutter of agreement through the crowd.  Hermione's crestfallen face looks over the group of them and back to where Audra was standing.

"Look, you don't want to believe Harry, fine."  She's not sure why she's talking, and knows that if word of this got to her mother or brother or any other death eater, even Snape, she was in for a load of pain.  But even though that job was important and she had a part to play, this was just as important.  "I understand that some of you don't know him at all, just the stories of what he's done, especially those of you not in Gryffindor.  And you've spent all summer having the people you trust, not to mention the government and the newspapers and everything else, telling you he's crazy, so why believe him when he's saying something so scary?"

Audra had moved to the front of the room now, standing between Hermione and Harry.  The words stick in her throat for a moment when she realizes all eyes on her, but then she looks at Fred and it gets a little easier.  "Those same people put my family on a pedestal, even with everything that we've done.  So maybe you'll listen to me.   He's back."  She takes a deep breath, and Hermione grabs onto one hand, giving it an encouraging squeeze.  "He's back, and it's real, and if you're all as smart as you like to think you are, you'll start believing it and learn to defend yourselves before it's too late."

 

 

Between Audra basically declaring her family renewed death eaters and Hermione's speech, not to mention Harry's friends listing all the amazing things he does, Dumbledore's Army was born.  They were all standing in line to sign up now, Audra right behind Fred and George.  She watched them sign their names with a sort of flourish, the familiar chicken scratch spreading across the paper.  When it comes time to add her name, she just rolls the quill around in her fingers, aware of the impatient shuffling behind her.  "I shouldn't,"  she says finally, letting the quill fall back into the ink well.  She doesn't look at anyone behind her, or at Hermione, too afraid of what might be one their faces.  "I've been taking too many risks lately as it is.  I can't.  You understand that, don't you?"

Harry's hand finds its way to her shoulder, giving her a gentle shake.  "You're doing something good.   We can handle this one."

George reaches out to her, grabs her gently by the elbow and steers her gently out of the bar.  "Don't worry about this."  They make it to Fred, who was waiting for them with his hands shoved deep into his pockets, looking worried.  Clary was beside him, watching her with sad eyes.  "Everyone who knows you and cares about you understands why you can't.  We can't win a war if one of our best gets killed over a study session."

She wanted to tell him that she didn't think they were just going to be study sessions.  They were what the name said- soldiers training for war.

 

They walk down the path between the shops, Audra linking arms with Fred and George, Clary trailing behind them.  It almost feels like nothings changed, the three of them hanging onto each other and Clary smiling fondly at them.  The feeling of familiarity doesn't even go away when Clary breaks away and runs towards Emmeline, throwing her arms around her.  This, too, was the same, because its been a long time coming.  Emmeline laughs and ducks down to kiss her before straightening back up and smiling at all of them, unaware of what they were just doing.  "What were you guys doing?  I've been looking everywhere."

"We were grabbing a drink at the Hog's Head,"  Fred said.  He's not good at this yet, even though he really needs to learn what to keep to himself and what is safe to say.  This is one of those not safe things.

Emmeline looks between all of them, and if she hadn't thought to be suspicious about why they couldn't meet with her before, she is now.  "Hog's Head?  Why would you need to go there?" 

"the boys needed my help on a theory about illusionment charms.  New product."  Clary rolls her eyes and leans into Emmeline.  She visibly relaxes, because even if the twins might be up to no good, even if Audra knows how to lie, Emmeline thinks Clary never would.  As far as Emmeline knows, clary is still free from this game of theirs.  "Couldn't be at the Three Broomsticks, because someone might have overhead, and all Weasley products are now super top secret.  They're going to be successful, you know."

"Damn right they are."  Emmeline starts to walk backwards, towards that horrible tea shop that people only go into when they're in love.  "Now, you ready for our date?  You kept me waiting."

"Of course,"  Clary smiles up at her, lets herself be pulled into her girlfriend's side, and they start walking down the path.  But when she gets the chance to turn back she does, raising one finger to her lips as she does so.

Everything might have felt the same, but the lies are new.

 

"We've got this."  Fred tells her for what must have been the tenth time, handing over the galleons for the candy.  He was buying her chocolate, the expensive kind with the strawberry filling that she only buys as a special treat.  They were celebrating, he keeps reminding her, celebrating the success.  The demand has almost outweighed the supplies ( _it would have, had Audra not started up a permanent potions shop in both Myrtle's bathroom and the dungeon, working late into the night so she has to drink these muggle energy drinks Dean smuggled in to her just to stay awake),_ and everyone's been talking about the new joke shop that's finally going to outdo Zonko's, including a few reviews in the Daily Prophet.  They're on a mail order system, and it's only thanks to Audra's brief stint as an owl breeder and her newest batch of owl babies that they're able to keep up.

They were supposed to talk about the shop today, and Audra keeps going through the mental checklist of things she wants to bring up.  But the twins look too happy, and they keep buying her things, and by the time they drag her to that picnic table hidden underneath the weeping willow, she is too happy to remember what she was worried about.  The sun is shining through the clouds, warming her skin even though the air is cold, and Fred was sitting close to her even though there was plenty of space.  "We need to talk," George says, finally turning the conversation towards more serious things. 

"Right."  She digs in her bag and brings out a checklist.  "Listen, guys, at the rate we're going, it won't work.  there's too many orders and too little time, even with the two of you working on this instead of your homework and me going round the clock with potions."

"that's what we wanted to talk to you about."  Fred picked at a splinter in the table.  "We found a shop in diagon alley.  We can cover the rent.  The two of us can sign the lease anytime after Christmas."

"You can't sign until there's no more you-know-who."  George says apologetically.  "But we need the shop now.  And once we have that and we look like an actual business, we'll be able to hire more employees and outsource for some of the ingredients, take some of the pressure off of you."

"We love you, and you're amazing, but one person can't make enough potions to stock our whole shop while being both a spy and acing her NEWTs.  Even if that person is you."  Audra knew that they were not kicking her out, that she was still welcome, but current situations would make it hard to fulfill her duties as the third part of the ownership.

"I'm not upset,"  She says, after she's been quiet enough to make them start to look worried.  "Promise.  I'm happy, really."  And she was, surprisingly. 

"Big things are happening, Audra."  George says, gripping both of her and Fred's hands like that might make it true.

 _A war is coming, Georgie._ She thinks, looking over at him.  _That's the big thing._

But she can't bring herself to say it, not when dreams are finally coming true and they've reached a day where things feel okay.

 

Emmeline comes in later, her face that strange mix of happy and angry and sad that she gets whenever she comes back from being with Clary.  "Good day?"  Audra asks her, taking a break from the letter she was writing to Vance, more to let Emmeline know she was there than actually wanting to know.

"Yeah."  She rips off her cloak and drops it to the floor.   "You?"

"The best." 

There must have been something in her voice or her smile, or the thought of the twins was still clinging to her like the smell of smoke after a camp fire.  Or maybe it was just that Emmeline was her best friend and she never was able to lie to her.  Whatever it was, it made Emmeline stop and stare at her.  "You're being careful, right?"  This was dangerous territory, the two of them walking on thin ice that was already starting to crack.  "With the twins?"

"Of course I am."  The question hits her like a bucket of cold water, suddenly making her remember what they were to each other now.  A spy and a death eater.  "Why do I need to be?"

"It's just... there's never going to be a joke shop for you.  Or holidays spent at the Burrow.  Or any other type of future you're imagining with them." 

"I know, Emmeline."  Audra's voice was too sharp when she should have been trying to make it nonchalant. 

"I know you do."  She puts her hand on her arm.  It's the first time that Audra can remember wanting to shake her off.  "Still."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	42. The Manners of a Malfoy

The first DA meeting has come and gone.  Audra didn't go, even if Hermione invited her one more time just in case, and Ginny begged.  She spends the night in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom instead, brewing great vats of potions for the skiving snackboxes and being angry over something that was entirely her decision. 

Fred comes to find her later, right when she's in the middle of viciously chopping up some sort of root to prep for future potions, stabbing so hard she's leaving marks in the cutting board.  He opens his arms without saying anything and folds her into them, letting her just stand there and be a little sad without her having to tell him why.  "You don't need to learn to defend yourself anyways," He tells her later, after they had bottled up all the potions and taken them up to the Gryffindor tower.  "You're Audra Stanton.  Tough as nails."

But that was a week ago and this is now, with Gryffindor playing Slytherin on the quidditch field.  Audra holds onto Hermione's hand tight enough that she must be crushing her fingers, but Hermione doesn't complain- if anything, she just squeezes back even harder, until she slumps back in her seat and covers her face in her hands.  "He's doing horribly, isn't he?"

Audra didn't want to tell her that _yes, he does,_ because she figured Ron doesn't need to have anymore negative energy coming his way when that awful song was being shouted at him from the Slytherins.  Ginny, on the other hand, was never known to pull punches. "Nevill would do better," She groaned, tacking on a "no offense" when Neville looked over at her.

"Nevermind.  Harry'll get the snitch. Until then,"  She grabbed onto Hermione's hand again, continuing to squint into the sun so she could see the field, following the shapes that she knew to be Fred and George.  "Brave faces, ladies."

 

 

They won.

It's basically a miracle and a wonderful thing, even if Ron sneaks off to the changing rooms iwth his head hanging.  She feels bad for him, but Audra still fights her way through the bleachers and down onto the field so she can run to where the Gryffindor team was huddling.  For a second, no one says anything, and she thinks Angelina might be about to send her away, team meeting, so sorry.  But then Fred spots her and lets out a yell, grabbing her by the waist and spinning her around so her toes skim the top of the grass.  Everyone's happy and laughing and it's perfect.

And then Malfoy comes along.

She could pinpoint the exact moment that the twins hear it, with the way George freezes halfway between shaking Harry's hand and Fred almost drops her.  "We couldn't fit in useless loser either," Draco was saying.  "for his father, you know."

"Don't.  Don't, he's not worth it, and nothing he says is true."  She catches him by one arma dn Angelina by the other, and she could see Harry working to keep George in place.  "Umbridge will ahve hyou in detention for a month if you hurt her golden boy, please, Fred."

"or perhaps,"  Malfoy leered, "you can remember what your mother's house stank like, Potter-,"

Harry lets go of George and the two of them barrel forward so saft that even Goyle wouldn't be able to save Draco now. Fred redoubles his efforts to join them, only pausing when he gets an arm free and catches Audra in the mouth, splitting her lip and knocking her backwards.

She can hear his apologies even as she back away, spitting out the blood that had filled her mouth.  Audra stares at Harry and George's retreating backs, hears Madame Hooch yelling and performing healing spells on Draco that have him standing in less than a minute, and somewhere in the background, Crabbe is laughing.

"What do you think Umbridge is going to do to them?"  Malfoy had recovered remarkably fast, and now he's leaning on Goyle, positively gleeful at the thought of getting them in trouble.  "Lines, probably.  Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll bleed out, you think?"

Audra catches sight of Fred a few feet away, calm enough now that only Angelina was needed to keep a tight grip on his arm, and could see the hurt, apologetic look in his eyes.  She can still feel the stinging in her lip, but it doesn't matter to her as much as the thought that Fred might think she's standing here listening to Malfoy spew his venom by choice.  "-true, you know, he does live in a broomshed, you've seen it Audra, does it stink as much as I think it does?"

It wasn't a decision, exactly.  Audra had caught sight of Fred and the red rising in his face, remembering how he hadn't gotten a punch in because she didn't let him make a choice on his own, even if it would have been a bad one.  She didn't like to take people's choices away, especially not when Mafloy was still talking loud enough for everyone to hear, and people were laughing at Fred and his brothers, and Angelina wouldn't be able to hold him back on her own this time.  There was a dull pounding growing in the back of her mind as she listened, and her hands were curling into a fist.

And then that fist was knocking out Malfoy's teeth.

Her hand connected with a dull thud, just once, and she could feel the bones in her hand break a little bit and the skin split at the same time she felt his nose and three of his teeth give way.  A lot of things happened at once then- Draco yanking away from her and dropping to the ground, holding his face with a blood covered hand, Hermione screaming, Madame Hooch blowing her whistle, and Fred with his team, laughing.  Audra stumbles backwards a few feet, shaking her hand and cursing, and Draco spits out three of his teeth at her feet. 

When he looks at her, his face is covered in the blood streaming from his nose.  "It's not an act."  He says, and he's laughing, laughing with his head thrown back and mouth open so he has to be swallowing his own blood.  "You're dead. You're a dead man walking."

He's hysterical with it, what he's found out, and now Emmeline's there, staring from her to Fred in a type of horror that she doesn't show very often.  The type of horror that says she thinks Draco's right.

Audra doesn't say anything, just walks towards the figures of George and Harry in the distance, hand cradled up to her chest and lip still dripping blood.

 

 

Umbridge caught up to her just as she reached the castle, and ever since she's had Audra's arm in a vice like grip that she was sure would leave bruises. She drags her through the corridors so fast that Audra has trouble keeping up, and when they reach McGonagall's office, Umbridge blasts the door open and throws Audra inside so hard that she stumbles and falls against the desk before regaining her balance.

"Ms. Stanton?"  McGonagall stared at her, openmouthed.  They appeared to have caught her mid rant.  Harry and George were staring, too, both of them moving towards her as if to protect her from something. "What are you doing here?"

Audra straightened her hand out, ignoring the screaming pain, and watched the blood well up in her split knuckles.  "I put my fist in Malfoy's teeth."  Umbridge hummed in that annoying way of hers, accompanied by her little girl giggle, but she could see George smiling out of the corner of her eye.  "Entirely by accident, I assure you.  And I'm very sorry."

Sorry, she learned, wasn't going to cut it.  It didn't matter, not when Harry and the twins were being banished from quidditch and Umbridge was sentencing her to a weeks worth of detention.  "Starting now," Umbridge smiles, and with a wave of her wand, a desk, parchment, and that stupid, horrible quill appeared beside her.  "Just enough for the message to stick."

Audra stares at her, and then to McGonagall.  "My hands broke."

Umbridge smiled wider, looking more toadlike than ever.  "Pity, that."

Audra doesn't bother protesting, just sits at the desk and curls her hand around the quill.  That hurts, but not as bad as it does when she started writing.  She didn't cry out, just kept her head bent over the paper and wrote.  Harry and George were hovering in the doorway, and McGonagall was protesting. Immediately behind her was Umbridge, so close she could feel her breath on her neck. 

Audra entertains herself with the thought of turning and using the quill to stab Umbridge, or maybe to engrave some stupid message right across her ugly, toad like face, but she doesn't.  She just writes, over and over, until the whole paper is filled.  _I must learn where my loyalties lie, I  must learn where my loyalties lie, I must learn..._

"That's enough, dear."  Umbridge pats her on the hand as she takes away the quill and parchment, and her fingers come away smeared with Audra's blood.  She ushers Audra to the door under McGonagall's disapproving gaze, opening the door just as Harry and George scrambled to their feet.  "No need to come the rest of the week, so long as you remember that."

Audra turned, standing toe to toe with her.  "I chose my side a long time ago."

 

_I must choose where my loyalties lie._

She can see it on her hand, the letters spelled out in thin red, the cuts already scabbing over.  Even when she wasn't looking at it, she could tell it was there- stinging and itching, even with the murtlap that Hermione had given her.

George and Harry had demanded she come with them up to the Gryffindor common room to get it.  Audra hadn't thought she needed it, but Fred insisted, and he looked so miserable already that she couldn't find herself to say no.  Now it was just her and Fred sitting by the fire even after everyone else had gone to sleep, the two of them staring into the fire.  "I didn't even get to punch him."

"I think George and Harry took care of that for you."  She snorted, shifting so her head was in his lap.  "He looked like he got hit by a bus."

"And you."  He tapped her previously broken hand, which Hermione had fixed in less than a second.  "It was a good punch."

"Thanks."  She doesn't feel like sitting here anymore, not with him looking at her like that. Not when every second spent here is a second that Emmeline and Draco get more and more suspicious about how much of her act is really an act.  "I should go."

"Yeah."  Fred jumps to his feet, like he had just been shocked awake.  Maybe he had been- it's well past midnight.  "It's late."

He follows her to the portrait hole, and she pauses when he pushes the door open for her, turning back to him.  "I'm sorry I hurt you."  He traces his fingers over her lip, which had scabbed up in a way that she thought made her look tough.  It just makes him look guilty.  "I didn't mean to.  I only meant-,"

"To beat the crap out of Draco?  I know."  She lays her hand on his and then lets them both drop to their sides.  "I can take it.  Tough as nails, remember?"

He smiles a sad sort of smile, stepping back so she could finally leave.  "How could I forget?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	43. Detention with Hagrid

She makes it through one more detention ( _one more hellish detention, where she writes in her neatest print and the words cut their way deeper into her skin, deep enough so they're never going to go away_ ) before Snape intervenes.  Umbridge let her go as a favor to him, and according to her, a curtesy to Audra's parents, who she had met at one of the Minister's Christmas parties.  Audra didn't care, so long as she never had to touch that horrible quill again. 

Umbridge sends her to help Hagrid for the day, spouting off something about how physical labor would do a girl like her good and spending the day with the great oaf would help to teach her a lesson.  Audra's almost positive that Snape suggested it, especially when she makes it down to Hagrid's hut and finds that he doesn't have anything for her to do.

"You, er, you don't have to do anything."  He said, leaning heavily on the rake he was currently using.  Hagrid reached up to swipe at the sweat rolling down his face and only succeeded in spreading more dirt around.  "I'll sign whatever paper you've got that says you were here, and then you can be on your way."

"I can help, Hagrid."  She didn't mind doing work around here.  Audra had always liked Care of Magical Creatures, even if Hagrid's version of the class was more than a little unorthodox.  "What are you working on?"

"Well, you can't help, truthfully.  Not with that hand of yours.  Risk of infections and all that."  Audra didn't really think he should be warning her about infections, not when he still had an open cut on his face that was spontaneously deciding to ooze blood.  His face was all different shades, none of them healthy- greens and purples and the dark red of dried blood.  "Evil woman, that Umbridge."

"You're telling me."  Audra settled on top of the fence, trying to ignore the pain coming from her had.  It's always there, now.  Harry said it should be gone by tomorrow.  "Hagrid, have you been to a Healer yet?"

"Eh?"  He looked over at her sharply, so startled that he almost dropped the rake. 

"For your face?  Those look nasty."

"Oh, no."  He smiled at her, revealing his missing front teeth.  "Too busy, Pomfrey is, and besides, I've gotten used to my home remedies.  I'm game keeper.  Injuries just come with the territory."

Audra could tell he was lying, but she didn't press him.  It was none of her business, even if it did seem like Hagrid had gotten involved in a secret boxing ring and was continually losing.  Still, they did look nasty, and the risk of infection for an open wound was high.  "Let me fix it."  She jumped off the fence and walked over to him, wand in hand.  "I'm supposed to be helping you down here.  Let me do something useful."  He hesitated, but she could see his mouth twitch up in a smile even underneath the beard, and knew he was bending.  "Please?  It's been a while since I've been able to feel like I was fixing anything."

Which is how they ended up sitting in his kitchen, Fang's head in her lap and an open bottle of bourbon on the table between them.  ( _Molly would have my head if she knew, but seeing as you're off age,_ he had said, and then poured them both large glasses.)  It had only taken her a second to mend the cuts on his face and take the swelling out of his bruises, but there was nothing she could have done for the fractured jaw.  And then Hagrid had said that it had been such a long time since he's had company, what with Harry, ron, and Hermione running their illegal meetings (here, Audra choked on her drink and he hit her on the back so hard she was knocked into the table), that he might as well just treat her like a guest.

"You're doing a good thing, Audra."  Hagrid was slurring his words, slightly, waving his glass in a way that made it seem like he was gesturing for a toast.  Audra clinked her glass against his just for the fun of it, leaning back and laughing, and he nodded appreciatively.  "I mean it.  Don't think anyone's told you yet, but you're being a hero, that's what you are.  Might not always feel like it, but you are.  All of you kids are."

"It never feels like it."  She stares at him, desperate for him to reassure her that she really is making the right choice, but his earnest expression is too earnest for her to handle. "It's hard to tell the right thing anymore.  There's so many secrets and lies and _sacrifice for the greater good,_ " she says, reciting what Dumbledore had told her the last time they had met, when she told him of the prisoners that were being tortured as they spoke and he told her they could not afford to rescue them.  "Maybe there is no right thing.  Maybe it's just about surviving.  And this choice, this helps Harry, and it protects the Weasley's, and its the only thing I could think of doing that protects the twins."

"Only right," He slurs, looking out at something towards the forest.  There is nothing there, but from the look on his face, Audra knows that he is picturing something.  Or someone.  "Only right that you'd protect the Weasleys, protect the ones you call your own.  Family's something important Audra.  Once you find the people you belong with, you protect them, no matter the cost."

"And my real family, Hagrid?"  Audra said, finally voicing the thing she had been too scared to say.  The thing she kept quiet because she was worried that her friends would look down on her for worrying about them, for caring about them, even as they work to murder and torture all the ones she cares about. _Not everyone I care about,_ she thought desperately, feeling the ever present feeling of tears rise in her eyes again.  _Not mom, not dad, not Vance.  Not Draco and Emmeline and Pansy, as horrible as they can all be._   "Who's protecting them?"

"They made their choices, Audra."  She wasn't looking at him, but Audra could still make out his expression in the glass in front of her- sad and upset and looking like he wants to help but doesn't know how.  "You tried, that's all you can do."

"I killed them, Hagrid."  She pours herself another glass, and throws it back in one gulp, feeling the pleasant rush of numbness coiling up in her stomach.  "The moment I joined the Order, I might as well have killed them with my own two hands.  Because as soon as he finds out I've been working against him -and he will- they're dead."

Hagrid doesn't answer her.

There aren't any right choices anymore.  Audra's starting to thing there aren't any right answers, either, nothing to make this better.  Not even from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	44. Dumbledore's Directions

When she was dragged into Dumbledore's office that first night so long ago, it had been intimidating.  Now, over the course of many months and many meetings, she'd got familiar enough with the office and with the Headmaster himself not to be on edge the entire time, instead wandering through the office and experimenting with one of the rarer instruments or sinking into an arm chair he had had conjured up just for her.  Normally, she stays in the shadows and lets Snape and Dumbledore talk in circles about strategy and sacrifice and duty.  Today she lurks in the back of the room with Fawkes.  It's one of his good days, so she runs her hands through his feathers and tries not to think of the birds she left at home.  Audra had wondered once if Dumbledore's patronus was a phoenix, and had promised herself that one of these days she would ask him.  Judging by the look on his face, today was not the day.

"There will be a .. ceremony of sorts.  Christmas Day.  At midnight."  The words sounded heavy in Snape's mouth, and they lay between the three of them.  Audra wasn't quite sure what it meant, but it sounded like it cost him something to say it.  "An induction of sorts."

"For the young ones to take the mark?"  Dumbledore asks, standing up to walk around the desk, robes trailing after him.  He strides over to the pensive and yanks a silver strand away from his temple with the tip of his wand- Audra sees the image of a long hallway revolve around before disappearing into the basin.  "At the Malfoy Manor, I assume?"

"As of now, yes."  Snape's mouth curls into a snarl.  He and Lucius had gotten in an argument the last time they were together, and now any mention of his old friend made Snape ten times nastier than normal.  "They'll take the mark, and then be officially entered in the ranks."

"And Audra?"  Audra tore her gaze away from Fawkes and turned back to the conversation.  "Will she be asked to take the mark?"

"I believe so."  Snape doesn't look at her when she says it.  "and I believe that it will be within her best interest to say yes."

Audra didn't like being spoken about as if she wasn't in the room, like she was a child who couldn't make decisions for herself.  the idea of officially taking the mark, while unpleasant, wasn't something unexpected.  She had known this day was coming.  "Obviously."  She leans away from the wall and moves to stand behind the chair that had been offered to her.  "And I'll be doing this when?"

"You'll gather at Malfoy Manor at 11 on Christmas Eve.  He'll start the proceedings at one."  Audra closes her eyes, and when she opens them, Snape bows his head just enough for her to notice, like he was conceding something to her that she doesn't remember asking about.  Dumbledore just stares at her over his half moon spectacles, giving her that searching glance that she still hasn't managed to have grown accustomed too.  It always makes her feel like he's seeing more of her than she meant to give.  "Emmeline will be expected to do the same."

Dimly, she knew that this was supposed to be a comfort, that Snape was telling her that at the very least, she would not be facing this alone.  If anything, it just opened up a new bundle of questions- Did Emmeline know?  Would she be ready?  How would Audra be able to protect her then? 

"You don't have to do this, Audra."  Dumbledore says, leaning forward, and she feels his eyes on her again, searching, looking for a crack to show him what she's really feeling.  "You've said that everyone has choices, and that remains true.  If you want to back out, we can protect you."

She knew what his protection meant, of course.  It meant leaving her mother and father and brother to face the consequences of her abandonment.  It meant having Clary relocate her to some remote country land where she would pose as a rich recluse, or let herself being swallowed up in the middle of a loud, hungry city, where no one would notice one more lonely girl.  It meant not seeing Fred for a long, long time.  "No.  I'll do it."  She reaches out to pet Fawkes again with shaking fingers.  Snape is looking at her with something like respect in his face, but she knows that he thinks she's stupid for doing this.  "I've made it this far, right?  Can't stop now."

 

Audra tells Fred before she told anyone else, even if felt like a betrayal of George and Clary.  She's been doing that a lot lately, turning to find Fred for help and comfort before she even thought of any of her other friends.  It had worried her, made her wonder if she had become to dependent on him, but that didn't stop her from grabbing her by the arm the next morning and dragging her into a dark and dusty classroom, locking the door behind them.  Now, after the story has spilled out, she wishes she hadn't. 

"You have to say no."  He had been quiet for a long time, facing the wall instead of her and running one of his hands through his hair so it refuses to lie flat.  Then he rounded towards her and she could see the determination in his eyes, the way he was holding himself together.  Audra had not expected the first words out of his mouth to be that.  "I know that you're brave,and smart, and that you could do this, but you don't need to, Audra, you just don't."

"Yes, I do."  She doesn't know why he doesn't get it, why he has to try so hard and talk her out of something that wasn't her idea.  Out of something that was the right choice.  "Dumbledore said-,"

"Dumbledore says a lot of things and has a lot of people do dangerous crap for the order in the name of the greater good, and okay, someone needs to do it, but they don't always turn out okay.  It's not always turn out to be worth it.  You can say no."  The words were pouring out of him at lightning speed, a desperate rush of syllables, like he was working out what had to be said as he went along.  He had moved to take hold of her, and his hands were holding onto the side of her face to make Audra look at him, like it was the only way to make her listen.  She was close enough to count every freckle on his face if she wanted.  "I know you want to protect my family, protect Harry, protect me.  But I want you safe.  Audra, I need you safe."

It was as close to a confession as she knew she was going to get.   She knew that right now was the part where she would tell him not to worry, that above all else, she wanted him to be safe, too.  That she loved him, and wanted nothing more than to make him happy, and that this fear for her that he was feeling, she's not a stranger to.  But she doesn't.  "It's not just about protecting you."  The words burst out so loudly that she's suddenly relieved she had thought to use a silencing charm on the door.  "This, what I'm doing, it's the only way to keep everyone I love safe.  If I quit now, the order would protect.  But if I quit, it's not me who pays the price.  My father would.  Vance would.  Fred, he would torture my mother and make sure I knew it." 

She could see the thought that she'd been dreading seeing fly across his face momentarily (the _who cares_ ) but then it's wiped clean and he's looking at her with something that could be confused with pity.  "They're still my family, Freddie."

"I know."  He steps forward and hugs her, and the two of them stay like that, just two kids holding one another in an empty classroom.

 

They break away eventually, disentangling limbs and walking out into the corridor, trying not to look like anything important had just happened.  He insists on walking her down to the dungeons, even if she's capable of doing it herself, and even if she wants nothing more than to be alone.  Neither of them say a word on the way down.  Not about anything meaningful, at least.  It's not until they make it to the dungeons that he grabs her hand and drags her into one of them,  She recognizes it as the one they had used to test the more explosive products.  There were still scorches and slime staining the walls. 

"What, Fred?"  She rips her arm away from him and then wishes she hadn't.

"I just want you to know that you're right.  Trying to save your family."

He looks a bit like he's afraid she might punch him.  She's not entirely convinced she won't.  "They're murderers."

"They're people.  Good people."  He brushed her hair away, searching her face with worried eyes.  "They raised you, and they loved you, and no matter what else they had done, they were good to you.  And that doesn't go away."

"My brother..."

"Is your brother.  And take it from me, nothing he does, ever, is going to change that."

He had his hands tangled in her hair, and she had her face pressed against his shoulder, murmuring her protests so they fell right into his ear, like that might make them easier to say or hear.  It would be easy to kiss him, she thinks, just one movement, and she considers doing it.  She knows that that, at least, might finally get rid of the weight that's been laying on her chest all year and make it easy to breathe for a few second.  It's tempting, but then she remembers why they were hear in the first place, and decides against it. 

"I can't save them from themselves."  She says finally, after they've both felt the need to either step closer or break apart entirely. 

"But you have to try."  Fred steps away, holding the door open for her.  "Sometimes, that's all you can do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	45. Mr. Weasley

She waits for Hermione beside the portrait of the Fat Lady just like Dobby told her to.  He had apparrated into her room and told her to hurry, that she must get Harry's friend and go down to Mcgonagall's office.  And that they could not get caught, not by Filch, and not by the nasty woman with the evern nastier quill. 

Audra hadn't waster any time, just grabbed her wand and a cloak to wrap around herself before racing up to the Gryffindor tower.  The younger girl appeared a second after she had gotten there, red faced and panting, clutching at a stitch in her side. Like Audra, Hermione was still in her pajamas with a robe pulled over it.  "What's going on?"  She looked scared.  Audra couldn't blame her.  It's not often that the Head of House sends you on a top secret mission.  "Dobby just told me I have to come meet you."

"I don't know."  The whisper was harsh in the quiet, and even in the darkness, she could make out Hermione's pale, worried face.  "We have to go to Mcgonagall's office.  Everything's going to fine."  She pulls her into a hug, and for a moment, she lets herself just be a scared girl clinging onto one of her friends.  "Okay?"

Hermione nods, her grip tightening on her wand.  "Okay."

They make their way to her office quickly, peering around corners and darting through corridors, ducking into abondoned classrooms and tiny broomsheds as they wait for one of Umbridge's henchman to pass them by.  Audra doesn't really breathe again until Mcgonagall throws the door open and ushers them into chairs.  Then she sees that McGonagall is still in her dressing gown and Audra's heart leaps into her throat, because something is really, really wrong.  "What's happened?"

"There's been an accident."  McGonagall's voice was thick, like she had to choke out the explanation.  "Mr. Weasley was attacked."

Hermione asked how and when at the same time Audra asked where, but her mind was already spinning, piecing together an image of a lone Mr. Weasley and a long corridor stretching out behind him.  She knew Mcgonagall's next words before she heard them.  "By a snake, it would seem.  At the ministry."

"Nagini," Audra breathes out, but it is swallowed up in another round of exclamations from Hermione.

"Is he alright?"  Hermione was rummaging in her pockets for something, probably a quill, though Audra couldn't imagine how that would help.  Shock, maybe.  "Do the rest of the Weasley's know?  Where's Ron?"  She freezes at that and straightens up, eyes narrowing.  "Why isn't Ron here, professor?"

"The Weasley children and Harry are at headquarters."

Audra had a sudden image of the twins and Ginny alone in that gloomy place, huddling in a circle around an unlit fire place, Harry and Ron off in their rooms plotting some rescue plan for a new emergency, all of them waiting to hear whether their father was alive or dead.  It had not escaped Audra's attention that McGonagall did not answer Hermione when she aske if Arthur was alright.  "Then we're going too.  That's why you brought us here."

Audra was so certain of it that she had already moved towards the floo powder.  "No."

"what do you mean, no?"  Hermione's eyes flashed dangerously.

"Exactly that, Ms. Granger.  A family emergency can wave away the absence of the Weasley's, even of Harry Potter.  But do explain away the absence of our top student and the daughter of two people the minister holds in high regard?"  Mcgonagall shakes her head so severely that the bun on top of her head wobbles.  "No."

"Why not?"  Hermione through herself into the chair and crossed her arms, finally seeming to have found a problem that she could not puzzle her way through.

"You're being watched.  Both of you.  And you can't slip up."  McGonagall breathes in deeply through her nose as if to calm herself.  "When break starts, you'll certainly be taken to headquarters.  Until then- no letters.  No talking to each other.  When you go to breakfast, act as if you do not know of the attack and had no idea of the Weasley's absence.  Don't do anything to draw attention to yourself.  And for the love of Merlin, don't give Umbridge a reason to put you in detention. Do you understand?"

This, Audra knows, is what she had signed up for.  Playing her part and doing her duty even when the ones she loved were in danger.  "Yes."  She pulls Hermione to her feet, and sees that even though the girl had tears in her eyes, she wasn't truly crying.  "We understand."

 

The week that followed was the slowest that Audra could remember sitting through at Hogwarts.  It's an endless revolving door of conversations she can't be bothered with and lessons she dosn't pay attention to.  She catches sight of Hermione in the halls, walking with her head down and shoulders hunched.  They share looks sometimes, ones that speak of everything they can't get together to say- _no, I haven't heard anything more, three more days, two more now, we can do it_.  Emmeline had heard, and now she keeps watching Audra out of the corner of her eye, like she might snap or break down at any minute.  There are questions at the tip of both their tongues, but neither of them say anything, because lies are no longer an option, and the truth has become dangerous.

Only Clary is able to talk to her for real, watching her with worried eyes and passing on messages she had gather from Hermione.  "You know, I was thinking.  You can't send letters because Umbridge is watching your mail, but I can."  Her eyes were dancing, so pleased to have finally found a way to help.  "So how about we sit here and you write one, and I send it to Fred?  Sound good?"

"It's not just me and Hermione.  We're all being watched, even you, Clary."  Audra keeps her head down, but even she can see Pansy creeping closer, trying to get close enough to hear them talking.  She nods in her direction and Clary catches on immediatly, turnign back to her homework with renewered interest.  "We can't take any chances."

The part of her that was already thinking of all the things she had to say to Fred and George gave a little pang when Clary gave on decisive nod, and even more so when she sighed.  "Hogwarts isn't what it used to be."

 

Finally, Audra and Hermione were standing on the doorstep to Grimmauld Place, opening the door together in a rush and tumbling into the hall in a flurry of limbs and snowflakes.  Ron rounds the corner, wand out, and then Hermione is hurtling towards him, throwing her arms his neck.  Ron stumbles back a few feet before ragaining his balance, then looks over her shoulder at Audra.  "The twins are upstairs."

She climbs  the stairs two at a time and then pounds on the door.  Ginny is the one to answer it, already opening her mouth to yell, but then she gives an ear splitting squeal and drags her into the room.  Ginny's hugging her tightly enough that Audra thinks her her ribs might be breaking, but all she's worried about is finding Fred.  Fred, who is sitting on the bed beside George, staring at her. 

"I came as soon as I could," audra explained, after she had extracted herself from Ginny and both of the twins had had their turn at saying hello.  "How's your dad?"

"He's fine."  George turned away from the window long enough to give her a reassuring smile, and she knew that fine really did mean fine this time.  He blows a stream of smoke of smoke out the window.  "The snake did a number on him, and there was a poison, which is what's been taking so long.  They finally found an antidote for it, so he should be home in time for Christmas."

"If he doesn't stop experimenting with muggle medicine, that is.  Mum might not let him through the front door otherwise."  Fred smiles, but it doesn't stick.  "What about you?"

"Umbridge has been going crazy since you left.  Wanted to know where you went, why you left."  Audra was sitting between the twins, Ginny across from them on the other bed.  "She's watching all of us, our mail, who we talk to, taking any excuse she can get as reason to put us into detention and question us.  It's why I coulnd't write."

George makes a noise that she was pretty sure she was supposed to take as telling her not to worry about it.  Ginny slides off the bed and kneels at her feet, picking up her hand and tracing a finger over the renewed writing. "You've been writing lines again."  Beside her, Fred's hand twitches to make a fist.  "It looks deep."

"It is."  Audra drew her hand away, flexing her fingers, the blood welling up as it breaks open again.  "Hermione got it worse."

They all stare down at her hand, and the words stare back up at them.  _I must learn where my loyalties lie,_ it reads, and she cannot help but look towards Fred when she thinks of it.

 

Fred found her up in the library later, curled up in that same arm chair she had grown so fond of.  He was holding a bowl of murtlap and bandages out like a peace offering.  "Mum found out about your hand."

"It's okay.  Really."  She smiles and moves her feet so he has room to sit down.

"There's no need for you to be in pain if we can fix it."  He moves towards her, then seems to think better of it.  "Can I?"

Audra doesn't answer, just holds her hand out to him instead.  She lets him cradle it in his lap, wrap it in murtlap soaked bandages.  It soothes the sting immediately, just like he had promised, and she relaxes for the first time all week.  It's enough, to sit here with him, and even better that he came with something to ease the ache that's been spreading up through her entire arm since Wednesday.  "I'm glad I'm here."

Fred looks up at her, smile.  It looks real this time.  "Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	46. Christmas Eve

The holiday goes by faster than Audra could remember.  This always happens when she's with the Weasley's, like when the whole family gets in one room together they somehow speed up the clock.  The past few weeks have been a cycle of stuffing herself on homemade breakfasts and helping Ginny and Hermione cook dinner for all of them.  She spends lazy morning curled up by a fire somewhere, reading or working on homework until Fred comes to find her.  Afternoons she gets dragged into some sort of activity- family board games, washing Buckbeak, helping Sirius with some sort of decorating.  And at night, she stays up talking with Ginny and Hermione, taking a moment to talk about the things that normal girls must talk about with their friends- boys and hairstyles and celebrities and worries about the future.

Audra tries as hard as she can to be festive.  She's worried that she might ruin the holiday for everyone else if she starts to worry about what's going to happen on Christmas.  The Weasley's deserve this time of being able to enjoy themselves, knowing they are safe, especially while their dad is still in the hospital.  Still, that doesn't stop her from looking towards the clock every chance she gets, each movement of the second hand taking her closer to the time when Snape would appear to take her to the Malfoy's.  Audra thinks she's doing a good job of hiding, but sometimes she'll find herself on her own and the smile slips, and she catches one of her friends watching her with worried expressions.

Even Sirius had gotten into the holiday mood, becoming more and more cheerful with each guest he was instructed to entertain.  He's been a constant presence of comfort for them all these past few days, which is why it was so surprising when he wasn't at breakfast on Christmas Eve.  Audra had volunteered to go find him, knowing that he was in Buckbeak's room and that the hippogriff would react better to her than anyone else. 

She walked down the hallway as fast as she could, racing to get to the stairs, which were lit by one of the windows.  Audra had brushed off Fred's concern about Sirius cracking up a bit after being left alone in the house she hated, but now that she's become accustomed to walking in the middle of hallway to avoid brushing against the santa hats that adorn the heads of decapitated elves, she wasn't so sure.  And that wasn't all- Christmas cookies and eggnog were available nightly, poinsettias decorated his mother's portrait, and upon Ginny's request, a Christmas tree sprang up in the living room overnight.  "Sirius?"  Audra knocked on the door to Buckbeak's room, pushing it open gently so as not to startle them.  "Are you in here?  Molly made breakfast."

She let the door fall open all the way and walked in, holding her breath against the stench of rotting meat and feathers.  Audra wondered how long it had been since Sirius had washed this room.  Truthfully, she doubts he cleans anything at all when he's here by himself. 

It takes her a second to find him in the dark of the room, hidden back in the corner with a bag of Buckbeak's food.  She only spots him when she pulls the curtain back and lets the light in, and only then because he gives a groan of protest.  He's slumped against the wall, eyes half closed and a half empty bottle of his special spiked eggnog threatening to fall from his hand.  "Oh, Sirius."  She knelt down beside him, helping him sit upright.  "Come on, come downstairs with the rest of us.  It'll be better than sitting in the dark."

Audra knows that Mrs. Weasley finds it repellent, what Sirius was doing to himself, but Audra had been around others that had had a stay in Azkaban.  She'd seen first hand what dementors did to otherwise perfectly fine people- drive them mad, make them hear things, give them nightmares so terrible they never sleep.  That may be why it's always easier for her to understand why Sirius gets drunk, just to numb the echoes of what he was forced to remember all those years.  "Tonight's your night, isn't it?"

The words make him sound sober, but they've also got a deadened ring to it Audra doesn't like.  "It would seem so."

"You're going to die, you know."  He stares at her with eyes that don't really seem to be seeing anything.  They look past her instead, at something that only exists to him.  "They always die, the young ones, the brave ones.  It'll ruin you, this war."  He reaches out to her with a pleading look in his eyes, the fragile bones in his wrist cracking and popping when he moves towards her.  "Don't fight a fight that isn't yours."

"I'm not afraid of dying."  The protest falls on deaf ears.  She had scrambled backwards a few feet when he reached out to her, but now she inched back to him, trying to get him to his feet.

"You should be."  He takes a swing at her with the hand holding the bottle, and eggnog sloshes onto her robes.  "Run while you can, little girl."

Audra stifles a gasp when he reaches for her again.  She's not sure who he's seeing, who he thinks he's talking to, but it isn't her.  On instinct, she reaches back to grab the dipper out of the bucket holding Buckbeak's water, throwing her arm around to splash it in Sirius's face.  He coughs and splutters, his dripping hair falling around his face in lank tangles, but at least he's seeing her now.  "Sober up, old man."  She stands and turns away from him with a whirl of her robes.  "Your godson is expecting you."

 

The hours drag on and speed up, and Aura spends most of it telling herself to keep smiling, to not let them know that anything is wrong.  The only ones who know where she'll be going tonight for sure is the twins and Mrs. Weasley, but even so, she thinks that the rest of them have guessed. 

"Oh, Audra."  Mrs. Weasley grabs onto her and wraps her into a hug, the fifth one that morning.  When they broke apart, Molly busies herself with brushing invisible dust off of Audra's shoulder just so she doesn't have to look her in the eye.  She really wished everyone would stop looking like this was the last time they would see her.  "Let's give you your presents now, shall we?"

Audra agrees, and lets herself be brought packages of all shapes and sizes.  There's a sweater from Mrs. Weasley in dark green like always, and Ginny gives her the new weird sisters album.  Hermione gets her a journal bound in dark leather, Ron a set of nail polish that Ginny picked out, and from Harry, a subscription to _Perfect Potions._ George gets her the chocolate she likes, enough of it to last her a whole month.  Even Clary had managed to get her one- a compass with a needle in the shape of a rose, which was more for decoration than anything. 

"I got you something."  Fred says later, after everyone else had cleared out and it was only her in the kitchen.  "I just didn't want to give it to you in the middle of all of them."

"You didn't have to get me anything."  She smiles up at him, and he hands her a small box without looking at her.  She lets the wrapping fall away to leave behind a gold necklace.  The chain coils in her hand when she picks it up, leaving the heart shaped charm in her fingers.  There was one lone garnet stone dotting the center.  "Okay, you _really_ didn't have to."

"It's a locket.  If you press down on the gem, it opens up."  She pressed down to reveal two different windows, one holding a picture of her and the twins from the last Hogsmeade visit, and the other holding a picture of her and Clary from their first year at Hogwarts.  "Ginny helped me with it.  I wasn't sure you'd like it..."

He trails off, blushing furiously, and she decides to take pity on him and remember how to talk.  "It's beautiful.  I love it.  And the pictures are perfect."  She goes up on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek, then offers him the necklace and scoops her hair up into a pony tail.  "Help me put it on?"

His fingers brush against the back of her neck as he struggles with the clasp.  When he talks, he's close enough that he's basically whispering into her ear.  "You always get us such good presents.  And not just expensive ones, but _good_ ones, for my whole family.  I wanted to give something that nice back to you." 

"This year I gave your dad a broken pocket watch that I nicked from a muggle garage sale." 

The confession breaks the tension and has them both busted up laughing.  She turns to face him and leans against him for support.  "And he's going to love it, I'm sure."

"Here's hoping."  She plays with the chain, already knowing that it's going to be perfect for any and all future fidgeting.  "this really was perfect Fred."

"This way you can have a piece of us where ever you go."  He reaches out to take hold of the charm, tugging on it gently.  "I like knowing that you won't leave me behind."

 

 

Audra, Hermione, and Ginny were having a contest to see who could eat a candy cane the fastest without biting into it when the doorbell rang and foot steps sounded in the hall.  Snape rounded the corner a second later, shocking them all so bad that Mrs. Weasley dropped the pan she was holding and Ginny's candy cane slipped out of her mouth and onto the table.  "Severus."  Molly reached for the wall to steady herself.  "We weren't expecting you so soon."

"I thought I'd give Ms. Stanton time to say her good byes."  Snape's lip curled in distaste, like he thought she was foolish for wanting to say good bye to the ones she loved before going on a potentially life threatening undercover mission. 

"Good-byes.  Right."  She bites her candy cane in two before throwing it into the trash, wiping peppermint stained hands off on her robes.  "I just need to see the twins.  Should only take a minute."

It did, in the end, take more than a minute.  She had intended on quick good -byes- a stoic nod for the twins, a ruffling off the hair for Harry and Ron, hugs for Hermione and Ginny.  Like maybe by pretending it was nothing to worry about, it would suddenly become nothing to worry about.  But on the way up to the twins' room, where the morbid santa hats brushed her shoulders and the only sound to accompany her was the creaking of the warped floorboards under foot, she started thinking.  Thinking about Snape that night in Dumbledore's office, where she was ordered to kill and torture without hesitation.  Sirius with his drunken, horrible warning that morning.  And Fred, standing in an empty classroom with his hands on his face and fear in his eyes, telling her that he needed her to be safe.  Soon, she would listen to whatever the Dark Lord says and let people much older than her call the shots, but at the moment, she needs to make this decision on her own.

"Fred?"  The door to their room was open, making that last moment of hesitation she was hoping to have disappear.  "Can I talk to you?"

There must have been something in her face, because he straightens up immediately.  George leaves the room and gives her hand an encouraging squeeze, and when she looks over his shoulder, he makes a little shooing motion.  There's a look in her eyes that seems a little too much like permission, making Audra think he knows her better than she had thought.

"I'm going to take the mark tonight."  The words ring out in the empty room.  She pronounces each syllable clearly, like something could be lost if she rushes them.  "I'm going to have to do things that I don't want to.  Follow orders, fall in line."

Fred doesn't say anything, just watches her as she walks closer to him.  "And I think, soon, it might be hard for people to tell what part of me is the truth and what the lie is.  And I won't blame you, if that happens, but I need you to know that this, what I'm about to do, that's all me.  One hundred percent, and even if everything else changes, this is going to be real, okay?"  He nods once, and she takes a deep breath before taking the two steps needed to cross the gap between them.

And then they're kissing, the kind of kissing that Ginny reads about in the tattered paper backs she hides under her bed or Audra's seen in those muggle movies Clary watches.  He pulls her against him, and its the first time that things have felt right between them all year, even when everything else in her life is wrong.  She is not sure who starts it, but she knows who ends it.  Audra rips herself apart and she stumbles backwards for a moment before coming back to him.

"I love you."  She had planned out how she was going to say this, if she ever said it, and none of those plans included it being like this- a desperate confession, both of them clinging to her words like a life raft in a storm.  "I love you now, and I'm going to love you tomorrow after all this craziness is over, and I think that even after this stupid war is over, I'm going to love you then.  And I need to know you believe that.  Alright?"

"Of course I believe that."  He touches her face with shaking hands, and they're doing that super cliché thing where he presses his forehead against hers.  She thought that only happened with super disgustingly in love couples like Clary and Emmeline.  "And I love you, I have and I will, you know that, don't you?"

"Yeah."  She had, but she hadn't let herself believe that until just a second ago that it was true.  "Yeah, I do."  She pulls herself away, reaches up to unclasp the necklace.  He holds his hand out automatically, because they've always been that way- picking up where the other leaves off.  "I want you to hold onto this for me until I come back.  Because I am coming back."

"Of course you are."  He wraps her in another hug, and she grabs onto the fabric of his shirt, twisting it in her fingers.  She can feel tears on her neck- he's crying, but neither of them say anything about it.  "And I'm to miss you like crazy, and when you get back, I'm not going to let you go again."

"Yeah, you are. You know why?"  She pulls away, walking backwards, fumbling behind her for the door.  "Because I'm always going to come back to you."

 

Fred doesn't come down with her, and she's glad.  It was hard enough walking away from his then, she doesn't think she could do it a second time. 

Still, it was equally hard to walk into that kitchen and see the rest of them sitting around in a circle.  they all swivel towards her when she enters the room, faces different levels of sad and worried depending on how much they knew.  She walks towards them with carefully measured footsteps.

She reaches Ron and Harry first, ruffling their hair like she had promised herself she would, then moved on to the girls.  Hermione latches onto her, talking in that Hermione way, and when she pulls back she is crying.  When Ginny hugs her, though, there are no tears- Ginny is a girl who does not find any comfort in crying.  She does, however, punch her very hard on the shoulder, which Audra finds displeasing.

"You're going to be fine."  Sirius grabs onto her arm, gripping it in a sort of handshake she'd seen him give Harry.  There was an apology in his eyes, probably trying to make up for that morning.  Mrs. Weasley doesn't say a word, just pulls her close and then pushes her away.

It's George next.  He looks like he's unsure what to for a moment, and then she launches herself at him and hugs him.  Every second makes it harder to let go, and when does, there are tears in her eyes.  She brushes them away quickly, hoping that no one saw them.  "Take care of your brother for me, okay?"

"Take care of yourself, alright?"  George grabs onto her hand again and squeezes it, just like he always does when things are tough and he doesn't think words will make it better.  "Don't worry about us."

Snape waits for her at the end of the hallway, lurking by the umbrella stand.  "Ready?"

Audra hesitates for a moment, still caught up in the embraces of the people who love her.  She knows that if she turns and looks up, she'll see Fred on the landing looking back at her.  The thought is enough to send her over the threshold and towards Snape.  If she doesn't leave now, she won't leave at all.  "Ready."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	47. The Road to Hell

Snape holds the door open for her and the two of them stand on the porch steps together, just within the boundaries of the Fidelus charm.  He lets Audra yank on her hair, hard, giving her just enough time to get her breathing even and convince herself that she doesn't feel the need to cry, not even a little bit.  She just has time to give him a nod before he takes her by the arm and the world around them liquefies and spins, reforming to give her an image of a long gravel lane guarded by tall hedges.

The Malfoy Manor.

Something brushes against her hand and she jerks away, bumping into Snape, but it is only a feather off of one of the idiotic peacocks that Lucius has decided to keep around. Snape turns away to hide a smile, and Audra laughs at her own paranoia, reaching up to her neck to feel where the chain of her locket had been lying only a few minutes before.  It already feels wrong not to have it with her, but she couldn't sick it, not tonight.

"Come on,"  Snape takes great strides towards the towering iron gates, his robes flying out behind him like a cape.  He doesn't look back towards her as he moves ahead, leaving her to run to catch up.  "It'll all be over soon."

The gates open slowly, with the screeching and groaning of hinges that aren't put into use very often.  The gravel changes into crushes shells, the sort of over the top display of wealth that only her uncle would be capable of using.  It makes Audra tread more lightly, unable to bear the sound of the thin shells snapping under the weight of her heavy boots and she is relieved when she makes it onto the cement steps, even if it takes her closer to the Dark Lord and his mark.

The door swings open, revealing- It takes Audra a second for her mind to process what she was seeing, considering she was expecting robes and death eater masks and the Dark Lord resting Nagini around his shoulders like a scaly accessory.  Instead, there's a Christmas party- a towering tree dripping with expensive ornaments and lit by candles, piles of presents, cookies in the shape of candy canes and mistletoe randomly blooming in the doorways when a couple passes underneath them. 

"Audra!"  Vance makes his way to her and forces a gold wrapped present into her hand.  She opens it later to see a set of knives and matching cutting board made out of dragon bone, but for the moment, she clutches to it, a bit shell shocked.  "Merry Christmas, little sister."

Audra looks across the room to see Snape making small talk with her mother, and Emmeline warding off the advances of another Slytherin boy, holding a glass in one shaking hand.  _You'll be together,_ she remembers Snape telling her, and she finds that it was a comfort after all.

Audra leans in to kiss Vance's cheek, surprised to find that she's glad to get the chance to spend Christmas with him.  "Merry Christmas, big brother."

 

 

She kneels in the middle of the room at the Dark Lord's feet.  Emmeline is beside her, and behind both of them is a ring of masked and robed people.  The scent of eggnog and holiday desserts still clung to them all, but now they have changed into what Audra is beginning to think is their ceremonial costumes- masks and hooded robes that make them look like evil shadows melting off the walls.  She imagines it might have been scarier if they weren't surrounded by scraps of ribbon and holiday decorations, or if Vance would stop smiling at her behind his. 

"Give me your arm, Emmeline."  The Dark Lord's voice was hard and cold and greedy, like he was a collector trying his best to acquire all his favorite pieces.  When Emmeline lifts her hand up to him, Audra can see her arm shaking.  She's shaking all over actually, and as much as Audra wants to help her, there's nothing she can do about it now.  He pulls her out of her kneeling position and halfway onto her feet before pressing his wand to her skin, the mark issuing out from the tip.  It's dark and ugly and Emmeline lets out the start of a scream before getting a grip on herself.  She falls to the floor when Voldemort releases her, cradling her arm to her chest. 

"Now, for you."  He turns his slit-eyed stare on her and holds out one hand, grabbing her by the wrist and drawing her forward.  Audra stays kneeling, staring at him with wide eyes as he jerks the sleeve of her robes up to reveal her bare forearm, tracing the veins that always show up on her pale skin.  He's muttering a string of words that sound more like the hissing of a snake, and she recognizes some of them as latin.  Then, so suddenly that she doesn't have time to brace herself for the pain, he jabs his wand into her skin and the mark spreads across her arm like ink.

Once, when she was younger, Audra had snuck into the kitchen for cookies and tipped over a cauldron that Vinnie was using to brew a potion.  The hot potion had spilled all over her, burning through her clothes and eating away at her skin.  She remembered crying out and sinking to the floor, screaming and she tried desperately to wipe it away and only burned herself worse.  Vance had come running, bare feet skidding on the tile floor, yelling for their mother as he fell to the ground beside her.  Taking the mark felt a little like that, only there was no Vance to make it better.

It burns, and the skin bubbles, blackens, and regrows in the space of seconds, leaving her staring down at the intertwined skull and snake.  She gasps in great gulps of air while the worst of the pain goes away, but even when she moves backward to kneel where Emmeline was sitting, the pain is so great that it makes her want to scream.  "Come on."  Audra meets eyes with Emmeline and her friend gives an imperceptible nod, the kind that you can only see if you're one half of a pair of friends that have known each other all her life.  They grip arms and lean on each other as they stand, turning to face the crowd of people that they will now serve beside. 

"And now we have a surprise for our newest recruits."  Audra whips back around just in time to see him wave a hand towards the door.  It seemed that wormtail had been waiting there for just this moment, and was now leading someone to the center of the room. The stranger fell to the ground at her feet, curling into a protective ball and whimpering.  "A first task, if you will.  To prove your loyalty to me." 

Audra and Emmeline exchange glances, and both of them slip their wands out of their sleeves at the same time.  Emmeline looks hungry, and Audra thinks that just this once, she'll let her step forward and take the blow without protest.  They step forward together, the fire throwing a light across the man's face as they do so, and recognition hits Audra like a punch to the stomach.

He was the homeless man that lived in the muggle town a few miles from here, the one that she and Draco would have sneak off to in the summer to eat at the café.  The one with the pretty girl for Draco and the good coffee for her.  She'd give her leftovers to this man on the floor, and sometimes Audra stayed and chatted for a while if it looked like Draco was actually making progress with the waitress.  Once, on a particular rainy day, she had given him her umbrella.

Emmeline raises her wand, already mouthing the words to the spell before letting it fall back to her side.  Audra feels a stab of vindictive pleasure that she was right, that Emmeline wasn't cut out for this, that she wasn't as okay with all these vile things as she pretended to be.  Still, that leaves them both to deal with the mess that involves the attention of the anxious spectators and the mess of a man on the floor in front of him. 

He had taken the moment of hesitation as an opportunity to scramble forward and clutch at the hem of her robes.  Maybe he had recognized her as the girl who had been kind to him not so long ago.  "Please,"  He begs her, and Audra doesn't think that she'll be able to forget the look on his face for as long as she lived.  "Please, miss."

When it comes down to it, Audra doesn't hesitate.

 

She goes back to Snape's house for the day, intending to stay away from Grimmauld Place long enough to miss the rest of the Christmas celebrations.  Audra curls up in his arm chair as Snape graded papers, staring out the window at the muggle town.  She flips through a book just to feel like she's doing something, but the words always end up describing a scene she knows well- a brother and golf gift wrap, two best friends leaning on each other as they ride out the pain, a dead man that trusted her.  "I killed a man today."

The words interrupt that unspoken agreement they had to not say anything.  Snape finishes what he is doing and places his quill back into the ink well, all his movements careful.  "You did what had to be done."

"For the greater good, right?"  She lets the book fall to the floor and stalks across the room.  Brightly colored lights stain the white of the snow even in the daylight, turning the town into a rainbow.   "Why do you stay here?  Everyone says you hated your parents."

She thinks that she might be crossing that charade of student-teacher professionalism that they had going on, but when you just were accomplices to murder together, maybe you have a right to ask nosy questions.  "It's where I met Lily.  Harry's mother."  He scratches something onto the paper, and Audra half suspects that he gave them a bad grade just because he was annoyed.  "You know why I do this, don't you?"

"Because you told the Dark Lord about the prophecy.  And you didn't like what happened because of it."  Audra had heard the story from her parents plenty of times, about the thing that pushed the Dark Lord's favorite into even higher esteem.  How it was supposed to be glory given up on a serving platter. 

"I loved his mother.  And I killed her."  Audra wondered why he was telling her this, but she also knew.  They could have turned out the exact same way.  It's only dumb luck that Audra was able to make better choices.  Snape moved to stand beside her, and the two of them stared down at that stupid, oblivious town together.  "A word to the wise, Audra.  You never stop trying to pay for your sins."

 

She goes to Fred's room as soon as she gets home.

He's waiting for her, sitting on the bed with shoulders hunched and her necklace dangling from her fingers.  He jumps to his feet when he sees her and even though she's somewhat afraid she might ruin the pureness of him just by touching him with her stained hands, she lets herself fall into him, hiding her face in his arm just so she can hide from the truth a few moments more.  When she pulls away, he can tell by her face that she had done something awful, but he does not ask her what. 

Fred fastens the locket back into place, and then the two of them lie down, trying to give her a chance to make up for all the sleep she missed out on.  But when she closes her eyes she just sees that man again, so she keeps them open instead.  "Did it hurt?"  He runs his thumb over her newly acquired brand, tracing the edges.  It aggravates the still healing skin and makes her want to hide. 

"Terribly."  And then, just because she was still itching for a distraction and because she couldn't shake the ghost of that man's hand on her robes, she flipped onto her side to face him.  "Did you miss me?"

He smiles, letting go of her arm and moving his hand to her hair again.  It seems that for the moment he's going to let her get away with trying to seem like everything is fine.  "Terribly."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	48. Azkaban

It's easier for them to transition from _Audra and Fred, best friends often seen with George_ to _Audra and Fred, completely in love and totally happy about it._ It doesn't takes news to travel, first within their inner circle (Audra's still not entirely sure that Ginny didn't send out announcement letters to everyone, but she denies it) and then to the rest of the school.  By the time they make it back to Hogwarts, it seems that everyone knows.  Including McGonagall, who gave her approval through a slightly less pronounced frown than normal.

Dating Fred is a lot like being best friends with Fred, only with more kissing and more time spent without the rest of their friends.  They go knick food from the kitchens together.  They run more errands with Hagrid and then escape out into the forbidden forest for moonlit walks.  They watch the sunrise from the comfort of the astronomy tower, because Fred said that he always thought that when he got a girlfriend, he'd make sure to watch the sunrise with her at least once a month.  And they walk around holding hands no matter how inconvenient it may be for both of them.

The whole thing is pretty much making this the best few weeks of the year, even with the whole Dark Lord rising going on.  It's enough to make her almost forget what had happened over break.  Almost, that is, until Snape holds her back after class and directs her to meets him in Hogsmeade that night instead.

"Everything good?"  Fred is waiting for her outside the classroom, because that's something he does now.  Something he's always done, really, but Audra had always taken it for granted before.

"Yeah."  She tries her best to act casual, and it must have played it off well, because Fred didn't question it.  He'd long stop questioning her fondness for Snape, and wouldn't have found it weird even if she said she was going back in to discuss theories on the best way to get juice out of a beetle.  "He just wanted to talk about my last essay."

"Was it really that bad?" 

Audra bumped her shoulder with his.  "It was that good."

 

 

She makes excuses not to meet up with anyone that night, even if they look at her a little funny when the best thing she can come up with is that she's tired.  Audra slips down the hidden passageway and out towards Hogsmeade, using the trees from the forbidden forest to hide her from anyone who might be watching. 

Snape waits for her at the edge of the village, wrapped in a dark traveling cloak and visible in the shadows.  "What's going on?"  Instinctively she knows it is not good for either of them to be found here, and she keeps her voice down.  "Why couldn't you tell me about this earlier?"

"Our presence is needed.  And if I had told you,"  He grips onto her arm, and she prepares herself for that unpleasant sensation of apparition.  "You wouldn't have come."

 

 

It becomes clear in a matter of minutes why they were needed.  They stand on a rock in the middle of the ocean, balancing on the slippery surface.  It's a whole group of them huddling together, including her Uncle Lucius and her brother, but that doesn't do much to make it warmer. 

Audra's on the outside of the circle, nearest to the front and so close to the Dark Lord his robes sometimes brushed against her.  The salt spray stings her face and the wind whipped at her hair, but she barely notices, too busy staring out at the scene in front of her.  It's freezing, the kind of cold that makes your joints ache and your skin turn to rubber.  It's not helped by the dementors that circle closer to them.  They're far enough away that Audra and those with her don't feel the effects, but she still shivers at the sight of them.

"Pay attention, little sister." Vance tells her.  He had let his hood fall back and was staring at the prison as if it was the most glorious thing he had ever seen.  The spray coming off the waves had plastered his hair to his forhead.  "Tonight, we witness history in the making."

A moment later, Voldemort makes a sound that must have been a laugh, raising his wand as the stone walls of Azkaban splits down the middle.  Chunks of rock crumble down into the sea.  Audra can see people walking out to he edge and staring into the ocean, feeling fresh air on their skin for the first time in years.  They look like tiny ants, monsters free from their cages at last.  One of them jumps.

At the very top, in a window peeking out at the highest point of the prison, Audra can see a figure leaning out of the window, holding onto the sides to keep her balance.  She can't hear it, but she can imagine her laughter, crazed and wild, and even though there's no way she could have known, Audra is almost certain that its Bellatrix.

"Come."  Voldemort beckons to them all.  "Let us welcome them home."

 

 

Welcome them home they did, all of them returning back to the Malfoy Manor.  It seems that everyone had turned up to witness the reunion.  Friends and family being in the same room for the first time in forever, people in love being able to think of each other without hurting.  Audra had snuck upstairs to get away from at all.  She hadn't liked it- the tearful reunions, the people whose hands shake and jump at the slightest sound, the way everyone's eyes follow her like she's something worthy of being watched.  But now, confronted with Bellatrix's figure stretched across the couch, she wished she hadn't.  "So you're the little neice, all grown up."  She cracked one eye open to stare at her.  "Last time I saw you, you were such a little thing."

"I don't remember much of you."  Audra hadn't really thought about Bellatrix as an aunt, at least not the kind that might have tried to stop her crying and came to her birthday parties.  She had only thought of the murderer, of the newspaper articles, of the whispers in the hallways.  Or sometimes, if she's feeling nicer, the pictures she's seen of her from school. 

"We'll have to change that, then."  It seemed like a promise.  Bellatrix smiled and leaned back into the couch.  It felt a bit like comradeship, this conversation.  Something made even worse by the fact that this was apparently the room that they both went to escape to.  "You look an awful lot like me, you know."

"Lucky me."  Audra knows she was lucky, at least in the fact that she had inherited her good looks.  Bellatrix was beautiful even now, much more so that she had taken a shower and was wearing real clothes.  But there was something wrong about her now, like Azkaban had taken away something important. 

"Yeah."  Bellatrix opened her eyes again and they were dark, dark and haunting.  It was the kind of look that made Audra think her aunt knew exactly what their similarities had brought her.  "Lucky you."

 

 

The news made the next morning's prophet.  Audra walked into the Great Hall the next morning and was faced with hundreds of pictures of the people she had freed staring back at her.  She tries to be surprised when Ginny races up to her with a copy of the article, tries to seem concerned when Harry and Ron talk to her.  Still, it feels better when she makes it to the Slytherin table, where not all of them view this as bad news.  For some, it might mean a missing member returning to home. 

"So you did it then?"   Draco didn't give her time to sit down before the question burst out, eyes shining with excitement.  "Father said you would."

"Did what?"  Emmeline spoke around a mouthful of toast, and when she finally connected the dots, she almost choked.  "No way.  You didn't."

"keep your voices down."  Audra let her bag fall to the floor and slid between them, and the three continued in hushed whispers, heads bent together.  She scoops some eggs onto her plate, trying not to feel the deranged Bellatrix on the paper watching her.  "And yea.  I did."

 

 

She avoids Fred for most of the day, ducking out of classes before he can reach her and weaving through the hallways, disappearing down the short cuts he had taught her and then taking the long way to class so there was no time to talk.  It's not until after dinner that she's walking through the halls and hears footsteps behind her, knowing its him before she even turned around.

"We need to talk."  It's not a request, but he's still gentle about taking her by the hand and leading her to the room of Requirement, that magical place where the DA meetings take place.  It's quiet for a long time, her staring at the floor and Fred scrubbing at his face with his hands.  She thinks that they might have stood there forever had a copy of the prophet not appeared in Fred's hands.  "This."  He slams it onto the table and points at it.  "I want you to talk about this."

"I can't."

He nods fiercely, jerking his head so fast that she thinks he might have pulled his neck.  "This is why you couldn't do anything last night, isn't it?"

"Fred..."  She reaches out to him, and he lets her, even if he makes no move to get closer to her.  "I can't always tell you."

She was afraid he might start yelling, or worse, just walk away. But all he did was reach out and tug at the locket, something that had quickly become his unspoken version of _we're okay, I love you._ "I know."

"You just have to trust me, okay?"  She doesn't kiss him.  Audra had watched her dad shut up her mom with a kiss too many times to believe that it acts as a fix-all for every bit of trouble that might rise.  "I don't want to do these things.  And I don't want to lie to you."

"Then don't."  He takes in a steady breath like it's physically painful for him to do so.  "From now on, just say it's for the order, and I'll shut up about it, I swear."

"I can tell you one thing."  She lets it hang, feels herself waver between lying and telling the truth, and then chooses what she had always done when she was around Fred.  There was no need to lie with him.  "I met my aunt last night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	49. Valentine's Day

Audra had never paid attention to Valentine's day before, other than that one back in fourth year where Lockheart turned everything into hearts and somehow persuaded gnomes to sing Valentines to everyone.  She had considered it just another day, just with a more mysterious amount of pink and an excuse to eat chocolate.  But now that she'd dating Fred, she can't avoid it.

Not when he specifically asked her out on a date to Hogsmeade on Valentine's day, despite the fact that it was assumed that they would have gone together.  Not when she had to ask Ginny to check and make sure that he wasn't getting her anything.  And not when Clary insisted that she dress up, because this day was somehow different from all the other times they had been together.  Put into one, it made her pretty nervous, even if he was waiting for her by Madam Puddifoots like he had promised.

It became clear that Madam Puddifoots wasn't Audra's kind of place pretty fast.  Fred had hesitated when he first crossed into the little shop, perhaps stunned at the large amount of pink and lace, but he put on a bracing sort of smile and led the way to the first open booth he saw.  Now she was taking sips of tea that had too much sugar in it and pushing the falling confetti into piles.  All the other couples in the shop were doing something that Clary would have called canoodling (except for Harry and Cho, they looked like they were having an awful time).  She and Fred hadn't even tried to talk to each other besides the few stilted moments of conversation at the very beginning.

They watched Cho burst into tears and run out of the shop, Harry following after her angrily.  Audra suffereed through a few more sips of quickly cooling tea before bailing, digging in her pockets to throw a galleon on the table and waiting for Fred to get the hint.  He followed almost immediatly, stuffing his hands in his pockets and walking back into the snow.  "You're not going to start crying too, are you?"  It was meant as a joke, but his voice was a little too worried for it to work. 

"Of course not."  She put her hands on his shoulders, bracing herself against him as she leaned back to look at him.  "But we've never gone there before.  And honestly, I never want to again.  That tea was awful."

"It was.  It really, really was."  He ran his hands through his hair and tugged, something he did whenever he was trying to puzzle out a particularly complicated problem.  "I just thought that we should do something different now that we were dating.  And Lee said..."

Audra snorted.  Relationship advice from Lee rarely ended well.  "That there was this super romantic coffee shop where all the couples go to?"

Fred smiled sheepishly.  "Kind of."

"Listen.  I'm not expecting you to do anything different now that we've admitted that we like each other.  I don't want you to really.  _You_ don't need to be anything different, alright?"  He wasn't looking at her, just fidgeting with the charm on her necklace.  "And I'd love you just as much at the Hog's Head as I did in that awful cafe."

He looked up at her and shrugged.  "I should have known better than to take you somewhere that doesn't serve coffee."

Audra stared at him.  That hadn't been on her list of complaints, but now that she thought about it, it was a very good reason.  "Buy me a butterbeer and we'll call it even."

 

 

It got better after that, when they stopped doing what everyone was expecting them to be doing and starting acting like themselves.  They had been to Hogsmeade together before, but it seemed different now, walking down the streets hand in hand.  She wasn't able to deny that it being Valentine's day didn't help to make things slightly more enjoyable, not when Fred had to pause and pick pink confetti from her hair and the coffee he bought her had foam that blossomed into hearts.  That's not even mentioning the shop owners that were giving them free samples of food and handing out flowers to Audra, all because they were, in their words, "a happy couple."  Apparently being young and in love was the criteria needed to access the true Valentine's day magic.

They walked into the Three Broomsticks, where they had promised to meet George and Lee after they've decided they've had enough of playing at being romantic.  As soon as they opened the door, a wave of warmth and noise crashed over Audra, accompanied by the rich smell of butterbeer that always permeated the air in here. 

It doesn't take them long to make their way to George and Lee, who were sitting with a heart shaped pizza between them.  Audra raised an eyebrow when she saw it, and Fred snorted.  "It's a special deal for couples," George muttered, talking around a mouthful of cheese.  And while he had technically lied to Madame Rosmerta, something Audra thought the Weasley boys were incapable of doing, that didn't stop her from taking a piece the moment she sat down.

"Now can we talk about this top secret information you wanted to tell me?"  Lee demanded.  Audra stared at the twins with wide eyes, the pizza she had just ate settling in her stomach like  a ball of lead.  As far as she had known, they were here to keep George company after Angelina had rejected his offer of spending Valentine's Day together.  Not to talk. 

 _But then again,_ she thought, looking at Fred's suddenly guilty face, _maybe they were double tasking._

"What's going on?"  She kept her hands in her lap, too afraid of what they might do if they saw the way she was digging her nails into her skin.  Ever since Christmas, she'd felt like she was going to fall apart at the slightest provocation.  Things are never guaranteed to you, and now with Fred springing a surprise serious talk on her without warning, she felt like the floor had been pulled out from underneath her feet.

"We're thinking of leaving Hogwarts."  George said it fast like he was ripping off a band aid, and had an expression to match. 

"The lease on the shop has already started.  We're losing money every day it isn't occupied."  Fred reached out to take hold of her arm, but Audra made no move to return the favor.

"You have plenty of money."  Audra choked out, already in the middle of reciting their financial situation back to them.  It was true.  They were taking in more galleons than they were able to spend, even with the constant expansion of the shop.  But maybe that's why they need to leave, so their business can really take off.  It's not like this was something they had hid from her.  Audra had always known they wanted to leave, but had pushed the thought to the back of her mind, like it couldn't bother her there. "When?"

"We're not sure yet.  We're staying as long as we can stand.  We don't want to leave when Ron and Ginny are still here, Merlin knows they find a way to risk their necks in order to save the world every time we turn our backs.  Who knows what would happen if they were left to deal with Umbridge by themselves?  Plus, we're staying because of.."  George trails off lamely, but Audra could already tell what his next words would have been.  They stay with her even when the conversation is steered toward safer waters, echoing in her head.

Because of you.

 

"It's okay that you need to leave.  Even if it means leaving me."  Audra had thought about how she was going to phrase this the whole walk back, but now, with the castle towering above them and Umbridge so close she can make out the frown on her face, she had run out of time.  "This shop is _it_ for you.  There's no reason for you to stay at Hogwarts, especially not with the way it is now."

"But Ron and Ginny-,"

"I can take care of Ron and Ginny.  Ron and Ginny can take care of Ron and Ginny, for that matter."  This feels like the good bye.  She has a feeling that when the time comes, she won't be able to actually say the words.  "You and George deserve the chance to chase your dreams.  Because it's happening Fred."

"I don't want to leave you."  The words came out as a sort of whine, like he didn't want to say anything but also couldn't help it. 

"You're not leaving for good.  We've been apart for a few months before, and it hasn't changed anything between us."  Audra doesn't cry, thankfully.  She wasn't sure she'd be able to stop herself, what with the new found emotional turmoil that's had her either screaming or bursting into tears at the slightest provocation.  "And this time, there'll be letters, and Hogmseade visits, and when the year is over, I'll get to see you all the time."  Audra grips onto the front of his shirt, pulls him closer.  "I don't mind letting you go, just as long as I know you'll come back."

"Course I will."  He smiles, and even though it's his regular mischievous grin, there's something softer about it, too.  "Can't get rid of me that easy."

He leans into kiss her, and even though they are standing in the middle of a crowded pathway, she lets him.  It is not something Audra would have ever imagined herself doing ion public, but so many things have changed she figures this one thing can too.  And part of her likes knowing that he's willing to do things like this with her, like him kissing her in front of everyone is actual proof that he loves her, that she belongs with him.  When they break apart and Fred steps away, both of them red face, a large amount of cat calls and wolf whistles erupt from those around them, including a proud looking Lee.  When she looks toward the castle, she can see Umbridge, arms crossed over her chest and face looking even angrier than ever.

Umbridge passes another law the very next day- witches and wizards must stay five feet away from each other.

Audra can't help but feel a little responsible.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	50. Decisions

"Did you hear the news?"  Emmeline asks later, when the large group of them is scattered throughout the back of the library.  She sounds almost deliriously happy, enough for Lee to look a little wary.  "Boys and girls have to stay five feet from each other at all times.  Horrible, isn't it Clary?"

Clary grins at her, then moves in for a kiss, which Audra knows is mostly for the benefit of her and Fred.  Her and Fred, who have had to deal with walking on opposite sides of the hallway, because Umbridge seems to have made this rule just for them and tends to enforce it.  "Completely terrible."  Clary grins at those nearest to her, all of which are rolling their eyes at her display, and sinks back against Emmeline.

Audra is just about to say  screw it, this is stupid and snog Fred senseless when a little Slytherin appears in front of her. "Audra?"  The little girl holds out an envelope, which has her name written across it in familiar slanted cursive.  "Letter from Dumbledore."

Audra takes it, thanking her, aware of all the eyes on her.  They all have questioning looks on their faces, each of them for a very different reason. 

Fred talks first.  "What's he want?"

Audra looks back down at the paper, too used to Dumbledore's vague ways of sharing information to be surprised that it doesn't hold details.  _My office, 8 o'clock.  "I have no idea."_

 

Audra balances on top of a cabinet that she had pushed beside Fawkes, knowing she looks unprofessional but not able to bring herself to care.  Dumbledore had just smiled indulgently while she was doing it, and even though Snape took a moment to give her a scathing glare, neither of them stopped her, which was just as good as permission.  Now, Snape was pacing the room with his head bowed and Dumbledore was giving her that piercing, know-all stare over the tops of his glasses, like they were both waiting for her to explode. 

Maybe she might.

Hearing the Dark Lord is going to pull you into his ranks full time ( _bye-bye spy work, so bye-bye blood traitor best friends,  and more importantly, bye-bye Fred_ ) and that the head of the Order wants you to agree for can have that affect.

"You want me,"  Audra says the words slowly, like taking her time might change the facts.  Like she was just waiting for Dumbledore to interrupt her and tell her that no, of course not, that's not what he meant.  "To become a full time death eater?  Not even to filter information?  Just to watch and wait  and stand by while innocent people get killed, let horrible things happen even though I can stop them, until the _time is right? "_ Dumbledore moves to interrupt her, but Audra is on a roll now and lets her voice climb loud enough to cover his words.  "Without giving me a single reason as to why I should do so."

"You'll know when the time has come for you to leave."  Dumbledore holds one wrinkled hand out, placating.  "This is a temporary position."

"Temporary?  Temporary as in for the summer?  Or until the war is over?  You don't know how long this will take, don't try and pull that with me.  I'm not as trusting as Harry."  She slides off the cabinet, ignoring the way that Fawkes calls after her to come back.  "No.  I'm not doing it.  Find another person to throw to the wolves, because I'm not doing it."

"You're not a lamb led to slaughter."  Snape said, exasperated.  "I thought you knew what you signed up for."

Audra turned to him and glared, a bit offended that he was choosing to argue against her.  "things have changed."

"You mean the Weasley brat has decided he loves you after all."  There was definite venom in Snape's voice now, and something that sounds a bit bitter.   She wonders if this reminds him of him and Lilly, how it should have turned out, and pushes the thought away.  Audra has no time for things she can't help, or any room for other people's pain.  "We don't get to choose to serve the cause only when it suits us.  It's time for you to stop being a child and do what you promised us you could."

"Don't give me that."  Audra moves close enough to him that they are nose to nose.  She's half afraid that she might pull her wand on her teacher, and backs away just long enough to reign her temper back in.  "The only reason you're here is to wash away the blood on your hands, trying to pay for your sins and save enough people to make up for the ones you killed.  Well guess what?  I didn't do any of that!  I didn't do anything bad, I'm here because I wanted to fight."  She turned to Dumbledore, remembered who she was speaking to, and lowered her voice with visible effort.  "I promised you that I would help.  But I can't sign myself over for a reason I don't even know.  This time, you ask too much."

"For the same reason you've been fighting this whole time."  Dumbledore gets up from his  desk, crosses the room to her.  "Because there will come a time when our people will need protecting.  When they need someone on their side, and none of us will be able to help.  And that someone will be you."

Audra stood, breathing hard.  "You talk like I'm going to do it."

"You will."  Dumbledore reached the door and opened it for her, a clear dismissal.  "When the time comes, you will."

 

 

She thinks of finding Fred, but can't bring herself to tell him what has her so upset.  Just a few days ago she had basically promised forever, that whenever they would leave they would find their way back to each other.  How could she look him in the eye and tell him there might come a day where she would leave and not come back, just disappear without warning?  Without a good bye?

She can't, so she goes and finds Clary instead, standing and pounding on that stupid door until someone comes to tell her that Clary is on her way down.

"I don't think this is something you need to worry about now,"  Clary says soothingly, her arms around her shoulders.  Audra supposes that has become Clary's motto- _no, don't worry about the impending war now, no, don't think about when Voldemort finds out Emmeline and I are still together, no, don't think of the safe houses I'm going to have to set up and the people I'll have to shuttle to safety._ And maybe she's right.  Here, within the walls of Hogwarts, that can't touch them.  "You'll have months.  And even if you do disappear, Fred will wait."

Clary had always been able to calm Audra, like she was somehow able to knock loose the weight that makes it hard for her to breath and helps her find solid ground to stand on.  Today was no different.  It made it easier to keep the panic at bay when she's sitting squished into a corner with Clary, the two of them just a tangle of arms and legs pressed up against each other.  It reminds her of when she was younger and the anger would swell up inside her over nothing, out of the blue and with no way to stop it, and how Clary was always there with her soothing words and calming hands.  It's more important now, she knows, and Audra is suddenly immensely glad that someone is beside her reminding her to breath.

Clary has a hold of her wrists, keeping her hands apart so Audra can't scratch at her palms like she wants to.  "It's okay,"  She murmured, and her hands are so warm compared to the chill of the stone floor.  Audra leans into it, towards her voice, wishing what Clary said was true.  "You're doing what you have to.  You're doing the right thing."

"I just don't understand what he wants me to do."  Audra says, and as soon as she says the words, she finds out what is really bothering her.  There was something off about what Dumbledore had been saying, like he was hiding a very important piece of information.  She had known it from the start, maybe, that even though he wasn't lying to her, he wasn't exactly telling her every piece of the plan, either.  Audra doesn't like knowing the plan.  "He never needed me for information.  What could I tell him that Snape couldn't?"

Here was a problem, here was something to focus on, here was something to blame for her distress.  It made her feel better to latch onto something.  "I don't know."  Clary said, but Audra could see the wheels turning in her head, too, and knew she wasn't alone in thinking that there was something funny about sending a girl to be a spy when there was really no information for her to find.  Like maybe that wasn't why she was there, after all.   "Maybe you're like the safety net if something goes wrong.  Like, if someone important gets taken or needs your help and the Order can't get to them, at least you'll be able to help them until Dumbledore can fix things."

"Yeah," Audra said, having a sudden vision of Harry being thrown to her feet in place of the homeless man she murdered and the two of them having to fight their way through a horde of death eaters.  She was good, Audra knew, but not that good.  "Maybe."

Clary patted her on the hand, confident that she, at least, had done her job.  "Whatever it is, you'll pull it off.  That's just how you are."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	51. The Fall of the DA

Snape comes to the common room about an hour before curfew. He doesn't say anything, just looks around the room with an expression of distaste before pulling a few of them free- Audra, Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy, Blaise, Emmeline, and a handful of others.  They aren't told any specifics, just that the Inquisitorial Squad needs a few more hands for the task tonight.

In truth, the Inquisitorial Squad has been expanded to include most Slytherins, but it's a position that Audra had been able to avoid, up until now.  Part of her resents Snape for taking away that particular accomplishment, but most of her is just curious to see what made Umbridge so happy she's practically squealing like a child faced with a mountain of birthday presents.  "We've got them!"  She waves a hand at the spread of papers layered across her desk, all of them detailing the many attempts and failures of tracking Potter's clearl dangerous, extremely secret, society.  Knowing why she was here and being helpless to stop it made a sick feeling curl up in her stomach.  "We're finally going to catch them, red handed!"

Umbridge didn't even blink when she saw Audra there, just gave her an indulgent smile and pinned a green Inquisitorial Squad badge across her chest, patting her on the shoulder afterwards like she was being congratulated on a job well done.   "Filch, Blaise, and I will be the ones to invade the meeting.  Now, the rest of you each split up and take an area, stop _anyone_ you think might associate with things like that."  Her voice made the back of Audra's hand tingle, like every cell of her body was trying to warn her that this person in front of her was a very bad woman.  "Perhaps it might be best if you position yourselves around the pathways to the house dormitories.  Not Slytherin, of course."

They take off, all of them splitting into groups down separate corridors.  Emmeline looks over her shoulder before heading towards the Ravenclaw dorms, clearly intending to make sure that no harm came to Clary.  Audra, having had a similar idea, claims the pathway to the Gryffindor tower all to herself after promising Draco that _yes, she can handle it, and no, she doesn't want either Crabbe or Goyle to accompany her._ She races through the corridors, hurtling around corridors and skidding to a stop whenever something blocks her path, hoping frantically that she can find at least a few of the DA before Umbridge or the others do. 

Audra thinks of galleon Hermione had given her, the one that's linked to all the other members of the DA.  It's sitting on her bedside table at the moment, singing a darker mark into the wood with every change of time and date.  She curses at herself and turns a corner, almost crashing into Seamus, Dean, and Neville, who all stare at her in surprise before trying to talk all at once.

"She knows-"

"Umbridge-"

"The Slytherins-,"

She wants to remind them that she was a Slytherin too and was actively working to get them out of this mess safely (though, she remembers, it was partly her idea to start with), but pushes the urge away.  Audra could work on house unity some other time.  "You need to run.  Someone stay by the entry, I'm going to send anyone I can your way.  This is my corridor, anyone who makes it this far is home free."  She pushes them in front of her, their hesitation to leave her making them look younger than they really were.  "Hurry!"

There's a couple more stragglers she finds over the course of the next few minutes, all of them in various stages of dishevellement.  There's a group of Hufflepuffs that she sends on their way, which Ernie Macmillian is leading with his wand pointed out in front of them.  Next comes Clary and Cho dragging an unfazed Luna between them, who seem grateful that they don't have to drag her all the way down to the kitchens.  Audra's just beginning to start considering actively going to search for the twins when they hurtle around the corner, Ginny between them, looking around with frantic expressions.

It's the first time she's ever seen them look afraid.

"Thank Merlin."  She rushes towards them all throws her arms around Fred's neck, then George and Ginny.  "Go straight to the common room, I'll cover for you.  No one needs to know you were here."

George exchanges a look with Fred and nods once before dragging Ginny away.  It was one of their silent conversations that Audra had always wanted to be a part of.  "You're going to get caught."  It was a bit ironic that Fred was telling her that when he was currently on the run, but when she opened her mouth to tell him so, he cut across her.  "They know Gryffindors were a part of this, and when you don't turn up with anyone, they'll know you let them home free."

"I'm not going to stop."

"Merlin, no, of course you aren't."  He dragged her into a hug, and she had the feeling that he was about to do something very brave and noble and Gryffindorish.  She just hoped it didn't have to do with saving her.  "But when you do get caught, give them my name.  They'll expect me anyways, and I'd rather have it be me than Ginny or Ron or George.  Or Harry or Hermione or any of those little gits, for that matter."

Audra stared at him, her refusal right on the tip of her tongue, but then she remembered what they had come to understand these past few years- they trust each other, and they respect each other's right to make their own choices, even if it hurts.  "Okay."  Fred kisses her, hard and forceful, then backs away down the hall.  This whole thing feels like a trial run for the real deal, where there's much more at stake than a few hours of awful detention.  She also knew a part of him would blame her if Ginny had to suffer and the two of them could have stopped it.  "Okay, yeah."

He just rounds the corner when Audra notices the feet scuffling down the corridor and the out of breath gasps for air.  When she turns, expecting to see an aggravated Filch, she's so shocked that she actually takes a step backward before acknowledging the person in front of her. 

"Percy."

 

 

"Do you need your asthma spell, Percy?"  Audra had meant for the words to have a sarcastic and snarky tone to them, but it was hard to keep the actual concern out of her voice when she watched him slide down the wall, coughing and wheezing in an attempt to get his lungs to cooperate.  "I would have been able to do it for you, if you hadn't, you know, bound my hands."

There was a definite anger in her voice then, and Percy took a break from choking on his own spit to glare at her.  Despite everything that'd happened between him and his family, it still felt like she was a rebellious sibling making life hard for her responsible older brother.  "You were..."  Wheeze.  "Trying to..."  Wheeze.  "Run."

"Of course I was trying to run!"  She moved to throw her hands up to express her exasperation, but only lost her balance instead.  "You're going to take me to Umbridge!  A lamb led to slaughter."

"Cut the dramatics, Audra."  Percy rolled his eyes, apparently all better.  "Umbridge sent me down to round up any of the deviants you may have caught.  And here you are, with no deviants, and me having just witnessed you letting one go."

"Come on, Percy..."  She whined.  Maybe there was enough of a brother in him to still let her go.  There was a bit of Percy in there that always covered for her and the twins, who was just as good at concocting stories and excuses as they were. 

"No, audra, I'm sorry, but this must be reported."  He drew himself up to his height and squared his shoulders, reminding her of how he used to walk when he first got his prefect badge.  "You'll have to come with me."

Audra stared at him, a bit stunned, but more than little thrilled at the prospect of having something to do.  "You're under the impression that I'm going to let you."

She did not, in any sense of the word, let him.  Audra fought with every ounce of strength she had, kicking and screaming and dragging her feet as he tried his best to drag her along.  Percy had charmed her arms to stick to her sides, but that didn't keep her from throwing herself against him and making him stumble any chance she got.  She might have considered stopping when she gave him that nose bleed, had they not come across a group of the DA watching her with expressions that vary from scared to pleased at her fighting ability, all of them bound and being held at wand point by Crabbe and Goyle. 

By the time they make it to the steps of Dumbledore's office, she had broke his glasses twice and had given herself a black eye.  They'd also fallen down the steps three times, after which Percy spent a good five minutes making sure that she was okay before moving again.  Eventually, he had just taken to grabbing her by the hair and marching her forward, ignoring the insults she had been screaming at him.  (They were not very good insults, considering she and the twins had made them up ages ago and still liked them.)

When the two of them tumble through the door of Dumbledore's office, none of them looked surprised.  Audra hits the ground hard, unable to break her fall with her hands, and Percy helps her up immediately, muttering a mixture of apologies and curse words. It makes her feel bad about giving him such a hard time, because he really does care, but not enough that she doesn't throw an elbow to the gut as soon as he releases her arms. 

"What's the meaning of this?"  Umbridge stared from her to Percy and then looked back at Dumbledore, who seemed amused by this turn of events, if not altogether surprised.  "Why aren't you with those, those kids you caught?"

"She was letting them go."  Percy muttered, then repeated himself in a louder voice.  The expression on his face reminded her of when he would run to Mrs. Weasley and tell her that she and the twins were playing with fire, or going to fall off the roof, or some other dangerous thing.  _He really does believe this is right,_ she thinks, and it makes her sad.  "I'd suggest looking by the Gryffindor common room."

"Oh?"  Umbridge clucked her tongue, and on the other side of the room Audra saw McGonagall close her eyes, as if trying to control her temper.  "Why on earth would she do that?"

"Now, now, Dolores."  Fudge chuckled, like he could read the warning signs in Umbridge's voice just as well as the rest of them.  "We all make mistakes.  I'm sure if she just tells us-,"

"No." 

As all heads swiveled to look at her, Audra realizes that it might have been better just to say nothing.  "Don't be daft, you idiot girl."  Umbridge was almost toe-to-toe with her, snarling.  Beside her, Harry stiffened, like he had to forcibly restrain himself from jumping to Audra's rescue.  "Just tell us who you let go."

"I didn't let anyone go."  Audra tried for an innocent face and failed.  "I'm sorry, I didn't let anyone go, Percy's just confused Professor, but-,"

"Liar." Umbridge's hand shot out so fast that Audra didn't have time to move even if she could have.  She hit her on the face hard enough to make her stumble, reaching out to Percy for help automatically.  He caught her and moved in front of her, staring at Umbridge like he couldn't believe what he had just seen.  When Audra lifted her hand to her cheek, she found that she was bleeding from where her rings cut her.  Umbridge just glared at him like he was something unsavory stuck to the bottom of her shoe, reaching around him to pluck the inquisitorial squad badge off of Audra's robes.  "But no matter."  She straightened out her sweater and turned away, as if none of that had ever happened.  "We don't need to tell you who you let go.  The list is proof enough."

Umbridge gave her classic girlish giggle before unraveling the parchment that had been in her hand.  There, in plain view of everyone in the room, was undeniable proof the Dumbledore's Army.

 

 

They wait there for a while, her and Harry, listening to the adults talk about what to do next.  They wait until after they learn how the room they loved had betrayed them.  Until after Dumbledore disappears, and Umbridge is appointed new Headmaster, and Marietta is sent to St. Mungo's to deal with her spots. 

Percy was hovering beside her, like he was prepared to step in if Umbridge would move to hit her again.  It made it easy for Audra to talk to him without anyone noticing.  "You want to know who I let go, Percy?  Fred and George.  And Ginny, your little sister.  You remember them, don't you?"  He tilts his head, the only indication that he was listening.  "And Umbridge's going to want their head on a platter for being a part of this.  You've heard about the blood quill.  You saw what she did to me in full view of the minister.  Who knows what she's going to do to them, when there's no one there to stop her?"

Percy looked at her, and there was no hiding the fear in his eyes.  "The minister.."

"The minster's a fool, Percy.  The sooner you realize that, the better."

 

 

Umbridge is in an especially pleasant mood, which might explain why she didn't think twice before taking Audra by the arm and pulling her back to the office, shoving her towards the desk.  The quill was already in place, like she had prepared it for anyone who may have been unfortunate enough to fall into her hands.  "I believe you know what to do, Ms. Stanton."

Audra just looks at her for a moment, refusing to show that this bothers her, to let on how much she hates coming to this room.  She just sits instead and curls her fingers around the quill, placing it on the parchment and writing her lines, painful letter by painful letter.  The words flame red on her skin before the old scars break open, and then the bleeding starts in earnest.  Time ticks on, and it changes from a few drops to a trickle, a little stream running down her hand and circling her wrist, smearing the words she had written on the parchment.  Still, she doesn't let up, just writes faster, presses the tip of the quill down harder, like the worse she hurts the better it makes her.

_I must learn where my loyalties lie, I must learn, I must, I must, I must._

It's not until sunrise that Umbridge lets her stumble to her feet and make her way to the dungeon, leaving a trail of scattered scarlet behind her as she goes.  When she makes it up to the dorm, Emmeline is already dressed and waiting, like she'd been sitting up for her all night.

Emmeline gives a long sigh before getting off the bed and moving to wrap up her hand in an old sweater until the bleeding stops.  She doesn't talk until after it's entirely bandaged, and even then, it isn't a particularly insightful conversation.  "You," she said fondly, like she was preparing to deliver one of life's greatest mysteries.  "Are so screwed."

 

Fred finds her the next day, out on the grounds with the baby unicorn.  Hagrid is giving her a private study credit for Care of Magical Creatures to take care of him.  "I'm sorry."  He spots the bandage on her hand and then looks away like it hurts him.  "I can't help but feel like this is my fault."

"It's not.  I didn't just do it for you.  And besides,"  She climbs up on the fence, wincing every time she puts pressure on her left hand.  "If Percy hadn't caught me, someone else would have given it up during interrogations."

"None of us would have done that."  Fred sounds so certain, so full of justified anger, like he can make things better just by sheer force of will.  "We wouldn't have."

"It wouldn't have been your fault.  If Colin Creevey wanted to give me up to keep him from having to write with that quill, I'd let him in a heart beat."  She leaned her head on Fred's shoulder, let him wrap an arm around her.  "Not everyone's as brave as you are."

"Or you."

She didn't say anything after that, just watched the unicorn move across it's little pasture.  There are some situations that can't be improved upon by words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	52. The D.A's Punishment

Word spread through the castle quickly, in rushed whispers and exaggerated stories of their skill and bravado.  Soon, everyone knew of Harry Potter's secret group that was being carried on right under Umbridge's nose, and how they almost got away with it had someone not turned them in.  How they were rounded up by the Inquisitorial Squad and used their new DADA training to send half of them to the hospital wing before spending the rest of the night being held hostage by the remaining Slytherins.  How Audra Stanton, niece of Bellatrix Lestrange, was caught shuttling the DA to safety and paid the price for it that very night, dearly.  And of course, how Dumbledore managed to get away when he was surrounded by three aurors and the minister of magic himself.

It was quite a story, and Audra was enjoying the newfound leniency that the teachers seemed to be showing her.  Umbridge, on the other hand, hated that the DA members were being held up as heroes, which might be why she had decided to give them an extra long detention as their punishment.  The first of many, Audra assumes.

Audra had been waiting for them all night.  She had intended to catch up on most of her homework, but then she started thinking of them all instead, writing lines with that stupid quill for the first time and being stared down by Umbridge, and found she couldn't even focus on her regular potions course.   So she went down to the greenhouses and helped Professor Sprout strain murtlap leaves until they had enough to the stuff to last the students for the rest of the month, and headed back down to where the stairways intersect with three great jars of the stuff, one for each of the houses to take back to the dorms.   It had been hours of her pacing back and forth, straining her ears to listen for any possible sign of danger.

She could hear them before she caught sight of them- the slow shuffling of feet, the muttered curses, the whimpers of pain and muffled crying.  It was a sorry bunch that approached her, the younger ones sniffling and blinking back tears, the oldest cradling their arms to their chests and grimacing in pain, and some of them just staring around with a shellshocked expression on their face, like they couldn't understand how they got here.  She spotted Hermione somewhere in the middle with Ron's arm around her, his head bent close like he was comforting her.  Hermione probably felt almost as responsible for this as Harry did, seeing as it had been all her idea to start with.

 _Not really,_ Audra thought, catching sight of Ginny holding onto the hand of a Hufflepuff third year.  _I'm the one who put it in her head.  I'm the one who couldn't save them._

Fred and George found her first, followed by Clary.  Clary had never been good at hiding her pain, and tear tracks stained her cheeks.  She didn't even try to brush them away. 

"Well, that was bloody awful."  Fred said, and he seemed to exhausted and too angry to even make a joke about it.  He just leaned against the banister instead and tried to hide the pain on his face, already looking towards George.  She could see the questions fleeting from one twin to the other ( _are you alright, of course not, how bad does it hurt, mine's still bleeding, don't let Audra know how bad it stings_ ) and she has to turn away from it. 

"I'm sorry."  She moves up a step so they're the same height and leans in to kiss them, not caring that Lee and George will make fun or that Clary will get that look on her face like she thinks it's bad form to kiss in public.  "The stinging goes away soon."

"Oh, so it's alright that we got our hand shredded because it won't hurt soon?  I know you just got tortured by a psychopath, but don't worry guys, because after a whole night of literally cutting into your own skin, the pain goes away."  Zachariah Smith's voice was loud among all the whispers, carried up to the high ceiling and magnified against all the stone.  It sounded angry and bitter and not at all like the collected prefect Audra had begun to expect.  In fact, he sounded slightly hysterical.  "What are you doing here, anyways?"

Audra just stares at him, him and the dislike that's etched into every single line on his face.  She's not certain that he's ever gotten a detention before, let alone go through anything close to a detention with Umbridge. It's enough to make anyone lose it, but somehow the thought of him being anything less than in total control made Audra so surprised she could barely formulate a response.  "Excuse me?"

"You weren't in the DA.  You weren't just having your hand ripped open.  The only reason you're hear at all is because your boyfriend's completely obsessed with you, so I'd like to know, why are you, a Slytherin, part of the Inquisitorial Squad, here waiting for us?"  Everyone was listening now, watching Zachariah with the sad expression of one watching a train wreck but having no way to stop it.  They were holding their breath, even Audra, hoping that he might get this out of his system and come back to his senses.  Over his shoulder, Audra could see Ron being held back by Hermione, looking like there would be nothing that could make him feel as good as punching Smith in the face would.  "We don't have any place for Slytherins here."

"Too far, mate."  Seamus, who had only exchanged a handful of words to her before last night's fiasco, started forward.  "Off you're rocker you are, come on, take a breath."

Seamus reached out to grab him, to pull him backwards, but Zachariah just shook him off and started forward.  "Oh, give it a rest people."  He's spitting the words out, and Audra had to wonder if he had always distrusted her this much or if he had just truly lost his mind.  "You think she wants to help us?  Sure, she tried her best, but it didn't matter in the end.  You see any knew scars on her hand, huh?"  He reached out and grabbed at her, his fingers digging into the still tender cuts.  Audra had endured worse things, but she hadn't been expecting the sudden spike of pain.  It makes her jerk her hand away, letting out an undignified squeak as she did so.

Smith reaches out to her again, this time to fix whatever he had done, but Audra sank back behind the twins, willing to let them protect her.  Ron appeared in front of them, glowering.  "Don't touch her again,"  He warned, and here was a glimpse of the Ron that had stood in front of a mass murdered for his best friend and once went to battle a giant snake to save his sister.  It was touching, to see this on display for her.  "Touch her, and I'll break your nose."

Everyone was quiet.  Even Smith.  Audra, now confident that no one was going to attack her, took a step forward and ripped off the bandage covering the back of her hand, shoving it in Zach's face.  The words are bright red against her pale skin, clearly readable.  _I must learn where my loyalties lie._ "You know what I've been doing all these nights you were in your little study sessions?  Risking my neck to keep you guys from getting caught.  And when I got caught, I didn't give up any names."  She stuffed her hand back into her pocket, suddenly too tired and worried and scared to fight with him.  "I chose my side a long time ago."

 

 

They stood together for a while, all of them affirming to each other that yes, they were okay, and yes, the pain did go away, and no, they wouldn't stop believing in what Harry had told them.  Then they dispersed to their individual common rooms, where the same conversations started up again.  Audra went with Fred to Gryffindor tower and he had led her away from the group, both of them settling into one of the bigger arm chairs as she forced him to soak his hand in murtlap. 

"I didn't expect it to hurt that much."  Fred laughed, like the admission was something silly.  Audra just scooted closer to him, tracing the freckles dotting his arm and trying not to look at the newly added scars.  "I was expecting it to be like a million little paper cuts.  Painful, but not like this."

Audra knew what he meant.  The quill wasn't like a simple cut, it was a biting from the inside out, the peeling away of skin layer by layer.  "It really does get better,"  She promised, fighting the urge to drag him away and keep him somewhere no one else could get to him.  Wanting to lock up everyone she loved in a great big faraway place until the horrible war was over.  "And yours should heal without even leaving a scar if you don't get in trouble again."

"Me, not get in trouble?"  He gave her the first real smile of the night and bent his head to kiss her.  He's casual with his affection, like it's second nature for him to gravitate closer to her whenever they were in the same room.  Audra's learning, but it's still hard for her to return the favor.  Then he winces, his attention brought back to his throbbing hand, and sobers.  "All I could think about was how Ron and Ginny and George were in there with me and there was nothing I could do to help them."

"Sometimes you can't."

"I wish I could."  He makes a fist with his injured hand once, twice, a third time, ruining any healing Audra's efforts had brought about.  She clucks her tongue and sucks in an annoyed breath before placing his hand back into the murtlap, but doesn't scold him.  Audra knows that the simple pleasure of pain can be comforting sometimes.  "I wanted to protect them."

"I know you did."  She reached up to smooth his hair.  It'd gotten progressively longer throughout the year, but he still refuses to cut it.  "We're going to be okay, right?"

"Of course we are."  Fred stares into the fire, but his eyes light up a little.  "We're all going to make it through this year just fine, and the year after that, and the year after that, until Harry finally gets tall enough to actually kill you-know-who."  Audra started to ask what height had to do with it, but supposed that he was still very small, and let Fred continue.  He was on a roll anyways.  "And then he and Ron and Hermione and you and Luna and occasionally Clary will just move into the Burrow until it's fit to burst, and Mum can feed you comfort food until you're all forced to get bigger robes.  And Ron and Hermione will marry, and George and Lee will get married, and Harry will realize he's too good for Cho and fall in love with Ginny.  And you and I, we'll make it out of this mess, and then we'll ride off into the sunset, happily ever after style."

Audra stayed quiet, letting his voice wash over her.  "You forgot the part where you run a very successful joke shop."

"That's happening already."  He closes his eyes, apparently ready to go to sleep, and Audra moves to disentangle himself from him.  She had to get going if she had any hope of getting back to the dormitories without Emmeline becoming suspicious.  "We'll be fine, you and me.  Just wait."

Audra really hopes he's right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come visit me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	53. The Flight of the Weasley Twins

Even though the environment at Hogwarts was becoming increasingly more hostile as time went on, Audra couldn't remember herself being happier.  She's spending more time with Fred than ever- with George and Lee, with Clary and Emmeline, studying by themselves or in groups, or wandering off alone together.  They'd taken to sneaking around just to steal a few moments they don't have to feel guilty about, even if the two of them aren't doing anything wrong.  They duck behind hidden tapestries and venture down secret tunnels, sneak out of the dorms to spend nights in abandoned classrooms or the cleanest dungeons, and seek refuge in the places where Umbridge doesn't seem to have any authority, like Hagrid's cabin or Hog's Head or on the edge of the lake, like now.

Audra thinks that it unnerves Umbridge, to be so close to the giant squid, which sometimes splashes at them and makes a playful move to grab them by the ankles and pull them into the water.  Or maybe it was the large population of mermaids, who Umbridge would undoubtedly consider what she calls "filthy halfbreeds."

It's an annoying sentiment that makes Audra want to punch her in the teeth, but it does serve her and Fred well.  It allows them to hours skipping rocks and talking and doing whatever else they might want to without fear of interruption, if they could stand the chill. 

"It's cold out here."  Audra stepped closer to the lake and dipped the toe of her boot into it, watching the water ripple.

"We can go back inside."  Fred had already offered her his cloak three times, but Audra had been stubborn and told him no, spouting off something about feminism and that she did not need a man to feel warm.  It didn't really make sense or serve a particular purpose, because she's always cold and Fred's always warm so the transfer of the coat might balance them out, but it felt good to say. 

"No, it's good.  Clean, sort of."  It was just chilly enough to make her nose and the tops of her ears freeze, but not enough to be truly uncomfortable.  It was nice to be out of the castle and fill her longs with the crisp, cool air.  Right now it was just turning from winter to spring, and they were getting to watch the ice covering the lake break off and float towards them like mini ice bergs.  Whenever she took a step, snow crunched under foot and shifted to reveal the greenery underneath. 

"We're leaving tomorrow."  When Fred had told her that they needed to talk, Audra thought that this was what it would be about.  She looked over at him to gauge how serious this conversation was about to be, but he avoided her gaze, throwing a rock instead.  It skipped seven times and sank before crashing into an ice berg and sinking.  "In the middle of OWLs."

"Why OWLs?"  She picked up a rock and threw it the way Fred had been showing her, but it only made it a pitiful three skips. 

"Ron hasn't studied yet."  Audra studied his face to see if he was joking, but it appeared that he was serious.  Like it made perfect sense to shape one of the most important moments of the year around your little brother's study habits.  "Might get him a retake."

They stood shoulder to shoulder for a long time, watching the ice break off and feeling the cold wind brush against their faces.   Audra kept nodding and throwing rocks.  It was the closest to an okay she could think of saying.  "You could ask me to stay you know.  We would."

Audra sucked in a shuddering breath and felt her chest tighten painfully.  "I know you would."  She searches for his hand and takes hold of it.  "But I won't."

"And I love that about you."  He tugged on her hand, making it clear that he wanted her to step closer but giving her the option to stay away.  "I love everything about you.  You know that, right?"

"I do."  Audra smiled up at him.  "But maybe you should say it a few more times."

 

 

The next morning she dresses slowly like it might prolong the good bye, dragging her feet until Emmeline finally takes her by the hand and pulls her out the door.  When she gets to breakfast, she pushes her food around her plate but doesn't eat, searching the great hall instead for a sight of Fred.  He comes in a few minutes after her, rumpled and looking like he hadn't slept at all, and makes a beeline right towards her.

"This," He tells her, slamming a piece of parchment down onto the table.  The excited expression that comes from inventing is in his eyes, and he grips her face with both hands before kissing her on the forehead.  Audra drinks in the sight of him, unable to tear her hands away, finally hit with the realization that after everything that's happened to the two of them this year, it might be the last time she gets to see him in person for months.  "This is my newest invention.  You write on it, ink shows up on the paper I have.  So we can talk to each other anytime, about anything, no matter how far apart we are.  Okay?"

"Okay."  she's a little breathless and maybe feeling a little weepy, a side effect of those healing potions Madame Pomfrey had been pumping into her that doesn't help this situation in the slightest.  "It's going to be okay."  Audra kisses him in full view of everyone, which isn't something she likes to do, but she wants this last reminder that he is hers and she is his.  Fred tugs on her necklace once and she pushes him back towards the Gryffindor table, trying to act like this was any other day.  "Go be great."

 

 

Audra hadn't been sure what she was expecting them to have done as their last farewell, but it didn't take her long to figure it out.  The news about the swamp corridor had spread, and Audra was pushing through the crowd of students to see the entire hallway transformed into a lake of marshland and murky waters.  Beside her, clary released a strangled laugh and leaned against the wall, gasping at the sight of all the splattered students and an aggravated Filch, who had all been caught in the blast. On Audra's other side, Emmeline's mouth was twitching up into a smile.  "I liked the fireworks better."

"Everyone's a critic."  Fred's voice was grumpy, but when Audra jumped around to face him, he was smiling.  It was clear he doesn't take Emmeline's pessimism to heart anymore.  In another life, Audra couldn't help thinking, they would have been great friends. 

"Shouldn't you be on the run?"  Students were already taking notice, whispering and pointing.  Audra could see George watching them anxiously, and Filch had already begun to fight his way across the swamp to get to them. 

"Thought you deserved a proper good-bye."  It became clear in the next moment that Fred had confused the terms "proper good-bye" and "proper snog." It was a mark of how impressed everyone was by the swamp that no one even looked over at them, beside Emmeline and Clary practically suffocating on suppressed laughter.  When they broke apart, both of them a little breathless, George was at their shoulders.

"We have to go."  He wraps Audra in a tight hug before grabbing onto Fred and hauling him backward into the sea of students, clearly trying to shake off Filch in the crowd.  None of the other teachers seemed to want to catch them.  "We'll see you soon, Audra."

 

 

Soon came much faster than Audra had been expecting.

Again, they hadn't shared the plan with her, but she had assumed it was something more spectacular than _get cornered in the great hall and be threatened with medieval  torture_.  But with the twins, you never really know.  The twins, who Audra knew well enough to know that they weren't afraid, were exchanging a look that clearly said this was not what they thought was going to happen.

"So!"  Umbridge said triumphantly, staring down at them from the steps.  Audra's noticed she does that whenever she can, perhaps to appear at a slightly normal height.  "You think it's amusing to turn a school corridor into a swamp, do you?"

"Pretty amusing, yeah."  Fred didn't look afraid.  He looked like the type of man doing a science experiment, as if he was trying to find what button would make her explode.  Or seeing how close he could get to a bear without it attacking him.  Suicidally curious. 

"I've got the form."  Filch appeared to the scene, waving a slip of paper over his head like a flag. He looks incredibly happy.  Audra never had been able to understand why he hadn't been fired before, considering his clear hatred of students.  "I've got the form, I've got the whips waiting..." 

Audra fought her way to the front line of the crowd and now had an unobstructed view of the twins. Clary and Emmeline were right at her heels.  Audra slipped her wand into her hand, knowing that there would be no way that Umbridge was about to harm a hair on the twins head with her watching.  Across the hall, she could see McGonagall shake her head no, like she was warning her off, but Audra just gave her an exasperated eye roll. 

"Very good, Argus."  Audra felt hatred boil up in her, with no small amount of fear.  "You two are about to learn what happens to wrong doers in my school."

"You know what?"  Fred grinned, perfectly at ease, and the sight made relief flood Audra's chest.  "I don't think we are."  He turned to his brother, who had an expression of polite interest on his face.  "George, I feel like we've outgrown our full time education."

"Yeah, been feeling the same way myself."

"Time to test our talents in the real world, you think?"

"Definitely."

They raised their wands together and summoned their brooms, which soared over head in an instant, only stopping when they were reunited with their rightful owners.  Umbridge, who up until then had the expression of utmost glee, now looked like she had been forced to swallow a lemon. 

"We won't be seeing you,""  Fred said, climbing onto the broomstick.

"Don't bother to keep in touch,"  George added, mounting his own broom.

Audra watched with an emotion caught between happiness and pride and subdued horror all at once as they took off, their brooms climbing into the air.  They announced the opening of their official premises at Diagon Alley, and once they were high enough that there was no hope of Umbridge getting them, Audra finally let herself breathe and began to cheer along with the rest of them.

When Fred spun to face the crowd for a second time, Audra found herself doing something she had never in a million years thought she would sink so low as to do: blowing a kiss across the room to him. Fred, having not missed the action, grinned and winked at her once before both twins wheeled about and flew out the front doors, Umbridge's yells and now harmless threats trailing after them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come visit me at alwaysscripturient on instagram


	54. The Absence of the Weasley's

The castle is filled with the Weasley twins.

Audra's not sure if it had always been that way, or if it was just something that happened after they gave a good bye that no one would ever forget.  Now, she can't go anywhere without being reminded of them.  She spends the next week (and the week after that, really) lost in the haze of excitement that their departure had brought, dodging interrogations from Umbridge and ignoring the worried looks from her friends.  It was harder than she thought it would be, not have the twins to joke around with, and even harder now that she can't see Fred in person every day.

The swamp and the few, slowly dying fireworks that the twins had left behind are still much alive in the castle.  Audra avoids the swamp corridor as much as she can, unable to look at it without remembering the last kiss they had shared before Fred went away.  She can't afford the fireworks though, not when they pinwheel across the grounds and race over their heads in the hallways, and sometimes crash through windows during a particular boring lesson.  when this happens Audra always stares after them, lost in thought and the feeling of missing something important until Emmeline or Clary comes to drag her away.  More and more products have begun to pop up, the twins newfound fame giving their business a jump start.

That same fame has bled onto her, because now when people see her, she is known as the Weasley's best friend, Fred's girlfriend, one of the master minds behind all those brilliant products (as Fred has described her during a tell-all interview with the Daily Prophet).  People whisper when she walks down the halls and she can feel them staring even when Emmeline and Clary are flanking her on either side.  She gets cornered by girls in the bathroom, all of them hounding her with questions and wanting to know something different- _how long have you and Fred been together, did you know when they were leaving, are they rich now, do you miss them, is Fred a good kisser, is it true their single older brother is really hot and works with dragons..._

She doesn't tell them anything. 

She doesn't tell anyone much of anything regarding the twins, not about the aching happiness that forms in her chest when she sees their products being delivered in the morning or spots their faces flashing in the daily prophet.  Not the worry that ties her stomach into knots.  Not the anxiety about them that makes her skin itch and has her flexing her hands into fists over and over, wanting to punch something but knowing she shouldn't.  And definitely not the pang she feels somewhere in her ribs whenever she realizes just how much she misses them.

Audra won't be telling anyone about that awful kind of feeling, not Clary or Emmeline or Hermione or Ginny, no matter how often they ask.  Not even Fred.

 

 

_Did they get rid of the swamp yet?  Lee said they were having some trouble._

_No.  Umbridge can't figure it out.  Filch has had to take students across by boat._

_Excellent._

 

 

The Fred and George fiasco, as Audra has begun to refer to it, has become a great interest to Umbridge.  It's made Audra even more of a target, even when she's finally given in and decided to smile, to play nice and to drop the name's of her parents friends like bargaining chips. Anything to distract her from the twins. 

But it doesn't work, so just like every day, Umbridge stops her on the way out of her classroom, that twisted and ugly smile marring her toad like face. Emmeline pauses at the doorway, her eyes darting from audra to the professor in a silent question, but Audra just shakes her head.  Sometimes, you have to deal with things on your own. 

Audra turns back to Umbridge with what she hopes is a charming smile.  The fake pleasantry doesn't last long, and soon Umbridge is leaning against her desk and staring, twirling that quill around in her fingers like a silent threat.  Audra wants to slap it out of her hands.  "You know where they went."

Audra blinks at her before answering, knocked off balance by the sheer absurdity of the question.  "So do you."  She settled back against the desk, knowing that sometime in the next few days there would be a detention assigned to her and that there was nothing she could do about it.  She hasn't been able to get rid of the smell of murtlap for days now.  "They've got a shop in Diagon Alley.  I can get you the address, if you need to talk to them."

"But you knew what they were doing before hand."  Umbridge's voice was sickly sweet, sympathetic even, like she would be completely understanding if Audra were to open her heart about her boys and how much she missed them and how she wanted to tell someone about their plan just so they could stay but couldn't bring herself to, because that might have made Fred angry with her, and she just couldn't stand that. 

"No."  She said it forcefully enough that even Umbridge looks like she believes her.  Not that it matters, Audra knew.  There would be a detention all the same.  "If I knew, didn't you think I would have wanted to ask him to stay?"

 

_How's everything there?  Umbridge treating you alright?  We can still bust you out if need be._

_Don't worry about me.  Everything's fine.  Umbridge has actually stopped paying attention to me now that she's not worried that the two of you are going to blow things up once a week.  How's the shop doing?_

_The shop's doing great.  Business is booming, even mum approved.  You should see...._

 

 

Audra threw herself into homework and books, because the more she studies the less she thinks of Fred and the more exhausted she is, the faster she falls asleep.  She's constantly checking Fred's parchment, sometimes pulling it out in class just to trace over the faded words or to doodle images of the teachers. They aren't very good drawings.

She's had too much free time on her hands now that they left and she doesn't have to constantly worry about brewing more potions.  Audra grabs a few full nights of sleep a week, even with studying for the NEWTs.  Hermione had become her permanent study buddy, even if she did have the habit of sporadically interrupting their sessions to discuss unimportant things, like the impending war or Audra's feelings.

"Are you sure you're alright?"  Hermione asked, for what seemed like the hundredth time that night.  True, Audra had mispronounced the words wrong and practically missed every  potions question that Hermione quizzed her on, but she still didn't want to talk about it.

Audra pushed the book away from her, rubbing at her eyes. It was hard to read the fading print.  "Are you?"

It was safest to just reflect the question back to her, but Hermione just sighed and seemed to become more concerned.  "Of course not.  None of us are anymore.  But you just had two of your best friends leave."

That, more than anything, is why Audra liked to hang out with Hermione.  Hermione understood more than anyone that this was so much more than missing her boyfriend.  Fred was her best friend before anything else, and she missed George just as much as she missed him.  It was like having twice the pain in one giant heart break.  "I know." Audra leans back, giving up on the pretense of being fine.  "I'm okay, though.  What's a few months in the grand scheme of things?"

"If you're sure."  Hermione's voice made it clear that she thought Audra's answer was bull, which it was, but she just continued color coding their study schedules.  Audra appreciated Hermione's schedules in a way she was sure Harry and Ron didn't.  "But if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

Audra felt a bubble of guilt rise up in her throat and had to swallow it back down, suddenly afraid she may start crying.  This was happening a lot now, when she was reminded of how horrible and wrong her beliefs used to be.  She placed her hand on Hermione's arm and gave her a smile, making sure she knew that it was appreciated.  "Thanks, Hermione."

 

 

_Of course I miss you, Fred, I couldn't not miss you.  And George.  But I'm okay.  Studying a lot, hanging out with Emmeline and Clary, keeping an eye on Ron, who has not put himself in mortal danger yet this year, you'll be happy to know._

_Studying for the NEWTs?  And I miss you too._

_Yeah.  I'm freaking out._

_You'll pass.  You'll get all O's.  You're the smartest person I know, how could you not.  And Audra?_

_Yeah?_

_I love you._

 

 

Emmeline was waiting for her when Audra made her way up to the dorms, her arms crossed and a sour expression on her face.  "Here,"  She said, and thrust her arms out to reveal the chocolate that she had been hiding.  Audra took it, confused, and Emmeline just looked even grumpier.  "You're said,"  She said, and started pacing the room again.  "You're sad, and we can't talk about why because that would put you in trouble and I'm not ready to hear you admit what we both know, and I want to tell you that I think that you're playing a dangerous game but I won't because you're upset, and it's really dangerous to talk to you at all, even, but you are my best friend, so I got you this chocolate to make you feel better about all the stuff we can't talk about."

It came out in a messy, aggravated rush, the way things always do when Emmeline is faced with a problem she doesn't know how to fix.  Audra took the chocolate and threw it onto her bed, then crawled onto Emmeline's and stretched out on top of the covers.  Emmeline followed a second later, lying flat beside her so they were side by side as they stared up at the ceiling. 

They were quiet for a while, Emmeline eating the chocolate she had bought for Audra and both of them pretending not to notice the tears sliding down Audra's cheeks.  "You can't keep doing this."  she said finally. 

Audra thought about denying it, but couldn't, not when her bad mood had invaded every inch of this dorm room.  Not when Emmeline probably heard her crying in the middle of the night or watched her scribble messages to Fred on that parchment.  "You're one to talk."  The words came out before she could stop them, but she was upset enough to say it.  "With you and clary snogging each other every chance you get."

"Clary knows what she's getting into."  She doesn't, and they both knew it, which might have been why Emmeline gave a strangled groan that turned into a hysterical laugh.  "We make quite the pair, the two of us."

"entirely stupid," Audra agreed, and they fell silent.  Audra thinks Emmeline was crying, too, then, but she was too busy tracing the edges of the parchment in her pocket to really pay attention.

 

_It's going to be okay, isn't it?_

_Course it is.  Are you alright?_

_Yes.  No.  I mean, I don't know what I mean.  It's late, Fred.  I'll talk to you in the morning.  Write me then?_

_Course.  Good night, Audra._

_Love you._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	55. OWLs

OWLs mean that for everyone in else in the castle, there's a little bit of a break, because the teachers are too busy scheduling last minute review sessions and working around the rearranged schedules to really give them much homework or do much than give them busy work.  Thanks to testing, a lot of classes are either shortened or cancelled entirely, which was why Audra was stretched out on the floor watching the fish in the lake swim past the window instead of being in Astronomy.

She had meant to grab a few extra hours of sleep, but she hadn't seemed to have been able to stop her internal alarm clock from thinking that she had to be some place to be.  Truthfully, she's not sure if she would have gone to astronomy even if there had been class- she was thinking of dropping it.  Audra had more classes than she needed to begin with, and after adding in a few independent studies, she didn't want to waste anymore time on a subject she only took because the twins had asked her to.

A lot of things in her life were like that now, she mused, climbing to her feet and slipping on a cloak, throwing her hair up into a messy ponytail.  Audra eased the door open, trying not to wake Emmeline, and crept out of the common room.   She was beginning to realize just how much of her life was dedicated to being around the twins as much as possible, or protecting the twins, or doing things that she didn't really like, just because she thought having them around made it better. 

She intended to go to the dungeons and work on potions, but even that isn't as much fun without Fred and George around to give her a specific solution to work towards, a problem to solve.  So she heads up the stairs and out of the castle instead, hurrying down towards Hagrid's cabin, where at least there if she gets caught out of bed she won't be taken to Umbridge.

If anything, she'd just be offered some brandy.

Her visits to Hagrid's hut have become so common place that Fang doesn't even bark anymore, letting her be able to slide around the edge of his house and out back, where the baby unicorn was being held.  Audra throws one leg over the fence and tumbles over into the mini pasture, thankful that at the very least, this one thing hasn't been dulled by the absence of Fred and George.  The unicorn had been her pet project for a while now, and it was something she did alone, since it was partial to girls over boys. 

"Hey, Candy."  Audra knelt onto the ground, feeling the damp of the dew covered grass soak into the knees of her pajama bottoms.  She had let Ginny name her, something she should have known to avoid after the fiasco with Pig, but it was too late- Candy seemed to be the name that the little guy preferred.  He came towards her as soon as he saw her, nudging her hand with its nose and bumping into her in his efforts to get closer.  He's not that little anymore, with a full mane and horn and a glossy coat free of the pastel colored spots that had inspired Ginny's naming.  Audra's buries her face in his fur and twisted her hands into his mane, breathing in that familiar scent of straw and grass and night air.

It's a comforting thing, even if it brings back a nostalgic memories for the times when Fred would come down here with her and gripe at her from beyond the fence, telling her to hurry up and to let him pet it and that maybe the thing would be more agreeable if she actually made an effort to tame it.  Audra had told him that some things can't be tamed, and he had stared back at her with a strange look in his eye, one that was immediately followed by him crossing the space between them and kissing her until Candy got between them.  "Do you miss him?"  Audra muttered, running her hand over his side, smoothing out the places where the fur had gotten tangled.  "I do.  I bet you do too."

It's a short lived kind of peace, one that's interrupted by scurrying of feet and an ever present, girlish giggle.  Audra throws herself to the ground and creeps towards the fence, crouching behind the gate as she watches the figures walk towards her, their shadows stretching out ahead of them.  She knows that they aren't looking for her and wouldn't notice if she crept into the forest to wait out whatever was about to happen.  She also knows that she should probably go into Hagrid hut the back way and try to warn him, but Audra just stayed sitting where she was, torn between fight and flight, wand in hand.

Audra hears the start of what must be the millionth educational decree, and then the night explodes, a mess or ricocheting spells and shouting and Fang's howling.  Hagrid's yelling, something about Fang and cowards and Dumbledore, and they're all heading towards him at once, aurors and Inquisitorial Squad and Umbridge advancing towards him.  Audra starts firing from where she stood, hooking one leg over the fence and preparing to jump into the fray, drawing just enough attention to have a stunning spell fired at her.

It would have hit her and had her out of the fight for sure, but Candy leapt up in front of her.  The spell hits him and sends him flying backwards into the grass, tumbling over for a few feet before coming to a rest.  He scrambles to his feet and then sinks back to the grass in a rather pathetic fashion, and Audra is reminded forcefully of Harry's recount of killing the basilisk and how Fawkes had come to his aid.

Audra tears herself away and sprints towards Hagrid, shoes slipping on the wet grass.  Distantly, she notices that Umbridge has started to turn her cronies attention towards her, too, but it doesn't bother her- she just deflects and shoots back, rapid fire, hearing the yells carrying over from castle and the continued rage coming from Hagrid.  She also sees McGonagall, coming down the sloping hill from the castle, the sleeves off her robes pushed up above her elbows and wand out.

She has half a moment to feel a bit of relief that someone else was here to take care of this before it happens.  Audra pulls her wand back for one final spell and then pauses half way through the release, so the stunning spell is at a lesser power than it should have been.  Time seems to slow down, and she watches open mouthed as five jets of red light hit McGonagall square in the chest.  Audra watches it register in her face, her mouth opening in a surprised gasp, and then she's blasted off her feet, hitting the ground in a crumpled pile.

Audra's gotten used to seeing bodies fall, to watching whole poeple become bent and broken.  Somehow, it's worse to watch it happen to McGonagall.  She's moving forward before she thinks of fighting back, hearing Hagrid bellow behind her, feeling the spells come so close to her that they move her hair.   When she gets to her, she falls to her knees beside her head.  "It's okay, professor."  McGonagall's eyes fluttered and she breathed something that might have bneen a word but was probably just a sigh.  She tried to sit up but Audra pushed her back down, trying to hide her concern.  "Stay right where you are, professor.  I'm going to deal with these guys, and then we'll get you right up to Madame Pomforey.  Everything's going to be fine."

Except everything wasn't going to be fine, because for the first time in her life, she was at a loss for what to do.  She had considered herself an independent girl, but there was always someone to turn to when things got too hard or she found herself in over her head.  And now everyone she could turn to was being run out of the castle or cracking under the pressure, and the last person she could ask was lying at her feet.  Still, she stands her ground, firing spells back and trying to shield the professor at the same time, hoping she could outlast her opponents.

"Audra."  McGonagall sat up despite her protests, gasping out a cry of pain.  She coughs, her shoulders shaking with the force of it, and when she turns back towrards her, there is blood bubbling up in the corner of her mouth.  Audra isn't the best at healing, but she knows that it isn't good.  "Get- Get Flitwick."

"But-,"  Audra ducks out of the way of another spell, this one just a hot wave of red.  She lands beside McGonagall and can't find a safe time to stand up under the renewed assault.  Fang howls, and she sees that Hagrid has scooped him up onto his back.  "I can't leave you."

"You have to."  And here was the woman that always had the answers, with a stubborn look on her face and a steely glint in her eye despite the fact that she could barely breathe.  It was a relief, to have someone to make the decisions.  "Go, Audra."

Audra crawled back in a sort of crab walk, staring from McGonagal to Hagrid and back at Umbridge, who was raising her wand to point it right at her, and Audra knows with a sort of horrible certainty that when she completed that spell, it would hit its mark, and it would hurt like hell.  Audra scrambled to her feet, hands and feet slipping.

And she ran.

 

 

"What you saw tonight."  Umbridge was speaking in a high pitched, girlish voice, the one she adopts when she wants to make a show.  She's close enough that Audra can smell her perfume, the sickly sweet scent of flowers filling every breath she took and making her slightly nauseous.  It's enough to make her want to reel back, but Audra can't, because Umbridge was tracing the chain of Audra's locket and didn't seem to want to let go anytime soon.  "It never happened."

"Yes it did."  It was a whisper, and even to Audra's own ears it sounded defeated, pleading, a little girl begging someone to listen to her.  But the truth of the matter was this: she was terrified.  Terrified, because the look on this woman's face as she pointed her wand at Audra, because she knew the rumors of her methods that no ministry official wanted to listen to, because she had just watched her turn five stunners on one of her colleagues.  Terrified, because this was a horrible, dangerous woman and there was no point in denying it anymore.  "There were witnesses.  People saw.  It happened, Dolores, and you can't pretend."

"Oh, something happened."  Umbridge didn't seem phased by the use of her first name, just pleased, like she could taste Audra's fear.  "Hagrid, who's a great danger to children, the awful half breed that he is, was resisting arrest.  You were trying to assist me.  Professor McGonagall was trying to interfere.  My aurors and students got confused, in the darkness and the chaos.  Don't you agree?"

Audra's tongue felt like it was glued to the roof of her mouth.  She wants to tell Umbridge that people know the truth and it will not be silenced, but doesn't, just nods, because she cannot remember how to be brave right now.  All she can remember is that intern and the blood covered carpet and the thought of just what Umbridge might find herself capable of doing now that she has the full power of the minister behind her.  "Right,"  She mutters, and it is a cowardly thing to do.  "That's exactly what happened."

 

 

Audra turns the bend in the tunnel, which is exactly the halfway point between Hogwarts and Hogsmeade, and barrels straight into someone else.  She doesn't flinch or try to break away when a pair of arms go around her, because she knows it's Fred- they had made plans to meet her after Ron had borrowed Hedwig to tell him what happened, with the help of the marauder's map.

"Jesus."  He was running his hands over her arms and back, his eyes searching her face, like he wouldn't believe that she was unhurt unless he saw it with his own two eyes.  He brings her in for a second hug, crushing him to her, and Audra buries her head into his shoulder.  "Why do you always have to be in the middle of things?  Like, all of you?  All the damn time?" Audra chokes out a laugh and wipes away the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes.  "How's McGonagall?"

"She's at Mungo's."  Audra sank to the floor and he came with her, taking both of her hands in his.  They were curled into each other, but Audra still wanted to get closer, to soak up every bit of him that she could before he went away again.  "Five on one.  The force of it made a lung collapse, and she shattered her shoulder from the impact when she hit the ground."

"She'll pull through.  She's tougher than all of us."  He tightened his grip on her hand, one brief squeeze.  "Just imagine if you hadn't been there."

"I don't want to."  Not that Audra really wanted to have been there, either, because she keeps thinking of the sound it made when McGonagall hit the ground and the awfulness of Fang's howling.  "Hogwarts is a scary place now, isn't it?"

"Just a few more months."  He grins, and his smile is blinding in the darkness.  "And then you'll be with me.  You and me and George up in our little flat, and dinners at the Burrow on Sundays.  Right?"

Audra feels the truth bubble up in her and form a lump in her throat, but she swallows it back down.  _It's going to happen,_ she reminds herself.  _this is the plan, not what Dumbledore wants you to do._

She smiles, and it's real, because he's here with her and Fred seems to make everything fine.  "Right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come visit me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	56. The Prophecy

She feels it for the very first time in the middle of charms- a white hot, scalding burn so painful that it makes her cry out and has her knees buckling, stumbling back into Lee's arms.  Her wand falls from her fingers and rolls across the floor to rest at Emmeline's feet, and she can hear Flitwick asking her if she's alright, if she's okay, suggesting that she should go see Madame Pomfrey.

"I'm fine,"  She gasps out, straightening up and trying to hide the tears streaming down her face.  Pain is always worse when you aren't expecting it, when you have no time to prepare, and this unaniticipated pain came with all kinds of complications.  "Just... hospital wing."

Emmeline takes her, peppering her with questions, both of them knowing that she has no intention of going to the hospital wing.  Audra sprints back to the dorms and changes into different robes, then she's back into the corridors and racing towards the humpbacked witch statue, holding onto the walls for support.  Her mind is racing, because she must tell someone (but who to tell, Dumbledore gone, McGonagall gone, the twins gone, everyone just kids), because she must get away undetected (but how, with the castle on lock down), because something horrible is about to happen and she's found herself right in the middle of it.

"You have to go."  Emmeline kept watch, and they both stared at each other, both of them with words waiting on the tip of their tongue but unable to say them.  Then Emmeline crosses the space between them and wraps her into a hug.  "Now.  Before He gets angry."

 

 

She apparates the minute she steps off of Hogwarts boundaries and finds herself in the middle of the Malfoy's front line.  Audra stumbles forward a few feet before running, racing up the steps and pounding the brass knocker down onto the door, and after a minute of patiently waiting, the door is thrown open to reveal a smiling Vance and an upset looking Wormtail.

"Vance."  She breathes out his name, stunned in spite of herself, and then she's letting out a shriek and jumping towards him, hugging him tight like she used to when she was much younger.  It was good to see him, even with that smug look on and his thin frame being swallowed up by the robes they all have to wear.  "I didn't know you'd be here!"

"Miss me?"  He reaches out to ruffle her hair and she ducks away, swatting out at his hand.  It reminds her of better times, when they were both younger and his smile was a little less sharp and hers was a little less weary.  Still, it's nice to see him, and she feels a bit better when he wraps an arm around her shoulder and leads her into the room, a comforting weight to help keep her from running away.

"So what are we doing?"  She tries to sound casual about it, but she comes off as too eager.  Vance doesn't seem concerned by it, just plucks a glass off the table and forces it into her hand, shooting a charming smile at the young woman across the room from them.

"We're weaving a web, little sister."  Vance always talks like this, in metaphors and grand gestures.  It normally seems over the top, but it's fitting here, with him in his dark robes and his golden hair and surrounded by people that seem to drink in the sight of the two Stanton siblings whenever they walk into the room.  "And we're going to catch us that Potter boy you thought so highly of."

 

The plan unfolds in pieces, about how Audra and Vance had somehow gotten the honor of going on this mission, about using the thought of Sirius as bait becuase Harry was awful at gaurding his mind and when the rescue team comes, the prophecy would be retrieved.  "Why go myself when everyone is so nicely ignoring my excistence?"  The Dark Lord has said, and everyone had smiled, because he was happy and that meant everyone else could afford to be happy, too.

Audra is stuck behind a forced smile and spurts of slightly hysterical laughter, but it slips more often than it normally does, because she's quickly spiraling into a downward spiral of panic that comes from not knowing what to do. It's so similiar to how she felt when she was kneeling beside McGonagall that she finds escaping the room as the only option, fleeing to the drawing room, intending to send a fire message to the Weasleys.

Except that Bellatrix found her first, when Audra was still just hunched over the table, the edges biting into her palms and forcing her breathing to be slow.  "You're losing it,"  Bellatrix said in that sing song voice of hers, moving towards her.  She digs her hands into Audra's shoulders, forcing the tension out of them, and steers her towards the full body mirror in the corner of the room.  "Look at you.  Do you look like a girl that needs to be freaking out over facing down a bunch of kids?"

Audra took a deep breath.  They look so similar like this, side by side, even if Bellatrix has aged in a rather ungraceful fashion.  Bellatrix has her cheek pushed up against hers, and Audra can feel the thick coating of powder that she uses to cover up the pockmarks and shadows that seem permanently attatched to her face.  But they looked strong, the two of them.  "No."

"Exactly.  And if you do get in trouble, just stick to me.  I'm good enough for the both of us."  She smiles, and its a nice smile even though her teeth are still yellowed.  "Now come.  We have a prophecy to retrieve."

 

They move in perfect formation, sliding out of the fireplaces and moving through the shadows as they find their way to the Hall of Prophecies.  It's a haunted place, with all the glowing crystal balls and the tall, towering shelves that stretch up to a ceiling that Audra can't even see.  There were ten of them, all seperated into pairs of two, waiting with bated breath for Harry to show up and save his godfather.

Audra was with Vance, which was a good thing, because anyone else might have commented on how strange she was acting.  She still wasn't sure what she was supposed to do, but she was sure that Harry was going to show up, because that was just the kind of stupid stuff that Harry did.  Her heart hurt for him, for the moment when he would see that he led himself and Ron and Hermione into danger on a trick.

"Vance,"  She blurts out on a whim, because she still believes in the good parts of him that she knows- the brother that fixed scraped knees and learned to braid hair just for her and wrote her three times a week when he went to Hogwarts without her, just because she was lonely.  "Maybe we should stop."

"Stop?"  He looked at her like she had lost her mind.  Maybe she had.  "Why would you say that?"

"I'm scared, Vance."  It was the truth, practically, and it was enough to make him turn towards her and actually listen.

"Don't be.  You're going to do great."  He smiled, the real one just for her, and it makes her feel better, even if he was talking about something very different than what she intended to do.

 

They appear in the middle of the room, racing down the halls with wands held out high.  Harry had brought more reinforcements than normal- Neville, Luna, and Ginny had joined the trio, apparently.  Audra feels her heart climb into her throat as she falls into line behind Lucius, looking at their stunned, scared faces when they realized what they had gotten themselves into.

Audra yanks off her mask and shakes her hair out of her face, searching out Harry and holding his gaze.  She takes a second to thank that his hatred for Snape kept him from learning Occlumency, and forced her way into his mind and opened a bridge up to hers, keeping it going until she was sure he understood.

 _On three,_ she tells herself, and Harry hears it too, sharing the message back through his tiny army.

 _One,_ and Harry shifts from one foot to the other, eyes darting and fixing the grip on his wand, Ron to his left and Hermione on the right.  She catches sight of Ginny, her jaw set and eyes flashing, and there's a shadow of Fred in her face.

 _Two,_ and Audra looks at those around her, remembers dueling with Bellatrix just for fun and how the spells came so fast and how she couldn't keep up.  She was going to lose, she knew, but at least she could buy them time.

 _Three,_ and the Hall of Prophecies explodes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come visit me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	57. Vance

The room explodes into chaos, a mix of yells and flying spells and shattering crystal falling around them like sparkling rain.  It catches at her clothes and hair and digs into the open skin on her hands and face, but then Vance projects a shield above her head, and it all slips around her like the pieces are sliding down from an umbrella. 

She slips away before the fighting starts in earnest, backing away from her tiny group, trying to ignore the pang of guilt she feels when Vance calls after her into the darkness, looking around wildly for where she disappeared to.  Then she starts to run, moving towards the sound of the fighting and pounding feet, following the tiny group through the sound of Ron's voice and the glimpses of Luna's hair streaming out behind her. 

"Sorry, Vance,"  She murmurs, her lit wand held aloft in her hands.  There would be time to deal with that later, but for right now she has no time to spare.  Audra was not clever enough for this, not when she didn't have Clary to puzzle through problems and the twins to balance her out.  Not when she was trying to make her way through this twisting hallway that was filled with dangerous inventions and invisible voices and the people she loved like family were about to be murdered and tortured by her actual family.  And definitely not when she turns the corner to see Neville and Ron backed against the wall, faces contorted with the effort of fending off the attackers.

"Hey!  Over here!"  It's not the smartest thing to do, but she does it anyways, stepping out of the shadows and into the fray, firing spells back at the two masked men.  It's going good, but then the one in the front pulls his arm all the way back and lets loose a spell that Audra doesn't know, something that came in a flash of purple and yellow and hit Ron right in the chest.  He's blasted backward, hits the wall and falls down in a crumbled heap. 

He doesn't get back up.

Right around then is the time that Neville seemed to give up on actually fighting and just blasted the shelf behind them apart, knocking the two masked men to the ground, where they disappear under the dust and debris.  Audra doesn't take time to check on them, other than to make sure that they're out of the fight for good, then stows her wand in her robes and reaches out to Ron.  Which is when Neville seems to forget that he's a wizard at all and throws a punch, sending her staggering back with blood streaming from her nose.  He doesn't seem to be satisfied, just comes at her again.

"Neville!"  She gives up on warding him off and just curls into a ball, one arm raised to block him as the other rummages in her pocket.  "Stop it, it's me, it's Audra, I'm on your side!"

"Like Hell you are."  He hit surprisingly hard, and it seems to be calming him down, even as she cries out in pain.  "Give me on good reason I shouldn't leave you hear for the aurors to find."

"This."  She pulls the old DA galleon from her pocket, holding up so the light glinted off it.  "Hermione gave it to me, so I can stand watch for the DA.  You don't trust me, that's fine, but you trust Hermione, don't you?"

"Yeah."  He deflates a bit, like he's actually disappointed, then sticks out a hand to help her up.  "Sorry about the nose."

Audra just glared at him, then stared around at the mess of dust and broken glass and Ron, who was now sitting up and giggling, like he found the whole thing very amusing.  the giggling was alarming in itself.  Ron just doesn't giggle.  "Don't worry about it."  She pushed down on it, hard enough that she thinks she either made it worse or forced the bone back into place.  "We've got bigger problems."

 

 

Audra had intended to grab the two of them and take them to the top floor of the ministry, because from there Neville and Ron could floo to the Burrow or somewhere else that was actually safe.  She wants to go and find the others, but Ron was in bad shape and she wasn't sure that Neville could manage him on his own.  At least, that was the plan until she heard a high pitched scream coming from the darkness that cuts over all the other noise, the kind of scream that only happens when its ripped from your mouth without you thinking about it.

"That's Ginny."  Ron sobers at the mention of his sister, giving Audra a dull flicker of hope, but then he just laughs again.  "Okay.  New plan."

Which is why Neville takes off in one direction, dragging a helpless Ron behind them, and Audra turns her back on them to run towards the sound of the fighting, trying not to get caught in the middle of anything else, and rounds the corner just in time to get caught in the shower of exploded crystal that Ginny had sent her way.

She's pale faced and clinging to Luna for support, panting, and now has a slightly horrified look on her face when she realizes who she just cursed.  Audra yanks a bit of glass out of her cheek, and her face was feeling suspiciously wet, which made her think that she was bleeding.  "Audra, I'm so, so sorry.  I thought you were someone bad."

 _Technically, I am,_ she thinks, but doesn't say it, just ducks under the arm that Luna isn't holding onto and starts to move her forward.  "It doesn't matter now."  They have to step over a body to get away from the rubble, turning a corner and moving slowly down through the row of shelves.    
"What matters is-,"

"Audra?"  It was Vance, striding down the hall.  He makes an imposing sight, his head held high and robes fluttering out behind him.  His voice echoes down towards them before he really steps into the light, giving Audra just enough time to move away from the girls and turn their wand on them, hoping that they've got enough presence of mind to just go with it.  Luna doesn't seem alarmed by the turn of events.  "Your face."  He doesn't seem to understand yet, but he's scrambling to catch up.  "Did they do that to you?"

Audra can't even think of a plausible way to explain away this situation, but before she even comes to that, Ginny lungs forward with a snarl and sends a stunning spell his way.  Vance deflects it without missing a beat, and he smiles that feral smile of his, advancing towards on them.  "You little bitch."  He disarms Ginny, who's so stunned by her spells being blocked that she just lets her wand go without protest.  It rolls away from her and lands at Audra's feet.  He gets close enough that they're practically touching, but Ginny doesn't back down, even when he reaches out to take a lock of her hair in his hand, letting the red stream between his fingers.  "You _really_ shouldn't have done that." 

"Vance,"  Audra moves between them, pulling her brother away from Ginny.  She has her hands out, placating, pleading.  She could finish this and get the girls to safety anytime she wanted, but she cannot bring herself to raise a hand to her brother.  Not yet.  "Please, just let them go."

"We have our orders."  There's a quick scuffle where he tries to shove her out of the way but doesn't, and then she's finally pushed to the side.  "If you don't have the stomach for it, that's okay.  I knew you used to be friends."  He grabs her into a hug and then shoves her back.  "Let me do this for you."

Like that was problem, that she didn't have enough nerve to finish them off.  It's a sickening realization that he doesn't get it, that he seems to not see anything he doesn't want to see, no matter how obvious.  She watches in a kind of drawn out horror as his mouth shapes the first word of the spell, sees Ginny shove Luna behind her, wandless but arms spread out like that might forget her.  In her mind, she sees Neville blasting the shelf apart and makes her decision without really thinking about it, just pulls her arm back and lets the spell fly.

"Reducto!"  It works marvelously, even by her standards, the shelf full of prophecies that had been previously stretching towards the unseen ceiling crumbling down. It's quiet at first, and then there's a grinding, wrenching sound as it starts to collapse from the bottom up.  Vance is still standing underneath it as the dust and splintered wood and crystal fall around him, and then he disappears in the middle of it all, leaving the three of them standing in the silence when it was over.

 

 

"Oh, god."  Audra falls to her knees beside the pile of rubble and starts to dig, looking for a flash of his hair or a stir of the debris or a scrap of his robes, anywhere to show her where to start.  She picks up handful of the stuff and throws it to the side, cutting her hands and ripping off her nails, but she doesn't slow down.  "Oh, god, Vance."  Ginny is saying something, Luna still at her side with sad eyes, but Audra just shakes her head and moves faster, not stopping until she gets to Vance and is cradling his head in her lap.  "Help us."  She's crying, shoulders shaking and tears slipping down her cheeks to fall onto his face.  Ginny looks back at her with a helplessness that mirrors how Audra feels.  "Please."

He's bleeding, still trapped underneath everything, and she can tell that its hard for him to breathe.  Audra had seen people die before, and knew when there was damage beyond what magic could fix.  This is one of those times.  _My spell,_ she thought.  _My hand._

Vance raises one trembling arm up to touch her cheek, wiping away the blood that was spilling from where the glass had cut her.  "I'm sorry,"  She says, bending over him, but it is not enough, will never be enough.  Audra's not sure where to put her hands, so she settles on just holding his head still and brushing away the tears rolling down his face.  "I'm so, so sorry."

"He's going to kill you."  He chokes out the words, using up a lot of his energy to do so, ignoring her attempts to shush him.  Vance doesn't look scared, and Audra wonders if he knows he's dying.  "Run, little sister."  He coughs, choking, and the blood bubbles up and spills over his lips, dribbling down his chin to stain his robes.  It's more black then red.  "Run as far and fast as you can."

"I'm not leaving you."  She hunches over him, still trying to think of a way to think this through, to fix things, trying not to look at the blood or his broken body or notice the way he couldn't breathe. 

"He's right."  Ginny limps over to her, tugging on the back of her robes to get her to stand.  She might be crying, too, Audra doesn't look at her to know for sure.  "Audra, we have to leave now, before it's too late."

"No."  She raises her tear streaked face to Ginny's, and there must have been something ugly there, because the two girls take a step away from her.  "You go.  Find the others.  I'm not leaving him."

"We can't leave you here."  Ginny looks stubborn, and a bit like Mrs. Weasley when she's trying to tell the kids what to do.  "That's not how this works."

"I'm not leaving my brother."  Audra pulls Vance further into her lap, running her hand through the curls that have been darkened with dirt.  "Go, Ginny.  Go fast."

 

She chokes out the sobs as she holds him, making an effort to stay calm and keep him talking.  Each breath comes out weaker and with more of an effort, but Vance humors her and follows along with her conversations and questions, even if it hurts him.  Her fingertips are on his neck, measuring his pulse- it's a weak, stuttering thing, barely there.  "I'm sorry.  I never meant to hurt you."

"It's alright."  this is what he had to give her in the end- absolution.  Forgiveness for the blood on her hands.  It was clear that he was going to try and make this better for her, because that's just what Vance did: he protected her, even when there was no way to do so.  "We all made choices.  It's going to be okay."

"It's not."  Her voice is pitiful, a whine.  A tear rolls of her face and lands on his arm, a damp spot amid all the dust.  "You're _dying ,_ Vance.  I killed you."

"No.  You didn't."  He grips her arm with surprising strength.  "You saved those girls.  That's all you wanted to do.  I should have-"  He breaks off, coughing, and his body spasms with the force of it, and Audra is sure that this is the end, right now.  But then it stops and he quiets.  "I should have listened."

 

 

She sits in the dark with him, long after he stops talking and slips into unconsciousness.  His pulse had slowed to the point where she had trouble finding it, so she lets her fingers slip away, too afraid to know the exact moment it will stop. 

They find her like that, still cradling her brother in her arms, because he's still alive, hanging on because he knows that she is there.  "You have to get out of here."  Audra tries to fight, but Mad-Eye is stronger than Ginny, and he grabs her by the shoulders, pulling her away.  Away from Vance, who draws in a rattling breath and closes his eyes and never opens them again.  "You have to make it out of the ministry without being seen, do you understand me?  It's crawling with people, and it's going to get worse as the night goes on.  Dumbledore can't protect you if you get caught, so stay out of sight, do you understand?"  He shakes her, hard, both of his eyes focused on her.  When she nods, he shoves her away, sending her stumbling down the hall.  "Get somewhere safe, Stanton."

She runs, fast enough that her legs ache and lungs burn, but its a good.  Faces flicker past as she moves- Ginny, calling after her, a healer bent over Hermione, Lucius Malfoy being held at wand point by Remus.  She throws herself into the lift and slams the golden grate closed behind her, hands shaking as it moves up the floors.  When it opens, she bursts through, losing herself in the growing crowd and heading towards the automatic floo fires.

Audra stops when she gets there, raising her face to look at the mess in front of her- glass and stone and sand, Harry on the ground without knowing how he got there, Dumbledore talking to the minister in a growing voice.  But then she sees her mother, who was here with her department and would soon stumble upon the body of her son, and Audra can't bear it anymore, just slipped back into the flames and let the ministry melt away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	58. The Twins

She stumbles into the middle of the twin's new flat, catching them both in the middle of what might have been a heated argument.  Audra just stands there, staring blankly at her surroundings, thinking that the twins really were better at housekeeping than they had let on.  There hadn't been a speck of dirt anywhere before she had tumbled out of the fireplace.

"Audra?"  Fred had started to smile when he saw who their intruder was, but now it slips off his face and is replaced by a worried frown.  "What's wrong?  What happened?"

Audra stares at the two of them, who she's been able to turn to with every worry and problem for as long as they've bene friends, and realizes that she has no way to answer that question.  "Vance is dead."  The words fall onto the carpet between them, right in the middle of the dirt and blood that was dripping around her shoes.  There is an awful mixture of questions and sympathy forming on their faces, and she wants it gone, because she doesn't deserve that.  "And I killed him."

 

 

The rest of the story comes out after that, when they've gotten her to sit on the couch and finally make her start talking.  She's not able to stop once she starts, about being unable to stop it, about Harry showing up with all of them, about the spell that hit Ron and Ginny's ankle, about Ginny throwing herself in front of Luna to save her and how Audra had just reacted, and then Vance had just been buried underneath everything, and then, and then, and then.

It must not have set in until then, when she has time to sit and be safe and gets to think about what she's done, because it's only now that she starts to freak out.  She can't breathe, and she's swamped in the same wave of panic that she's become so used to.  Clary calls these panic attacks, but Audra just thinks of them as minor annoyances, so she digs her nails into her wrists and scratches just so she has something concrete to focus on, even if it is pain.  But her lungs don't seem to actually want to _work_ and there is something wet and sticky underneath her nails.  Fred is trying to talk to her, to get her to focus on him, but his voice disappears into the wave of white noise roaring in her ears.

"Here."  George appears in front of her, shoving a steaming goblet full of something right beneath her nose.  It smells strongly of cinnamon, and it makes her take in her first real breath since she got here. "It's a calming drought."  His face is pinched up in worry, the same way it has been since she got to the part about the spell hitting Ron, and that makes her take the goblet from him.  The warmth of it soaks into her fingers, cutting through the chill.  "You need it."

Fred loosens his grip on her, but Audra still doesn't do anything, just stares at George.  It's George that finally takes the potion back and lifts it up to her mouth, quirking up one eyebrow.  "Trust me, okay?"  The words break through her stupor and she takes it back from him, taking in great gulps.  "You'll feel better soon."

 

 

She doesn't feel better, exactly, but she does feel a bit less bothered by tonight's events, like they're being separated from her by an invisible screen.  Like she knows about them, but they're all a little blurry.

"Come on."  Fred tugs on her hand and she trails after him to the bathroom, where he lifts her up on the counter and starts to wash the dried blood away from her face with a warm wash cloth.  Audra doesn't talk, just lets the combined effects of his ministrations and George's calming drought lull in her into a forced state of clam. 

Fred goes to put his own patented bruise remover paste on her cheek, but she stops him grabbing his arm by the wrist and forcing his hand away.  "No."  She shakes her head forcefully, and he relents, probably afraid of putting her into another panic.  "I'm healing the muggle way."

"Are you kidding?"  He snorts, a little bit angry.  "Neville really did a number on you."

"I deserve it."  She digs her nails into her skin again, but Fred just pries them away, leaving little half moon crescents behind. 

"No, you don't."  It makes her breathe a little easier to hear it from someone as whole as Fred.  She told herself the same thing, that she did what she had too, but Audra's been so messed up lately she's not really sure if her opinion should count anymore.  "Get a shower, alright?"  He presses a kiss to her forehead, which was pretty much the only unhurt thing about her, and then backs away.  "We'll just be a yell away."

 

 

Audra does what she tells her, making the water so hot that it's almost scalding and just standing underneath it, letting it was away all the dirt and dust and dried blood (some of it hers, some of it Vance's) without raising a hand.  It washes down the drain, and it makes her feel better jus to be really clean again.  She stays in far too long, long enough for the mirror to steam up and the ache in her shoulders to go away.   Audra uses up too much soap, too, because every time she looks down at her hands she sees blood that she hasn't been able to wash off.

She'll never be able to wash it off.

She catches sight of herself in the mirror when she steps out, her bruised and bloodied face staring right back at her with hollow eyes, the gash on her shoulder she got from digging Vance out of the rubble a vivid red even behind the steamed up mirror.  It makes the wall she built up crumble, and now that she's alone, she doesn't really stand a chance- her knees buckle and her breath comes out in choking sobs, and then she's sinking onto the cold dirty floor, curling into a ball and biting her knuckles with the effort to keep from crying out.

 _My fault,_ she thinks, and even though it is her face she had seen seconds ago it somehow turned into Vance's, the blood dripping down his chin.

 _It's all my fault.  I'm so sorry,_ but that is not enough, will never be enough, not when she's sure that her mother was probably trying to do damage control for her department and someone whispered the news in her ear, and how she had probably screamed, screamed so loud that it covered up all the other noise.  _I'm so sorry._

 

 

Fred's not looking when she walks into his room, so she just leans against the doorframe to drink in the sight of him.  He'd changed a bit since he'd left, in barely noticeable ways that still make her sort of sad- he had finally cut his hair, and he's gotten a shade tanner, and he looks healthier, too, even if he's pretty beaten up at the moment. 

"Have you heard from your dad?"  Her voice startles him, as does the sight of her, and he just sits and stares for a short moment before answering.  She's just wearing one of his old quidditch shirts, one that barely skims mid thigh.  It might have been a nice moment, if it was another time, if there wasn't the bruises and scratches and red rimmed eyes.

"Yeah."  He lets the letter he was reading fall onto the nightstand, then leans back against the pile of pillows on his bed.  "Ginny's okay, ankle's fine now.  Ron's going to be in the hospital for who knows how long, he and Neville had some run in with, brains, I guess?  Hermione's in bad shape, though."

"She's not.."  The fear hit her like a punch to the chest, because she hadn't seen Hermione during the fight, but she had seen that medi wizard.

He realizes that question before Audra has a chance to finish it and is quick to reassure her.  "Just in for a lot of pain and recovery time."  Audra crosses the room to get him, crawling in on the side of the bed that was pushed against the wall.  "And you?  How are you?"

"I've been better."  He takes her hand and kisses it, right on the teeth marks that she hoped he wouldn't notice.  "Where's George at?"

"Flying to Hogwarts."  Fred sits up, and the tension in his shoulders is clear even in the dark.  "Wants to check in on everyone."

"I'm sorry."  The guilt threatens to swallow her up, so much of it for so many reasons.  "You should be with your family, not with me."

"Don't do that."  He's hovering over her, and she's not entirely sure how they got into this position, where she could just lean up or pull him down and they'd be against one another.  "You're my family, too."

The sincerity of the statement makes tears prick against her eyes.  He goes to move away when he sees it, and for a second Audra is terrified that he might be leaving, because that's just something that someone as gentlemanly as him might think of doing.  "Stay with me?"  She makes more room on the bed, which really is ridiculously small for two people.  "Just to sleep."

"Yeah."  He flicks the light off and crawls in beside her, just close enough that she can make out his face in the darkness.  "Of course I'll stay."

 

Audra wakes up in an empty bed.  She's not sure what had woken her up, exactly, but she's suspecting its a tie between the smell of coffee and Fred's bellowing coming in from the kitchen.

"With all due respect, sir, can't this wait until tomorrow?"  George cut in, apparently thinking that someone in this house had to be reasonable.  "She's had a rough night."

Audra edged out of the bedroom and into the open area of her flat, anxious to see who they were talking to but having a sinking feeling that she already knew.  When she stepped into the kitchen, she placed a hand on Fred's shoulder, ending his current tirade.

"Ah, Audra."  His eyes twinkled at her, but Audra suspected that the man in front of her had had an even longer night that she had.  "So good to see you."

She sighed, and it felt heavy in her chest.  "And you as well, headmaster."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come see me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	59. Dumbledore Always Brings Bad News

"I don't think you've seen this yet."  Dumbledore hands her a rolled up Daily Prophet, which somehow managed to have a complete report on last night's events despite the fact that it only happened twelve hours ago.  Fred wouldn't let her take a look at it until she had a chance to wake up, which meant choking down the coffee and eggs he fed her, which Audra didn't want, and changing into the clothes that Dumbledore had gotten from Emmeline, which she did.  "Might as well take a look."

Audra did, skimming through all the different articles and reports.  Different lines leapt out at her, but she pushed them away, trying to find something she didn't know.  _Ministry break in... death eater involvement... you-know-who on the scene.... Harry Potter escaped once more, telling the truth... two of the six Hogwarts students in critical condition.... Lucius Malfoy arrested.... Sirius Black killed in battle, innocent.... Vance Stanton dead, his mother, a high ranking ministry official, discovered him on the scene..._

Audra ripped her eyes away from the paper with some effort.  George took it from her and read it more thoroughly, then looked up at Dumbledore with wide eyes.  "Sirius is dead?"  She could understand the shock.  Sirius, for all his faults, didn't really come across as someone who was capable of dying.  But then again, neither did Vance. 

"Yes."  Dumbledore lowered his head, and when Audra saw the shadows under his eyes, she thought something she had never thought about Dumbledore before- that he was just a tired old man doing the best he could.  She knew what it felt like to have your best not be enough.  "So you see how important it is that we figure out how to proceed."

Audra had asked that the twins had the chance to stay, because she did not want to feel as if she was hiding things from them, but it was so much harder to discuss doing what must be done when Fred was right there beside her and holding onto her hand.  "Severus says that Voldemort will soon ask you to stop the spy work.  He believes that you are laying low at the moment and trying to avoid capture, and finds it dangerous to put one of his best in such a compromising position."

The twins flinched at the sound of his name.  Audra didn't.  "I told you before that I was done."  Audra stood up and paced the length of the room.  She could practically see George's fingers itching for the chance to feed her another calming drought.  "I meant that."

"I know you've been asked far too much."  Dumbledore crossed the room to her with a speed that she felt was unfair, considering his age.  "And you've done beautifully, Audra.  But I fear that I must ask more of you."

It was only the knowledge that he probably hadn't gotten a chance to sleep yet that kept her from moving away from him.  "Haven't I done enough?  Can't it be someone else's turn?"  This was pathetically close to whining, and there was a lump in her throat that made her words come out thick with tears.  "I killed my brother."

"To save young Ginerva Weasley.  I now."  The twins eyes snapped to her.  That had been something she hadn't told them.  "But who will save her the next time?  When someone needs a last desperate hope?"  His voice had become incredibly understanding, and Audra hates that.  She doesn't want anyone to pity her.  "What are you going to do when Snape can't get information to us?  When Emmeline finally hands Clary over?  How could you step back, when you have so many things to fight for?"

It was so out of place, to have Dumbledore here, in this flat, having this conversation.  Audra scrubbed at her eyes with her hands, trying to wake up further.  "Just on the record, we've got a contingency plan for the whole Clary thing."  This doesn't seem to surprise him, if anything, he just seems proud.  "When does this start?"

Dumbledore does look incredibly sad then, sad and alone and weighed down by al the things he has had to ask others to do.  "Almost immediately, I'm afraid."

 

 

The four go their separate ways after that, Dumbledore and George heading back to Hogwarts and she and Fred making their way to the beach, just a mile down from Bill's new cottage.  She and Fred walk hand in hand down the line of the coast without speaking, the cold water lapping at her heels and the wind tugging at their clothes, pulling the words from their mouths before they had a chance to say them.

"I feel like I should thank you."  Fred doesn't look at her, just stares out to the sea, squinting up at the sun. 

"For saving you sister?"  The question stays without an answer long enough that she takes it as a yes.  "I did what I had to.  And I would have done it regardless of who she was, so don't thank me.  _Please,_ don't thank me."

He seems to respect that, nodding once.  "I'm happy they're okay.  But I'm sorry about your brother."

It was a wonder he could say that, really, after the whole story had spilled out and he had heard exactly how willing Vance had been to kill Ginny.  And how badly Ron had been hurt.  And everything, really.  "He's not a bad guy."  She means it, but can see the muscle in Fred's jaw tighten and is forced to remember all the horrible things he's done.  "Not to me.  To me he was this person I loved and who always took care of me, but just got right and wrong sort of tangled up in his head.  And it ended bad."  She closes her eyes to blink back tears, but just sees the same shadow of Vance in his last moments that has been painted across her eyelids ever since it happened.  Death is an ugly thing, and Vance's was no different.  "It's like I want to split him into two people, one who did all the good stuff and one who did all the bad.  Might make it easier."

She doesn't want to deal with this, not when she was still unsure what she was allowed to feel and how she _should_ feel, and definitely not when Fred was right beside her, staring at her like she was his entire world and he didn't notice the blood that was staining her hands.  So she walks away from him, straight into the water, slowly at first, and then sprinting.  It's too cold, the spray and the chill of the water making pinpricks of pain shoot through her legs and arms.  She keeps moving forward until she's waits deep, the waves beating at her sides and the wind threatening to press her under, until she finally just dives underneath. 

It's okay to scream there, where no one can hear, and when she comes back up, she's able to pretend that the tears on her face are just leftover from the water.   Audra likes it out there, until Fred starts yelling at her to come back and threatening to come out and get her if she doesn't at least answer him.

The walk back is longer than the run forward.  She's soaked to the bone when she makes it to the surface, slipping onto the sand.  When she gets close enough, the water drips from her hair and onto Fred's clothes, making him move back involuntarily.  "I don't want to remember anymore."  She steps closer, pressing herself against him until she's whispering the words into his neck and can feel his breath against on her skin.  "Can you do something for me, Fred?"  She goes on tip toe to look him right in the eye, lets her lips brush against his, just a ghost of a touch.  "Make me feel something else, just for a little while."

 

Later, when they're stretched out side by side on the beach and are watching the sun go down, she undoes the clasp to her necklace and drops it into Fred's open hand.  It sort of disrupts the moment, which was really peaceful and romantic despite everything, because now Fred's watching her a little warily and has propped himself up one on elbow. 

"I really love this necklace."  She reaches over and opens it up, looks down at the faces smiling back at her.  When she closes it back up, it seems like a very final gesture.  "Keep it safe for me."

She has all of Fred's attention now.  "what's this for?"

"I don't think I can take it where I'm going."  She picks up more pebbles and completes her little drawing, the one of her and Fred's initials.  It'll be washed away when the tide comes in, but at least for now, it's there.  Semi permanent is better than nothing at all.  "As much as I want to."

"So you're really going?"  He doesn't seem surprised, and doesn't argue or ask her not.  Audra didn't think he would, no more than she would ask him to step back from the fight.  Instead, he just pockets the necklace and stares out to sea, hiding his face from her again.  "But you're coming back to me, right?"

"I'm going to try."  She moves in front of his line of sight and leans in, needing to kiss him again, because that's so much better than talking about all this.  Audra tries not to let it feel like a good bye.  "I love you.  So much."

"I love you too."  He lets her kiss him, and they fall back into the sand for the second time that day.  "Always."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @alwaysscripturient on instagram


	60. The Funeral

She doesn't want to go home, but Snape says she has to.

Which is bad, maybe, that the only reason she walked through the door of this place is because she got ordered too.  Her mother was hugging her, all bony elbows and sharp ribs and unpleasant suffocation, but her father was just standing across the room and refusing to look at her.  He's clutching to an old photo of Vance from when he was a child.  Audra doesn't know which is worse.

"I'm sorry."  She thinks she should stop saying that, because the more she does the less it seems to mean.  "I tried, but I couldn't help.  I was too late, and-,"

"Who did it?"  Her father's voice was flat and hard, making it more of a demand than a question.  Audra flinches.  "Who killed my son?"

"The Weasley girl."  That had been the story they agreed on, because she was already a target and had order protection.  And it was true, in a twisted sort of way.  "Reductor curse, the shelf collapsed."

"Now do you see?"  Her father crossed the room and grabbed onto her shoulders, shaking her.  He was hurting her, something he'd never done before.  "Do you see why we can't be with these people?  They murdered your brother!"

It was twisted logic, really, especially when you take the time to wonder why he had been there in the first place.  Her dad must have seen it on her face, because he pushes her away, sending her stumbling back into her mother, who forces herself between them.

"Enough," she says, and that is final, because her voice is thin and brittle, and neither Audra or her father want to see her start crying again.  "What matters is that she's safe and home.  Finally.  And that in the future," She tightens her grip on Audra's arms, and her eyes, red and puffy from crying, flashed with something dangerous.  "She'll kill that little bitch where she stands, won't you dear?"  Audra finds herself nodding, finds herself wanting to at least hurt _someone,_ even if they weren't responsible.  "You make that family pay."

 

 

Vance looks better than the last time she saw him.

Which was strange, because he's dead now.

Like, really dead.

She takes a step up to the coffin, placing her hand inside, almost brushing her fingers against his but not quite.  She cannot bear to actually touch him.  "I'm sorry."  She whispers, and cleared her throat, repeating it louder.  this is why she had snuck out of the house and come early.  Audra wanted to say a proper good bye when no one was listening, just so she didn't have to pretend.  "I never meant to hurt you.  We just ended up on different sides, that's all."  She wiped away the tears she was refusing to spill, turning away.  "I love you, big brother."

 

 

The second time she sees him is even worse.  She's standing farthest away from the coffin, on the other side of her mother and father, nodding and shaking hands and accepting condolences as everyone files into their seats.  Audra still catches sight of the Vance that isn't Vance out of the corner of her eye, and it makes her sick to her stomach. 

There's a long procession of people, just a blur of faces that she doesn't know but all seem to know her.  All of the teachers came, all of them giving her nods and hugs accept for Snape.  He bypasses her and goes straight to her parents, but she can feel his eyes on her from across the graveyard.  Draco and Narcissa come, heads held high despite everything.

"I'm sorry," Draco says, awkward in the way that only a fifteen year old can be.  Awkward wasn't a word that she normally uses to describe him.  "He was a good guy."

"No, he wasn't."  He wasn't good, and he wasn't a man, he was practically a boy, just looking to prove himself.  The injustice of it all carries her through until it's time for the actual funeral.

Her father speaks.  Her mother doesn't.  Audra never got the chance to.  She doesn't listen to him, partially because it hurts to hear Vance's name spoken out loud, but mostly because it wasn't true.  _That boy you loved so much doesn't exist,_ she wants to say, but doesn't, just holds tightly to her mother's hand as the casket is lowered into the grave.

Audra leads the procession to throw a rose into the grave, because Clary had mentioned that muggles do that, during that phase when they were thirteen and Emmeline had them all just a little obsessed with death.  Audra's mother had latched onto it, so now each of them got a rose, the bright red making vivid spots of color amid all the black.  She gets one that still has a thorn on it, so she pricks herself on purpose, smearing her blood along the stem and throwing  it down onto the dirt.

She wanted something of hers to go with him.

 

 

Emmeline finds her at the end, after Audra had extracted herself from the group of well wishers.  She looks gorgeous as ever, even when she's not trying to steal the spotlight.  "Clary sends her love."  Clary couldn't come, for obvious reasons.  "Wants me to make sure you were okay."

"I'm not."  Emmeline climbs up on one of the tomb stones, high heels tapping against the stone.  Audra normally wouldn't approve, but she's had a long day and this was one of her ancestors, anyways, so she climbs up beside her.

"Yeah."  Emmeline reached over to grip her hand, tapping her pointer finger twice in the middle of her palm, the way she used to when they were little and Audra would get so angry that her hands would shake.  It was their silent thing to do to bring her back to herself.  "But you will be."

 

She makes her way up to the library, still in that awful dress that she had to wear earlier.  It looks the same as it had at the beginning of the year, but now there was body to step over and no anxiety coiling up in her stomach.  This time, she knows what she's going to do, and in the wake of all that happens and the emotions fighting for space inside her, Audra can't bring herself to bother with being afraid. 

"I thought you lost to me, when you didn't come back with Bellatrix." 

He was staring at her through those snake like slits.  Audra wants to look away but doesn't.  "I was hiding."  One corner of her mouth twitches up.  "When the Weasley's heard how bravely I defended the youngest two, they didn't hesitate to hide my involvement."

He's pleased by that answer, she knows.  It's fun for him, to think that people's feelings leave them open to more pain.  "I think you've had enough fun with them, don't you?"  He waves a dismissive hand.  "Wouldn't you rather put your skills to more use than just acting as a plaything for a blood traitor?"

She bristles at that, a little, and he laughs, because he must have seen in her mind that she thought that if anyone in the relationship was a plaything, it would be Fred.  That makes him happy, too.  "I want to make them pay."  This, the rage in her, the anger that never seems to go away no matter how exhausted she was or how many deep breaths she takes, was not a lie.  "I want revenge."

"Then you shall have it."  He touches her cheek in a way that can only be described as a caress, but she doesn't care, because at least now she'll be around people who won't mind the ugly parts of her.  Who won't care when she goes into a fight ready for the kill.  "You can burn entire cities and there will still be more."

Audra thinks of Fred, who would tell her that this isn't who she is.  That even if she has bloodlust and anger roaring in her chest, there are quiter things, gentler things, that she should listen to.  Of dropping a necklace into an open hand, a good bye. She thinks of Ginny, who loved her friend so much she was willing to die for them.  And then she thinks of her mother, not crying or panicking, but steady, asking her for revenge.  Most of all, she thinks of Vance, telling her to run before it's too late.

"I swear to serve you, My Lord."  Audra is not sure of much, but she knows that she's in pain and wants others to feel it, too, and that doing this will get her there. 

"Good."  He picks up two glasses and hands one to her.  He raises his in a toast.  "To paving the way for victory."

Audra taps the rim of her glass against his, thinks of the boy who tells her that she's better than this, but she cannot hear him, not over the voice crying out for blood.  "To burning this whole world down."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, come find me on Instagram @alwaysscripturient


	61. Author's Note

Hey!

So, this story is over.  There's going to be a part two, so keep your eyes peeled for that.  If you read this the whole way through and liked it, please leave me a comment letting me know how I did.

Secondly, you may have noticed me repeatedly giving myself an Instagram shout out?  Yeah, so @alwaysscripturient is the name of my poetry account, and you should really just do me a solid and go follow it.  No one likes my pictures, and it's getting depressing.

Third, and final thing, is my pinterest.  Each of my OC's have aestethic boards made for them, so follow the links below if you want to check it out.

 

**Audra**

https://www.pinterest.com/always_scritpur/audra-aesthetic/

 

**Emmeline**

https://www.pinterest.com/always_scritpur/emmeline-aesthetic/

 

**Clary**

https://www.pinterest.com/always_scritpur/clary-aesthetic/

 

**Damien**

https://www.pinterest.com/always_scritpur/damien-aesthetic/

 

**Vance**

https://www.pinterest.com/always_scritpur/vance-aesthetic/

 

Thanks for reading!  Until next time.

 

 

(Everything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling.  All original content was mine.  Work was transferred from wattpad, and can also be found through my quotev account)

 


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